What have you done Kraig?
Kraig stayed on the bench, unable to move. He lied down, facing towards the sky, he put his headphones on and listened to Angie.
It was noon; the song had been playing for half an hour on loop, and that half hour was spent lying on a bench, using his arms to shield his eyes from the sun (and any passer-by who might see his ‘not so happy’ expression).
You complain that a girl broke your heart and then you break someone else’s… and your own.
He arrived home at half past two, his mother noticed his sorrowful expression and asked him what was wrong. He told her everything and ended it with, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
He locked himself in his room. He lay in his bed wearing the shirt she once wore listening to his sad songs mix on CD. He didn’t want to put in the effort of getting up and flipping the vinyl once a side ends.
He stared at the ceiling but didn’t cry, his emptiness didn’t give him the leeway to cry. He wondered what was wrong with him, why he was the way he was. Only then did he begin to cry.
As the final song came to an end, his mother came into his bedroom and brought him some apple juice. She handed it to him and he propped himself up and sat with his back against the headboard, she sat on the side of the bed and spoke.
“You can fix this, you know. She makes you happy and I’m sure this isn’t what you want, you can fix this.”
“No, I can’t, Mum.” He covered his face with one of his pillows so his face was sandwiched in between two. “I fucked up. I thought I was alright and ready to let someone in, but I’m not. I’m still scared and I hate myself for it.”
“People hurt people. That’s how the world works. We even hurt the ones we care about, life’s a mess, it’s a barrage of problems which makes you want to give up, but every once in a while, you meet someone who makes it worth it. If you think you found that person, then fix it.”
“I don’t know how to.”
No one was home when Kate arrived, she drank lots of water, she was crying in peace, now that she was in the comfort of her own home. She barely had enough energy to change out of her clothes, didn’t even put on music or anything. She just stood in bed and told Anna and Emma what had happened.
Once the crying had subsided, she went to clear out her bag, as she took everything out, she found the money Kraig had snuck back in. She smiled, but didn’t cry.
Gary wasn’t at school on Monday, probably preparing his luggage and everything he would need to move away. Kraig avoided Kate at school as much as he could, he saw her in English class however, and when she looked at him, thinking he wouldn’t notice, he’d sink his head in shame. He felt guilty, responsible, like a bad person, wrong, the list goes on.
After school was over, Kraig, Ron, Eric, Anna, Emma and Kate went to Gary’s house together for one last time. They spent their final day with him doing what they loved the most to keep tradition. They played videogames together; they played Mortal Kombat, Tekken, Mario Kart, FIFA, Overwatch, you name it. They enjoyed the same thing which had united them months prior. Kraig and Kate talked, though the conversations were short and awkward, but at the very least, they knew they were still friends, sort of. He hated seeing her sad but thought there was nothing he could do about them, but he ignored his thoughts for just a bit and tried to enjoy his last day with Gary.
As he looked around the room as more time went on, all he saw were broken eyes, they were all sad.
How sad? Imagine Hero by Regina Spektor playing in the background, as they played and smiled, that’s how sad they were.
Chapter 9
Yesterday
They were all gathered at the airport. They all hugged Gary and said their goodbyes, Amber hugged him the most. She gave him a kiss on the lips, he was about to tear up when he said, “I wish I had told you sooner.” He grabbed her hand and held it between both of his.
“I’m going to miss you,” said Ron. He wasn’t one to shed tears, but he was definitely feeling sad.
“You stay safe out there, man, and make sure to call every once in a while.” Eric gave him another hug.
“I’m not really good with words so…” Kraig held out his hand, he was holding a folded piece of paper. Gary took it and opened it up, his eyes noticed the title, Friend. He read the poem and shed a tear.
“This is ironic,” he said.
“Why?”
“You said you’re not good with words, and you wrote a poem.”
“I don’t follow.”
Gary hugged him, “I’m going to miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too, bud.”
One by one, they slowly walked away, reality refused to set in for most of them, it was harder for Kraig to believe. Kraig looked at him, hoping that he would change his mind at the last second and stay. When Kraig was the only one left, Gary pulled him aside and talked to him, “Don’t be an idiot, Kraig. Fix it.”
