by Mark Tufo
“The Raptors. Yeah, they were the dicks of the dino-world.”
“Exactly. Are the stego-slaughters your fault too?”
“So, you’re saying that none of this is my fault because raptors were tearing into the flesh of slower prey millions of years ago?”
“Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying. How much of this crap have you had?” She was shaking a three-quarter empty bottle in front of her face. “Listen, you…you dunderhead.”
“You make that up?”
“Maybe. And it sounds fitting. Stop. Just stop blaming yourself. Bad things, horrible things are going to happen to people, have always happened to people. It is inevitable, and it is not because of you. Do you understand?”
“So, wait. I’m confused; am I the raptor or not?”
“I think of you more as the caveman with the big hard club. Just shut up and come back to the Inn with me; I thought maybe we could take a nap together.”
“I’m not really all that tired.”
“Oh my God. When did you get so thick!?”
It dawned on me where she was going with this but I relished the idea of her having to explain it.
“I want you to come and lay with me,” she said slowly, raising her eyebrows and enunciating like she was talking to someone who might not have a complete grasp of his faculties. Well, I guess that was the definition of dunderhead.
“Say it,” I replied.
“Say it?”
“You heard me.”
She looked around, clearly embarrassed.
“They don’t care.” I was referring to the soldiers.
“I’m not going to.”
“Tell me how much you want my pelvic thrust, my buttering of your biscuits, a good old baking of the potato.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Come on…a little lust and thrust, bump and grind, icing the cookie.” I winked at her.
“You keep going on like that and you’re going to be playing solo.” She bent low and stood up slowly, making sure I got a good view.
“Not coming until you say it,” I smiled.
I waited, she waited. “Fine. I want to get to know you in the biblical sense.” She rolled her eyes as she said it. I didn’t move. “Fry the bacon? Grease the pan? Scramble some eggs?”
“Oooh, you dirty girl! I can’t believe you kiss your kids with that mouth. Not sure if I want to have sex now or go and eat.” I grabbed her and twirled her around. My head and stomach did not thank me for that considering the booze I had circulating throughout my body. Our little horizontal dancing had to wait for a few hours while I slept it off, but it was worth it. As humans, we don’t have it all figured out. But lovemaking, true, tender, lovemaking is damn near a reboot on all that ails you.
I was staring up at the ceiling, a sheen of sweat covering my entire body, about as close to bliss as I had been in a while.
“You want to leave,” I said. The thought seemingly randomly entered my head; I never figured out how she did that.
“This wasn’t some ploy to break it to you, if that’s what you mean, but yes. I love it here, I do, but we’re no better here than we were at Ron’s, isolated and alone. I want to give our kids some chance at normalcy, or at least a re-enacted version of it.” She had turned on her side and was rubbing a hand on my chest.
“This place…it’s somehow…it’s like an oasis in a desert of death. We found this refuge, and we’ve taken it. But this place itself was a massive killing ground. Makes you think.”
“I honestly think we could spend the rest of our lives here unbothered,” she said.
They were nice words to hear; I didn’t believe them. Oh, I wanted to, but even I’m not that delusional.
“But this,” she stroked my hair. “This thing that you and I have, this marriage of mind, soul,” she began.
“And body,” I finished, pulling her close.
“I want the kids to be able to have that too.”
“Mood killer.”
“Put that thing away. I’m trying to talk to you.”
“Not entirely my fault–look where your hand is.”
A little bell went off in my head as we launched into round two.
The next morning, we all got together and talked about it. I couldn’t help but notice how much less room we needed now. I was thankful this wasn’t a normal meeting spot where I’d have to see all of the empty chairs that would never again be filled up. By the end of the discussion, it was more or less unanimous that we would head out in a couple of days. There was little in the way of dissent, but some were more reluctant to go than others. I mean how could there not be a desire to stay in the relative safety of our new location? After running so hard that we thought our lungs were going to burst, we’d finally been able to stop, to decompress, to catch our breaths and maybe even work some on our morale. Hell, we’d just had canned peaches.
“I’m going to miss this place,” BT said. Everyone else had left, most to prepare for the next leg of the journey.
“Me too,” I told him. “You think maybe there’s the same type of haven at the Battle for Little Bighorn?”
“Maybe, but not for you white people,” he said.
I just ignored him. “I mean, so much death maybe keeping a little peace around it?”
“Could be,” he said, picking up where I was going. “Pretty much just plains and rolling hills there, I think. Might not be the most comfortable place to set up camp; for sure there won’t be a Southern manor house.”
“I was just thinking it might be a safe stop along the way.”
“You think the world will ever be back to normal?” he asked, completely out of the blue.
“I can barely remember what ‘normal’ was like. I guess someday, right?”
“You really believe that?” he asked back.
I guess he didn’t catch the upward lilt of my words when I answered him with a question. “I want to think it will, BT, you know, or why bother? The real question is, will we ever be back to normal.”
