by Alex Tempera
“As much as you can,” she sighed. “Uh, PJ, I have to go.”
“Wait, Syd, please.”
“No, I really have to go. PJ, I don’t … I can’t say how I feel, it just hurts too much to think about it. I’ve enjoyed these past few nights and I want to keep going. I like the idea of us each having a sub, and sharing our experiences. Now, if you want to talk, we can have dinner tonight. OK?”
“All right, dinner. Yes, sounds fine.” He watched as she grabbed her blazer that was draped over the chair and her briefcase, and hurried out of her office.
When he heard the front door close, he sat behind her desk, pulling out the brochures. “What the hell is she thinking?” he sighed. “What the hell am I thinking?” He stuck the brochure back under the newspaper.
Paxton walked in his office and smiled at Evelyn. “Any messages for me?”
“Two from Mr. Reynolds and one from the new lawyer in the Matthew’s case.”
“He got a new lawyer? I thought he was representing himself. Uh, what’s the lawyer’s name?”
“Donnelly. Sean Donnelly.”
“If he calls again, patch him through.”
“Yes, Sir,” she nodded. “Oh, your package was delivered yesterday. I put it on your desk.”
“Great, thanks,” he walked into his office and closed the door. He sat behind his desk and opened the brown paper package. He smiled at the two framed wedding photos of him and Sydney. “You were always beautiful.” He rested the candid photo on one corner of the desk, and the formal one on the other end. He opened a smaller envelope that had several unframed photos of he and Sydney. He browsed through them and smiled. “You’re so wrong about me, Syd. So wrong. Maybe I’m wrong about myself, too.”
Mr. Reynolds knocked on the door and then opened it. “Carlton, didn’t you hear me knock?”
Paxton looked up. “Oh, Mr. Reynolds, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.”
He sat down on the chair in front of Paxton’s desk. “Something is bothering you.”
“Yeah, it’s personal and I should focus on work. I’m sorry.”
“Evelyn said you’ve been in here for hours and haven’t even answered your phone.”
“Oh, shit. I didn’t even hear it ring,” he sighed. “I guess I’m not doing so well right now.”
“Let’s get lunch,” he said. “And I do mean food.”
“Oh, I don’t know.”
“Come on. You need to talk and you’re doing no one any good sitting here. Let’s go, Carlton.”
“Yes, Sir,” he stood up, put on his suit jacket and slipped his phone and wallet in his pocket. He followed his boss out of the office.
Twelve
The two men sat at a booth in the corner of the pub. “You looked surprised.” Reynolds said.
“Sir, I was expecting Amore Italian Ristorante, not O’Malley’s pub,” he snickered.
“You disappointed?”
“No, this is good, more my style.”
“You wouldn’t know it from your home.”
“Well, it’s really Syd’s home. She inherited it from her parents.”
“Oh, I thought you were the rich one.”
“Well, yeah, and when we were first married, we were living in my Brownstone in the City, but then she wanted to live outside the city. More privacy. That’s all.”
“I don’t mean to get personal with you, but after last night, I got a little insight in your private life. It’s more than our usual lunches at the motel. I sensed something was different last night.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” he looked up as the waitress brought over a pitcher of beer. “Uh, we’re working.”
“No, we’re off for the rest of the day. Don’t worry. I’m the boss,” he smiled. “Beer and two orders of burgers and fries, with everything.”
“Yes, Sir,” she smiled and walked away.
Tim poured them both a glass of beer. “Last night. You were hesitant about being with me. Did I screw up?”
“No, it’s not you. It’s my wife.”
“Oh, is something wrong? I thought you two agreed to what we did. She seemed to enjoy it, unless I’m wrong.”
“Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Sure,” he sipped his beer.
“Do you ever have sex with your wife?”
“No, why? You and Sydney have sex? Oh.”
“What does your wife do, if she’s not fucking you?”
“Have no idea. You see, my wife is bisexual. I know she fucks men and women, and she prefers women to men. Our marriage works for us. We won’t ever divorce, unless …”
“Unless?”
“We actually fall in love with someone else. That’s our agreement. She works at CPS so it works for her, too. So, what’s this about?”
“I don’t know if I can say.”
“Please, do. You can trust me. You know that. Hell, you know my secrets.”
“Well, first, I did call John this morning. Uh, he’s Jessica. He’s willing to have a group scene, but he’s also willing to discuss what we talked about last night.”
“Oh, John?”
“Remington. He’s Syd’s law clerk.”
“Right. I’m familiar with him. I didn’t know.”
“That’s the point. I guess we all have reasons to hide.”
“So, what’s with you and Syd?”
“My feelings for her have changed and I think hers have changed for me.”
“I thought she loved you. She doesn’t?”
“No, she loves me. I know she does. I always knew she was in love with me, from the moment we met in third grade. It was always me and her, best friends, who also dated. Yes, in high school, I knew I was gay, but I kept it hidden. She was my go-to excuse as a date when I was fucking some guy from another school or whatever. I was her date in public. Sometimes, so she could date other guys, we acted as if we broke up or something. This carried on to law school. I was confused about so many things, but not her. She loved me. She went to NYU and then Harvard. She always knew she wanted to be a lawyer and then a judge. She was up for partner in her firm when she was nominated for her seat. Now, they want her to take the lead seat in the appellate court when Bishop retires.”
