Secretary Wife

Secretary Wife Page 13

by Rachel Lindsay

  'I'll come with you,' said Duncan.

  Gratefully Laura accepted the offer and, pausing only to put on a coat, went with him to his car. The rush-hour traffic was already clogging the roads like heavy mud in a river and they moved sluggishly southwards. Neither of them made any conversation, both too concerned over Carl to bother with small talk. How deeply Carl must love Rosemary if he could take such an appalling risk to get her! Until now, Laura had seen his need for the girl as a physical one, but now she saw it as an obsession that made it impossible for him to think rationally. To run the risk of an operation that could leave him totally immobile! He was out of his mind to con­sider it. Yet he was going to do it; he was deliber­ately betting on odds that even a gambler would eschew: and all because of Rosemary.

  They reached the hospital and Duncan parked the car and elected to stay in it.

  'It will be better if you talk to Rosemary by yourself,' he explained. 'But if you need me, I'll be here.'

  Tensely Laura went up to the waiting room on Carl's floor. Keeping the door ajar, she placed her chair where it gave her a view of the lifts, in order not to miss Rosemary when she came out of Carl's room. Carefully she tried to work out exactly what she would say to Rosemary. But there was no way of gently leading up to it. The truth was too ugly to be disguised.

  A flash of silver grey mink brought her to her feet and she called Rosemary's name. The girl swung round from the lift door, surprise on her face as she saw who it was.

  'Carl's too tired to see anyone else,' she said in a triumphant voice, 'particularly you.'

  'I haven't come to see Carl,' Laura replied. 'I came to talk to you.'

  'What about?'

  'Come in here and I'll tell you.'

  Mystified by Laura's tone, Rosemary did as she was told, and in terse sentences Laura told her all she had learned from Duncan. Because the truth was dramatic enough, she did not embellish it further. Only when it came to describing the life Carl would face if the operation failed—as it had done in the vast majority of cases—did her control slip and her voice become almost inaudible.

  'You can't let him go ahead with it,' she con­cluded. 'You are the only person who can make him change his mind.'

  'At least you have enough sense to know you can't,' Rosemary retorted, and then lapsed into silence.

  Laura watched the lovely face, seeing a myriad expressions pass over it, none of which she could identify. Was it fear, love, hope, anguish? She clasped her hands tightly and waited for the girl to speak.

  'I don't see why I should tell Carl what to do,' Rosemary said at last, her voice cool as spring water. 'After all, it's his life and if he doesn't want to live it in a wheelchair, who can blame him?'

  'Do you think he'll want to live it flat on his back?'

  'Why be pessimistic? He might be completely cured.'

  'I've just told you the risk,' Laura cried.

  'It's still Carl's choice.'

  'He's doing it for you. How will you feel if the operation fails? You'll never forgive yourself.'

  'I would still marry him,' Rosemary said, and looked oddly satisfied. 'It wouldn't be a real mar­riage—the way it could be now—but I wouldn't leave him, you know. I would just—I would have to make a life for myself.'

  Laura's skin prickled as though a thousand in­sects were crawling over it. With a clarity that could not be denied she saw the reasoning behind Rosemary's statement.

  'You don't mind if Carl is paralysed!' she gasped. 'Then you could be his wife without any obliga­tion. I knew you never loved him,' she continued bitterly, 'but I never realised you hated him!'

  'Don't be so dramatic!'

  'It's true. If you had any decent human feelings for him, you'd never let him take such a risk. But you aren't capable of feeling anything for anyone except yourself. You're a heartless, calculating bitch!'

  'Carl loves me and I'm going to marry him as soon as he's free of you!' Rosemary smoothed the fur of her coat, preening herself in it like a satisfied animal. 'I happen to think that the risk he's taking is worthwhile.'

  'You have nothing to lose!'

  'But Carl has a great deal to gain. And that's what matters to him,' Rosemary said triumphantly.

  'You've got to stop him,' Laura persisted, hoping that Rosemary's callous attitude came from lack of imagination and not lack of heart. 'The risk is too high. You can't let him take it.'

