“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching out to touch her blanket-covered knee.
Jen shrugged. “It is what it is. So anyway, I’ve just always had a fondness for fairies. It’s not super deep. I just think they’re pretty.” That was all a fib. She loved fairies, and getting her father’s drawings on her skin had been significant and meaningful at the time.
“They look pretty on you. Are some of the ones on your skin his drawings?”
“Yeah. They are.” She scooted closer and then turned, pointing to her shoulder. “This one, this one.” Shifting so her back was to him, she pulled her hair over her shoulder to the front. “And that one on my back. With the blue wings.”
She felt him move on the bed, his body close behind hers, and then his finger was tracing her skin. “This one? It reminds me of you,” he said quietly.
Jen laughed quietly. “Why is that?”
“It’s got dark hair, red lips, and … it’s just beautiful.”
Jen froze as his fingertips outlined the fairy on her back. The tattoo was nearly nine years old. She could barely remember the details of that drawing, but suddenly she wanted to see it more than anything. To have just an idea of how TJ saw her.
A featherlike touch pressed on her shoulder blade.
His lips. Oh God. The sound of a kiss broke the silence in the room. Then another pressed lightly next to it. And another. Then his mouth opened over her skin, his tongue sliding, and every nerve ending on her body exploded in delight. He moved on the bed, his mouth never leaving her back as his hands settled on her shoulders. Suddenly she knew without looking that he had gotten to his knees behind her.
On instinct, Jen’s head fell forward, giving him access to more of her, which he acknowledged by sliding his tongue up her spine and sucking hard on the base of her neck.
She gasped, the sensation so acute and wonderful it almost brought tears to her eyes. And still he didn’t let up, pressing open-mouthed kisses across her shoulders, biting and sucking at her like she was the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted.
“I want you, Jen,” he said, deep and husky near her ear.
On that admission she turned her head, lifted her arm over her shoulder, and locked it around his neck. Pulling him against her, he brought his hands around to her front and ran them up her torso, stopping so just the edges of his fingers gently grazed the underside of her breasts. Leaning in further, his mouth sucked her earlobe into his mouth before he spoke again. “Please let me have you.”
This was it. The moment she’d dreamed of. Hoped for. They were both single, ready, and willing. So why, suddenly, was she hesitating?
* * *
Jen tasted like heaven. Felt like perfection, and smelled like tangerines from her lotion. He’d never even eaten a tangerine, but it was now his favorite fruit.
“Jen,” he whispered once more in her ear. She let her head loll back, but still she didn’t answer.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said.
She sucked in a breath and then turned in his arms. They were now kneeling in front of each other on her bed. The sight of her in nothing but her bra and panties was killing him and there was no hiding his physical reaction in these boxer briefs.
“What are we doing?” she asked.
His heart sunk and he sat back, resting on his feet. “I’ll stop,” he said, meaning it, but also hating the idea. “Is that what you want?”
“No. But I have a track record of making choices that are very bad for me. And while I don’t normally second-guess my desires … this is you.”
Okay, this he could handle. He smiled, lifting a hand to her cheek. “It is me. Which is why this desire is safe, Jen. I won’t be a bad choice.”
Her lips twisted, as if she wasn’t sure she believed that. “And what about tomorrow? We work together. Is this a one-off?”
“Do you want it to be?” he asked quietly.
The furrow of her brow made him think that may have been the wrong answer.
“Jennifer!” A voice called from the living room, making them both freeze. “Are you asleep?”
“Shit!” Jen scrambled off the bed, grabbing a T-shirt off the floor. “Mom, hold on!” she called out.
She rushed to the bedroom door, which was open, and then turned to TJ. “Quiet,” she mouthed before stepping into the hall and heading for the living room. TJ sat motionless on the bed, lips quirked. He should have known nothing about Jen would be easy or normal.
“What are you doing here so early, Mom?” he heard Jen ask.
“Early? It’s nearly nine, and I haven’t seen you in days. Where have you been?”