“That’s big. But what does this have to do with your feelings for her or hers for you.”
“I didn’t want to be a lawyer at first. I was pre-med when I changed majors. I’m two years behind her in law school. She was always ahead, but then she’d wait for me to catch up. She made me see what I really wanted to do. I was afraid of my sexuality and that it would interfere with the career plans she pointed out that I wanted. She always knew what I wanted before I did. I asked her to marry me and we were engaged for a year. During that year, I didn’t fuck anyone. We had a large agreement for our marriage. The past couple years, I felt, and I know she did, too, that we were distant.”
“And you tried to fix it with this new lifestyle?”
“Well, yeah, last week, we were talking. It was the first time in a while. We were watching a movie together, and we just started talking. The movie was some sappy romance, but it reminded me that we were married and we were best friends. My heart doesn’t want to be without Syd. Ever. I’ve been gay my entire life, and have only slept with one woman. Syd. Now, she wants to do something that will change her whole life.”
“Paxton, what is it?”
“For one, I think she loves me more than I ever knew.”
“And how do you feel about her?”
“I don’t want her to change herself. I love … uh, her for who she is, not who she will change to be.”
“You’re talking in circles.”
“I think she’s seeing a doctor about a sex change.”
“She’s wants to be a man?”
“I think she wants to be herself with man parts.”
“Why?”
“So she can fuck me, with her own body part.”
“Oh, you know this for a fact?”
“I saw the brochure on her desk. Yes, I snooped. I also know she has a doctor’s appointment with Dr. Lawrence Markowitz. Today at four.”
“So, if this happened, would you still want her? Would it make you not want men, and only her?”
“I don’t want any men, I want her. I mean, I like that we have subs and I can’t wait for us to all play, but I want my wife. As my wife. Not as a partial man. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but I have a feeling she’s doing it for all the wrong reasons. She doesn’t want to really be a man, I’d know it. She wants to have a penis so she can fuck me.”
“You know this for sure?”
“I know my wife. She practically admitted to me that only body parts will do when she fucked me.”
“You want my advice?”
“Yes,” he sighed.
“Go to the appointment. Confirm that her reasons are what you think they are, and tell her how you feel.”
“I don’t know how I feel. How can I be gay and then all of a sudden fall in love with my wife? After ten years, no, after 25 years?”
“It’s not all of a sudden if you ask me. Just because you like fucking ass and sucking cock, doesn’t mean that you can’t give your body and heart to your wife. They call it bisexual for a reason.”
“You sure?”
“I can’t read your mind or your heart, but we’ve been friends for a few years. Even before we had our lunches. Also, if you want this sub thing to work for all of us, you and Sydney need to be honest with each other.”
“Thanks,” Paxton looked up as the waitress put their food in front of them, and then walked away. “You think I’ve been hiding my feelings?”
“From yourself, yes. What you and Sydney can’t fake, is how you’ve always looked at each other. Hell when I first met the two of you at the Governor’s inauguration party, I thought you were straight and completely in love with your wife. It wasn’t until you and I were drinking together, do you remember?”
“Yeah, you invited me out for drinks,” he looked around. “It was here.”
“Yeah, the night before you came upstairs to work for me. I accidentally let it slip that I sucked cock now and then, and you offered your cock to me.”
“I remember. I can’t even do that anymore. I mean, you coming over, but having our fuck and suck lunches, I can’t do. I promised Sydney. Hell, I’ve cheated on her since we were married and she never did.”
“Never? I thought she had other partners.”
“So did I, until this morning. Her only other partner was her vibrators.”
“Sounds like your marriage isn’t as either of you pictured. You should go to the appointment.”
“I will. I definitely will.” Paxton leaned back in the booth.
Thirteen
John walked into Sydney’s chambers, “Ma’am, the attorneys for both parties of the Lyons’ case have agreed to a change in trial date for next Tuesday.”
“Fine, thank you,” she whispered, as she continued to stare out the window, and focus her eyes on the county building across the street. “You said he called you?”
“Yes, this morning before he went to work, I’m guessing. He told me about his sub and wanted to see if I could help his sub with something and also share in a session.”
“And you agreed?” she still focused her eyes out the window.
“Yes, is there a problem?”
“But he’s not at the office now?”
“No, Ma’am, I called and his assistant, uh, Evelyn said that he and Mr. Reynolds went out to lunch and didn’t plan on returning to the office.”
Sydney wiped her eyes. “I should’ve never believed him,” she sniffed lightly. “Oh, what time is it?”
“Two, Ma’am. Are you sure you don’t want me to bring you something to eat?”
“Not really hungry. He broke his promise to me. Right now, he’s at the Ritz Carlton, sucking on Tim Reynolds’ cock.”
“Ma’am, you don’t know that.”
