My head is buried in Skye’s neck and her citrus scent soothes me. The way she smells, the way she feels, does something to me. She’s the cure for a disease I didn’t know I had. And I sound like a fucking pussy for even thinking this. My father would slap me if he ever heard me voice my thoughts. But he’s not here, and I no longer give a fuck about what he thinks. If anything, doing the opposite of what he thinks is a great motivator. But years of conditioning still reach me, and even if I recognize my father’s reach, sometimes, it’s hard to turn it off.
“Logan, you can’t think like that. Even if it was your gun that killed that man, you had no choice. If you and the other cops hadn’t stopped him, he could have hurt dozens of people.”
It’s true, I know. That duffel bag he had with him had enough ammo to take down dozens of people. Still. Knowing it, acting on it, and reconciling it with the knowledge that a human being is dead, and I had a part in it, still bothers me.
I pull away, just enough so I can see her eyes. I need the reassurance they will give me. And I find it. Love, trust, concern for me. It’s all there in Skye’s clear blue gaze.
“I know. I know you’re right, Skye. That guy was FTD the moment he walked into that building loaded with weapons.”
“FTD?”
“Fixed to die,” I explain. “Cop lingo.”
A small smile tugs at my lips.
“What about you? Are you okay? How are you holding it together?”
Her hands run through my hair, and I fight the urge to close my eyes and lean into her touch like a puppy.
“I was scared. Terrified. But not for myself. I was sure I’d be okay. I was afraid for you. I knew you had to be around. I just knew that as soon as someone called the cops, you’d be near, and I was terrified that whoever was out there was going to hurt you.”
“Oh, the irony. You were afraid for me and I was afraid for you. And neither one of us was concerned for our own safety.”
“A side effect of loving someone. You put their wellbeing before your own.”
I recognize the truth in her words even though I’ve never experienced it before. Certainly not from my parents. My grandparents, maybe. But thankfully, they never had to make that choice.
I think about it and how little I know about love. I loved my grandparents, but I only got to see them on breaks from school. And I love my brother, who I haven’t seen in a year. I have no idea where he is or what he’s up to. I wish he had come to find me when our father forced his hand instead of enlisting when he was eighteen.
I come from a family that always looked perfect on the outside. And I didn’t realize how broken and unhealthy my family dynamic was and is until I was in high school. I look at Skye and River and how they talk about their parents and the way they grew up, and it's so alien to me. I can’t imagine having that kind of upbringing.
Of course, I’ve seen loving families in movies, but it always felt like fiction. The way I grew up, the friends I had growing up, all reinforced the sterile way in which my brother Liam and I were raised. We were never kids. We were projects. Investments for the future of the family business.
It’s a miracle I can even relate to Skye at all. She fills a need in me I never knew I had. I can only hope to fill her empty spaces in the same way.
Chapter Forty-Nine
A week after the shooting, we make it home for Thanksgiving. Logan drives us in the Escalade he rarely uses. It sits in the garage most of the time. He prefers to drive the truck. But this is a much more comfortable ride than his old truck or my little Honda Civic, I have to say.
As soon as we walk up the veranda, the door opens and Mom throws herself at Logan in a tight hug.
“Thank you for saving my baby. Thank you for keeping her safe.”
He’s too stunned to react at first, but his arms find her and hug her back. Not as tightly as she hugs him, though. I come around to Mom’s side, and Logan’s eyes find me over Mom’s head. He’s shocked and speechless.
“Mom, you’re going to scare him off. And how about saving some of that love for the baby in question?”
She hugs me just as tightly. Dad comes out then. Logan gives him a hand to shake, but Dad pulls him in for a hug as well. A manly one, with lots of backslapping.
Dad hugs me next while Mom grabs River.
“We are a hugging family,” I say after everyone has been hugged.
“Better get used to it.”
Mom ushers us into the house, and Dad grabs River’s and my luggage. We don’t carry much. We have a lot of our stuff here anyway.
The smells of my childhood hit my lungs with a flood of memories. Apple pie, wood floor polish, and some kind of roast. One might think all those scents fight each other, but for me, it smells like home. Like bare feet on grass and cool nights reading by the wood-burning fireplace. It smells like laughs, tight hugs, and movie nights. It smells like family. It doesn’t matter that I came home just a couple of months ago. Every time we’re back, I’m reminded of how much I’m loved.
It’s easy to forget and take for granted those we care most about in the middle of the demands of life. This past week, with all that happened, being back home tugs at my heartstrings a little harder.
Logan looks a little bewildered by my family. I take his hand and he gives me a grateful smile.
“Logan, we’re so glad to finally meet you. The pictures don’t do you justice.”
I look at Mom.
“What pictures?”
“Oh, you know.”
Mom waves her hand like I do know. I have no clue what she’s talking about.
“The pictures River sent me. She’s right. You got yourself a Hot Cop, indeed.”
Logan blushes, and I sputter, trying to say Mom and River at the same time, and what comes out is something that sounds like Miver.
“Awe, look at her, Logan. You got her all tongue-tied.”
