Surrender

by D H Sidebottom

It suddenly hit me that after ten years I was about to relive the events of the night that stole so many souls; my family’s, Leah’s . . . his.

  Jake sat beside me on the sofa but at the other end, leaving a gap between us so as not to cramp me and make me feel claustrophobic. I was grateful for the small gesture. It didn’t seem much but to me it was a huge thing.

  I took a sip of my drink and Jake silently waited until I was ready. I lowered my gaze to the floor and focused on the small red stain I’d noticed the other day.

  “It was New Year’s Eve,” I began, keeping my gaze fixed on the floor. “I can remember feeling . . . out of it that day, my head a little jumbled. I couldn’t understand why. Now I see it as a sixth sense, a warning that stupidly, I didn’t heed. Leah had told me she’d bagged us tickets to the most exclusive party in London and she was so excited that I didn’t want to let her down.” I turned to him and smiled. “Leah is the type of friend that likes her own way. She’s the most kind-hearted person ever, but she’s also stubborn.”

  He smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I know the sort.”

  I squinted at him when he smirked, but I carried on. “Seb was sixteen at the time.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Eighteen.” I lifted my eyes to his, swallowing at the small revelation I was about to disclose. “It was six weeks after you left college.”

  He cocked his head, regarding me curiously.

  “Anyway.” I sighed. “We got to this huge club. The vibe was amazing. It was my first ever New Year out. Usually I’d spend it with my family, so you could say I forgot all about my concerns and started to enjoy the night. And yes, I’ll admit I’d had a little too much to drink but not enough that I wasn’t aware what I was doing.”

  “Just tipsy, happy?” Jake asked. I knew he wanted the details for the story to be exact and replayed in his head accurately, so I nodded.

  “Yeah, a little drunk. The night was brilliant. The music was good. Leah and I danced with each other and a few guys. We had fun.”

  Sensing the tension shift in me, Jake took my empty glass and filled it for me, gently pressing it into my hand before he sat back down beside me.

  “Then I saw him.”

  “Him?”

  I shivered, ignoring his question as the images started to assault me and dredge up the fear that had lay dormant in me for so long.

  “He’d been after me for a while. Hounding me, even after I’d told him I didn’t want anything to do with him, but he was relentless. Leah noticed him too so she pulled us into one of the side booths, trying to hide us both from him. There was always something about him that gave me the creeps.” I looked up at Jake. “It wasn’t my imagination because Leah often said she sensed it too. He was just weird.”

  He nodded. His expression was gentle but intense as he listened to me. “I understand.”

  I blew out a breath and closed my eyes. “He found us. He was with a couple of his friends and they barricaded us into the booth. It was obvious they’d had a drink; they were all loud and rowdy, their language and conversation foul and sexual. But he was worse. He kept touching me under the table, his innuendo in my ear really filthy, saying degrading stuff about what he wanted to do to me.”

  As if fury had a scent, I could smell it radiating from Jake, the stench of it potent and suffocating. His whole aura shifted balance, a deep glower of anger seeping from him as he downed his drink in one.

  I held up a hand. “He said this one particular thing . . .”

  “What?”

  I blinked at him and shook my head. “It doesn’t matter what it was, but I picked up his pint, poured it over his head and slapped him. His friends were in hysterics, all of them crying at the hilarity of it. Even though to me it wasn’t funny, to them in their drunken state it was worth ribbing him for.

  “Leah and I clambered over them all and out of the booth but I noticed him out of the corner of my eye as he made for the exit. After not seeing him again for the duration of the night, I started to relax. Midnight came, we celebrated and then we both grabbed a taxi a few hours later and headed home.”

  I could feel the bile start to stir in my stomach and I paused, waiting for it to settle before I carried on.

  “Are you okay?”

  I looked at Jake. He was a little closer than before and his expression was full of worry as he looked at me. “No,” I whispered.

  “Take your time, Isla.” Taking my hand in his, he gripped me firmly. “Although it hurts, you need to remember it’s in the past. It can’t hurt you now.”

