I pulled on a fresh tee and decided to leave on the dirty jeans; we were meeting at the rapids after all. Maybe he wouldn’t notice. If I sit down wind of him, maybe I can get by, I thought miserably.
I hoped my first date didn’t turn out to be my last.
Running my fingers quickly through my snarled hair, I shrugged at my reflection in the tiny mirror above the dresser. It was now or never.
Hurrying down the steps, I had almost reached the door when a gruff voice barked from the living room, “Where do you think you’re going?”
My steps faltered at the sound of my grandfather’s stern voice. Where had he been all this time? “Gran…Mom said I could meet Dave out to get my birthday present.” I held my breath, waiting for his answer.
“Not before you finish the dishes and bring the clothes in from the line,” he said in return, his eyes never leaving the Bible propped in his lap.
I rolled my eyes. Give me a break already.
Even as I stomped through the door, biting my tongue to keep from talking back, I noticed the rest of the family in various places around the yard, cleaning tools, locking up animals, bringing in buckets from the garden, and of course, hauling water. Janice was trying to teach Joyce how to shell peas into a bucket.
Kill me now, I thought, eyeing the end of the drive with longing.
I tore the sheets, coveralls, and diapers from the clothesline. The soft cotton and denim fabrics snapped in my face as I folded them quickly into my arms. Smells of lavender and sunshine floated past my senses. I had never actually thought about the smell of sunshine before, but I could feel it trapped in the folds of the warm pile, the clean vibrant scent exactly what I imagined sun would smell like straight from the source.
Gran appeared behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Put that laundry in the living room. I’ll fold it later.” She gave me a knowing wink. “You’re only in love once,” she said.
I didn’t wait around, knowing another chore could be found before I could blink.
Lining the wood counter by the sink basin were three tall piles of dishes and one large, greasy frying pan. My shoulders sagged and I exhaled loudly. I wouldn’t see Dave before midnight at this rate. Plugging the hole of the basin with a towel, I poured hot water from the stove reservoir over the dirty plates and added a dab of Borax soap. I washed the dishes faster than I’d washed anything in my entire life. As an afterthought, I rubbed some of the soapy water up my arms and around my neck, wiping myself clean with a hand towel. It wasn’t much, but it was better than nothing.
Racing down the gravel drive, I ignored the hoots and jests yelled at me from Matthew and Patrick.
My father, Dean, sat quietly on the tractor seat, his eyes sad as he watched me sprint away. His little voice called out, barely carrying to my retreating back, “Be careful!”
Smiling, I didn’t turn around, but lifted my hand in a casual wave. A little boy, playing the protective, watchful guardian; it was too ironic. If he only knew…
Chapter Five
First Date
My pulse slammed into my neck like the rapid fire of a machine gun. Slowing to a walk, I tried catching my breath, not wanting to arrive at my first date sweaty and panting like a dog.
The rapids were not far down the road from the farm. Trying to walk carefully on the side of the road to avoid the rocks and prickly thorn bushes, I swore quietly every time a stone or needle poked my tender skin. My bare feet were dusty and scraped from my day in the fields, and were far from being hardened and calloused like the rest of the family. It was hard to believe that something as ordinary as shoes were a prized treasure in the house and only worn to school and church. My only option for footwear were the tall rubber work boots worn in the barns, and I figured I was smelly enough as it was.
I passed a small plot of land with a dented mailbox at the end of the drive. The name, Slater, was handwritten in careful black print on the side. The house was really a doublewide trailer set up on blocks, but it was kept neat and tidy with flowers springing up from a pot on their front steps. A separate, larger building sat to the side of the trailer, a homemade painted sign reading “Slater’s Farm Store” hung just above the glass door entrance. The store looked like a country store out of a magazine; a wooden well bursting with flowers and a rusty wagon sat out by the edge of the driveway.
A wooden sign hanging in the breeze advertised Shasta soda for five cents and Bazooka bubble gum, three for a penny.
I felt my pockets and realized I didn’t have the luxury of a simple nickel.
