She was a weak, pathetic little mouse. What was wrong with her?
Maybe nothing could change how you were inside. Maybe she was really doomed to spend the rest of her life as a comfortable place for Will to stand.
If that were the case, she would be better off dead.
Chapter Eighteen
“So, how did it go with Terry yesterday?” Alex prodded as he slung glasses into the overhead rack above the bar.
Jessa kept her head buried in the ice dispenser she was trying to defrost. “I don’t know yet.”
“I thought Will wanted out.”
“Things change.”
His silence forced Jessa to peep out for a look at his expression. It was stormy. His unruly blonde curls framed the stony set of his jaw. His normally smiling lips were flat and a frown slanted his eyebrows at a severe angle.
The look was almost more than Jessa could take. She’d had enough of disappointing people for a lifetime.
“Don’t look at me like that, Alex. I don’t intend to run back to him.”
“I would hope not.”
“Then stop looking like you think I would.”
Alex sighed. “I’m sorry. I’d just hate to have to stand back and watch two friends go through hell for nothing.”
Jessa licked her paper-dry lips. “Are you sure Connor would really care?”
“Are you joshing me?”
She stood and tossed the ice pick onto the counter. She wished that Kitty’s words weren’t sitting in her gut like a time bomb. But they were. How could they not? It wasn’t as if Jessa was sweating an ex girlfriend or something. This was a prison sentence for attempted murder!
But if Jessa were honest with herself, it was more than the prison time. The confrontation with Will had left a sour taste in her mouth she couldn’t get rid of. She was deep inside a well of doubt she couldn’t climb out of.
“He’s never once said he loves me, Alex. He doesn’t kiss me, doesn’t talk about our relationship past not wanting to see me with anyone else.”
“Isn’t that a dead giveaway?” Alex fumed. “If he didn’t want you around, he wouldn’t give a shit who you fucked in your spare time.”
“That might be the way a man thinks. But I’m not a man.”
A strange expression crossed Alex’s handsome features.
“Why won’t he talk about himself, Alex?”
“That’s something you’re going to have to ask him, Jessa.”
“How? Anytime anybody mentions the past he clams up and changes subject.”
“Look.” Alex stabbed restless fingers through his hair. “I know Connor. I’ve known him forever. And I’ve never seen him tied in knots over a woman like he is over you. He’s been obsessed with you since the moment you walked through that door.”
Jessa opened her mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words.
“He tried to keep it casual, tried damn hard. Connor didn’t want a relationship. He hasn’t been in one since he was a teenager. But something about you changed his mind. I’ve sat back and watched it happen, let it happen! Don’t make me sorry I didn’t send your pretty little ass packing after that first week.”
In the admittedly short time Jessa had known Alex, she had never seen him this worked up about anything. He was in her face with his eyes narrowed to slits and his words crackling with anger.
“I love him, Alex,” Jessa told him quietly, fervently. “I love him more than I ever thought it was possible to love somebody.”
The words were out, lying between them like a live grenade. She couldn’t take them back, wasn’t even certain she wanted to. Yet the timing was off in so many ways. Jessa had played the fool enough for one day. Did she really have to go and announce it out loud?
“He would never hurt you. You know he wouldn’t. Connor would stand in the way of anything or anyone that tried to hurt you, Jessa. I know you want the words. But please listen to his actions. You’ve got no idea how hard it is for a man like him to express feelings he barely understands.”
Jessa reached out and touched his arm. “If you’re so afraid of what I could do to him, Alex, why have you let it go on so long?”
“You make him happy. I’ve never seen him like this before. He smiles and laughs and relaxes with you. He actually talks in something other than that growl of his. Connor isn’t like me. He can’t live this shiftless life forever. He needs to be needed.”
“I need him,” Jessa whispered.
“Yeah, you do.”
* * *
The raised voices in the bar had stopped. Connor sat at his desk, waiting, uncertain what would happen next, but knowing he didn’t want to move things along. When someone pushed the door open, he was both relieved and disappointed to find Alex on the other side.
“Can I come in?”
“Since when do you ask?”
“Since today,” Alex said, shoving the door closed behind him and flopping into the extra chair.
Connor stretched in his chair until his back popped. He shot Alex a pointed look. “You’re sitting on my shirt.”
“Sorry, man.” Alex pulled the hunter green dress shirt off his chair and tossed it on the desk. “Why can’t you keep your clothes on?”
“Because Jessa just takes them off again.”
The fact that Alex had no response ready for his flippant comment spoke volumes to Connor. His friend’s face was troubled and a shadow concealed the laughter that usually filled his blue eyes.
“You’ve got to tell Jessa what happened that night with Melanie.”
Why this, why now? Why couldn’t the past stay in the past?
“It happened a long time ago, Alex. Let it lie.”
“That might work with anyone else. But it won’t work with her. She deserves to know.”
“Why? So she can leave?”
“I don’t think she’ll leave you.”
“I don’t want to risk it.”
“And if she finds out from someone else?”
“I’ll deal with that when and if it happens.”