  I shook my head and sighed. “It can, Jake. So very much. And it does, every damn day.”

  His gaze was of confusion but he didn’t ask me to explain.

  “Leah had already arranged to stop over at mine and we were giggling and laughing as we fell through the front door and into the house. The lights were all on so we weren’t quiet because we knew everyone was still up.”

  I shifted uncomfortably, vomit now curdling with the bile that was bubbling agitatedly and threatening to force an appearance. Jake moved closer, framing my shoulders with an arm and pulled me against him. “It’s okay,” he whispered as he nuzzled my hair with his nose and softly placed a kiss to my head. “Close your eyes and breathe.”

  I did as he advised, blowing out slowly and inhaling deeply until my body calmed marginally. However, he didn’t release me when I started again.

  “Leah sensed it at soon as we entered. I remember her whispering my name and grabbing my wrist. It sounds silly but the air in the house was suffocating, like an evil had possessed the oxygen and thickened it so we couldn’t breathe. My legs felt heavy and my heart thundered, the pump of it made my ears throb. I could feel Leah’s sweat coat my skin from her grip.”

  I blinked, my gaze locked on the TV, seeing mine and Jake’s reflection in the screen but my mind focused on my childhood home. A heavy shudder ran through me and Jake held me even tighter. “It’s okay,” he whispered.

  “I remember thinking that I should turn around and phone the police. I don’t know what stopped me, I can’t understand that part but I do remember my feet moving through the hallway, almost as if I was gliding, my feet not touching the floor. There was a chill, a physical ice to the air, even though the sound of the heating rattled through the radiators and made the floorboards creak in their familiar way.”

  Pulling out of Jake’s hold, I sat up on the sofa with my back to him and hugged myself, physically feeling the cold that my memories felt.

  “Leah screamed when we walked into the lounge. I don’t remember whether I did or not. All my mind tells me is that my eyes seemed to see everything at once; my mother tied to one of the dining chairs. My dad out cold on the floor. And Seb . . . and Seb’s . . .”

  I rocked forward, holding myself tighter as if that would stop the pain that tore through me with the memory. Jake shifted behind me, flanking me with his thighs as he slipped his arms around me and covered my own. His face sank into my hair, his comforting scent shrouding me as he whispered shushes to me.

  Closing my eyes, I urged myself to go on. I needed to talk about it. It was crippling me, the last ten years of silence slowly destroying me bit by bit.

  “I was vaguely aware of Leah screaming and her hand slipping out of mine but all I could focus on was Seb. He was naked and face down on the coffee table, his hands and feet tied to each leg. He was sobbing, his thin body juddering. My mother was sat staring at me with wide eyes, her face streaked with her mascara as she rapidly shook her head at me. She had this . . . this piece of white material wrapped around her face, stuffed into her mouth so she couldn’t talk. I remember recognising it was the table runner she used for the coffee table so we wouldn’t stain the wood with our mugs.”

  I stood up, unable to settle my need for distraction. Jake remained on the sofa, watching me pace around picking up various ornaments and stuff just to give my mind something other than the vision of blood to focus on.

  “
Then he was there,” I whispered. I stood in front of the fire, hugging myself, my head shaking back and forth as much as my body.

  “Who was there, Isla?” His voice was soft but held a command, like he needed me to reveal to him or I couldn’t go on with my story. “Tell me who he was.”

  I turned to face him. He leant forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands clasped together. His entire attention was on me, his stunning face marred with the pain of mine. I knew he wanted to know who had hurt me so he could hurt them. I knew in my soul that Jake Devine wanted to protect me.

  It was at that moment that the locks in my head shattered and everything made sense. The puzzle I had been trying to solve for ten years finally unscrambled and it all fit perfectly together.

  Tipping my head, I looked to the floor for a moment and breathed slowly, forcing my emotions under control. “I saw the bruises on his face then. In the club it had been dark, but at home, the lights were on. They flooded his face and revealed all his injuries.”

