“Anyway, it could have been worse. I actually did research on this stuff. My parents would never get into it, but they obviously had the same kind of experience growing up. They didn’t know anything else. And the stuff I read said I could have learnt to be the same way. I could have had trouble connecting and trusting in relationships, I could’ve had trouble feeling loved.” He looked at her now. “But I’ve felt your love. You know that, right, Jess?”
“Yes, I do,” she told him with a smile.
He smiled, relieved. Looking back up at the ceiling, he continued, “Danny Boy didn’t get so lucky. He’s like the poster child for the effects of growing up like that. Addict who can’t form any real lasting relationships.” He got lost thinking of how broken his brother was, wondering if he would ever find a way to heal and move forward. “So, listen,” he finally said, ready to put an end to all this, “I had a shitty childhood. But I survived just fine. I’ve never pitied myself for it and the last thing I want is anyone else pitying me. And more than that, it’s why I never once thought it was a good idea to introduce you to my parents. You understand?”
“I get it, babe,” she said softly. She stroked his cheek.
He hesitated to look at her, to keep eye contact, after revealing so many disturbing details, but when he did all he saw was compassion and love. It was almost three in the morning, and with her in his arms, he was ready, at last, to sleep.
CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
When the phone rang, Jessica was certain she had just fallen asleep but a quick glance at the bedside clock showed it was eight-thirty. Shay didn’t move as the phone continued to ring. The ringing finally stopped only to start again a few seconds later. It didn’t wake Shay this time either but she thought she’d better pick up in case the caller was just going to keep trying.
“Hello?” she said softly.
“Morning Jessica,” Conor replied. “I just placed an enormous room service order to your room. See you both in half an hour.”
“Oh, uh, yeah. Okay
She replaced the handset and lay back in bed. Shay was still in a deep sleep. God knew he needed it. Listening to his story last night had been heartbreaking for her, and she was sure he was at least as wrecked by the telling of it. The details he shared were horrifying. And enlightening. Both for who he was and who Danny Boy was. It gave her more sympathy for his brother than she’d had before and clearer insight into Shay’s intense loyalty to him. But that didn’t mean Shay’s unyielding support for Danny Boy was the right way to deal with him. She wondered if Shay would ever accept that he was an enabler for his brother. There was no doubt in her mind, however, that Shay would ever stop supporting him.
“Babe,” she whispered. Shay lay on his back, a muscled arm thrown over his head as he slept. He had a week’s worth of blondish beard growth on his face and was the most relaxed she had seen him this whole time. Well, except for that episode in the elevator. She smiled at the heat that memory raised to her cheeks. She’d never been so bold. But everything that had happened in this brief time since Shay had come back into her life had been a departure from her usual disciplined nature.
He seemed to have the capacity to do that to her. When she’d first met him in the restaurant as his waitress, she’d had no idea who he was. Conor seemed familiar, but Shay just seemed like a really good looking, quiet guy. After Conor tried to play matchmaker, one of the other waitresses had to wipe away her drool while telling her about the boys from Rogue. It had seemed like a random encounter destined to go nowhere until she found Shay waiting for her at the end of the night. Then it had morphed into the certainty that this guy was looking for an easy lay.
But his genuine interest in getting to know her as he walked her home had perplexed her. It seemed inconceivable that this wealthy, world famous drummer was after more than the superficial. He kept defying her expectations and she soon fell hard for him. He pulled her in a direction completely different from what she had known. Being exposed to his rock n’ roll world was surreal, though he actually seemed somewhat tame compared to his bandmates, Gavin and Conor. At the time she met Gavin, he was slipping into cocaine oblivion. And Conor was entangled with the publicity hungry supermodel Colette Deveraux. But Shay was more like her than his bandmates. When he wasn’t performing, he didn’t care to be the center of attention. He embraced a quiet, simple life. And they fit together well. For a while, that is.
And here she was now, diving in deep with him again despite how messy their reunion was. It was hard to think of how exactly they would make things work. But she knew she had to try. Because she loved him. It was as simple as that. Yet, that simple thing would have consequences. They had both done an amazing job at shutting out the world the last twenty-four hours, but that was about to end.
~
Shay was still in the shower when first the room service arrived, and then Conor and Felicity showed up. Jessica was always struck by Conor’s beauty when she saw him. She thought of the word “beauty” with him, not because he was feminine, but because he was so good looking it was hard to turn away. And weren’t we all drawn toward beauty? The other thing she always registered in his company was how comfortable he was in his skin—and that he was well aware of the effect he had on women. He was a walking embodiment of sex. He and Colette had made a gorgeous couple. But it was Felicity who was his true match. She had the ability to challenge him in just the right way. And boy did he ever look at her as if he worshipped her.
“Shay will be out in a minute,” Jessica told them. “But the food’s all here. You should help yourself.”
“I think I will,” Conor said. “I’m starving.”
“How are you?” Felicity asked her.
Jessica took a deep breath and let it out. She had always liked Felicity, though they didn’t spend any time together outside of when all the boys were involved. Felicity had an air of sardonic maturity. She seemed to have had a lifetime’s worth of experience before ever getting involved with Conor and nothing much could faze her. She was easy to talk to in that way.