Alex cursed and ripped his hands through his hair. “Do you not get this? If she finds out from someone else it’s going to look like you intentionally didn’t tell her!”
Connor pierced Alex with his most unnerving stare. The one that had sent rapists and murders on the inside scurrying for cover. Alex didn’t flinch. He didn’t back down, either.
“That might’ve worked on those scumbags in the pen, Connor. But I know you better than that. It won’t work on me. And it won’t work on Jessa.”
Alex didn’t bother to close the door on his way out. He just turned his back and left Connor feeling naked and alone.
How could he willingly tell Jessa something that was likely to make her look at him as if he had turned into some kind of monster? Wasn’t it better to pretend none of it ever happened? She deserved so much more than a man with a past like Connor’s. Without the past, he could pretend there was a future somewhere for the two of them.
* * *
The bar was full to the rafters and spilling out onto the street. Connor wasn’t overly surprised, given the fact that it was a summer weekend. What better activity was there for a hotter-than-hell night that to get rip roaring drunk?
It was hard to control the flow of patrons at the door and keep one eye tuned to the people already inside. Plus, Connor had his hands full with a steady stream of under-agers carrying fake IDs. He didn’t allow them in his bar. There were no exceptions to his rule. Given what usually went on in the dark recesses of the huge main room, he had his reasons. But it didn’t stop their determined curiosity.
“Connor!”
He turned to see Alex emphatically waving him over. Grunting at the line of people waiting to show ID, Connor clicked the cage shut and left his post to answer Alex’s summons. Connor didn’t like to leave the door on a busy night for anything, but there didn’t seem to be any other options open. It was just the three of them and Jessa had her hands full with over
twenty tables full of rollicking drunks.
“He just passed out,” Alex said, pointing to a body draped across the bar.
Connor cursed beneath his breath as he lifted the man’s limp body over one shoulder. “Did you call a cab?”
Alex flipped a bottle of whiskey end over end and poured seven shots before sliding them down the slick surface of the bar top. Still pouring with his other hand he nodded to Connor. “Yeah, I called a few minutes ago. Just take him out front. It’s the usual company.”
Preoccupied with the limp drunk balanced on his shoulder, Connor didn’t see the group of rawboned construction workers slide the latch on the cage. They waited until he exited through the side door before disappearing into the crowded bar. They were well over the legal limit with more than just alcohol. Connor would’ve never admitted them to the already max capacity room.
* * *
“Hey honey, can we get another round of beers?”
Jessa grinned at Wade, Tommy and their buddies. It hadn’t taken long for her to be able to recognize every one of them. They were a well-behaved bunch that knew how to leave a decent tip.
“No problem, guys. Give me just one more minute.” She rested her hand on Wade’s shoulder as she slid past him with a full tray balanced on her shoulder.
After delivering the Jell-O shooters to a table of college students enjoying the beginning of summer break, Jessa swung around toward the bar. Before she could weave her way back, a ham-sized hand grabbed her hip and reeled her in.
“Hey now, none of that!” she chastised in the firm voice she was starting to reserve for inebriated men who got too fresh.
Jessa found herself straddling the lap of a middle-aged construction worker. The guy’s breath smelled like 40 proof and one of his eyes was oddly off kilter. It took Jessa a moment to realize that his pupils weren’t equally dilated. She wondered if alcohol was the only thing coursing through this guy’s blood. She suspected he was a veritable pharmacopoeia of illegal substances.
“Whets matter, sweetheart?” the man drawled. “You aren’t too busy to work for a little extra tip, are ya?”
“Actually, yeah, I am.” Jessa launched herself off his lap and shot toward the bar.
The uproarious laughter following her wasn’t confidence-inspiring. Trying her best to ignore the nervous lump forming in her stomach, Jessa grabbed seven frozen mugs and poured frothing draft beer into each one.
She wanted to warn Alex or Connor about the new arrivals. But Alex was at the other end of the bar mixing drinks at a crazy pace and Connor was arguing fiercely in the doorway with somebody who wanted in. There wasn’t anyone else to tell. Jessa wasn’t altogether certain Connor had let these guys in to begin with. They didn’t seem to belong. Not even in a bar like Phoenix Rising.
Jessa dropped the draft beers at Wade’s table and tried to give the strangers a wide berth. The guy was waiting for her.
He snagged the hem of her skirt and yanked her back into his lap. “Hey, sweet thing!”
“I’m not your sweet thing,” Jessa grumbled as she shoved him away.
His leering grin sent chills racing down her spine. “Give me a minute and you will be.”
* * *
“Connor!”
Connor was trying to eject a group of giggling underage girls who were convinced they could change his mind by rubbing their slender bodies all over him. The incident made him long for a hot shower. Some men paid big bucks for a nineteen year old. He wasn’t one of them and wouldn’t aid and abet, either. The girls had no business being in his bar before they were twenty-one.
“Connor!” Alex’s voice sounded more insistent than usual.
A bad feeling settled over him before he even had a chance to turn around. Alex was fine but he was pointing frantically to the far end of the room, already dialing the phone with his free hand.
“Holy shit,” Connor growled.