“Busy, that’s all. Did you need something?” Jen’s voice was now coming from the kitchen. The fridge opened and shut. “Do you need a smoothie? I’d be happy to make you one. I’ll bring it down to you.”
“It’s fine, I’ll wait for it,” Diane said. Sounded as if she’d sat down on the sofa. “You’ve got enough plants in here, don’t you think?”
“Probably, Mom. I like them.”
“This many seems a little ridiculous, doesn’t it? It’s like a damn jungle.”
“Apparently not ridiculous to me, since I own them all,” Jen said.
TJ’s eyes widened at the tone of Diane’s voice. Every time he’d ever been around her she’d been so sweet, always smiling. He knew she was going through a horrible health ordeal, but damn, this was her daughter. Jen had made several comments about her mother that were starting to make a little more sense now.
“Where were you last night?” Diane asked.
“Just went out.”
“No wonder you look all puffy. You must have drunk too much.”
“Happens sometimes.”
“Yeah, and then you sleep with random strangers.”
TJ stood up from the bed, suddenly ready to give her a piece of his mind, then thought better of it. Jen would not appreciate him going out there half naked and making her mother think her comments were justified. Except he wasn’t a stranger. And they didn’t have sex.
“I’m so glad you popped in this morning, Mom. It makes me feel loved,” Jen said, her voice so full of sarcasm TJ smiled to himself as he very quietly grabbed his jeans off the floor.
The sound of a blender going gave him a bit of a reprieve. He jerked his pants on, zipped them, and then sat down to wait this out. It was quiet again, and then he heard footsteps.
“Here you go. Bon appétit. You can take the glass with you, I was just going to get into the shower.”
“It’s fine. I’ll wait,” Diane said. Great.
“Um, yeah, you could. But I need to shave and stuff. Why don’t I just come down when I’m done? We can make a Target run or something. You up to that?”
“No. I’m fine.”
“Okay,” Jen said. TJ could tell that she wasn’t sure what to do by the hesitation in her voice.
“This is a little thick. It needs more milk,” Diane said. TJ nearly growled. God, could the woman say “please” or “thank you”? She sounded so angry and bitter.
“Mom,” Jen sighed. “I’m out of the almond milk. I had to make this with regular. Probably makes it thicker.”
“Then add some water, whatever.”
He could hear Jen head back to the kitchen. But when there was no sound for a while, he wondered what was going on. A minute went by.
“What’s wrong?” Diane called out.
“Nothing,” Jen said, then TJ saw her step into the restroom with a glass of pink goop in her hand. Her eyes darted to his briefly before she disappeared. A moment later she stepped out and headed back to the living room. “You’ll just have to drink it as it is, Mom.”
“What for?”
“I … I don’t…” Her last words were inaudible to him.
Diane scoffed. “What do you mean, no water?”
What?
“It’s obviously been disconnected,” Jen said quietly, and TJ could tell that she was trying to speak low enough that he
couldn’t hear. The thought gutted him.
“Are you kidding me, Jennifer Mackenzie?” A heavy sigh came from Diane. “This is so damn typical of you.”
“Mom, please,” Jen pleaded. “Why don’t you take this to your house?”
“You’re thirty years old, Jen. When are you going to grow up? Now I have to die knowing you can’t even take care of yourself.”
That was it, TJ couldn’t take any more of what he was hearing. He got to his feet and walked down the short hallway and into the living room.
The minute Diane saw him her eyes went round.
“Good morning, Diane,” he said, walking up behind the chair Jen was sitting in. Acting purely on instinct—which he prayed wouldn’t backfire—he leaned down and kissed Jen on the head. “Everything okay out here?”
Jen glanced up at him, and for once he couldn’t read her expression. Thankfully she didn’t look angry. More mystified.
“What’s going on here?” Diane asked. Now that TJ took a good look at her, the woman didn’t look great. Her face was gaunt, her inch-long hair thin and wispy.
“TJ stayed over last night,” Jen said, finding her voice.