  'I can and I will!' Rosemary said in her sweetest voice. 'Why don't you mind your own business and keep out of my way? Your intensity bores me!'

  In a flurry of mink she disappeared, leaving Laura with one last option open to her. She hated having to take it, but she had no choice. Taking several deep breaths, she went along the corridor to Carl's room.

  Bracing herself for a cool reception, she was surprised by his reaction to her entrance, for he paled visibly. It showed up unexpected lines on his face that that not been there before his accident, and her heart turned over at the sight of them. But she must steel herself for what she had to say; steel herself for the way he would react to it.

  'I know you told me not to come here until you asked me,' she began breathlessly, 'but Duncan came to see me this afternoon and told me the truth about your operation.'

  'I see.' The words held no meaning. They were just said and hung lifeless in the air like washing on a line.

  'You can't have the operation,' she said clearly. 'It's madness. I won't let you do it!'

  'You can't stop me.' Again the words were spoken without expression but, looking into his face, she saw the bleakness in his eyes.

  'You might become totally paralysed. Have you thought what your life would be if that happened?'

  'All I can think of is what my life is like now.'

  'At least you can get round in a wheelchair. You can't walk, but you can do a lot of other things for yourself. You aren't helpless—which you will be if this operation fails.'

  'It's my life, and I'm willing to take the risk.'

  'You aren't risking your life, you're risking your sanity! You'll go crazy if you wake up from the anaesthetic and find you can't move a single muscle!' She saw his eyelids flicker and knew she dared not stop now. She had to make him see what the future might hold for him; not that she needed to exag­gerate, for the truth was dreadful enough. 'You'd be a helpless log lying in bed twenty-four hours out of twenty-four. You would need someone to feed you, wash you, wipe your mouth when you drink a cup of tea, help you to—'

  'Stop it!' he shouted, and gave such a violent jerk in the bed that the castors moved. 'I don't need you to tell me what might happen. I've thought about nothing else for weeks! But I'm going to have it done. It's a risk I've got to take.'

  'A risk for what?' she choked. 'So that you can marry Rosemary? You aren't just a cripple, Carl, you're blind as well!'

  'I don't want to talk about it.' His voice was barely audible, but his hands, gripping the sheet till the knuckles went white, gave him away. 'Dun­can had no right to tell you the truth. I spoke to him in confidence.'

  'You didn't talk to him as a lawyer,' she cried, 'but as a friend. That's why he told me.'

  'Then he's wasted his time. My mind is made up. Now please go. I can't take any more scenes.'

  He turned his face into the pillow and she stared at the back of his head, seeing the thick hair lying against the nape of his neck and longing to rest her cheek against it. But she had no right to do so and slowly she backed to the door.

  'Very well, Carl, I'll go. But I still think you're a fool.'

  Her hand was on the knob when he spoke again.

  'Aren't you going to wish me luck?'

  She did not turn to look at him. 'Of course I wish you luck. You'll need every bit of it.' She fumbled at the handle, but because her hands were clammy, she could not grip it.

  'Try to understand why I'm doing it,' he said huskily. 'I won't let myself be a burden on the woman I love. I've got to be a whole man.'

  At this she swung round, eyes b
lazing. 'Even in a wheelchair you're more of a man than anyone I've known! If you don't know that for yourself…'

  She wrenched at the door again. This time it opened and she sped down the corridor. She would never see Carl again. With all her heart she prayed that the risk he was taking would pay off. Yet even if he became well, he would not be happy with Rosemary. One day he would discover what she was. No, that was a stupid thing to say. He already knew what she was and he didn't care.

  'Oh, Carl,' she whispered, 'how can you be such a fool?'

  By the time she reached Duncan she was dry-eyed and in control of herself.

  'I saw Rosemary leave the hospital,' he com­mented. 'As you didn't come out with her, I assumed you went to see Carl?'

  'Yes. Rosemary wouldn't go herself. She says if Carl wants to take the risk, it's his affair.'

  'I thought she might say that.'

  'Did you?'

  He nodded. 'You don't know as much about human behaviour as I do. Nothing people do can surprise me.'

