by F P Adriani
“Douchebag,” I said to Cooperson now, “there were three letters. How come you only wound up with two?”
“I took what Ed had there on the table—I was a bit out of it myself that day because for once Ed shared his dots….” His voice faded away and he cleared his throat.
But at this point I could only shake my frustrated head at his annoying face because the bottom line was: two idiots—two stoned idiots—had helped ruin my days, my life.
*
A little later I was driving again and I was on the phone again—this time with Nell. “Can you meet me at the office in an hour?”
“But I thought you wanted me to avoid there still. Roberto called and said he’s coming over later and we’ll all be phone-conferencing?”
“Scratch that. Just meet me at the office; we’ll set things right enough there to last a while.”
Her voice sounded tremulous with worry. “How long a while?”
“Not sure yet,” I said on a sigh.
*
When I finally pulled up to MSA, I parked in the driveway and used my portable to dial the prosecutor’s office. Jennings might have still been in the courtroom, but I had to try. I was running out of time, and I was hoping I’d hear something about Ronin’s sentence before I left for Earth. That would certainly make me feel a tad better.
Unfortunately, when her secretary answered my call, she said Jennings was indeed still in court. “The trial’s not over yet. You want me to have her call you back?”
“No, don’t bother,” I said. “I just wanted to know if a decision’s been made yet.”
“I wouldn’t expect that for a while yet, at least a week, maybe more.”
Fucking great.
*
“Pia, are you serious?” said Nell.
We were in the office, and she had been sitting at her desk tidying up some MSA stuff she had to bring back to her house.
But her hands stopped moving now as she stared at me, and her mouth was dangling open: I’d just told her about me and the UPG.
And now I said, “Yeah. I’m serious.”
Her face looked upset on top of shocked. “But how can you go back to work for them again! Shit, I thought we’d all left that behind….”
“Sometimes there’s no way to do that in life, Nell. Plus, I need information, and they have it.”
“But what if I need to contact you?”
I paused, looked at her. “You might have to do that through the UPG.”
Her dark face flushed darker. “Oh shit. Will I need to be reinstated too before I can do that?”
“I don’t know,” I said. Both Nell and Tan had only been loosely attached to the UPG as low-level information go-betweens. …“Had been” were the operative words there. Because both of them were no longer an active part of the machine, now that I was being reinstated, I was allowed to explain only certain things to them….
What a goddamn drag interacting that way from now on would be. I’d have to actively close off some things from my friends when I’d only recently begun opening up to my friends.
And Tan would be right beside me all the while. …I’d have to see about that, I’d have to ask James about that….
I was sighing as Roberto walked into the office from outside and said, “I got your voice-mail message. What’s up?”
“What’s up is: I set the answering service to go to both your portable phones while I’m gone. And, Nell, if you want to schedule contact times there for when you’re available to talk with clients, do it. But anything other than maintenance on existing MSA jobs can wait a few weeks. There’s no choice. But that’s not the main reason why I asked you both here.”
They were both looking at me, looking at me and waiting. I continued: “I have a form here—a Post-Death Power Of Attorney. I had it done up weeks ago. This is for if something happens to not only me, but to Tan too.” I swallowed back a sudden gust of fear, but it wouldn’t go away. I lost my wind to the gust—I panted a bit, and then briefly closed my eyes.
I hated even thinking about this, let alone talking about it! And going on both of my friends suddenly paling faces, they hated it too.
“What the hell are you talking about!” Nell almost shouted.
“I’m saying that I have…stuff stashed in different places, and this paper would give you the ability to find that stuff, immediately take possession of it, and use it if something happened to us and you had to go to the police. If something only happened to me, Tan would be empowered to take care of everything. But without Tan….” Again, my lungs began failing me, and I quickly changed the subject. “Roberto, you and Mike’ll need to check on here together—twice a week. I’m hoping I’ll only be gone two weeks—tops—but I don’t know for sure.” I looked at both their faces again, and I felt upset that they looked upset. “Believe me, I don’t want to leave! But what choice do I have?” Neither of them responded. I reached into one of my desk drawers and pulled out a bank folio.
“Nell,” I said, “use the biggest joint account for any expenses that come up. And if you MUST come here—and only for something very important—remember that!—you should only come here with Roberto and Mike. Remember the once-overs outside. You just never know.” I turned to Roberto as a new thought came to me. “Actually, maybe you could get Paulie to work up some extra security set-ups outside—”
“Don’t worry,” Roberto said, “I’ll take care of it. I mean as long as you’ll agree to them.”
I sighed. “I’m not sure how much access you’ll have to me. Ask Nell for approval. Nell knows what’s good for here.”
“I do?” asked Nell beneath a frowning dark brow.
*
A little later, Nell was back at collecting the MSA stuff she would need; Roberto was making a phone call to Jericho Hydro; and I was using my portable to set up hotel reservations for me and Tan for on Earth.
I was still sitting at my desk doing that when Roberto came in the room, shrugged at me and whispered and mouthed, NOTHING. NOTHING SUSPICIOUS TO ME. STILL JUST A BUSINESS FULL OF GAS. NOW WHAT?
