by Meg Jolie
“You went out for burgers. With Corey. In the middle of the night.” Jamie repeated it all with a tiny smirk. “Well, that’s…interesting.”
“No, no,” Willow said. “Not interesting. It was just…we were talking.” And I realized she was blushing. She looked at me imploringly. “He was really sweet Britta. I felt so bad for him. He was so nice. He kept thanking me for talking to him. He even paid for my meal.”
“Are you forgetting that he’s the one that chose to end things with me? And now…you’re feeling bad…for him?” Oddly, I realized I wasn’t all that upset about it. Primarily because I realized that when it came to Corey, I simply didn’t care all that much.
She nodded.
Jamie looked at Willow suspiciously. “Did you tell Corey that you would talk to Britta on his behalf?”
“Maybe.” Willow squeaked out the word.
“Traitor,” I mumbled. I was mostly teasing and yet, part of me wasn’t.
“Why would you be doing favors for Corey?” Jamie wanted to know.
Willow had the nerve to look at us like we were being unreasonable.
“Because I think really, he’s a nice guy.” She glanced at me. “You know it’s true. I mean, yes, you two broke up. But you were together for kind of a long time. So I know that you must’ve thought so, too. Because I know you wouldn’t have been with him otherwise. And last night, he was so worried about you.”
I wrinkled my nose but didn’t respond. She was right. Darn her. Instead I said, “What exactly are you hoping to get out of this conversation?”
“I think you should give Corey another chance,” she said. Her response was immediate. She was looking at me hopefully.
“Don’t you think it’s kind of soon for her to be giving anyone a chance right now?” Jamie demanded.
“It’s not just anyone,” Willow argued. “It’s Corey.”
“It is Corey. And I’m not interested,” I assured her.
She bit her lip. Countless emotions seemed to flit across her features.
Jamie sat up straighter in the booth. She narrowed her eyes at Willow. “Britta’s not interested. But…are you?”
“Me?!” Willow asked, her eyes were wide. “No. Uhuh.” She shook her head to accentuate her answer. Her blond curls bounced around her shoulders.
“If you want him,” Jamie said, “you could probably have him. Right, Britta?”
I raised my eyebrows at her. “I guess…but you say that like he’s mine to give away or something.”
Willow reached for her mug of tea. I thought she looked a bit conflicted.
“Do you like Corey?” I sounded incredulous. She hesitated. I could tell she didn’t want to answer me. “It’s fine if you do,” I said. “I really don’t care.”
“Really?” she asked. She’d scrunched her face up into a look of pure guilt. “I mean…I don’t know if I do or not. I probably don’t. But it’s just…after last night…”
Jamie and I waited in patient silence. The thing we both knew about Willow was that if we waited her out, she would almost always cave. It was usually just a matter of who could hold out the longest.
“Okay, maybe I might but I really just don’t know.” The words shot out of her mouth. She winced, as if she expected there to be backlash.
I just nodded. I was a little bit speechless.
Corey and Willow.
It was an interesting thought.
*~*~*
“Britta?”
The sound of my mom’s voice pulled me out of my nap. I didn’t usually, or ever, take naps. But I hadn’t slept much the night before, despite just lounging around in my bed all morning. And I was exhausted from what had turned into a seemingly endless crying jag. I hadn’t wanted to lose it in front of my friends. So I’d held it together until I’d gotten home. Then I’d cried myself to sleep. My eyes felt icky and my chest ached.
At first Willow and Jamie had insisted on coming into the house with me. I’d finally convinced them to leave, claiming I was tired. I hadn’t really meant to sleep but after they were gone, I couldn’t think of anything else to do. Besides, when you were sleeping…it meant at least you didn’t have to be thinking.
And I had desperately wanted to stop thinking. I couldn’t get the image of Tristan and Jayde out of my head. Images of them together. The real one, them walking arm in arm. And imagined ones. Him kissing her, his lips on her neck. His hands on her body. Hers on him…It had all been too much. After sobbing myself to sleep, I didn’t exactly feel better but I was grateful for the reprieve sleep had brought me.
