Despite what went unspoken between them, their was genuine—and moving toward marriage. That is, until Danny Boy reappeared. His impact on their lives had been disastrous. Or really, Shay would have to admit, it was his response to Danny Boy that had been their undoing.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Shay looked at Danny Boy now as they slowed to a stop in front of the house. His brother had been unusually quiet during the ride from Conor’s. Shay expected a nonstop litany of excuses justifying his odd appearance at Conor’s house, but he was subdued and introspective as he looked out the passenger window. He didn’t make a move to get out the car so Shay patiently sat with him for several minutes.
“You ever miss her?” Danny Boy asked, breaking the silence.
“Miss who?”
“Jessica.”
Shay was baffled by this question. He and Danny Boy had never discussed Jessica. His brother didn’t even know how long that relationship had lasted or why it ended
“I’m sure you do,” Danny Boy continued. “She was like Felicity is for Conor and Sophie is for Gavin, right?”
“What are you—”
“I had a girl like that. A while back now. But she’s the one I still think about. Still miss.”
Shay had known his brother to have the occasional girlfriend, but had always sensed the relationship was based more on a mutual love of heroin rather than anything else. In fact, drugs had been Danny Boy’s way of connecting with others for so long that it surprised Shay to think he had real love for a woman.
“And where is she?”
“She died. Overdose. Fucking horrible.”
It took Shay a moment to process this. Rain was coming down steadily outside, and he found himself mirroring the tapping with his fingers against his thigh. Finally, he asked, “Were you there?”
“Ay, I was. We’d both done a hit and gone into our high, but she must have come round and thought she needed more. I came out of it to find her cold and gray beside me.”
Shay had never heard this story before. But that wasn’t a surprise. He and Danny Boy weren’t close in the way where they shared stories. Their main point of closeness had always come from one or the other of them feeling some obligation. That wasn’t to say that they didn’t love each other, but rather they hadn’t had the sustained time with each other over the years to develop that kind of friendship. The last six months on tour together should have been the place for this to occur but neither could shake their innate wariness of the other—for Shay it was the certainty that Danny Boy would do something to betray him, and for Danny Boy it was the feeling that nothing good was ever permanent. Ultimately, what tied them together was fierce loyalty.
“Jesus, Danny Boy, I’m sorry to hear it. Were you with her long?”
“We’d hit it off like crazy, just so much on the same page, like, you know?”
This non-answer told Shay all he needed to know, but he still wanted to hear his brother’s version of things.
“Yeah, sure. Love at first sight and all?” Shay said.
“Exactly! We met at this party, right?” Danny Boy said, getting animated now. “She was a real stunner with these dark curls and dark eyes. A gypsy-looking girl. She was there with her man, but once we locked eyes it was over. I took her out of there and she never looked back.”
“And you began a long-term relationship, did you?”
“It was. It would have been. I mean, we were so in sync. But we only had two weeks before . . . before she passed.”
It took effort not to audibly scoff at the revelation of the length of the relationship Danny Boy had tried to compare to his with Jessica. But at the same time, he wondered where his brother had been going with this story. He may be someone who operated on impulse and poor choices, but he was also bright and capable of more.
“Why’d you bring that up, about whether I miss Jessica?” Shay asked.
“Dunno.” Danny Boy scratched roughly at the back of his neck. “Just, maybe ‘cause Conor said something to Felicity that got me thinking.”
“What was it?”
“Some shite about me being the reason Jessica left, is all. But it isn’t true, is it? You two were on the outs before I ever came round, right?”
Shay considered his answer. He could tell Danny Boy that, yes, he had been the reason for Jessica leaving, but the only point would be to hurt him. Why lay blame, especially with Jessica gone all this time?
“Nah, you’re right. We were headed toward the end before you ever showed up,” Shay said.
“Good, yeah, that’s what Felicity said. She told Quinn you never really know what goes on between two people, and that’s right, isn’t it?”
Danny Boy’s quick acceptance of being let off the hook gave Shay pause. It wasn’t that he expected his brother to suddenly acknowledge the damage he had done, he knew that would never happen. But his willingness to dismiss any culpability triggered in Shay a not quite formed question about his own assumptions regarding his relationship with Jessica. He had been sure she left him because of the way he prioritized Danny Boy. But seeing how his brother just now accepted an easy out rather than admit his own failings, he had to wonder if he had done something similar with Jessica. Had he really seen what the problem was between them? She had seemed preoccupied for months before the end, spending more time than usual in the dance studio or away at classes. A sinking feeling formed in his chest as he tried to recall specifics of how she may have indicated her unhappiness. The sinking didn’t stop until it settled as a weighted knot at the pit of his stomach. He wasn’t sure what he had missed, but he was sure there was something. And all at once he realized this was why he had been so drawn to reliving his relationship with Jessica lately. He was trying to figure out where he had really gone wrong.
“Coming in?” Danny Boy asked as he opened the door.