“That’s what they do at lunch. Suck and fuck. I’m sorry. I’m used to him doing that, that’s what he does, but he promised me. I guess he didn’t mean everything he said to me,” she stood up. “Oh, I’m sorry. You came in here for a reason.”
“You need to sign these papers,” he set them on the desk. “I can get them filed for you. Why don’t you take the rest of the afternoon off? Your appointment is in two hours. Take a walk in the park. Call your husband’s cell phone.”
She signed the papers and handed them to John. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Will you confirm the time for Brunch with Justice Bishop?”
“Yes, ma’am, I’ll text you the details.”
“Thank you,” she stood up and grabbed her bag and her blazer. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She headed out of her chambers.
John sat behind her desk, straightened her papers, pens, and turned the calendar to the next day, as he did every evening. He was about to leave when her desk phone rang. “Judge Carlton’s chambers, John Remington, how can I help you?”
“John, it’s Paxton. Is she in court?”
“Uh, no, she left for her appointment.”
“Damn. I was hoping to catch her.”
“Uh, it’s not my place to say, but she’s been trying to call you all day, well, have me call you. She knows, Mr. Carlton.”
“She knows what?” Paxton’s voice got defensive.
“She called it your suck and fuck lunch. She knows about it. She’s hurt. Really hurt.”
“Fuck! I did go to lunch, but not for that. I had lunch with my boss, but it wasn’t about that. Dammit. She went to her appointment? That’s not until four. Fuck! I have to find her.”
“I suggested she go to the park. You know she likes going to the duck pond when she’s upset. Maybe she went there.”
“Thanks, and, John, I didn’t cheat on her.”
“Tell her, not me,” he hung up.
Paxton got out of the cab near the west side of Central Park, and hurried down the pedestrian trail to the duck pond. It was her spot. She loved to feed the ducks, and think about whatever was on her mind. Now, she thought he cheated on her. He did, so many times, but not today. Not after the promise. He scanned the benches but didn’t see her. He was about to turn around when he noticed the stone railing to the old Castle. It used to be used for plays and it over looked the pond. He scanned the outside of the gray stone building and there she was, sitting on the railing that was directly over the pond. He hurried as fast as he could. She was upset, not that she’d jump, because she’d never do that, but she could fall.
He ran out of the building and on the balcony. “Syd,” he panted.
“What are you doing here? I figured you’d be on your second wind by now. What? Can’t suck cock in court?” she snickered, not looking at him.
“It’s not what you think,” he slowly walked over to her and sat on the railing. “I went to lunch with Tim, but we didn’t do anything but talk.”
“Why are you telling me this?” she turned her head toward him. “Why should I even care?”
“Because you love me,” he whispered. “And no, I didn’t cheat on you. I promised I wouldn’t and I didn’t. I swear.” He moved his hand on top of hers. “Syd, I know about your appointment.”
“What appointment?” she slowly climbed off the railing and he followed.
He took her hands and smiled. “Dr. Markowitz. Why were you going to see him?”
“To make you happy,” she whispered, staring down at her feet.
“Make me happy?”
“Yes, I can only give you what you want if I had a cock. I want to be able to fuck you, like you like having done to you. I don’t want to lose you. I wouldn’t change everything about me, just that.”
“That’s a lot to handle, a lot more to it than just giving yourself a cock.”
“I know,” she sighed. “I read all the paperwork.”
“Syd,” he lifted her head with his finger. “I don’t want you to hav
e the surgery.”
“But why? Don’t you want me?”
“I want you. Yes, everything I said last night, I meant. I want to be your sub, and I want us to have subs that we can share. There is only one thing I want to change about it.”
“What’s that?”
“I don’t want you or I to fuck anyone but each other. Do to me what you did last night. Hell, you don’t even need to do that all the time. I prefer giving to receiving anyway. We play with our subs, let them play with each other while we watch, and we can play and just be ourselves with each other.”
“Can you be my sub?”
“I was your sub last night,” he kissed her cheek.
“Yeah, but I gave you full reign to my body. I didn’t really command you.”
“Then test me, my love. I’ll show you that I’d do anything for you.”
“Would you dress up for me?”
“If that’s what you wanted,” he said.
“No, if it’s not in you to do it, then I don’t want you to. I want you to be my sub, but John will be my CD-sub. I won’t let him fuck me, but I may use a dildo in his ass.”
“Just not a strap-on.”
“That’s fine, and if you want to use something on your sub, only a dildo, no cock,” she gazed into his eyes. “I would’ve done the surgery if it made you happy. I thought I could be better if I had a penis.”
“You’re the best. Sydney, I want us to be married.”
“We are married,” she smiled.
“I mean, really married. You and me. More than just sharing subs, having sex and sharing your bed. I want us to be us. I want to be yours.”
She wrapped her arms around her husband and hugged him tightly. “I should cancel my appointment.”
“I already did. Now, let’s go home but we’ll need to take your car. I had a few beers at the pub and took a cab here.”
“How’d you know I was here?”
“John told me.”
“Did he tell you about my appointment?”
“No,” he put his arm around her waist. “Let’s go home. You promised we’d have dinner together.”