“I’m not so worried about us; not sure anyone could ever come back from this. Not fully, I mean. Just too much damage done. We can live normal lives.” He stressed normal. “Not sure we’ll ever completely feel it, though.”
“Where you going with this, man? I’m trying to push that from my mind.”
“And see, that’s the thing. You’ll forever carry this around like a heavy suit of armor. No, my hope is we can pass a normal life, or at least a peaceful one, to those that come after us. For our legacy to be able to do great things, unencumbered by the disasters we brought on ourselves.”
I was pondering his thoughts when it hit me like a ripped foul ball down the third base line. “No fucking way!” I stood up, pointing a finger at him.
“What the hell are you talking about?” He was looking around with an alarmed expression on his face.
“I can’t believe this.” I was scratching the back of my head with both hands as I walked across the room away from him.
“Not many people can figure out what’s going on in that head of yours, Mike, even with instructions. You want to explain it to me? I left my lunatic to lucid dictionary in my other pants.”
“That’s what I’m talking about! Maybe you should have kept it in your pants!” I was smiling, maybe there was a veiled threat, but yeah, smiling.
“There’s still no dictionary!” He was getting mad.
“Use the first three letters. That’s what you should have kept there.”
“What the fuck? ABC?” I shook my head and pointed at him. “What the fuck is a d-i-c? Oh, a dick. Yeah. That’s what you’re being.”
“My sister’s pregnant, isn’t she?”
He reeled back a step like I had throat punched him with the words. “I…I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“I’d give you the birds and bees, but we’re talking about my sister and, you know, just ewww.”
“There’s nothing ewww ab
out it!” That step he’d taken backward turned into two forward, and now he was pointing a finger at me.
I was still smiling. “I think the BT doth protest too much.”
His finger came down and his head bowed slightly. “I told her I wouldn’t say anything. She’s going to kill me.”
“I don’t think my sister is a hundred and ten pounds, what the fuck are you worried about?”
“You seriously did not just say that. Any chance Tracy could beat you in an arm wrestle?”
“Fuck, no.”
“Boxing match?”
“I doubt it, but she does have a mean right hook.”
“Okay, so, physically, you probably have her, right?”
“Safe to say,” I answered in as masculine a way as I could, knowing exactly where we were headed.
“Yet, I’ve seen you cower from that woman.”
“Cower seems like a little much,” I said.
“Want me to get her in here and we’ll discuss it?”
“Fuck, no.”
“You’re going to keep your trap shut about this.”
“I am?” I asked. “You looked like you had something else to tell me earlier on that log.”
“I was drunk, man. I’m fine now and just because your sister can kick my ass, doesn’t mean I can’t kick yours.”
“That’s a reasonable assumption,” I told him.
“Assumption? That leaves room for doubt.”
“Don’t worry, man, I won’t tell anyone.”
“Not even your wife. I’m serious, because you know the first person she’ll go to when she finds out.”
“Fine, fine, man. Stop posting up on me. I get nervous with your chest in my face. You flex one of those pecs and I’ll get a black eye or a broken nose. And for what it’s worth, man, I’m thrilled. I know it’s a weird guy thing and we don’t generally say it to one another. But I love you, man. I do. So much so, I will take only half the normal dowry for my sister. I’d like two goats and a llama.”
“Yeah, I love you too, for some unknown reason. And just one goat.”
“You can’t negotiate a dowry. Two goats or nothing.”
“What are you talking about, Mike?” Tracy had come in.
“What did you hear?” BT was doing his best to not look guilty, he was only marginally successful.
“Goats, something about goats.” Tracy was looking from me to BT. “Spill it.” She wasn’t looking at either of us as she waited for an answer.
BT had sweat on his forehead.
“Mike?” Tracy now had me in her crosshairs.
“It’s not mine to say,” I told her, hoping some childhood honor thing would give me enough of a shield from her.
She sighed and refocused on BT. He was holding firm, though I think he would have cracked soon.
“Is this about Lyndsey’s pregnancy?” she asked.
BT looked accusingly at me like he wanted to thump me on the head.
“Wait, man. When the hell did you see me leave this conversation to tell her?”
He was thinking back along the timeline, seeing if there was a way to blame me.
“I’m surprised the two of you know how to put your pants on in the morning. She’s been sick every morning for the last week, and I’ve personally caught her twice with huge cans of green beans eating them as fast as she can get them into her mouth.” We just looked at her. “Good lord. Last time I checked, none of the Talbots are all that big on greens. She’s absolutely craving them.”
“Don’t say anything,” BT pleaded.
“Of course, But there are pre-natal vitamins we’re going to need to get.” She looked at me.
Drug stores and hospitals were bad places to go. Not so hard to believe the number of previously straight people that wanted to chemically check-out during the z-poc. Add into that, the shops were every druggie and junkie’s nirvana. Every other group was concerned about band aids, penicillin, and Tylenol…and condoms, the thought occurred. Anyway, the vast majority of times, you could not find anything in there, not even baby aspirin. Compound the likelihood that you weren’t going to find anything with the fact that these places were usually ground zero for zombies and the aforementioned druggies, and you had a recipe just waiting to brew disaster.