“Fix what?”
“You know what I’m talking about. Kate. Please, for my sake, promise me you’ll fix it. I can’t stand to see you like this, don’t let me wonder if my friend three-thousand kilometres away is happy or not. Satisfy me and make sure you are, I want to leave, knowing that my friend is happy with the girl he wants to be with.” Gary’s father signalled him. “That’s my signal, I’ve got to go.”
“I’ll fix it,” Kraig vowed. Gary smiled and walked away.
Kraig walked outside where the others were waiting, a slight rain was pouring.
“Ironic,” said Kraig, bitterly laughing at nature’s cruel joke.
“What is?” asked Eric.
Kraig pointed towards the sky, “I refuse to cry but the world does it for me.”
“Stop being so dramatic,” said Ron.
They went through this same process again two weeks later, when Eric left for military training. But at least with him, they knew that he’d eventually come back (And in case you’re wondering, Anna was going to wait for him).
Kraig was at Ron’s house, only the two of them were left out of the boys. They were both playing Tekken. Both of them were still a bit down; reality hadn’t fully set in yet, more so for Kraig, who was severely more emotional.
“Like the sole survivor in a battalion,” is how Kraig described the feeling, to which Ron usually said, “Why are you so fucking dramatic?”
They kept playing Tekken, both sitting on the sofa.
“He told you to make it right, didn’t he?”
“Yes,” Kraig replied, sure of where this was going.
“That was four weeks ago.”
“I don’t know what to do about this, man. Can we just drop it?”
“Fine,” Ron didn’t feel like arguing. They kept on playing Tekken, barely uttering a word. The only sound being that being that coming from the TV.
“I have an idea,” said Kraig.
“And that is?”
“So Gary liked apple juice, right? And Eric liked peach juice and you happen to have both in your fridge. So we mix them and make a toast.”
“That’s the stupidest yet most intriguing idea I’ve heard this past month.”
They both went to the kitchen and mixed their drinks into a cup.
“To friendship,” said Kraig.
“To friendship,” repeated Ron.
The idea seemed stupid to the both of them and it didn’t really serve any purpose, but it made them feel just a bit better.
It was two days after the toast.
Kraig had just come back from walking Duke, no one was home. He was sitting at his desk with his notebook laid out in front of him. He was listening to Abbey Road once again while chewing on the end of his pen, trying to write something to vent his frustrations. He had listened to Abbey Road since he received it, more than he had listened to all his other albums combined.
He eventually wrote something down. He titled it ‘Lost’, then put the notebook away in his desk drawer before crawling into bed once more.
It had been a
sad and exhausting few weeks. He had no energy to fix the situation, his mind was split in two and the rope which was pulling from both sides was just about ready to snap now. And it did. His eyes burst like dams and he couldn’t bear it any longer. He sobbed and sobbed but it’s not like tears could solve a situation.
Duke walked in through the quarter-open bedroom door, he jumped onto the bed and curled up next to Kraig, sensing his owner’s sadness. Kraig turned to face Duke and gently stroked him on the head, “Hey, buddy.” Duke let out a small snore, it put a smile on Kraig’s face. His eyes were red, almost as if bloodied, but for a little while, Duke stopped the flow of tears. Time passed slowly as Kraig looked at the ceiling, petting Duke, wondering what to do.
What do I tell her? How did it come to this? Were we dating? Didn’t I warn her that this might happen? What should I do? I like her sure but—his gut felt heavy with burden. He barely had enough energy to make himself a meal when he was feeling hungry.
He barely touched his food, he needed to clear his head. He put on his hoodie (the hood was up again) and went to Stone’s Park; the same park where he had his heart shattered, and the park where he first had a heartfelt talk with Kate.
It was a quick walk, his headphones were on again. There was barely anyone in the park. In fact, there wasn’t anyone at all, except for a few kids, maybe twelve or thirteen, smoking cigarettes in a far off corner, Ah, yes, the blessed youths.
He sat on a bench near the entrance, starring at the blue, morning sky with the sun hidden behind the clouds. He looked at his phone, 9:57. His stare was interrupted when he instinctively looked towards a hasty, shuffling sound.