Mom pats his face. Mom pats my boyfriend’s face. A six-foot-two grown man who towers over her, since like me, she’s just five-foot-three. She winks at him and then looks at me.
“All the best ones do. Leave your tongue tied, you know?”
Well, I can’t yell at my mom, so I find the next best thing. River.
“What?”
she says, like she had no hand in any of this, and the three of them walk away, leaving Logan and me behind.
“Gotta check that pot roast,” Mom says as she walks to the kitchen.
“Skye, you can put Logan in the room next to yours. It will make it easier to sneak in the middle of the night. But you’d better do it in your bed. The guest one is very squeaky.”
Logan’s wide eyes find me, and his face is frozen between embarrassment and a laugh.
“Now I know where River gets it from.”
Ugh.
“You have no idea.”
Chapter Fifty
We’ll be leaving in a few hours. Tomorrow is Monday and I’m back to work. The girls have school. Hopefully, things will be back to normal at Riggins.
I spent every night in Skye’s bed as per her mom’s suggestion. I still can’t believe she said that. I tried to be very discreet about it, but she had a knowing smirk on her face every morning. Skye is sleeping next to me, blond hair spread across the pillow and over her shoulders. She looks so peaceful. Just looking at her centers me and calms all the turmoil inside me. She has a quiet power about her and she doesn’t even know it.
The whole family has a strength about them I’ve never encountered before. They’re so completely different from mine. I had no idea there could be such love and trust. I mean, rationally, I know it. But to see it at work, it’s something I’ve never been exposed to.
Skye is more like her father. He has a quiet aura about him, but I’m not foolish enough to think it means he’s a pushover. The love he has for Serena, his wife, and the girls is clear in his every word and gesture. Time and again, I catch myself wishing my father could have been more like David. But my father loves power,
not people.
Skye stirs, her eyes flutter, and she catches me watching her. A smile tugs at her lips.
“Good morning, Sunshine.”
The smile gets bigger.
As corny as it sounds, she is like sunshine. My life up to the moment I met Skye was rules, order, laws, gray. But on a cold September night, she decided to go out in tiny shorts and pink bunny slippers, and it was like seeing colors for the first time. She surprised me. I wasn’t ready for her. I thought I had my life all lined up. I never realized how much under my father’s influence I still was. Not until Skye showed me differently, and I can’t even pinpoint how. She just does. She just is. No reasons, no explanations, no justifications needed.
“Have you been awake long?”
Her voice is husky with sleep, and it makes my morning wood jump and move the sheet, which does not go unnoticed. Her eyes pop up and glance back at my face.
“Do it again?”
I indulge her and contract my stomach muscles, making my dick jump.
She reaches over and brushes her fingertips over me through the sheet with the lightest of touches, and my dick moves again.
“It’s alive!”
Skye says in a maniacal voice a la Doctor Frankenstein.
She giggles. The giggles turn into laughs. I can’t help but laugh with her.
“Nothing is that funny at seven-thirty in the morning.” River’s voice floats to us through the locked door. Learned my lesson. Lock the door and triple-check it.
Skye and I look at each other and laugh even louder now until we both have tears streaming down our faces.
In this moment, the full strength of my love for this girl hits me so hard, it takes my breath away. I’ve never been happier, never felt this accepted and loved. It might be just eleven weeks since that cold September night we met, but I can say with certainty that Skye is it for me.
I’ve found my one and only.
Chapter Fifty-One
It’s been a month since the shooting. Since Logan said he loved me. The trip home for Thanksgiving solidified something in our relationship. We spend every free minute together. We sleep in each other’s houses, and River has learned not to barge in through closed doors.
But not before catching us in the shower. That damn bathroom lock was always tricky. My fault for not triple-checking like Logan does. Yep. River got an eyeful. She says she’s scarred for life now, but when Logan wasn’t around, she confided in me that she thinks he has an amazing ass. He does.
We didn’t see much of each other for the last three days since Logan is taking a lot of shifts this week. But the good news is that he got a whole week off for Christmas and New Year’s and he’s coming home with us again. Tonight is his last full night shift, and after tomorrow, he switches to day shift until the end of the week and then we can go home for the holiday break.
River is at a Christmas party with Becca and it’s just me at home tonight, watching Miracle on 34th Street—the original one in black and white—and drinking hot chocolate. The perfect companion for the snow that began falling at the same time the movie started playing.
My phone buzzes. I expect it to be Logan, but it’s Bruno.
Bruno: Hey, are you home?
Me: Yes.
Bruno: Is Logan or River there?
Me: No, just me. Why?
Bruno: Can I come over?
Me: Sure, is everything okay?
A second later, the doorbell rings.
Bruno: It’s me. I’m outside.
This is odd. Bruno is supposed to be out of town with Sidney, having an early Christmas celebration since he has to spend the actual holiday with his family.
I rush to the door to let him in and one look at him tells me something is very wrong. Bruno walks right past me and into the living room. He takes off his sneakers and jacket and puts them in the closet by the front door, a habit he’s always had. His mom hates clutter in the house. Shoes and jackets have to always be hidden in a closet somewhere. He walks straight to the couch and drops into it like the weight of the world is pushing down on him.
