“My Sophie, my sweet girl,” he continued. “If there’s anything I can promise you, it is that my heart will always search for yours. I will always only ever find my home in you.”
It was only when there were sniffles coming from the guests seated behind them that Gavin remembered they weren’t alone. But he forgot them once more when Sophie returned her own sweet declarations of love and commitment.
“When I first chose you, a part of me knew it would be for always,” she told him. “A part of me I didn’t even recognize somehow recognized you were the only one who could really see me. And, let me tell you, being seen by you is the most wonderful thing I have ever known. I love you and I will always love you beyond all depths of reason or measure.”
Gavin placed his over his heart, barely able to keep the tears from his eyes. His Sophie was smart and educated, but rarely so poetic. He was overwhelmed.
Dinner in the main banquet hall was rowdy, with no one staying in their seat for long. The exposed brick walls, large iron-framed windows, and vaulted, wood-beamed ceilings with multiple grand chandeliers created a warm atmosphere. The bar was open and plentiful, further inducing the good mood of the crowd.
When it finally came time for the toasts, Gavin’s father made a short, perfunctory statement of congratulations. Sophie’s father was only slightly more effusive. And then Conor stood and all eyes focused on him as he held a glass of champagne in preparation for his remarks.
He looked at Sophie and smiled. “Ah, have you ever seen a lovelier bride?” he asked and received a few howls and whistles in response.
Gavin squeezed Sophie’s hand.
“Ah,” Conor continued, “have you ever seen a luckier groom?” He waited for the laughter to quiet down. “I’m guessing you all have heard the story about these two—how they met as kids and the happily ever after that commenced years later?” He looked out at the room and saw nods of agreement. “Well, the thing is, I was there from the start. So, you see, Gavin, maybe you didn’t pick the best man for this job after all since I know every inconvenient detail.”
The crowd tittered and a couple people shouted out requests for the dirt.
“You all want to know something that hasn’t been reported by the tabloids?” he asked. There was laughter and more shouts of encouragement.
“What’s he going to say?” Sophie whispered to Gavin.
Gavin shook his head. “No idea, darlin’.”
“Okay, okay,” Conor said, waving his hand for quiet. “Imagine, if you will, a sixteen-year-old Sophie Kavanaugh just arrived in Dublin from America. And yes, she was gorgeous then, too.” He smiled and raised his eyebrows as Kevin, an old school friend who had been drunk for hours, let out an impressive wolf whistle. “So, what does she find on our Emerald Isle? None other than a young Gavin McManus. Love at first sight, you’re thinking?”
“Yes!” Gavin shouted and the group laughed appreciatively.
“Well, that’s not exactly my memory, Gav,” Conor said. “Now, let me be clear. Gavin Declan McManus is my best fucking mate. I’d do anything for this man. But to be honest, he can be a difficult bastard.”
Gavin laughed with everyone else.
“Even as a teenager he was that way. In fact, he actually had Sophie chasing after him if you can believe that.” Conor paused as there were shouts playfully denouncing Gavin’s lack of initiative. “Thing is,” he continued, turning serious, “from day one, she was the piece he was missing. She was and always has been the remedy to what ails him. It’s an extraordinary thing to see genuine, intense love so close up. But that’s what I got to witness from the start and up to now. That’s the example of what I’ll be searching for in my own life. So, now I raise my glass to you both and wish you a lifetime of what you were lucky to find so early. To the kind of love that will not be denied.”
“To love that won’t be denied!” The crowd replied in a jovial, sloppy chorus.
That wedding speech of Conor’s had replayed in Gavin’s dream as if he were watching the video of it. So, too had the vows he'd exchanged with Sophie. It had felt so real. And now he thought of why it had come to him now.
He and Sophie had talked before falling asleep about her desire to trade on her history with Conor. She was asking for permission to stir up the thing that had almost broken them apart for good—the love she and Conor had shared. They had come together at a time when Gavin had lost sight of Sophie. In her vows she had said that being seen by him was the most wonderful thing—and wasn't that what everyone wanted from their partner? To be seen and loved and accepted. But when he'd instead fell into his own depression and misery, Conor had stepped in and been the one to make Sophie felt seen. Of course he wanted to deny any chance that connection might somehow be rekindled. But she had made the case that that part of their lives held no power over the present or the future, and he had to believe her.
Gavin realized his dream was a reminder that despite Conor’s crushing mistake of falling in love with Sophie—and acting on that love—he was still the one who had known from the start that no matter what happened, Gavin and Sophie’s love couldn’t be denied. He decided to take comfort in that.
Gavin turned on his side and wrapped his arm around Sophie’s waist, burying his head into the back of her neck. Closing his eyes, he relaxed and fell asleep.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Summoning Conor back to her house didn’t seem right to Sophie, but she wasn’t sure how else she would get a chance to talk with him about Danny Boy. Shay had made it clear that they were running out of time since the boys were due in France in a few days, so she resigned herself to forging ahead. But before she had the chance, Felicity called and asked if she and Conor could come by briefly to drop off a gift and she readily accepted.
They arrived with a beautifully hand-crafted rocking horse that Daisy wouldn’t use for years but would make a perfect addition to the decor of her room.