My mouth felt like I’d eaten dirt for dinner instead of meat and potatoes. After a day in the sun, my entire body needed to be saturated with water, my skin so dry it flaked and cracked.
From the road, the store windows were dark and the door held closed with a single padlock. That meant Dave would be waiting for me at the rapids. I shivered with anticipation and quickened my steps.
After making my way through the initial driveway of the round, gravel parking lot, I reached a patch of knee-high grass and towering pines that blocked my view of the rapids behind. I knew the woods would open up into the rocky terrain of the rapids if I pushed just beyond the natural boundary of the trees. I could hear the water pounding below as it hit the rocks, churning and swirling.
I broke through the trees, pushing the grass to my side and saw the massive river. The brown, rusty water had caps of white foam, reminding me of a frosty mug of root beer.
Immediately, I spotted Dave resting on an outcropping of rock that overlooked the rapids dumping into the river beyond. He sat at the very edge of the rock, dipping his feet into the brown bubbling water.
Picking my way carefully through the last of the grass, I held onto the last few tree limbs for support to keep from falling down the slippery incline leading to the rocks. My nervousness didn’t help my stumbling feet as I climbed the first of the black jagged rocks.
A whisper of fear crossed my mind, reminding me of Sarah’s death. But I’m not alone, I argued with my fears, and I’m the furthest thing from suicidal. Although a quick Baywatch-like rescue scene flashed through my mind; Dave pulling me from the frigid water, clutching me to his chest.
Half-crawling across the giant boulders, I caught myself twice from falling into several cracks and crevices that hid amongst the rocky floor. “It’s not exactly dinner and a movie,” I grumbled to myself, afraid I would end up with a broken leg before I could spend even a minute with Dave.
The roar of the rapids covered any sound of my approach. The rushing sound comforted my nerves, sort of a lulling, repetitive sound that cleared my mind. I reminded myself that I was supposed to be my Aunt Sarah, who had probably been there alone with Dave tons of times, but knowing this didn’t tell me what I was supposed to do, what I was supposed to say.
Dave turned then, as if sensing my presence, and spotted me standing awkwardly at the base of the ledge where he sat. His smile flashed, brilliant in the setting sun and he leaped effortlessly to his feet. Crossing the rocks with ease, he danced along the edge of the rock, not seeming to notice how close he was to the unforgiving pounding of the rapids.
His beautiful, rugged face was inches from mine in seconds. Before I could think of something to say, he pulled me into a crushing embrace and covered my lips in a hot, eager kiss. My body froze, stiffening in his arms like a corpse. I’d never been kissed before, and instead of enjoying the experience, my brain jumped into overdrive, from analyzing my technique and worrying if I was kissing right, to freaking out, wondering if he could smell the farm in my clothes and hair. There was no doubt Dave would figure out I wasn’t Sarah. My stomach felt full of lead as I dreaded his response.
Dave pulled away. “Is something wrong?” He stared at me, eyes probing my face, questioning my cold reaction.
My lack of experience made me feel vulnerable and self-conscious of my body in ways I had never felt before. I felt silly and childish, like a little girl playing dress up, pretending to
be something I wasn’t.
I ran my fingers nervously through my hair. Keep cool. This is all supposed to be normal. Reaching a shaky hand out to Dave, I grasped his fingers in my own, steeled by the warmth and strength of his grip. “Sorry, just felt a little dizzy there for a second,” I said, using my recent accident as a crutch…again. I couldn’t look away from his piercing gaze, his eyes….his lips. I felt delirious just holding his hand. My senses seemed to blur the longer I stared at him, a warm shot of liquid attraction flowing through my veins.
“Are you ready for me now?” he teased as he leaned toward me, slower this time.
My heart felt like it might actually explode through my chest. I pictured every romance movie I had ever seen, and readied my mouth as best I could. Leaning in to meet him halfway, our lips connected and melted together, sending streaks of fire coursing through my veins. Relaxing into his chest, I quieted the chaos in my brain and let my body take over. It was instinct, kissing.
