Next stop, Kmart. Most of the clerks had seen me there before. But not like this. I had on a pair of dirty jeans I used for yard work. My hair looked crazy. But that sure as hell didn’t stop me from grabbing a shopping cart and striding purposefully down to the Christmas aisle. I tossed stuff into the cart without looking at prices. Boxes of tinsel. A supersaver pack of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer mittens. I didn’t care what I was picking up—just as long as I could take it home with me. Just as long as this wonderful feeling could last …
“Natalya? It’s time to go home.”
I slowly turned around to see Aunt Vera waiting patiently behind me.
My heart stopped. My family had never caught me in the act before. I wasn’t sure how long she’d been trailing me, but it didn’t matter. As soon as I saw the soft expression on her face, I wanted to break down and cry right then and there. I just couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t see the disappointment on her face. All I could do was stare at the tiny cracks in the floor as my cheeks grew warm.
But then I felt a pair of hands pry mine from the shopping cart. And then she wrapped her arms around me.
“How about we go back to the house and I make you some kasha just like your mama makes it?” Even though I stood several inches taller than she, it still comforted me to lean against her.
She was just like the loving aunt I remembered from my childhood. I managed a nod. “That sounds delicious.”
An hour later, with a full belly, I stood outside my home again using electrical tape to salvage my rake. After twisting the tape around the handle for the fourth time, I wished I’d just bought another rake during my little shopping spree.
Aunt Vera came outside and, after taking one look at my poor yard, said, “You need some help before I go home?”
“No need. I’m fine.” I looked around the shed. I had enough leaves and dirt to keep me busy for days, but I still felt like I had to turn her down.
She snatched the broken rake from me, snorting at its sorry appearance. “You have company. Go take care of him while I get to work.”
Company? I turned to see Thorn coming around the house. When our gazes locked, he gestured to the house. Even after the time we’d spent apart, I’d hoped to not have to face him again so soon. Not with me broken down like this.
I followed him up the steps. He let me head inside first before he greeted me.
“Hey, you.”
“Are you here to escort me to the border?” Why not get to the point?
His expression didn’t change. “You know I’d never do that to you.” He assessed my kitchen. “How’s the work going?”
“Barely. If you saw the estimates for the repairs, you’d have passed out already.”
He ran his hand along a wall in dire need of replacement. “I can only imagine.”
“What brings you here?” I wasn’t about to ask him directly about that night when he’d kissed me. But from the way his gaze lingered on my lips, I could tell his memory of that night remained vivid.
He paused for a moment, taking in the view through the window over the sink. And then he said, “You need to leave. I’ve pushed my father as far as I can. I’ve distracted him to the point of aggravation. But …” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I can’t keep him from sending out his enforcers to come for you when I’m out defending our territory.”
I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. Thorn was ordering me to leave? “I thought I had a few days left?”
He shook his head. “The Long Island werewolves are coming for my father. Any day now. And in great numbers. They’ve even joined up with the Burlington pack. I can’t protect you if you’re still nearby.” He gripped the sink and sighed deeply. “Right now, you’re vulnerable and I don’t want this kind of distraction, not while I’m facing my enemies.”
My throat dry, I gulped. I tried to pretend that Thorn hadn’t just told me to leave. “Maybe I should hide somewhere so I can stay to help? Have you spoken with my father?”
“Yes, I have—and he agrees with me. The Long Island werewolves have marked you for extermination, and your father believes you’re not ready for battle.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I thought I’d have a little more time before they came. But I can’t ignore all the attacks—all the disappearances. They’re coming, and they’ll kill everyone who gets in their way.”
A throbbing pain swelled deep in my chest—the pain of a broken heart. He couldn’t turn me away. Not right now, when I needed him the most. With every fiber of my being, I wanted him to pull me close, so he could make all my fears go away. A mere foot of space separated us.
But I knew that if I took a step forward, he’d take one back. For his sake and mine. The ties had to be cut now.
He drew his keys from his pocket. Our time together was already over.
“Will I see you again?”
He gently touched my shoulder. “I have to lead an army into battle. My trial by fire begins now. I need time I don’t have. Hell, time I never had in the first place.”
He hadn’t answered my question or told me he wanted me to return.
I watched him leave the house, wishing we hadn’t crossed that line into becoming more than friends. Wishing we hadn’t kissed. Wishing we hadn’t made love. If we hadn’t met in that registration line back in college, the view of my ruined yard from my kitchen wouldn’t feel so disheartening.
* * *
Of all the visitors to my home that afternoon, the last one I’d expected to show up was Nick. He always seemed to know when I needed a friend.
He found me working with the damp, dirty soil in the front yard. I could hear the slosh, slosh sound of his black boots in the puddles as he tromped up the driveway.
“No car, huh?” I picked up my winter lilies. The poor plants had survived the onslaught of the water, but they needed replanting so they could survive the winter. In the spring, they’d burst forth with color. Renewed.
“I took the jump point. What happened here?”
I tried to avoid his question. “That’s brave of you. I thought the jump point was full of gruesome ghouls.” I stood and took off my gardening gloves.
He assessed my yard with a frown. “You didn’t come to group therapy yesterday. I got worried.”