“Hmm? Oh, yeah.” Shay got out of the car and followed his brother into the house.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
After so many years of touring, Conor had learned to both nap at any time he could and to sleep deeply. Having been up for most of the night, except when Felicity joined him in bed, he was content to sleep the day away.
But at two in the afternoon, Felicity shook him awake.
“What is it?” he moaned.
“You have some sort of special delivery out front,” she told him. “A motorbike?”
Conor opened his eyes at the news, thrilled that his purchase was here. But the look on Felicity’s face was like a bucket of cold water. Sitting up in bed, he reached for her but she moved just out of his grasp.
“Did I not tell you I bought a bike?” He offered her his most charming smile.
“No, you did not.”
“Well, you’re going to love it. Really, honey, give it a chance.”
She gave him a skeptical glare before turning away.
Conor shrugged off the reaction and rushed to get dressed. He spent the next hour chatting with the delivery crew as they unloaded his Triumph and handed over all the accessories he had purchased. They were happy to engage with him over their mutual interest in all things motorcycle but finally had to move on to make another delivery.
The skies were gray but rain wasn’t imminent. Conor was ready to take advantage of the dry weather and go for a ride. Felicity had stayed inside the house this whole time, making her disapproval clear without saying a word. He sighed, gathered the two helmets he had bought along with the other gear, and went inside.
Felicity was dressed and looked like she was ready to head out.
“Where are you off to?” he asked, unloading everything onto the kitchen island.
“To see Sophie and the baby,” she replied, digging through her purse and not looking at him.
“On your own then?”
“Seems to be how we do it,” she murmured. She found the lip balm she had been searching for and began applying it.
Conor raised his eyebrows at the passive-aggressive remark. Appare
ntly, his visit to the hospital was still a sore spot. Fuck, this relationship stuff made no sense at all sometimes. He decided the only winning strategy was to ignore her sour mood. “Or we could go together. I got you a helmet.”
“I’m not getting on a motorbike with you, CQ.”
“Have you ever ridden?”
“No. I don’t have a death wish, thank you very much.”
He smiled. “Where’s your sense of adventure, Fee? Come on. I’ll start real slow for you,” he said, dropping his voice suggestively. He took a step closer to her and pulled her to him so that their bodies touched. “I think you’ll find you quite enjoy the vibration between your legs. I'll increase the speed and you can wrap your arms around me as tight as you like.”
“For fuck’s sake, do you ever stop with the seduction?” she asked, unable to withhold a smile.
“I don’t and I won’t, honey.” Especially because you keep trying to pull away from me. Instead of speaking that thought aloud, he kissed her until she raised herself up onto her toes.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Felicity watched Sophie nonchalantly open her robe, exposing breasts that had grown to thrice their normal size so she could apply some sort of salve to nipples that looked painfully raw. Daisy was sleeping in a bassinet in front of them as they sat on the sofa in Sophie’s living room. Conor had gone with Gavin to get diapers. As soon as they arrived, Sophie explained the need for the supply run.
“After we calculated that Daisy goes through about ten or more a day, we realized we were going to run out at the worst time—like in the middle of the night. So, trying to be proactive.”
“Good idea.”
Sophie covered herself again and put a cap on the tube of ointment before sitting back into the cushions. She looked at Felicity with a placid smile, ready to fully engage now that she had introduced her to Daisy, fed and settled the baby, and took care of her breasts.
“So, tell me all about you,” she said. “Sounds like you’ve been busy with our latest mini-scandal.”
Felicity smiled. “The case of the stolen guitar, you mean? Yeah, that one was easy enough once you and Gav agreed to the story swap. Danny Boy is still an issue, though.” She told her about him showing up in the wee hours of the morning and the deep-seated anger Conor couldn’t seem to let go.
“I’m sure he says it’s because of the damage Danny Boy could do to the band,” Sophie said and Felicity nodded. “But you know it’s deeper than that. It probably dredges up his anxiety from when Gavin was in his own drug phase. Conor was horribly distraught at that time. You know how he is—loves to feel like he’s in control of things. But there was nothing he could do about Gavin.”
Felicity looked past Sophie to the expansive sea view as she took this in. She had still been living in Toronto when all that had happened, so she wasn’t aware of Conor’s feelings on the matter. Once again, she had Sophie explaining her boyfriend to her. It made sense, of course, but it was still an awkward feeling. And she wondered if Conor was even conscious of how his response to Danny Boy was connected to Gavin.
“How is he otherwise? Have you gotten past your . . . worries?” Sophie asked.
“You mean since yesterday?”
Sophie looked dumbfounded for several seconds. “Oh my god. I can’t believe it was only yesterday. I have no sense of time right now. We haven’t really slept, you know?”
“We probably should have given you more time to settle in. But it was hard to resist since I didn’t get to see you all in hospital like Conor did.” Felicity winced at her admission. Why was she hanging on to this?
“Yeah, I wondered why he didn’t bring you with him,” Sophie said.