I waved him off as I finished my phone call. Then I had to remove some equipment from my secret safe in my inner office.
I asked Roberto to come with me, and he stood over me while I knelt before the safe and removed a few devices I’d rigged up recently. Then I put the original copy of the Power Of Attorney inside the safe; I’d given a duplicate to Nell.
“Pia,” Roberto said to me now, “I gotta say: I don’t feel comfortable having the safe combination.”
“So just make yourself forget it and leave that to Nell.”
“It’s just so much responsibility.” I glanced over my shoulder at him, and he shifted position on his thick jean-clad legs as he stared down at me. “I did wanna say that I’m really, well, touched that you included me in the Power Of Attorney.”
“You’re a good solid person,” I said to him then. “And I should have told you that sooner.”
“Better late than never,” he said on a warm smile.
*
The three of us did the rest of what we had to do in the office, and then I had to say goodbye, to Nell really, because Roberto would be driving me and Tan to the ship-port.
“Goodbye so soon?” Nell said to me outside MSA’s front door, and she looked like she wanted to cry.
“Don’t worry” —I told her fast— “I’ll keep in touch on the way there.” This was something I would actually be doing for my sake too because I just wasn’t looking forward to making the trip through space. Hearing another familiar voice from home would make me feel better….
Now Nell said, “But you didn’t even find out about Ronin yet!”
I swallowed. “I know. It sucks.” She pulled me into a tight hug then. “I feel like I’m always leaving you upset, Nell.”
“Pia-babe, the truth is: you’re the kind of person you just never know when the last time will be. Like I’ve got to get every moment in with you while I can.”
>
I was swallowing again, more painfully this time. “I know.”
Nell sighed as we broke off the hug.
“Tell Annie to be good while I’m gone.”
Now Nell began crying.
“Oh shit, Nell….”
“It’s just—it’s just I just told you that th-thing the other day—in my kitchen. And here we are for you too, with the Power Of Attorney….”
I wrapped my fingers around one of her wrists. “Nell, we’re not getting any younger, and other people do these things sometimes no matter what their past jobs were.”
She nodded down at me, but going on her disappointed face, I could tell my words hadn’t soothed her.
“You promise you’ll contact us when you can?”
“You bet,” I said.
“I guess that will have to be enough for a while.”
There was a small smile on her face, and that would have to be enough for me for a while, too.
*
“Nell was really upset before,” I said to Tan that night.
I’d finished everything I needed to finish that day, and now I was watching him inside our bedroom as he packed up a suitcase for himself.
On the ship we’d have a bunch of cases, more than I’d ever traveled with before. But then I expected this stay on Earth would probably be an extended one. I also didn’t want to be caught without something I’d really need, like certain weapons, which I had stashed inside my scanner-proof suitcase.
Tan’s frowning face glanced at me from over his shoulder. “That isn’t surprising. Nell cares about you.”
“I care about her too. I care about all of you. I care about YOU.”
“I know,” he said, folding a pair of electric-blue pants, which were the same color as the highlights in his deep black hair beneath the room’s bright overhead light.
“This is going to be hard,” I said then. “I can’t stand spaceflight.”
“Like I’m crazy about it?”
“How many times have you been?”
“Not many. And never that far.” He shoved the pants and a matching shirt inside his case, snapping the metal lock closed afterward. Then he walked into the living room, saying, “Am I allowed to feel a little, well, excited that I’m going to see Earth?”
“Yeah—of course.” I smiled at his profile.
But he only sighed, hard and loud. “I just wish it was under better circumstances.”
“Believe me, so do I.”
The house phone rang and Tan went into the kitchen to answer it. I heard him say, “Hi, Mom.”
His mom. Cookie. Crap.
I swallowed, stood still in the living room, and listened….
“Mom, I’ve got to go away for a while, a few weeks…No, I had vacation time and I took extra sick days. It’s quiet at work right now…Earth, Mom, Earth….” There was a too-long pause, and I couldn’t believe that Cookie was filling his ear; she wasn’t that kind of garrulous person. Even though I was standing in the living room, I could hear the hesitation behind his voice. “It’s not a vacation…There are some problems we’ve got to take care of…yes, she’ll be with me…Hang on….”
Crap again. He walked into the living room, but right away I shook my head no, both at him and at the receiver in his hand.
“Come on, she wants to talk to you,” he whispered, his other hand over the receiver’s mouth. “You should say goodbye.”
“Bad choice of words!” I said.
He sighed hard, but before he could say anything more, I grabbed the phone. “Hello, Cookie.”
I liked Tan’s mom a lot, but she was a fragile personality that I hated burdening with anything.
So now I felt upset because she was probably upset…yeah, she was indeed upset; I heard the taut tremors in her voice, the dismayed tears. “Pia, my son says you’re going away. Is there something wrong? Can I do something?”