“I’m okay,” Jessica told her. “Just sort of confused at all of this paparazzi stuff.”
“Yeah, we’ve got a dozen of them hanging about outside. I’m going to need to ask you some questions. Is that okay?”
Felicity’s tone was new. And unwelcome. It was extra careful, as if she didn’t want to scare Jessica somehow. She seemed to think Jessica was the victim of systematic abuse and would flinch at any little thing. But that wasn’t who she was. She would never assume that role.
“Ask away.”
“Do you want to get some food or coffee first?”
“Coffee.”
The women each got a cup of coffee and sat on the sofa while Conor piled a plate full of eggs, sausages, potatoes, and pancakes at the dining table.
“So,” Felicity said cautiously, “I know Shay didn’t give you that bruise. Can you tell me who did?”
“It was basically an accident. My boyfr—I mean, Anton, he was trying to get my phone to see who had texted me and we were sort of pushing and pulling on it and it ended up smacking me right in the eye. It wasn’t intentional.”
Felicity nodded. “And he’s your boyfriend?”
“Well, um,” Jessica mumbled. Shay came out of the bedroom then, fresh from the shower, clean shaven and looking handsome in his black jeans and an untucked white crewneck tee shirt. He must have found a way around the limitations of his cast to do his usual calisthenics routine of pushups, ab and back exercises because his arms looked especially tight. She smiled to herself, thinking of the other creative ways he had made sure the cast wasn't an impediment.
“He was. Not anymore,” Shay answered for her. He sat next to her and helped himself to a sip of her coffee.
“Okay, but I guess the point I’m trying to get to is, was he your boyfriend when this happened?” Felicity asked.
It felt so odd to think of him that way now after all that had happened, even if it was in a short peri
od, but she had to answer honestly. “Yes.”
“They’re business partners,” Shay added. “In a ballet school. Tell her, love.”
“I will, babe. Let me get to it.”
“Ay, I will. And I’ll go help myself to some breakfast while you talk.”
Once he had gotten up, Jessica told Felicity an abbreviated version of her history with Anton. When Felicity said she was in the midst of trying to set up an interview with a friendly TV host to “clear the air” on everything, Jessica was mortified. Not only because she wanted nothing to do with such publicity, but because she wasn’t innocent in all of this. She hadn’t wanted to get into the particulars with Felicity, but had no choice now. She told her that she still needed to talk to Anton, that he wasn’t exactly aware that she had moved on from their relationship, and that she and Shay were trying again.
“So, you’re ‘starting again’ like the song goes?” Conor asked Shay playfully.
Shay had woken tired—again—but in a good mood. He recognized Conor’s reference to Gavin’s most recent confessional song and he grinned. “And darlin’, oh darlin’ ain’t that something,” he sang.
“Ah, go back to drumming, would ya,” Conor replied with a laugh.
“You two keep it down,” Felicity said. “Now, Jessica, have you seen what your ex, this Anton Petrov, is saying?”
“No. Except for a couple minutes, I’ve had my phone off.”
“So, he’s setting himself up as being shocked and worried at this. He’s asking for your ‘safe return’ from Shay, whom he describes as your ex-boyfriend who can’t seem to let go. He’s said Shay has been harassing you.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“He’s posted a photo of a text from Shay. It’s the one where he says he liked hearing the sound of your voice?”
Jessica sat back, stunned by the invasion of privacy. Had he made a habit of looking at her phone when she wasn’t aware? If so, he would likely have seen the call log showing Shay had phoned her the night he broke his wrist. That would explain why he was so insistent on knowing who was texting her, why he was so aggressive in trying to get her phone from her.
“That doesn’t prove anything,” Jessica said. “He’s just making things up to try to deflect from the fact that he hurt me and I’m leaving him.”
Shay looked at her sharply at this admission. She had dropped the word accident and it wasn’t going unnoticed.
“I just wanted you to know what he’s putting out there,” Felicity said. “I’m not trying to get into the back and forth. Maybe it would help to show you some things on the web.” She pulled her laptop from the bag she had brought and opened it.
Felicity scrolled through a news search and the links formed the story Anton had peddled. While Jessica and Shay had been escaping everything in Sausalito, Anton had claimed the narrative, casting himself as the victim. His ego was hurt, of course, but he was also terrified about what this did for his business. At the same time, the headlines questioned whether Shay was more like his “black sheep brother” than previously thought. There were photos from the restaurant, all conveniently taken at the time when Shay was angrily demanding to know who had hurt her. Close up photos of the bruise were everywhere. A photo of them in the lobby the night before was the latest “evidence” of Shay’s abusive ways as it was taken the moment she was turning from the paparazzi. But the fear on her face was clear and when juxtaposed with Shay’s confident smirk made her seem all the more vulnerable. The accompanying “story” claimed it was evidence of how Shay was fully in control of her.
“My parents,” Jessica said. “I need to call them.” She hadn’t realized the scale of all this. Her parents and brothers must be worried sick.
“Why don’t you use the hotel phone. I think turning your phone on will be nothing but a problem right now,” Felicity said.
Jessica nodded and quickly went into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.
CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
While Jessica was on the phone, Shay went out to the patio to have a much needed cigarette. Conor joined him and they stood at the railing, looking out at the Ferry Building in silence for several minutes.
“So,” Conor finally said, “what are we gonna do about this fucker who hurt your girl?”
Shay laughed bitterly. “I’d like to beat the shite out of him, that’s for sure.”
“I’ll back you on that.”
“I’m boxed in, though, amn’t I? I go after this guy and then there’s no doubt out there that I’m the abusive arsehole.”
“Ah, fuck what people think.”
Shay glanced at Conor with skepticism. “That’s your advice?”
Conor laughed. “Yeah, I care about what people think about the band. I care about our image. But this is bigger than that. You do what you need to do, Shay.”
“I hate that the band is being dragged into all this, Con. I really do.”
“I know that. Hey, Gav wishes he could’ve come.”
“Well, I’m glad you came, man. Really. Appreciate it.”
Conor nodded and they fell into silence again. Shay was at a loss for what he could do to correct this situation, both for the band and for himself. It was good to have Conor and Felicity here, but it seemed to him all they could really offer was their support. There was no way to market their way out of this.
Just when he didn’t think things could get worse, Danny Boy, in his typical fashion, added his own drama. And then Gavin swooped in to add his own touch.
PART THREE
CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
Shay and Conor heard a commotion all the way up from where they stood on the suite’s patio on the upper level of the hotel. It was a voice shouting. Though loud, the words were indiscernible. But there was something in the tenor that Shay recognized.
He closed his eyes and dropped his head. “I don’t believe this,” he muttered.
“What is it?” Conor asked.
“I’d bet on my life the ruckus down there is coming from my brother.”
Conor raised his eyebrows in surprise, but that quickly turned to resignation. There was a sense of inevitability about the appearance of Danny Boy after him being such a fixture in their lives for more than six months.
“Let’s get him off the fucking street, then,” Conor said.
~
Shay didn’t dare go down to get Danny Boy himself. That would have only stirred up the drama even more. Instead, Felicity had hotel security escort him up to the suite that was quickly becoming overcrowded.
Danny Boy looked a mess. The side of his face that had been sunburned from sleeping on the beach was peeling while the rest of him was so pink from subsequent sunburns that he radiated heat. He wore tropical leaf-patterned board shorts, a tank top, flip flops, and a backpack, along with an expression of annoyance at having the security chaperones. Once they stepped out, he loosened up.
“Look at this, will you,” Danny Boy said. It seemed he was remarking on Conor and Felicity’s presence but he turned his attention to the grand view of the Bay Bridge and let out a whistle. “You know how to do it up, kid.”
“Jesus, man, what are you doing here? How’d you even know I was here?” Shay asked.
“It’s a superpower I have. My baby brother is in trouble, and I sense it!” he said with a grin.
“Danny Boy, don’t fuck about.”
Danny Boy sighed. He retrieved his cell phone from his pocket and held it up. “It’s called Google Alerts, isn’t it? I heard all about you and the fix you’re in. Don’t you like how the tables have turned? Me coming to your aid?”
Shay scoffed. “Yeah? And how are you going to do that?”
Danny Boy was struck dumb. Clearly, he hadn’t thought that far. It was very likely that Danny Boy had concocted a vague plan that included coming to the “rescue” and went no further, as if his mere presence would somehow be the help he thought Shay needed.
“It’ll come to me,” Danny Boy said. “I’m starved
by the way. Mind?” he nodded to the table full of the room service offerings.
“Have at it,” Shay replied.
“Conor,” Danny Boy said with a formal nod as he passed by him.
“See that jaw healed up,” Conor told him. “But you still look like shite. What’s with the costume?”
“It’s not a costume, it’s my gear for my summer job,” Danny Boy said with a sniff.
“Yeah, what about that?” Shay asked. “They give you time off to come running here?”
“Ay, they’re fine. Trevor is covering for me.”
Shay doubted this was the full truth. As with most things, it was better not to try to pin Danny Boy down. He had a difficult relationship with the truth and trying to get him to adhere to it was more often than not a losing battle.
Jessica opened the bedroom door and Shay rushed to intercept her before she could be too alarmed by Danny Boy’s appearance.
“There she is! Our little troublemaker!” Danny Boy said with a grin.
“What is he—” Jessica started.
“Ignore him, love,” Shay said quickly. He backed her into the bedroom and shut the door behind them. “He just showed up. I had no idea he was coming.”
“Does the press know?”
“They must. He was making a scene downstairs. Security wouldn’t let him in and so he made it known he was my brother and that they’d better let him by. He was yelling about how I could buy and sell them. His standard gobshite talk.” He shook his head and threw up his hands. “I don’t know how things can get much worse.”
“I do,” she replied.
Shay’s heart sank. What now? He didn’t have the will to ask her that question out loud.
“In all this craziness, I completely forgot that I have a group of kids from my school performing at the Stern Grove Festival in two days.” Her eyes teared up in frustration. “I can’t believe I lost track of time. Of this. It’s everything to these kids. And I think I’ve ruined it with all this . . . stuff.”
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