I close and lock the door and sit next to him, both feet folded under me. I wait.
His eyes are red and his face blotchy, like he’s been crying for hours.
“Sidney broke up with me.”
My heart sinks. They’ve been together for over four years. Sidney and Bruno began dating senior year of high school. Sidney goes to a different college a couple of hours away, and Bruno goes away to visit as much as he can. They’ve kept this relationship alive and thriving for all this time. Seeing my best friend this broken brings tears to my eyes.
“What happened?”
“Apparently, I’m not committed to our relationship enough.”
“What?”
“Sidney gave me an ultimatum. Now or never.”
“I thought you were supposed to wait until graduation.”
“So did I. We agreed to it. Right after graduation, but—”
A sob escapes him and he crumbles. My best friend is falling apart right in front of me and there’s nothing I can say or do to make it better. I do the only thing I can. I scoot closer to him, wrap my arms around his trembling shoulders, and wait until the sobs diminish.
Bruno looks at me, and his face is a mask of pain, anger, and despair.
“Five months, damn it. Five fucking months. Is that too much to ask for?”
“No,” I say. “Not when it’s been almost five years.”
“That’s what I said. What kind of love is this? Five months is not too much to ask for. And I’m the one who’s not committed enough?”
I don’t say anything because I know that’s not what he wants from me.
“I drove up there almost every weekend, every break, every chance I had. And that’s what I get? A big fucking ultimatum? Do or die? I couldn’t do it. I walked away. I had to leave before I said something stupid and hurtful.”
“Do you want me to call h—”
“No.”
Bruno cuts me off before I have a chance to ask. He’s proud, and he’s hurt.
My phone buzzes again. River this time.
River: Do we have any dinner leftovers? I’m hungry and it’s snowing harder. I don’t want to stop to get anything.
Me: Yes, we have leftovers.
River: Ok, will be there in ten. Party is boring, I just dropped Becca off. See you soon.
I show my phone to Bruno.
“River will be home in ten minutes.”
He gets up.
“I gotta go.”
“No, you’re in no condition to drive. Stay.”
“I don’t want her to see me like this.”
“It’s snowing harder now. You already drove for hours. Your eyes are nearly swollen shut. Just go into my room, close the door, and wait there. Once River goes to bed, you can leave. Just give yourself a chance to calm down, okay?”
It’s been over two hours since River came home and she’s still up. She ate and watched a movie. I stayed with her, as she has the habit of coming into my room if I go to bed before her. An old routine from when we were kids and shared a room. I was afraid of the dark, and River always stayed until I fell asleep. Knowing she was watching over me made me feel safe. I outgrew my fear of the dark, but River still watches over me, still checks on me on nights Logan doesn’t stay over.
“I’m going to bed,” she says in a yawn, the sound of her voice distorted by it.
“Good night, Sis. I’m going soon too. Just want to check a couple of emails.”
I wave my phone at her for good measure and hope she buys the white lie. River waves at me over her shoulder and walks down the hall. I can hear her in the bathroom, and a couple of minutes later, her bedroom door closes. I wait five minutes and then go to the bathroom myself, brush my teeth, and change into my favorite tank top and pajama pants.
It’s quiet across the hall. I tiptoe to my room. The lamp next to my bedside is on and Bruno is fast asleep, curled i
nto a fetal position on the edge of my bed. I check the storm outside my window, the streetlight showing that several more inches have fallen. I don’t want to wake him up. I tug the blackout curtains into place, grab a throw blanket, and cover Bruno. I’ll wake him before River is up in the morning. Tomorrow is Saturday, and she likes to sleep in. The township is good about cleaning the streets, and the roads should be clean by early morning. With a sigh, I get under the covers and turn the lamp off. My heart is breaking for my best friend. I’m glad he fell asleep. He can’t hurt in his sleep.
Chapter Fifty-Two
This was the longest night of my life. You’d think being in Vermont, people would be used to the snow by now, but there’s always one guy who thinks he can drive through the white stuff piling up on the roads at normal speed. I had to help rescue three different cars from ditches. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt. Just egos and bumpers got damaged on my watch tonight.
I miss Skye and can’t wait to see her. Having opened to each other crumbled the last wall I had in place. It’s freeing not having to keep my guard up. It’s freeing being able to just be me without the fear of being betrayed or hurt by someone I love.
As soon as I’m done with my shift, I make my way to her house, stopping at Pat’s first to get breakfast for the girls.
I know it’s early, not even 7:00 a.m. yet, and it’s Saturday, so they’re sleeping for sure, but I don’t want to wait. I don’t even change into civilian clothes.
A while back, Skye gave me the code for the outer door, and I let myself into the hall. I knock on the door lightly and hope someone will hear me. I wait a minute, and I’m about to knock again when River opens the door. Her eyes are barely open and her hair is a wild mess of curls. She’s wearing a knee-length purple T-shirt and socks with unicorns all over them. I hold back a laugh. One sister with bunny slippers and the other with unicorn socks.
Because of Logan Page 21