“A flood—my home was flooded.” I didn’t need to say much more. He’d know from the look on my face. After a panic attack an hour ago, I’d managed to come back outside to clean again in an attempt to feel normal.
Nick also had things he coveted. Only someone like me could truly understand. He looked at my hands and noticed my tight grip on my gloves. “Nat …” With a soft tug, he pulled me into his arms and held me close.
As waves of calm energy flowed from his body into mine, I sighed deeply in relief, and released my anxiety. His shoulder was the perfect height for me to rest my head. I sank into the embrace, resting in arms that wouldn’t let me go unless I asked. With my next intake of breath, the scent of his aftershave drifted to my nose and I thought bitterly, Why hadn’t Thorn comforted me like this? Why had the world twisted Thorn and me so far apart?
I wanted to enjoy the comfort, but I pulled back gently and murmured, “Thanks.”
“Dr. Frank told me you never showed up for your private session either. How are you doing?”
I nodded with appreciation. “A lot of my ornaments are gone, but at least I’m still here and alive.” Alive—but without the nutcracker I loved or the beautiful set of Kwanzaa candles.
“So you need anything?” He watched as a contractor took his ladder into the backyard.
“I need time to realize that things like this happen that I can’t control. But I took this a lot better than I thought I would.” My voice began to shake. I wasn’t fooling myself. I wasn’t okay. This disguise of surviving was a facade. Nick reached for my hand and gripped it.
“And now I have to leave.”
“Leave?” He rubbed my wrists, absorbing my pain.
“Yes, the Long Is
land werewolves are planning an all-out attack in great numbers.” I finally looked at his face. His midnight eyes peered down at me with sincere concern. I refused to tell him about the pack banishing me, since I couldn’t bear his pity.
“Well, with your home like this, you should find a safe place to stay.”
Leaving home would be the safest thing for me to do, but it wasn’t the option I wanted. Poor Aggie was at my aunt Olga’s while I stayed behind, protecting a shattered home. But I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to leave my home or family behind.
“You could stay at my place until you find something,” he offered.
I snorted and managed a smile. “Yeah, maybe the water sprite wouldn’t mind.”
“I’d figure out a way to hide a lot of the stuff. I could clear away some space in one of the rooms.”
I tilted my head to the side. “Yeah, you are a wizard, after all. But there’s no need. One of my uncles owns some furnished rooms in the city where I can stay if necessary.”
He nodded. Another wave of reassurance flowed from him. “You know I’ve always wanted to be there for you.”
It took me a moment to realize I stood at a crossroads. I had a man standing here who wanted to take care of me. The easy route would be for me to turn him away and wait for Thorn. Hell, I’d waited for five years without a word from him. But why should I wait more if he was meant to be with Erica?
Instead of turning Nick away, I whispered, “Thanks. It’ll be nice to have someone in New York.” I squeezed his hand gently. “I have to pack my things this afternoon before it gets dark. This time tomorrow I’ll be in the big city.”
How do you pack for a trip out of town from which you may never return? I rubbed the tense spot on my forehead at the thought as I rummaged through the few ornament boxes that hadn’t gotten wet. I guess you pack thoroughly and make sure no treasures are left behind. In the middle of my packing, Aggie called to see how I was doing.
“I heard from your aunt that you’re just planning to skip town without a fight.”
“Yeah, my dad called me earlier to make arrangements for an apartment, after Thorn told me I shouldn’t stay.”
“Well, you’re not leaving by yourself.”
I laughed. Aggie was the ever-present sidekick. But she shouldn’t be traveling. “You need to rest. My mother was really worried about how tired you looked this morning.”
Aggie groaned into the phone. “Seriously, Nat. I’m not heading to Vegas anymore. I have to stay here to watch your back. I think I can survive a trip back to New York to keep you company.”
“Yes, and you’ll pass out while we’re driving into the city. When you fall unconscious in the front seat, I’ll have to perform mouth-to-mouth.”
“I hope you won’t be driving while you’re giving me some on-the-road action.”
“You’re not my type. Due to this double X chromosome problem you’ve got going.”
We fell silent for a moment, unable to find words to express the feelings that exist between friends.
I sighed. “Aggie, my aunts will keep an eye on you while you recover. When things cool down, you can stay with me until you’re finally ready to head west.”
“I thought you’d say as much. Even I know I’m messed up. No matter how many pills or heated blankets they pass my way, I still feel like horseshit.”
We ended the conversation, and I finished packing my car. By the end of thirty minutes, I’d filled it to the hilt—with the ornaments. I shrugged. Clothes are overrated. Who needed them anyway? I could always buy more in the East Village.
A single box remained in the driver’s seat. With a forceful shove, I crammed it into a spot in the back. My father had dropped off the keys earlier for my sublet. It was time to depart. After one last glance back at my old home, I headed out, although part of me wanted to stay. After all, this was my home. Why should I let Old Farley turn me away from it?
I tried to hold on to my grandmother’s words. This was a temporary setback. Werewolves live for hundreds of years. I’d return someday. I still owned this house and the property.