“Well, I can see that. I hadn’t realized you were sleeping with all of your bosses,” Diane said, her voice full of condescension.
TJ stiffened at her comment. Did that mean what it sounded like? Surely not, the woman was just being spiteful.
“That’s enough, Mom. I think you should go, now.”
“Are the two of you dating?” Diane looked at TJ, and he had no idea how he should answer her question, but he said the first thing that felt right.
“We are. I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I hope you find it acceptable.”
Her head jerked back. “I find it shocking, is how I find it. My daughter has never dated a well-off man, and she can’t even keep her utilities turned on.” She turned back to Jen. “You still waiting for someone to save you, Jen? That’s not how the world works.”
TJ looked down at Jen, and for the first time since he’d known her, she looked … broken. Humiliated. Small. The sight was so foreign, so wrong, he felt rage burning inside him. He looked at the woman on the sofa. “Diane, I’ve always had the utmost respect for you. But right now, I need you to get the hell out of this apartment.”
Her eyes flared, her mouth dropped open, then shut. Finally, she stood up, setting her smoothie on the scuffed-up coffee table. “I’ll do that. But if you’re getting laid, how about you at least pay her water bill.”
Ten
The minute her mother walked out, Jen stood up, went to her bedroom, and shut the door before TJ could follow her in. Never in her life had she been so completely humiliated. She wasn’t sure what was worse, that TJ now knew she was not even responsible enough to keep her water turned on, or the fact that he now knew what kind of person her mother had become.
A knock sounded at the door. “Jen, open up.”
She hadn’t locked the door, but she wasn’t going to tell him that. Instead she sat on the bed, her hands resting on the mattress on each side of her.
When the door creaked open, she wasn’t surprised. He walked slowly into the room and kneeled in front of her. “I’m sorry that just happened. I’m shocked at how she was behaving. Is that normal?”
Jen sighed. “We’ve never been … loving. But it’s been bad lately, and getting worse all the time. She’s depressed, bitter, hating her life. Wishing it would end. I don’t know.”
He grabbed her hand and squeezed. “You don’t have to put up with that, Jen.”
“She’s all I have, TJ. And I’m really all she has. If I don’t take care of her, who will?”
“I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
She gave a little laugh, and nodded back toward her bed. “At least you dodged this bullet. Right?”
He frowned. “What does that mean?”
Was he really going to make her say it? Even after hearing she couldn’t even pay her bills. Her mother had been mean just now, but one thing she’d said was accurate. A thirty-year-old woman that couldn’t keep her water on had bigger issues than a bitchy mother. “You can’t be serious TJ. I’m obviously a mess. You see that now and so you can avoid any entanglement with the trashy girl. You knew it back in high school and as you can see, some things never change.”
His head jerked back. “What do you mean, back in high school?”
She just shook her head. “Never mind.”
“No way. You can’t make a statement like that and then shut down on me. I never did anything to you in high school, Jen.”
“You thought I was beneath you, TJ. That was enough.”
“Why do you believe that?” He asked, gripping her hand. “I’m tired of you insisting that I see you in a way that I clearly don’t.”
“You said it.”
“I never said any such thing,” he said, his voice getting louder.
She met his eyes. “You did. I heard you talking to Evan that day senior year. You told him he shouldn’t go with me if I asked him to the Sadie Hawkins dance.”
At first he looked confused, but then his mouth dropped open a bit and he shook his head. “Jen…”
She pulled her hand from his and pushed her hair back off her face. “Damn it. I knew that would sound so ridiculous. God, it was high school! But I’ve never forgotten how that made me feel, TJ. You were popular and I was no one.” Looking at him, she went on. “And please, God, don’t make fools of us both by trying to deny it. He’d flirted with me in Government. Insinuated I should ask him. And then the next day I heard you in the gym. I was the office aide. Went in to deliver something. You were telling him that his parents would be pissed if we went to the dance together because I was weird, and that I didn’t really fit in with your group of friends. And you know the craziest part? I agreed with you.”