“Oh, I love it,” Sophie said. “Thank you.”
“Where’s Gav, then?” Conor asked.
“He’s working out.”
“I’ll go say hi.”
“Um, wait. Can you both sit for a minute?”
Conor hesitated, his eyes locking on hers. She could see he was unsure what to make of this but she had definitely gotten his attention.
“Tea?” she asked but both her guests declined.
They settled themselves on the sofa with a baby monitor on the coffee table in front of them.
“So, the Main Square Festival is coming up. And a couple more in the next few weeks,” Sophie said.
“It’s not a problem now the baby’s here, is it?” Felicity asked.
“Oh, no. No, I’m not saying Gavin can’t go. I actually wanted to ask you both to give Danny Boy another chance. Maybe call these summer festivals his probation and see how he does?”
“Jesus, you too, Soph? Really?” Conor asked. “Listen, the more yous all push this the more I’m inclined to say no.”
“Tell me why you’re so against it.”
“Because he’s a fucking addict who can’t be trusted. Good enough?”
“What do you think, Felicity?” Sophie asked. If she could get Felicity on her side early, maybe trying to reach out to Conor in front of her wouldn’t be so awkward.
“I already told Con I thought he should give the guy another chance,” she said.
“Seems like you’re outnumbered,” Sophie said, flashing a smile.
“The problem is that doesn’t change anything in actuality. Tell me why, for fuck’s sake, I should trust him around my gear, around my band? This is my career, not some joke.”
Sophie studied him for a moment. He wasn’t just a gorgeous and talented guitar player for a world famous band. He was incredibly smart, making a habit of challenging himself with literature and poetry on a regular basis. He was also adventurous in his explorations of other cultures, always interested in learning. Though sophisticated, he could be exceptionally stubborn, espe
cially in matters of the heart. He had always been that way, so she knew she had to position the aim of her argument carefully.
“Who is your brother?” she asked him.
It took him a half second but he smirked in response and threw up his hands. “Go ahead. You’re going to tell me, aren’t you?”
“Gavin is your brother. And as your brother, you’d do anything for him, right?”
Conor didn’t respond. He just watched her with those deep blue eyes. Sophie glanced at Felicity to see how she was receiving this conversation. She seemed content to sit back and observe.
“When he was depressed and acting out and using drugs, you stood by him,” she continued. “You didn’t give up on him.”
They both knew this wasn’t exactly true. It was when Gavin was in his lowest state that Conor and Sophie slept together. They had both felt shut out by Gavin. And they had turned to each other for one evening. In the end, Sophie made it clear that though she loved Conor, she would never love anyone as much as she loved Gavin. It was what happened later that she was counting on him remembering. Gavin had found out about the brief affair and left their marriage. They had been separated for months, but Conor never once reached out to her. Instead, he walked away from the chance to be with the love of his life—Sophie—and chosen his friendship with Gavin. Because Gavin was his brother, not by blood but by choice.
“Shay needs to stand by his brother, Connie. It’s the only choice he can really make. Just like standing by Gavin was the only choice you could make. Do you understand?”
She could see him process her argument, see it all click the way she had hoped. Their eyes met and wordless understanding passed between them. There wasn’t anything more she needed to say.
“I do,” Conor said. “And Danny Boy better fucking kiss your feet for this.”
Sophie smiled. “Thank you for giving him another chance.”
Conor shook his head with a smile. “The things I do for you,” he said and stood up. “I’ll go say hello to Gav now.”
The two women watched him leave the room, sitting in silence for a moment afterward.
“That was well played,” Felicity finally said.
“I’m just glad he’s open to it. For Shay’s sake,” Sophie said.
“You know, I gave him pretty much the same argument. At least as far as doing it for Shay. Didn’t get anywhere, though.”
Sophie could feel the tension between them. But the fact that she and Conor had a friendship deep enough that she could still exert some influence on him wasn’t something she thought she needed to apologize for.
“But you knew exactly how to convince him,” Felicity continued.
“I know you don’t want to hear me talk about Conor like this, but if there’s one thing I know about him, it’s that he would do anything for Gavin. That was the way to make him understand why Shay has to keep hanging on with Danny Boy.”
Felicity was still for a moment. Then she put her hands over her face and shook her head. “Ah, Sophie, I know you don’t mean any harm. I’m sorry to make you feel like you did something wrong. You didn’t. It’s just me and this weird spell of insecurity I’ve had since he’s been back.”
Sophie was so relieved to hear this that her eyes welled up. She touched Felicity’s shoulder. “You know how happy I am that you guys are together, right? You’re who he needs.”
Felicity dropped her hands from her face and embraced Sophie. “You know,” she said as she pulled away, “when I came back to Dublin after all those years in Toronto and with Richard, I felt a connection to my old tough teenage self that I hadn’t felt in years. It was a sense of the girl who used to follow her own path and it felt good. Right, you know?”
“But then?”
“But then Conor Quinn.”
Sophie laughed. “What is it, really, that’s bothering you?”
“I don’t even know,” Felicity said and Sophie laughed again.
Sophie didn’t know where the line was in their friendship now. She opted not to push any further and let the silence stretch out between them.