  I dragged my eyes up to Jake, the mist in my head clearing as I stared at the image of the boy he had been ten years ago, my mind taking me back to help me fathom out the mystery that had troubled me for so long. . “It’s funny, at the time and for ten years I didn’t understand what he’d said to me.” I blinked. “But now, with you here, I understand it perfectly.”

  Jake frowned at me. “What did he say?”

  I smiled, but it was a heavy smile, my emotions too exhausted to be physical anymore. “He . . . He said, ‘Where’s your defender now, Isla?’” I revealed quietly as I stared at Jake. I shook my head and laughed at myself, everything becoming clear. For ten years I’d struggled to understand him but like a light bulb had switched on in my head, I understood. I finally understood.

  Jake shrugged, shaking his head in bewilderment. Slowly I walked over to him, coming to a stop right in front of him, my knees touching his. He peered up at me, his face so beautiful. Reaching down slowly, I gently placed my lips over his. He gasped, caught by surprise when I kissed him tenderly. Pulling away, I cupped his face and smiled. “Thank you.”

  He looked at me, puzzled, his head leaning slightly to the side as his brows drew together, almost touching. “What for?”

  “You hurt him for me, didn’t you?”

  He stiffened, his whole body freezing on the spot. His puzzled expression turned into one of shock then understanding. A choked sound forced from his mouth as he shook his head at me. “No, Isla. No.”

  His head shook firmer and I framed his face with my hands. “Shush. It’s not your fault. What did he threaten to do?”

  He stared up at me, his face white and pulled tight into a look of hatred. He slapped his hand over his mouth and closed his eyes. I watched the many reactions on his face as his thoughts raced through his head but I blinked when he started laughing. It wasn’t a humorous laugh, it was bitter with a chill that made my skin shrink back. His eyes slowly opened and I gasped at the intense look of evil that crossed his features.

  He shot up from the sofa and I froze when he slammed his hands on each side of my head, holding me still so I had no option but to see the tormented man that hid beneath his perfect body.

  “So he still came after you?” I didn’t answer him, the tone in his voice made my own voice hide away. “After everything, after it all, he still came for you.”

  His voice was a mere growl, the tightening of his body including his voice box. His grip on my face was punishing, especially on top of what fat guy had done, but I knew he wasn’t aware of his strength. I knew, to the depths of my soul, that this man would never hurt me. Sounds stupid, but I knew, and I can’t explain it. What he did for me all those years ago verified the fact. What I had seen as a tortured soul was then a shy boy who hated life. Yet, for some reason he had stepped forward and tried to protect me. The beating he had given Dwaine Tyler was for me, to protect me.

  And I needed to know why.

  SHE STOOD STARING AT me, thinking she knew it all. She knew nothing, nothing of what I had done, or hadn’t done, or what I obviously should have done.

  “He threatened you didn’t he?”

  I couldn’t hold back the laughter, although it wasn’t humorous, far from it. Slowly, I shook my head and sighed at her. She flinched when I slid my hand over her face and into her hair, my fingers twisting through the strands as her soft skin sent a faint shiver through me, the simple touch feeding the need in me, the need that had been constant for over ten years.

  Her eyes darkened when I gripped her hard, her pupils flaring and her breathing turning to small, sharp pants. My cock jumped to attention when I noticed the need inside her. Isla was very much a surprise.

  Leaning in, I inhaled her sweet scent as I drew the tip of my nose up the side of her neck until I reached her ear. “No, sweetheart, he didn’t threaten me. For one he wouldn’t have dared. Dwaine is a coward. He showed that when my threat became physical.”

  She stiffened, her gulp loud against my own ear. “You threatened him?”

  I was angry my heart going to crack out of my chest at I couldn’t decipher her thoughts, or her story. The pain behind her eyes was choking the hell out of me. No one ever got this rise from me, or brought on so many emotions. I always knew Isla was something special, both to the world and to me, but I couldn’t figure out how she could do this to me.

  “It looks like my threat was wasted though, doesn’t it?”

  She looked away, the pain in her expression intensifying but I pulled her face back to mine. “Did he hurt you, Isla?”