I stared over at Tan, who’d fallen back onto the black couch. “Oh—no. No,” I said into the phone. “Nothing, Cookie. Don’t worry. We’ll be back before you realize it.”
“But I know my son, and he sounds worried!”
“Cookie, I’ll be honest: someone has it in for me….”
Tan sprung up into a seated position and mouthed, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TELLING HER THAT FOR?
I’M NOT GOING TO LIE, I mouthed back.
I continued to Cookie, “I’ve got to go to Earth to take care of the situation, but it’s really not something I haven’t been in before.”
“But Tan doesn’t normally do these things….”
“I know he’s not used to it. That’s because your son’s a good honest person—”
Tan jumped off the couch and grabbed the phone from me. “Ma,” he said, “I’m not totally out of my element here.”
I frowned: I knew he’d never told his mom that he’d had intelligence dealings, so why the hell did he have to pick today to hint at it?
“We’ll be all right,” he continued saying to her. “All right, yeah—here she is again.”
He handed back the phone and Cookie’s soft tearful voice said to me, “Pia, please promise me you’ll take care of my son!”
“Of course,” I said, feeling so damn guilty and struggling to hold back tears of my own. For his sake, I suddenly wished Tan would just dump me. He shouldn’t have to go through all this—and neither should Cookie. This whole situation with him and his mom was why most people who were in—or had been in—my previous line of work didn’t have close family members when given a choice….
“I know—I know you’ve had a hard life and have done dangerous work,” Cookie said now, and I swallowed, partly because I’d really had no idea that she knew about my past. “My son loves you,” Cookie continued, “and I’ve grown very fond of you. But I haven’t seen you enough. I was hoping to do that in a few weeks….” Her voice cracked. “I just want to get to know you more. Please take care so I can see you more….”
“I will take care, of both of us—of course,” I repeated, this time unable to stop a tear from shooting down my face.
She wanted to talk to Tan again, so I gave him the phone, and then he finally told her he loved her and would contact her from Earth; then he clicked the receiver’s off button.
“I changed my mind,” I said fast then, wiping the tear from my cheek. “I don’t want you to come with me. It’s a mistake.”
“No it’s not! She’s my mom. She gets upset. She just doesn’t know everything.”
“It sounds like she knows more than you ever told me you told her!”
“Well, you know I’ve always been close to her.”
“And that’s fine. I want that for you—and her. But your being with me is hurting her.”
His eyes widened, his lips gently parted; I felt his soft breathing rustle my hair. “What the fuck are you talking about? She’s happy when I’m happy, and you make me happier than any woman ever has.”
Now the waterworks really started on my face.
He pulled me to him, and I heard the catch in his voice when he said, “I love you. You’ve done important work. Don’t ever forget that.”
In a flurry of desperation, I wrapped my arms around him, and we squeezed each other tighter. I hid my face in his neck because I didn’t want him to see how sad I still felt. “Tan…I wish I had a mom to care about me so much.”
“I wish you did too,” he said, the sad edge back in his voice.
*
I began the next day really feeling the mental strain of my impending trip.
I would be leaving my friends and going to an atmosphere I hadn’t spent time in in a few years, including the Earth’s physical atmosphere. I had gone from Diamond’s to the Earth’s before. But I’d since thought that I’d never have to make that trip again….
I sighed as I got dressed. Tan had left for his last day at work for a while. And now I had to go to that same Communications room and contact James again….
This time, thankfully, he got
back to me faster. And he wasted no time in talking. “Thirteen, you’re in again. You’re on active status. Two days ago if someone told me this would be happening, I would have asked what they were smoking.”
“Stuff it,” I said. “So NOW can you tell me if anything’s come up on your end from my past?”
“I’ve not seen anything. Of course that doesn’t mean something isn’t there….”
“Just give me a yes or a no. Is there something?”
“No. Honestly.”
“As if that word’s really in your vocabulary.” I stopped talking for a moment, and we seemed to be engaged in a staring competition, his wide-open blue eyes right on my narrowed green ones. I backed down first, shoved my eyes to my right. “I still can’t believe you, that even after what I told you they did to me, you went right back there.”
“I’m invested in this; it’s part of the fabric of my life now. I made that decision years ago.”
“So what? You could get out like I did.”
He just laughed, his eyes dancing in time with his laugh. And my face reddened when I realized his laughter was right and my last statement was just fucking ridiculous.
But before I could brood on that, his face quickly sobered up; he seemed to be thinking hard on something. Then he said: “I always had suspicions about what the machine did…which you confirmed. There are some bad elements here. But I, myself, can do what about this?”
I couldn’t think of a specific reply to that. So I just said, “You’re a real piece of goddamn work.”
In answer, he sighed a loooong sigh, a Tan sort of sigh, which made me experience an uncomfortable moment of semi-deja-vu. Or something.
But I decided to ignore the moment for now. “I’m coming to Earth.”
“Well, that’s good to hear.” His face suddenly brightening in an un-James-like way, he smiled.
But, really, the bright smile was totally inappropriate. “I don’t know what you’re thinking. But you’re the last person I want to see.”