“Are you sick?” Mom asked. She had left my door open. I glanced at the clock. It was almost dinner time. My room was gloomy and gray. The light from the hallway sliced across it. It cast enough light that I could see her expression when she put her hand on my forehead. She was worried.
“I’m not sick,” I told her. I gently pushed her hand away as I sat up. “What’s up?” I asked. It was a futile attempt to dodge more questions.
“I wanted to talk to you about something. But…” She shook her head. “Now isn’t the time.”
“Are you sure you’re not sick? Did you catch what I had?” she wondered.
“I thought you got an upset stomach from the food?”
She shrugged. “It might have been a flu bug. It’s hard to say. Especially if you’re not feeling well. Maybe I caught something and passed it on to you.”
“I’m not sick,” I repeated. Then I asked, “Are you just getting home?”
She nodded.
“Did you have a nice evening?” I knew they were going out for a nice dinner and then going to a play. She said that was the reason she’d planned on staying the night. That was all the excuse that I needed.
She gave me a small smile. “I did.” Before I could continue trying to distract her, she cut in with a question of her own. “Britta…What’s wrong?”
The simple question caused me to burst into tears all over again.
“Oh, sweetie,” Mom said as she dropped herself down on my bed. She reached over and flipped my bedside lamp on. It was dim but it still felt too bright for my poor, achy eyes. “What happened?”
I shook my head. It wasn’t just that I didn’t want to talk. At that moment, my throat felt so tightly constricted, I wasn’t sure I would be able to.
“Did something happen with Jamie or Willow?” she asked.
“No,” I managed to choke out.
“Tristan?” she wondered. I could hear the surprise in her voice. I knew how she felt.
I nodded. She gave me a few minutes to let my tears subside. Then I managed to dump out the whole story. She listened intently. When I finished, she was frowning.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
I nodded. “I saw them together.”
“Maybe they’re just friends?”
That was what I had wanted to believe at first but after talking to Dominick, that didn’t sound likely.
“Would he be ditching me? Me, supposedly his girlfriend every chance he got to hang out with a girl he’s just friends with? And lying to me about it? Pretending to be at work when he’s not?”
She made a sympathetic face.
“He’s been lying to me for weeks! He hasn’t had any time to spend with me and then I find out he’s spending all of his time with her?” I sniffled. “I saw them together! They were walking arm in arm. They looked…cozy. Does that sound like just friends?”
She was wise enough not to respond to the question. She shook her head instead. “I don’t know Britta.” I could tell by her expression she was trying to dredge up a reasonable explanation. I was quiet for a bit, wishing that she would hand over an answer.
Then I got upset all over again. This time, I was furious instead of miserable.
“You know what? That doesn’t even matter. He lied to me.” I took a shuddering breath as the truth of that hit me again. “He lied to me a lot. Every time he said he was working. Dominick said he hardly works at a
ll. But according to Tristan, he’s been working almost every night. He…he,” I squinched my eyes shut tight. Then I opened them and blinked away tears. “He even sent me a text, while he was with her, saying he was at work.”
“What did he say when you asked him about her?” she wanted to know.
“He didn’t deny spending all of his time with her.” But then I let out a bitter little laugh. “Not that he could have. Willow told him almost right away that we’d talked to Dominick. He didn’t have a lot of wiggle room to lie.”
“There has to be a logical explanation,” Mom carefully said. “There just has to be. Maybe you need to give him a call and talk this out. You couldn’t have had a rational discussion in the heat of the moment like that. Especially if Corey and Willow were right there.”
“How could there be a logical explanation? He lied to me. And he got caught.”
“It’s just…Tristan…?” It seemed incomprehensible to her.
I wanted to say…Dad…?
But I kept that comment to myself. Because both of them were blows I just never saw coming.