“Thing is, you’re probably right. About all of it. He probably did just come back distracted because that’s his post-tour mode. And he probably doesn’t know how to be in a real relationship with someone. So, if all that’s true, then I’ve been worrying for nothing.”
Again, Sophie held back. She could have told her friend that she thought she had every right to feel hesitant about this relationship after the rough divorce she had gone through. She could have said that she shouldn’t be hard on herself. And that she should relax and realize that Conor wasn’t going anywhere. But she couldn’t be sure whether Felicity would take this as overstepping.
“Anyway, I’ll sort it,” Felicity said, putting an end to the discussion. “How about we check in on wee Daisy?”
The monitor showed Daisy stirring in her crib and Sophie smiled, thinking again that nothing else mattered when she saw her daughter.
CHAPTER FORTY
The motorcycle sitting out front of Martin’s house could only belong to one person. Shay grimaced as he approached the front door. He hadn’t expected a to find Conor here and wished he’d been given the heads up.
Being greeted with delighted shouts of “It’s Uncle Shay!” from Donal, Colm, and Sean lifted his spirits, though. The three boys pulled him by the hand inside the house and to the formal sitting room all the while talking over each other excitedly to share the news of how they got to sit on Uncle Conor’s motorbike and wasn’t it the coolest thing ever?
“Sure it is,” Shay agreed, smiling.
“There he is,” Martin said and clapped Shay on the back. “All right boys, give us adults a minute. Run on and find your Ma. See if she’ll bring us something to snack on.” At the suggestion of food, the growing boys took off without delay.
Martin's baby face and stocky build hadn’t changed much since his school days. Martin was a simple man, focused on his family first and foremost. He was committed to the band, but if for some reason it broke up, he’d be just fine living out the rest of his days off his considerable earnings. A proficient bassist, his most valuable contribution was his enduring amiable demeanor. It had served as a steady force when the band faced turbulent times.
He and Shay worked well together as a rhythm section, primarily because he was so willing to follow whatever direction he was given. That gave Shay the freedom to be the one to develop the bass lines that would go with his drumming. Beyond that, they had always gotten along well, and Martin was forever inviting him over to spend time with the boys. It had been months since he’d seen the kids, however, as Celia and the boys no longer went on tour with the band.
“We’re almost all here, aren’t we?” Martin continued with a nod to Conor.
“How are you enjoying that bike, then?” Shay asked Conor.
Conor had stayed seated and was a masculine contrast against the frilly, floral sofa. The house was overwhelmingly feminine, with Celia’s stamp on everything.
“It’s fantastic. Even got Felicity to ride with me.”
“Grand.”
“Sit down,” Martin said. “Conor just dropped by to show the bike to the boys. Now I’m in for it. I bet they won’t stop talking about it for weeks.”
Shay settled himself in a loveseat opposite Conor and crossed his leg, ankle over knee.
“I assume you heard from Sophie?” Conor said. “I mean, since you had her do your bidding?”
“What’s this about?” Martin asked, looking from one man to the other.
“Shay got Sophie to talk me into letting Danny Boy stay on tour,” Conor replied. But he wasn’t really addressing Martin. He leaned forward and looked at Shay. “Listen, you did well in asking her for help. She knew exactly how to put it to me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s bad idea. My question for you is, what will it take for you to see him for what he is?”
“What he is, is my brother. Full stop,” Shay said.
“What did I miss with all this?” Martin asked, smiling.
“Nothing, Marty. Apparently it was all nothing.” Conor’s smile was forced.
“That’s not my argument, Con. I’m right pissed at him for what he’s done. I am,” Shay said. “But he needs this chance. I can’t just turn my back. I won’t do it.”
“Even at your own expense?”
“What does that mean?” Shay sensed Martin watching them in silent confusion.
“It just seems to me that you’ve opted to be his caretaker rather than live your own life.”
“Oh, I see. This is the thing Danny Boy heard you telling Felicity. About how he’s the reason Jessica left. Thanks very much for that, by the way.” Shay felt heat rising on the back of his neck. His anger surprised him. His usual instinct to smooth things over, push aside drama, was lost at the moment. “How do you sit there and lecture me, anyway? After how you almost tore apart this band because you couldn’t control yourself where Sophie was concerned?”
Conor opened his mouth to speak but closed it when Celia walked into the room.
“Who wants a toasty?” she asked brightly. She carried a tray piled high with toasted cheese sandwiches and three open bottles of Harp.
“Thanks, sweetheart,” Martin said. He helped her set the tray down on the coffee table.
Taking a beer, Conor downed half of it. “Your anger,” he told Shay calmly, “is misdirected.”
Cocky bastard. Conor had a lot of nerve shaking off this criticism. At the same time, Shay realized he was headed into dangerous territory by opening up old wounds with Conor. And really, it was probably just deflecting from the true point. The point that he knew Conor was right about. He had chosen Danny Boy when he should have been fighting for Jessica. Then he had allowed himself to blame their breakup on that when really, he should have seen the shift in their relationship, the thing he now suspected had nothing to do with Danny Boy at all. The thing that he was still trying to figure out.
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