“I think I have an idea,” I said.
“Oh, this ought to be good.” BT folded his arms.
“Alright. We all know how shitty hospitals and drug stores can be.”
They nodded at my words.
“What if we find some doctor offices? We rifle through the patient records until we find some pregnant patients. It’ll list if they’ve been prescribed the vitamins and then we go to their house.”
“It has some salient points.” BT said, “but you’re presuming that the woman no longer needs her meds.”
“It sucks, man, but the reality is that most people don’t need much of anything anymore,” I said. “We wait until tomorrow. We’ll get going early.”
It was a little while later; I had been reading a book, of all things. I didn’t think I’d ever have enough time for that luxury again. The light was beginning to fail, and I was giving myself a headache straining to see the print on the page. I decided at this point that maybe some outside air would keep away the spike that was about pierce my head. Tommy was on the front porch; he was standing, had a far-off look in his eyes.
“Hey, kid,” I said.
He barely acknowledged my presence, if at all. I was heading out to climb a knoll on the far side of the field. I found peace there. Though the thick, swirling mist that was rolling in should have been a deterrent, it wasn’t. The only ghosts that were going to hurt me would be the ones of my own creation. The mist eddied around me as I walked to meet it. Its cooling effect chilled me as it rushed past to hide the Inn from me. It should have been eerie, but it wasn’t, not then, at least. I kept walking; the mist was getting thicker with each step, thicker than I’d seen it before. It got to the point where I could have been walking amongst the clouds; I could not see my feet touching ground. Right there I started thinking about how bad it would be if the zombies decided to attack. I’d get virtually no warning. This mist was as bad as being in a pitch-dark room, only everything was white instead of black.
“I’ve been waiting for you,” the disembodied voice said. Didn’t think it was a Civil War soldier as it was definitely female, and not only female, but it spoke with a European accent.
“Payne.” I gripped my rifle tight and brought it halfway up, though there was nothing I could aim at.
“You contain so much power, yet you will not allow yourself to fully realize it. Instead you foolishly rely on others and the crude weapons they create, hoping to keep the monsters at bay.”
“What do you want?” I asked, doing my best to find the direction the voice was coming from; it was impossible due to the diffusion the ground cloud was causing.
There was a laugh that carried with it no warmth. It sounded like the sigh of someone long dead, which, in hindsight was a very accurate description.
“At first it was merely curiosity….” She trailed off. I felt a stinging sensation on my left side; I looked down to realize I had been stabbed, just enough to let me know it had happened, to draw first blood, but nothing dangerous yet.
I was in trouble. I felt very much like the mouse this cat was toying with. Three more strikes–so lightning fast I did not even register the pain of the first one until the blade had been removed the third time. As much as I wanted to shoot blindly or to lash out, throwing wild punches, swinging my arms back and forth in a vain attempt to hit the nearly invisible entity that was haunting me, I did not. A part of me knew that to do so would only encourage her, that she would absolutely realize how vulnerable I was. And fuck if I wanted to give her that satisfaction.
“What is it now?” I asked breathlessly, referring to her opening statement, hoping that if she talked, she would be less likely to attack.
Like any woman, though, she wa
s able to multi-task. I was struck a fifth time, a gash appearing along the right side of my face. “Oh well. Curiosity has yielded to revenge. I thought perhaps I had outgrown that particular emotion, that I had changed sufficiently enough that I would not be driven by my baser, former, human instincts. But I was wrong. Poor, sweet, damaged Sophia, I did not love her. I do not think me capable of real love, but I did care for her in a way only a vampire can care for another of its kind. She deserves some measure of remittance, does she not?”
“Take me, have your measure!”
That laughter returned; it chilled far more than the mist. I turned slowly, as it was seemingly all around me.
“You believe yourself worthy of that measure?”
Wisely or not, I said nothing.
“Tomas would be a start to the payment I feel due, but that does not include the damage done to my Charity. Should I hold you accountable for these things, though you had little or no part in them?”
“I am willing to accept my responsibility and all of theirs.” I was trying to strike a deal with one that did not appear open to negotiations.
“I could have had any of you at any time. You are not nearly as vigilant as you believe yourselves to be.”
She needed to be stopped, I knew where this was going. Seemed vampires liked to hold grudges; she wanted to take vengeance from everything she imagined done to her on those around me. And that I could not allow. I undid the buckle that held my rifle up in its tactical position. I stood up straight, closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. I didn’t even know if I could produce a flicker, but it was nigh time to fight fire with fire, if possible. Payne came in again, this wound a little deeper than the others as if she was aware of what I was attempting and didn’t like it. That was good for me, to a point. It meant she was concerned, but there was no doubt she could finish me off long before I became a viable threat. Now I could sense her movements within the mist that hid her. I lashed out, mostly missing, but there was some satisfaction to the punch that glanced off the side of her head.