  'She can't even like him,' Laura whispered. 'If she had any normal feelings, she… But Carl doesn't care. He doesn't even see it.'

  'Because he doesn't want to. Try not to be too up­set about Carl. We've both tried to make him see the consequences and we can't do more than that. In the final event, it's his life and he must be allowed to make his own decision how he wants to live it, All we can do is to be there if he should need us.'

  'Whatever the outcome of the operation, he won't need me,' Laura said. 'Rosemary will marry him no matter what.'

  'That's all to the good. You'll be better off if you put him from your mind.' Duncan slid across the seat until he was close beside her. 'Don't tell me this isn't the time or place to talk of our future, because if I listen to you, there never will be the right time and place. I love you and I want to marry you. You've allowed your loyalty to Carl to affect your whole life, and you've got to stop thinking about him. We've done as much as we can and it isn't our business to do more. Besides, he would hate us for it if we did.'

  'He already hates me,' Laura said. 'He made that clear yesterday and even clearer today. He isn't the same man I worked for all these years,' she burst out. 'Meeting Rosemary has changed his entire life. It was the reason for his accident. He was trying to get so much done before he went on his honeymoon.'

  'You can't blame him for that,' Duncan pro­tested.

  'I do I He wasn't just trying to put the business in order—he was staying up till all hours in night­clubs and restaurants, running after Rosemary as if he didn't have a mind of his own. I hate him for it,' she cried. 'He doesn't deserve us to worry about him!'

  'You know you don't mean that.' Duncan pulled her into his arms and, because she knew he was right, she lapsed into silence.

  'Marry me,' Duncan begged. 'Marry me and come to New York.'

  'Very well,' she said, without thinking. 'I'd like to go to New York.'

  For an instant he was motionless, then he pushed her away and stared into her face. 'You will?' he said jubilantly. 'I can't believe it!'

  Staring back at him, Laura could not believe it either. What on earth had made her say yes? How could she marry Duncan when she was Carl's wife? But Carl did not want her. In a few months their marriage would be annulled and Rosemary would become his wife. She bit her lip hard to stop herself crying out. If Carl became well and strong again, then jealousy would consume her like a fire, and if he were doomed to lie paralysed, then hatred for Rosemary would consume her with even greater intensity, no matter where she lived or what other job she took.

  Perhaps the best solution was to become Dun­can's wife. A happy marriage had grown from far less auspicious beginnings.

  'How do I get my freedom?' she asked.

  'Leave it to me. I'll talk to Carl and—'

  'Not yet,' she interrupted. 'Wait until after the operation.'

  'I don't see why. He'll be pleased to know you're going to be happy.'

  'There won't be any publicity, will there?'

  'Not if it's done carefully. The publicity will come when he marries Rosemary.'

  Duncan could not have said anything more calcu­lated to stiffen Laura's wavering doubts. 'How soon will I be free?' she asked.

  'A couple of months. I'll do my best to expedite it.' He put his hand under her chin and tilted up her face. 'I want to make you my wife as soon as I can. I'm Carl's age and I've waited long enough before taking the plunge.' He pressed his lips to hers and, fired by her nearness, his arms came round her with unexpected strength. 'I love you,' he muttered.

  Laura tried to respond to his kisses. But though she forced her body to relax, her mind remained aloof and critical. She was aware of Duncan's quickened breathing, of his seeking hands that touched her without arousing her, and she wanted to push him away and tell him it was all a mistake. But though the words screamed inside her, she remained mute, knowing only immeasurable relief when he finally released her and moved back to sit behind the wheel.

  'We'll be very happy together, my darling,' he said. 'At the moment you're still upset at what might happen to Carl, but once the operation is over and we're in New York, you'll feel a different person.'

  He went on talking about the life they would lead, and though she did not take in a word he said, she must have made the right responses, for he did not notice her silence and looked singularly content when he finally deposited her at Holly Grove.

  'We'll go out tomorrow and celebrate our engage­ment,' he murmured, kissing her hand. 'I want to buy you a ring, but the lawyer in me won't let me! I will have to wait until you're legally free before I do that.'