With resolve and silent tears, I pulled out of the driveway. But the sadness during the drive north to New York City turned into anxiousness. The buds of doubt bit at my fingers, begging me to turn around.
Many hours later, I found someone waiting for me by the curb in front of my new apartment in New York. Nick.
“How did you find out where I live?”
He grabbed a box and stuffed it under his coat. “I spoke with your father and told him I was part of your therapy group.” I watched in amazement as three more boxes disappeared into the folds of his coat. Where could I get one of those?
“That was sweet of you, but right now I’m not feeling social.”
He continued taking my boxes. “I completely understand. But you still shouldn’t leave a car crammed full of boxes out here on the street.” He paused to add a sixth box to his coat. “And, werewolf or not, you can’t carry all these upstairs by yourself quickly.”
I gingerly touched the outside of his coat. “How do you do that?”
He laughed. “I enchanted the coat. Standard wizard spell from the good ol’ days. Back then most folks had to cart their belongings around.”
Ten minutes later, true to his word, all my things were stacked in the corner of my matchbox living room. I wanted to plop down on the couch but instead I paced. A quick peek outside revealed the night sky and the bright lights of the Upper East Side. But in the darkness I couldn’t forget that I had left everyone behind. And I had no idea if Thorn or my family was hurt—or even worse, dead.
Everything I’d been through had culminated in this moment. The attack from the Long Island werewolves, Alex’s kidnapping, my grandmother’s transformation—all of it had led to the moment when my pack would strike back.
Nick reached out to touch me, but I backed away. “I can’t stay here. I have to go to my family.” Panic rose in my gut and my words came out in a growl. How dare this wizard try to placate me?
“Nat, you need to calm down. Your father told me it was best you stay here tonight.”
“Best for whom? I know I’m not pack. But I do have my honor. I love my family, and even if the pack turned me away, I can’t sit here and wait for a phone call from them to tell me who didn’t make it.” I bit my lower lip, and my hands trembled. The air in my lungs felt strained, as if I were breathing through a straw. “I refuse to believe that I can’t make a difference. I am not the weakest link.”
With a soft voice he said, “You’re not. Matter of fact, I see strength in you that even the werewolves can’t see. A fire in your essence sits here.” He used only his fingertips to touch my heart but a wave of calm drenched me.
I emitted a deep sigh that turned into a grateful hum.
“In the old days, wizards prepared the soldiers for battle. My great-grandfather worked in such a manner. He taught me a great spell that I’ve never used before—until now.” He touched my eyelids with his fingers. “Close your eyes. Imagine that you’re heading into battle and your enemies will soon be under your feet—”
Chapter 23
In wolf form, I burst through a jump point and sprinted through the forest to the main country road.
Lindell Park was ten miles outside South Toms River. When I was younger my father would often take Alex and me there to fish in the creeks for young catfish. After we’d caught a few my father would remove the skins and cook them over a fire. The succulent scent of fish made my mouth water in remembrance. Those were the good ol’ days. The pleasant memories lightened my feet and propelled me forward.
As I raced up to the parking lot, I noticed rows and rows of vehicles. Trucks, SUVs, and even campers lined the space. In the darkness, I could make out my brother’s and father’s trucks.
Nick had told me the battle would take place here. But was I too late to help them? The branches didn’t bother me as I sprinted toward the battlefield. I could taste vio
lence in the air, the sweat on the werewolves’ backs.
When I entered the clearing, I was met with an awesome sight: the pack defending its territory from a swarm of Long Island werewolves running toward them in the distance. For every wolf in my pack—we were fifty strong—many more adversaries raced to meet them.
I swallowed my fear even though the numbers seemed too great for us.
I thought my beating heart would break through my rib cage, but Nick’s spell held true. I had no fear—or doubts—when I jumped into the fray. These wolves would fear me, and I would end them with a single bite—or two.
The first wolf didn’t know what hit him when I rammed him in the chest. The Long Island wolf tumbled a few feet after I pounced on him.
The bloodlust sank into my flesh and I welcomed it. No one, whether they moved as a beast or a man, would stand in my way tonight. I tore at them—at anyone who came my way. Their fear flooded the air, and the wolf within relished the glow of battle. I could see myself in the reflection of their eyes. Teeth snapping. Eyes dark yellow with rage. I’d been in this state before, but the dark thoughts of the past flew away with the wind. In the heat of the battle I could ignore the needs of the human—of the fragile woman who cowered from blood, from death and dying.
With fire flowing through my veins, I jumped into a fight between Erica’s best friend, Becky, and one of the Long Island werewolves. The moonlight cast a glow against her attacker’s burnt-orange coat, making him an easy target. I pounced on his back, and, after a vicious bite to his neck, I expected him to flee. But when he instead lunged for Becky again, I surged forward, ready to just end it. I didn’t retreat even when he yipped in pain. Nor did I show mercy when Becky joined me at his neck.
Tonight death would prevail for those who wanted to take out the South Toms River pack.
My victories were small and insignificant. As the bodies began to pile up for the Long Island pack, I had a constant reminder that our pack was outnumbered. Dark forms continued to fill the fields. The shadows surrounded and overwhelmed us. Our luck had run out.
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