We kissed for so long, I finally broke away, gasping for air. Dave’s fingers brushed up my arms and I felt a trace of heat that I swore could have produced a flame. His hands roamed over my back and down to my waist, pulling my hips to meet his. His thumbs traced the edge of my jeans and slipped under the hem of my shirt, caressing the skin of my stomach.
I pushed him away, regretting my decision, but overwhelmed with how fast I had been swept under his hypnotic powers. If I wasn’t careful, a lot more could happen, and I was nowhere near ready for that.
Dave’s eyes had gone from icy blue, to dark and heavy lidded with passion. He seemed taken aback at my rebuff, his hands stiff in midair. We stood there motionless for what felt like hours, when I finally stepped away toward the water. I headed to the edge and dipped my feet into the icy water, trying to combat the heat in my body and bring my mind back to reality. My first date had already pushed me past limits I wasn’t ready to pass, no matter how great it felt.
Disappointment marred Dave’s handsome features. With a heavy sigh, he plopped down next to me. The last of the day’s sunlight had faded and the first stars of the night began to appear in the blackening sky. I watched Dave from the corner of my eye, his brow furrowed in a pouty expression.
“I thought someone had a present,” I hinted, hoping for a distraction, trying to change the mood.
Dave’s face changed immediately. Fishing through his pockets, he turned toward me, the awkward tense moment having vanished and been replaced by an air of urgency. Withdrawing a simple gold band from his pocket, he slid it on to my left ring finger, keeping my hand grasped firmly in his.
I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I let it all out in one big burst. “It’s beautiful,” I breathed.
“It was my mom’s,” he explained. “She would have wanted you to have it. Now you’re my girl. Forever.”
Flattered by the possessive tone in his voice, I held my hand out in front of me to stare at the ring. It felt weird, knowing this was really all meant for Sarah, but I couldn’t get over how I felt an actual pull of attraction to Dave, a boy I had known for less than a day. I could feel warmth radiate from his body as he scooted closer to me on the rocky ledge. I was so aware of his every move, his smell, his face inches from mine.
Dave traced his fingers from my knee up my thigh, searing a path I could swear burned right through my jeans. I stiffened as his fingers continued up my leg, past my stomach and paused just below the outline of my bra.
Sucking in a sharp breath, I grabbed his hand in mine, trying to make it feel natural instead of forced. “Thank you for my present. I love it,” I whispered. “I guess I better get home soon, Gran…er, Mom said to be home by ten.”
I needed to do something. I hadn’t counted on my aunt being so… experienced with boys, and I didn’t like the way I was torn between doing what I knew was right and doing what my body wanted.
Dave stared at me funny. “What gives, Sarah? You’re not acting like yourself. Are you still hung up about last week? I told you that was an accident. I didn’t mean it.”
Last week? What could he possibly be talking about? I sat in silence, biting my lip. I had no idea what to say.
Dave continued, his voice full of accusation, “You’re acting like you can’t stand it when I touch you.” He grabbed my wrist, twisting it slightly in his firm hands.
My eyes widened in fear at the pressure he applied to my arm. I could feel the beginnings of a bruise happening beneath his fingers.
“Boys don’t like a tease,” Dave’s voice warned. “You can’t do things and promise things, and get to a certain point….and then change your mind. You’re wearing my mother’s ring, or have you already forgotten?”
I twisted from his grasp, rubbing the ring on my finger. Desperate for a way to explain my actions, my mind whirled with all the excuses I could offer him, all the while eager to please him and afraid of what he might do if he discovered my charade. “I don’t know….I guess I thought we might be a little too young for such a commitment.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew it was the wrong thing to say.
Dave’s gaze penetrated deep, feeling like needles in my stomach. His jaw was set and he leaned over, practically smothering me. “I thought that was what we wanted, to make a commitment. That’s why I brought you my mother’s ring, why I planned this all out. For crying out loud, Sarah, we’ve been together since junior high. What more do you want from me?” His voice cracked and he turned his face to the churning waters. “I love you, Sarah. I always will. Why won’t you take the next step?” His pleading voice made him seem weak and exposed, like he had cut open his chest to show me his wounded heart.