  She glanced at the ruby on her finger. It glowed like blood—Carl's blood—and she shivered and drew her hand away from his. 'I don't want an engagement ring, Duncan.'

  'Then we'll wait until I buy you a wedding ring.'

  His hold became more possessive, but she pulled away from him and put her hands to her temples as if she had a headache. Instantly he apologised for not seeing how pale she was, which made her feel more guilty. How easily a man could be fooled by the woman he loved!

  There was not so much difference between Rose­mary and herself, she thought bleakly as she finally closed the door on Duncan and went up to her room. They would each be marrying a man they did not love, though for quite different reasons.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  DUNCAN telephoned Laura the following afternoon to say he would be kept late at the office but would send a car to collect her.

  'Forgive me for not coming for you myself,' he apologised, 'but if I can put in another hour at my desk, I'll be able to consign a huge bundle of files to limbo for another year.'

  'Would you prefer to call off our dinner?'

  'Certainly not. I'm looking forward to it.'

  'Don't bother sending a car for me,' she assured him. 'I'll get a taxi.' She hesitated. 'Have you seen Carl today?'

  'Yes. I'll tell you about it later.'

  She wondered if he was being discreet because there was someone in the office or because what he had to say was unpalatable, and she was apprehen­sive when she walked into the Dorchester bar where they had arranged to meet. Duncan was at a corner table, a bottle of champagne and two glasses in front of him. The sight of his smiling face re­awakened the doubts she had been wrestling with, and though she regretted having to destroy his happiness, she could not continue with this false­hood.

  'You look lovely, darling,' he said. 'That pink thing suits you.'

  'This pink thing is the most expensive dress I own!'

  'Will you want a white wedding?' he asked sud­denly. That's one thing we haven't discussed.'

  Laura's heart thumped loudly and though she saw Duncan's lips moving, she could not hear a word he said. But after a few seconds the pounding lessened and she was able to follow him without giving away the shock his words had caused.

  'Can't we wait until I'm free before we talk about marriage?' she asked.

  'Your marriag
e to Carl is meaningless.'

  'It's still legal.'

  'Not for long. And I refuse to let you have a guilt complex about what you're doing. You helped Carl when he needed it, but he doesn't need your help any more. As a matter of fact he's delighted at our news. I told him about us this morning.'

  Champagne splashed over the rim of Laura's glass on to her fingers and Duncan took the glass from her and set it on the table.

  'Carl couldn't have been more pleased at the news,' he reiterated. 'So stop looking gloomy.'

  For the life of her Laura could not speak. She stared at the table and then at her hands; anywhere as long as it wasn't into Duncan's happy face.

  'Think of the future, darling.' He was speak­ing again. 'A few months from now and we'll be living a completely different life.'

  With Carl living his own life, Laura thought bleakly. Either vigorous as before or helplessly de­pendent. But whichever way it was, it would be a life shared with Rosemary.

  'Did Carl want to see me?' she asked, bending to pick up her glass so the fall of her hair would hide her face.

  'He doesn't want to see anybody. He's in an odd frame of mind. I didn't notice it much when I saw him this morning, but when I went back this afternoon—'

  'You've seen him twice today?' she interrupted.

  'Yes. He had to sign some more papers. The Com­pany is going from strength to strength. It amazes me how he manages to hold everything together. If this operation fails, he won't be able to go on doing it.'

  'Don't,' she begged. 'I can't bear to think of it.'

  Yet think of it she did for the rest of the evening and during the next interminable day. Never had time passed so slowly and each time she looked at her watch she thought it had stopped. But eventu­ally the evening arrived and Duncan with it, carry­ing an extravagant bouquet of flowers. He wore a light grey suit instead of his usual dark one and he looked much more carefree, though his manner was still controlled.

  'I thought we would have a quiet evening,' he said. 'We can either dine locally or—' he hesi­tated, 'I would be happy to stay here and have a snack.'

  'With our high-priced chef in the kitchen, we can rustle up more than a snack,' she said drily. 'It's fantastic how much this house costs Carl to run.'

 

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