  Although I held my breath, not wanting to know, the need in me to know was overpowering. The rampant images assaulting me were torture. I needed her to end them, to tell me that he hadn’t touched her, that he just threatened her family. But watching the tears fill her eyes, I knew before she told me. I knew he’d touched her, violated her.

  I was struggling to hold on, the rage in me becoming disturbing. I would scare her, I knew I would. So closing my eyes when her whisper struck my insides, I battled with the wrath that had cursed me for the entirety of my life.

  “He raped me, to the point . . .” She blew out a breath as she tried to control her emotions. “To the point that he sent my mother insane, blindness the only thing that could grant her spirit any reprieve.”

  My body started to tremble. I tried so hard to keep it under control but I knew it was impossible.

  “But,” she continued, her voice now steady as a chilly pitch took over her usual sweet voice. “But then he tried to rape Seb.”

  My eyes flicked open, the way her control shifted into something sinister making me alert.

  She blinked slowly, her head tilted to one side slightly, the appearance menacing and disturbing. “I wasn’t going to let him do that, Jake.”

  I shivered but nodded. Taking her face in my palms, I attempted to keep my voice as casual as possible so not to scare her. “I’m going to kill him, Isla. Slowly. Painfully. He will pay for what he has done.”

  She chuckled. Then she laughed. The sound was creepy, as though something evil had possessed her. She suddenly stopped and leaned towards me, her soft lips brushing over my ear, the simple action making my cock pulse and my heartbeat quicken. There was something potently sexual about her actions, her body radiating arousal as her warm breath wisped across my skin.

  “You don’t need to kill him, Jake,” she whispered as she placed a soft kiss to the skin below my ear.

  Sliding my hand up the nape of her neck then around, I wrapped my fingers around the front of her throat. Her lips parted as her chest heaved and she shivered beneath my touch. Fuck, I needed to sink deep inside her, allow her dark side to fuck me hard. I’d never needed anything so much.

  As if sensing my need, her own craving as intense as mine, her fingers plucked at my shirt, pulling it quickly out of the front of my jeans. She pushed the material up, desperate in her movements as she tore it over my head.

  Her hands grappled wit
h the buckle on my belt, and I gasped at her impatience when she pushed the denim down to my thighs, her fingers already sliding under the band of my shorts to find my rigid cock.

  “I need you,” she breathed as her mouth slid down my neck, her tongue licking down my upper body until she fell to her knees before me. Her eyes were locked onto mine, her timid side asking for permission.

  “Take me in your mouth, Isla.”

  As though all the acknowledgement she needed, her lips parted and she slid her mouth down my thick length.

  My jaw trembled with the heat of her mouth, her tongue crushing the underside of my cock while the top of her mouth pressed hard against me.

  My hands found her hair as she slid her mouth up and down me, her hot little moans making the cum in my balls needy for release.

  “Fuck, Isla. I’m gonna . . .”

  She snapped her mouth away but replaced it with her hand. Her gaze was still on my face, her eyes dark and heated as her mouth opened and she fucked me hard with her fist.

  Unable to stop it, my spunk shot out and sprayed her face, her eyes blinking rapidly as I covered her flushed cheeks and pink mouth with my pale cum. My hips jerked uncontrollably as the sight of her beauty covered in my mark became so powerful that I growled to counteract the intense feeling locking down my lungs.

  I watched her as she lifted her fingers to her face, swiped at my cum and then slid it inside her mouth. “Fuck!” Her innocence overtaken by basic need was so hot that I could feel myself hardening for her again.

  Sensing the primitive lust in her, I frowned at the cause of it. She’d seemed to change when I told her that I would kill Dwaine. She couldn’t, surely, get off on violence? Not Isla. She’d always been so timid, quiet and reserved. But the way the subtle hazel of her eyes had darkened to a deep dark brown and the way her breathing had altered rapidly made me think otherwise.

  Testing her, as she stayed on her knees below me, I took a clump of her hair in my fist and yanked her head back until she was gazing directly up at me. Her eyes were heavy and hooded, her lips parted to accommodate the deep pull of her heavy breaths.