I swallowed. I knew Dave meant the next step physically. I could see it in his face and feel it in the ease with which his hands roamed my body.
What had I gotten myself into? Get a grip, my brain argued back, every girl in your school would be dying to be in your place. It’s not like what he’s doing to you is torture. You’d be insane to turn him away! You’ve been waiting three years for the boys to notice you, and now you could have the boy.
The dark tumbling waters of the rapids became sinister with the full onset of night. The rolling waves engulfed all in their path, looking like they could swallow someone quickly….easily…. The rapids no longer felt romantic and thrilling, just dangerous.
The sudden mood change left me feeling off-balanced and confused. I couldn’t ruin a relationship that wasn’t rightfully mine to begin with, but Dave’s aggressive pursuit intimidated me. What if I couldn’t hold him off next time? What if I didn’t want to, my brain offered up, the truth revealing itself.
A scene flashed through my mind, of Dave, only the image was forty years from now, when he had visited my grandparents’ farm on the anniversary of my aunt’s birthday. He had never married, pining all those years for the love he lost when he was fifteen.
Squeezing my eyes tight, I held back the tears that pricked at the corners of my eyes. Dave was sincere in his confession of his love and that it would be forever. I couldn’t ruin what was meant to be! And, if I could somehow stop Sarah’s death from happening, they would end up together the way things should have been. My family could be normal, and the death of my aunt wouldn’t haunt my grandparents, keeping them wondering for years on end about the accident. My father wouldn’t feel guilty about staying away, and I would never have to go through one uncomfortable, creepy comparison to Sarah again.
It was then, I knew I would do whatever it took to change the outcome of the future for the better.
Tentatively, I reached for Dave’s shoulder, marveling at his broad muscular build. I rubbed his shoulders, his neck, and ran my fingers softly through his short blond hair. I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry if things didn’t go how you expected them to tonight. I guess I’m a little overwhelmed at the thought of wearing your ring, but I love it. I love you. I want this summer to be everything you…me…we,” I stumbled through my words, distracted by the feeling of his ta
ut skin beneath my fingertips, “hoped it would be. Let’s take our time and enjoy every minute. There’s no need to rush. Like you said, we’ll be together forever.” I hoped my little speech was enough to soothe his wounded ego and get us back on track.
Dave relaxed, his shoulders sagging as my hands made their way across his back. He turned and pulled me into a crushing embrace and buried his face in my hair. His mouth made its way from my neck to my shoulder, and I trembled as his lips traced a light path back to my cheek.
My eyes rolled skyward as the heat traveled through my body, every inch of my skin tingled, aching for him to touch me. His lips erased all memory of my resolve to take things slow, as they lightly pressed against mine, soft as a butterfly’s wing.
We broke away and he pulled me close. “I can’t lose you,” he murmured into my hair. “Please don’t ever leave me again.”
The sorrow in his voice pierced me to the core. “I’m right here,” I reassured him. Secretly, alarm bells rang in the back of my mind as, again, he referenced Sarah having left him before. What was their story? I wished I had some way of finding out.
“I guess I better get you home. I suppose I’ll have to wait a little longer. Your dad keeps you locked up at the house working like a dog. I never get to see you,” he complained.
“Tell me about it,” I agreed.
Making our way down the dusty gravel drive, we walked hand in hand back to the farmhouse. I was glad the night had ended before my hormones had the chance to win the war over my mind. Dave could be very persuasive, and the feelings raging through my body were infinitely more powerful than anything I had felt for boys I’d crushed on before.
Beneath the soft glow of the light from the screened porch, Dave stopped to kiss me again. His arms enveloped me, and I let myself fall into him. He pressed me up against the wall as though he couldn’t get our bodies close enough and though it wasn’t possible, I tried pulling him closer. With each moment we kissed, or even touched, I found my body reacting to Dave like he was a drug. I had become instantly hooked, and found myself wanting more, needing more, even though, an hour ago, I could barely let him touch me. Our chemistry had me reeling and reacting in a manic, unpredictable manner.
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