“No, Jen. Listen to me. You completely misunderstood that.” He was shaking his head and trying to grab her hands. Finally, she relaxed and let him get a hold of her fingers. Slowly he linked their hands, touching their palms together.
She watched him open his mouth to speak, hesitate, then finally proceed. “Shit, I’m so sorry, Jen. I’ll say that first. And what I said—what I did—was a total dick move. But damn, I was willing to do anything to keep Evan away from you.”
“Why? It wasn’t as if I wanted to marry him. Honestly, I didn’t even like him, but I never had any popular guy make a move like that. Hearing you say those things—”
“I know, Jen. I know. But you have to understand why.”
“Because I was the weird—”
“No. Listen to me. It’s because…” He stopped once more, and Jen just shook her head. He wasn’t finished. “Evan was not a good guy. He didn’t have honorable intentions toward you, Jen. He’d talked about it with us guys before, how you’d be an easy lay. Had brought it up again in the locker room before we went into the gym. It may have sounded … mean, what I said about you. But I was willing to say anything, anything, to make him see what a bad idea it was to hook up with you. To convince him not to go out with you.”
She stared back at him, stunned. It wasn’t hard to believe that about Evan. It was no secret that the guy had been a player, and an asshole to all his exes. But was TJ’s motivation all altruistic? Or had part of him really meant it?
“I’m so sorry, Jen. God, if I’d have known you heard … I’m just sorry.”
She glanced down at their joined hands. “I hear what you’re saying. Obviously, I’ve basically forgiven you. We’ve worked together for years now.”
“But you’ve not forgotten it, and I don’t blame you. I was never proud of those things I said. I never meant them at all. I was just”—he swallowed, his hands giving hers a little squeeze—“I was desperate, Jen. I always liked you. And you were too nice of a girl to go out with Evan. I guess now I know why you never ended up asking him.”
“I sure as hell wasn’t going to after overhearing that.”
He nodded, a small chuckle coming from his lips. “And this must be why you quickly developed that chip on your shoulder when it came to me. Why you’re still always accusing me of judging you.”
“I hate that I do that all the time, but I can’t seem to stop myself. It’s an immature defense mechanism.” She waggled her eyebrows. “Or possibly a diversion tactic, to keep myself from making out with you.”
He grinned. “Feel free to drop that habit anytime.”
She laughed quietly, and they stared at each other for a long moment. Her palm shifted in his and she winced a bit when a stich caught. He flipped her hand over and studied the four stitches on her pinky. “I can take these out for you.”
She jerked her hand away. “No. I go in Monday to have them removed.”
“That’s not necessary. You just need some tweezers.”
The thought did not appeal to her. “No way. I don’t even have water, TJ. I don’t think minor surgery is appropriate.”
He frowned. “That is not minor surgery. And I’ll take care of the water.”
“Absolutely not, TJ.” The fact that he’d suggested it was humiliating and reminded her of the insults her mother had hurled her way. Suddenly exhausted and overwhelmed, Jen sighed. “Why don’t you just go, okay? I appreciate the fact that we’ve now aired all our dirty laundry. Maybe we can just … I don’t know, be normal friends.”
A look of confusion crossed over his face as he shook his head. “Why would you say that after what just almost happened?”
“Because it didn’t. And maybe for a good reason. The universe was telling us we were being impulsive.”
“Jen, I’ve wanted you for almost fifteen years. Having sex with you now would be the most unimpulsive thing I’ve ever done.”
She’d wanted him, too, but now, it all felt wrong. Jinxed. “Still … I just … can’t do this right now.”
“I understand if having your mom walk in ruined the mood today. But … don’t shut me out,” he said, looking hurt. Couldn’t he consider the fact that this might be best for them both? Maybe this was just a case of pent-up frustration and lust. Giving in to any temptation was usually a horrible idea. Better to end it before anyone got hurt.
Maybe This Time_A Whiskey and Weddings Novel Page 11