Daisy stirred in the bassinet, stretching within the confines of her swaddling blanket and both women watched.
“He was with Shay and Danny Boy. Said he just went straight over,” Felicity said, still watching the baby as she settled back into a milk-induced nap.
“I think he’s still learning, Felicity. He’s just not accustomed to being in a real relationship.”
There it was again. Sophie overstepping and showcasing once more just how well she knew Conor, as if doing so was completely normal. She couldn't help it. She snapped, “I could really do without you lecturing me on my boyfriend.”
Sophie blinked but her eyes were soon filled with tears. She busied herself with leaning forward to check on the baby.
Damn it. She could have approached the topic in a more delicate manner. And she shouldn’t have brought it up now, with Sophie still enjoying the afterglow of her daughter’s birth. “Ah, I’m sorry,” she told her. “Really, I am.”
“It’s fine. I understand.”
“Listen—”
Felicity stopped short when she heard the front door open. Gavin and Conor came in loaded down with two bags each.
“I’m not sure that’s enough,” Sophie said with a smile, though her eyes were still shining with tears.
“We got wipes, too,” Gavin announced, clearly proud of himself. “What’s wrong? Everything okay?”
Sophie shook off the concern. “Fine. My emotions have been all over the place, that’s all.”
Gavin looked to Felicity for confirmation of this but she turned her eyes away, feigning interest in her phone.
“I’ll just use your loo to wash my hands,” Conor said, “because I need to say hello to this precious little girl.” He smiled down at Daisy for a moment before leaving the room.
“We won’t stay long,” Felicity said. “You all need your rest.”
“Stay as long as you like,” Gavin replied. He grabbed the bags and took them down the hall to the room they had made Daisy’s. It had been decorated in soothing gender-neutral shades of cream with blue or pink accent colors to be added.
“Sophie, before they come back,” Felicity said quickly, “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just—”
“I understand, really. I just hope you don’t think I have anything but good intentions.”
“I know you do.”
“I’ll try not to give advice, okay?”
Felicity hated being in this position. Sophie had been nothing but a good friend to her. But the fact remained that Sophie and Conor had carried on an inappropriately close friendship that culminated in them sleeping together. It had happened before Felicity moved home to Dublin, before she and Conor were even remotely interested in each other. That was part of his life before they were together, and it hadn’t bothered her when she and Conor were first getting close. Or, more likely, she had refused to think about all the implications because she was resisting the idea that they would ever be together. But now they were and his history with Sophie was something she had to reckon with.
“I’m not saying that. It’s just—”
“Is she still sleeping?” Conor asked as he came back into the room.
“She is,” Sophie said.
“I’m going to pick her up anyway,” he said with a mischievous grin.
Felicity hadn’t even held the baby yet. Now she felt even worse. When her doctor had declared she had “unexplained infertility,” she’d mourned the fact that she would never be a mother and buried those desires. Apparently they had been pushed down so deeply that she couldn’t even properly acknowledge her friend’s baby. Now she was the one with tears forming in her eyes.
“There she is,” Conor said softly as he cradled Daisy in his arms and stared down at her.
“Don’t wake her, for fuck’s sake,” Gavin said as he joined them.
“I got this. Babies love me.”
Felicity watched him hold this newborn baby, saw the expression on his face of warmth and delight, and couldn’t stop the doubts about being with him from returning. She would never be able to give him this. He was a natural with children. She had seen as much with the way he interacted with Martin’s three boys—boys he was godfather to. When they decided to give their relationship a chance, he swore he wasn’t bothered by her inability to ge
t pregnant. He had even been the one to bring up adoption. But seeing him now with this tiny baby, she wondered if that could possibly be enough.
“Would you look,” Conor said with a huge smile. “She stretching her little self right out of the blanket.”
“Ay, she’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Gavin mused.
“Thank god she takes after her Mammy,” Conor replied.
“If you weren’t holding her I’d punch you,” Gavin said mildly, his eyes fixed on his daughter.
Sophie picked up the Nikon that was sitting next to her on the sofa, focused it on the two men and took a photo.
“You two look like a handsome gay couple with their newly adopted daughter. It’s beautiful,” Sophie said.
They both looked at her with smiles and she took another photo.
“Darlin’,” Gavin said, “if you hadn’t stolen my heart long ago, I probably would have settled for this pretty bastard.” He wrapped his arm around his friend’s waist and snuggled into him.
“Fuck off,” Conor replied, smiling. He shrugged Gavin off but not before Sophie got another photo.
The familiarity between these three had been fifteen years in the making. It wasn’t just the time that had connected them, but the intensity of their shared experiences. They had gone through incredible highs and lows together, forming the kind of bond that had proven unbreakable. Felicity had missed out on a lot of those years. Conor had told her more than once that it seemed wrong that she had had a whole other life without him, and whenever she saw him interact this way with Gavin and Sophie, she felt the same way.
“You should send that photo to Marty,” Felicity said.
They all looked at her as if surprised she was in the room.
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