A middle-aged businessman grabbed his arm. “Hey, let us in before you go!”
Connor shoved the man back. “Get the fuck out, we’re closed!”
“It’s barely past midnight!”
His words fell on deaf ears. Connor was gone and the cage locked behind him. The only doors left were the exits. Taking a deep breath, Connor leapt over the partition separating the entrance from the tables. “Bust!” he bellowed at the top of his lungs.
Everyone turned to stare at him, but Connor had no eyes for them. His only goal was Jessa.
Barely visible in a circle of burly men Connor had never seen before, she was struggling frantically to get away.
Dead wouldn’t even apply when he was done with them.
Her stockings were shredded, her apron trampled on the floor as she fought them for her top. The look of sheer terror on her face ripped Connor wide open on the inside. He fought his way through the crowd paying no attention to those he took down on his way.
His vicious press through the masses gained the attention of Wade and his friends sitting not far from Jessa. They turned to see what was going on and then stood when they realized she was in trouble.
Connor could see words exchanged. A shoving match ensued but Jessa was still fighting. Still struggling to get away, to talk her way out of it, anything but to let them continue with what they obviously intended to do.
“Bust!” Alex shouted from the other end of the bar. “Everybody get the fuck out!”
The regulars didn’t wait. They knew he meant the cops were coming. Alex and Connor always warned their clientele when the police were on their way. It only ever happened when things got totally out of hand.
“Don’t touch her!” Connor roared as he burst into the confrontation.
There’d already been blows exchanged and Tommy lay on the floor. Connor caught a fist in his gut and knew instantly that these strangers had something extra special in their bloodstream. The punch had the power of a cement truck. He grunted and took the hit before lashing out at the attacker.
Nobody touched what belonged to him.
* * *
Connor was quick, and he was brutal, but these guys weren’t right. Some strange substance coursed through their veins and kept them on their feet long after normal men would’ve crumpled beneath Connor’s onslaught.
Bone and cartilage crunched beneath Connor’s big fist, and one man went down with his nose smashed flat to his face. Another immediately took his place. There always seemed to be another.
A man jumped behind Connor and grabbed his arms while another attacked from the front with inhuman speed. Connor grunted as he took several punches to the gut. Tears streamed down Jessa’s face as she desperately looked around for help.
“Connor!” Alex shouted from somewhere to their left.
Wrenching his arms free, Connor reached out with one hand and caught a wood baseball bat thrown from outside the circle. A feral grin split his features and the blood began to flow in earnest.
Jessa had never seen anything like it. The sheer brutality should’ve frightened her, especially knowing what she did about Connor’s checkered past. But Jessa clearly understood the purpose behind his violence. Every crushed windpipe, cracked jaw, and broken bone was just retribution for the bruises and lacerations covering her arms and legs. Though it might not have been enough to pay for the crime they’d intended to commit.
In what seemed simultaneously like seconds and hours, it was over. Jessa found herself sitting alone in a chair, trembling like a leaf. The only thing that mattered then was Connor. His massive frame standing tall before her with his shirt covered in a mixture of sweat and blood. Jessa didn’t care. He opened his arms and she managed to rise and stumble forward to lean on his strength.
“It’s okay,” he murmured, folding his heavily muscled arms around her shaking frame. “It’s over.”
“The cops will be here in another minute,” Alex said as he shoved his way through.
“Where were you?” Jessa asked in a small voice. “They were trying to kill him!”
&nb
sp; Alex leaned down and offered a small smile before reaching out to brush away a stray lock of her brown hair. “I can only do so much, love. Besides, the big guy had you covered as soon as he saw what was going on.”
Jessa shuddered. “What was wrong with them?”
Connor eyed the six bodies lying around them like marionette dolls with their strings cut. All were either out cold or too preoccupied with their injuries to cause any more trouble. “I would guess it to be an upper of some kind. Ice, meth, cocaine maybe, wouldn’t be able to tell until they’re booked and someone runs a blood test.”
Wade and his friends were still hovering. They were trying to revive Tommy.
“Thank you, Wade,” Jessa told him when she could trust her voice.
Wade smiled. “Honey, this is our bar. Nobody messes with our bar.”
Connor grimaced and wiped blood from his face with the tail of his shirt. It streamed out of a deep gash above his left eye. His lower lip oozed from a split and one cheekbone sported a nasty laceration.
“God, I thought they were going to kill you,” Jessa choked on another sob.
“Nah, honey, Connor’s tougher than he looks,” Wade teased before placing a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “We’re going to head out before the cops get here. Take care.”
“Thanks, Wade.”
“No problem.”
* * *
Connor’s entire body throbbed in pain. Jessa was huddled in his arms as if the whole world was ending. He could stand a few cuts and bruises if it meant he got the chance to feel her heart beat in time with his. She was a perfect weight against his chest.
He never wanted to let go.
Red and blue lights streamed into view, flashing through the dingy front windows like strobe lights. Connor stiffened before he could force himself to relax. No matter how long it had been, he still had an inherent distrust of police in general.
“Here they come,” Alex murmured to Connor.
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