19
Getting Mom to leave the house on Sunday afternoon took some effort. Sundays had become her date day because Tristan typically came over to our house. She didn’t want to leave me home alone while I was in my horrible mood. I insisted that she go anyway.
Despite my insistence, she’d still been hesitant. I finally pointed out that I’d be spending most of the day reading Wuthering Heights for World Literature. I assured her the book would be a great distraction and she’d finally left.
She’d only been gone a matter of minutes when the doorbell rang. I hadn’t even had enough time to trudge back up the stairs to my room, where my book awaited me. I had just gone into the kitchen to make a cup of tea to take upstairs. I stood there for a second, tossing around the idea of not answering. I assumed it was Willow or Jamie again. I wasn’t in the mood to leave the house. That was the reason I debated not answering.
I had, however, been trying to decide if I should call Tristan. There was no way around it. He’d lied to me. He couldn’t explain that away. A lie was a lie as far as I was concerned. I just wanted to know why.
I thought I deserved at least that much.
My guilt got the best of me and I found myself in the entryway. I swung the door open, fully expecting my friends but finding Tristan instead. He was covered in a light dusting of snow. He’d obviously walked over.
“We need to talk,” he said. He didn’t try to come inside. He just stood there, looking unsure. When I didn’t immediately respond he said, “Please?”
“Yeah, we do need to talk,” I agreed. He looked nervous and relieved at the same time. Not surprisingly, that’s pretty much how I felt too. My heart was racing and my knees had gone weak. “Come on in,” I said as I stepped aside.
“I thought you couldn’t leave the house? I heard you had a late night. Didn’t bother to come home, or something.” I was well-aware of how accusatory my voice sounded. Since my tone was already accusatory, I decided I might as well just go all-out accusatory. “Did you go running back to Jayde?”
“What? No,” he said as he shook his head. He took his coat off and I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or annoyed that he planned to stay.
I went into the living room, he followed. I took the chair, leaving the couch for him. He tossed himself down into it with a heavy sigh.
“I got an earful from Jamie a little while ago,” he said.
“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that,” was my sarcastic reply.
“Look, Jayde’s just a friend,” he said. “Jamie seems to think I’ve been seeing her. That I’ve been cheating on you?” His voice shot up at the end. As if he couldn’t believe that Jamie would ever suggest such a thing.
My temper ratcheted up. “I saw you together, walking arm in arm. You were seeing her! When you told me you were working. Why would you be sneaking around if you didn’t have anything to hide?”
A thought belatedly occurred to me. It was something that should probably have crossed my mind earlier. But my mind had been a little too full of other things.
“Oh, wow,” I muttered. “Is this because we never talked about being exclusive? I mean, I guess I just thought it was implied. But we never talked about it. So is that why you were seeing someone else?”
“I wasn’t ‘seeing her’! I mean, I’m not!” he insisted. “You really think I’d cheat on you?!” His expression and his tone were incredulous.
I wanted to say no. But I hadn’t ever, in a bazillion years thought my dad would cheat on my mom either. So I ignored the denial.
“Tell me one thing,” I demanded. His expression was pained. I wanted to believe him. I also wanted to know for a fact that it wasn’t pained because he got caught, but pained because it hadn’t really happened. Common sense was telling me otherwise. I’d seen them together. “All of the nights that you were too busy to be with me. Were you with her? That’s all I need to know!”
“Yes, but it wasn’t like you’re thinking! I swear! She’s just a friend!”
I was getting ready to tell him to get out of my house. You don’t avoid your girlfriend time and again, lie to her and sneak around with some other girl because she’s ‘just a friend’. I moved to stand up but Tristan jumped in before I could say anything.
“We’re in a band together. You want to know what we were doing together? Well, there it is. There’s your answer. When you said Dominick told you everything, I assumed he told you that!”
That was not what I was expecting him to say. A small wave of relief washed through me. I opened my mouth to question him. I wasn’t sure what to even ask. Since when? And why didn’t he just tell me? And yet again, if it was innocent, why was he hiding it?
Before I could get any of those questions out, he continued to talk.
“There,” he said. “I just needed to get that out there. I don’t want any crazy ideas going through your head. And according to Jamie, that’s exactly what’s happening. We’re in a band together,” he repeated. “So yes, I’ve been with her. But the guys you met that night at Pulse? They’ve been there, too. Every night. Every time.”
“A band?” I finally echoed. “A band.” I could see Tristan being in a band. But… “Why all of the secrecy! Why didn’t you just tell me?!”
“I didn’t want my parents to find out. What I want is to take a year off between high school and college. And just play. Ideally, maybe travel the country but that’s not likely. I’d be happy to just play around here. I mentioned it to my dad once. He hated the idea. He said it was too easy to get off track. Said he wouldn’t allow it. He thinks I’ll become disillusioned or something. He’s afraid I’ll give up the idea of college until it’s too late.” He paused. “But I wouldn’t. I mean, I want to be a doctor. So the thing is, if I don’t do it now, I never will. Once I start med school, it’ll be years before I’m done. Then I’ll be old and probably feel too responsible. I’d never take the time to do something like that. Besides, now I have the connections. Later, I won’t.”
I was quiet for a bit, processing it all. What he said made sense. What he said about his dad made sense. But still!
“You could have told me!”
“You would’ve told Jamie!” he shot back at me.
Is that what this had been about?
“Maybe not,” I finally said.
“‘Maybe not’ wasn’t good enough,” he said. “I didn’t want to take the chance of my parents finding out. They never would have allowed it. And I really wanted this. Besides, I didn’t want to put you in the middle like that. I didn’t want you to have to keep secrets from Jamie. How many times did you say that you wouldn’t? Or that you didn’t feel right about it? I didn’t want to make you have to choose.”
“So you chose to lie to me instead?” I shot back at him.
He shook his head. “No. Not really.”
“You told me you were working! Night after night and Dominick s
aid you rarely work at all!” I was fuming. I got his explanation. I did. On some level. On another level, it didn’t satisfy me in the least. He had lied to me. And I was just supposed to be okay with that? Screw that! I wasn’t okay with it at all.
“No,” he said firmly. He squirmed in his seat. “I didn’t lie.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. I could feel my jaw clench. He had lied and he was continuing to lie by denying it.
“You said you were at work!” I fumed.
“I was!” He cut me off before I could protest. “I was, Britta. Perry got some gigs lined up for us and Jayde was able to get us a spot at Pulse. We get paid. So I was at work. I was rehearsing. I know,” he said, cutting me off yet again when I shifted in my chair. I was still not buying it. “I know,” he repeated. “I let you believe I was at Harrison’s. If you think about it, I never said I was there. You just assumed.”
“I ‘assumed’ because I thought it was the only job you had!”
He threw his hands up in the air. “I know. You’re right. I was wrong. I was so wrong. I should’ve told you. I admit that I omitted. I admit that I let you believe something when I knew what you were thinking wasn’t true. But, for what it’s worth, I never lied to you. Not once.”
“You think it’s all okay because of semantics? You lied by omission and you were dishonest. I don’t…” I hesitated, taking a shaky breath. I was still livid and my throat was constricting. I didn’t want to cry. Not now. “I don’t do well with being deceived,” I pointed out. I had a low tolerance for it. Tristan, of all people, someone who had had a front row seat to my family drama, should know that. Because of that, it made the situation that much worse.
I was relieved; of course I was relieved that nothing was going on with him and Jayde. But that didn’t change the fact that he’d deceived me. Not just once. But over and over again.
“I know,” he said. He raked his hand through his hair. “I wanted to tell you. I was going to tell you. That night in your kitchen? I asked if you could keep a secret from Jamie. You said no. I thought maybe you were teasing but I just…I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t risk it.”