It was John and Ray walking through the gate, with John a few metres ahead, and now directly in front of Kraig. He grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him off the bench before Kraig could realise what was going on.
“What the hell did you do to her?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You made her cry, didn’t you?”
“Yes.” Kraig’s voice was monotone, void of any emotion; it was the only way he could cover up his fear.
“I made her cry after I refused to take her back after she begged me to.”
“Stop lying to my face, you were the one begging,” John said, squeezing Kraig’s collar tighter.
“She did it once before. She left me for you. Do you honestly think she wouldn’t leave you for someone else? She jumps from guy to guy so much, her autobiography will be called ‘Frogger’. She’s a deceitful bit—”
John slapped Kraig, there was a mild stinging on his right cheek.
“Don’t call her a bitch!” John demanded.
“Way to fucking go, philosopher, is this how you fix all your problems, you ape?” Kraig was scared of the situation sure, he knew John could snap him like a twig but his face didn’t show it. “Believe it or not, what I told you was the truth, she doesn’t love you anymore. She said you don’t treat her like I do and so I’m telling you to let her go, despite all the bullshit you also put me through. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re a piece of shit too, but she’s the bigger evil here, and besides, the more shit you put together, the bigger the pile becomes and the more it stinks.”
John pushed Kraig back and he almost fell down.
“Okay that’s enough, meathead.” A voice caught the attention of all three of them.
“Let the kid go before I break either your arm or a leg.”
Kraig looked behind John, it was Ron. He always walked through that park when coming to Kraig’s house and would come in through the other entrance. Lady Luck had simultaneously pissed and smiled on him.
Ron was smaller in stature and although he could still probably beat John in a fight, he didn’t want to risk it. Thankfully, he had a great trick up his sleeve. John’s physique was intimidating, John walked towards Ron, poised to strike and so, Ron cleverly outsmarted him by kicking him as hard as he could in the nuts. John instantly knelt over in pain, the pain shifted to his stomach as well. Kraig ran up and gave him another kick in the ribs for good measure and by that point, John was on the ground rolling.
Ray ran up to him, yelling, “Baby, are you okay?”
“Let’s go,” said Ron, and they both walked out of the park and made their way to his house. Truth be told, he enjoyed kicking that asshole in the ribs and truthfully, he also wanted to give Ray a good kick in the shin, although he wouldn’t hit a lady, even though she wasn’t much of one.
“What are you doing here?” Kraig asked Ron as he opened to door to his apartment.
“I told you I was coming, I came to check up on you. I’m glad I showed up when I did,” Ron said, putting his plastic bag on the kitchen table. “I got us some Turkish wraps.”
They both sat down and munched the food, going over how that situation came about. Ron noticed Kraig’s eyes were still red, he knew it wasn’t because of John.
The bell rang, Kraig swallowed his food.
“I’ll get it,” he said, getting up from his seat. He opened the door. Emma and Kate were there; his eyes widened. Ron greeted them.
“Why are you here?” Kraig said.
“Didn’t Ron send you a message? We came to hang out and stuff,” said Emma.
“I didn’t have Wi-Fi at the park. Well, there’s nothing to do in the kitchen, so do you want to hang out in my room? I have an N.E.S, a PS4 and emulators.”
They agreed and both women went to his room, with Kate showing Emma where it was.
Ron pulled Kraig aside, “Make sure you fix it while she’s here.”
Kraig and Ron carried two chairs into his room; there were two already there. Kraig got four plastic cups from the cupboard along with four coasters. He took them to his room and went back into the kitchen to get some snacks.
Emma turned to Kate, “Try to cheer up, don’t make it awkward, we’re all still friends. He didn’t want to hurt you, he’s just stupid, but he still likes you as a friend. He still wants you in his life.”
“Sure, he does.” Kate didn’t believe her.
“Come on, Kate. Chin up, he still likes you, surely. You’re not that dense, right?” said Ron.
“Don’t fill her head with stupid ideas!” Emma instructed Ron.
“Are you his best friend?” Ron said. Emma didn’t speak. “Are you in our ‘boys only’ group chat? That’s what I thought. I’m right and you’ll see, everything will be a… okay by the end of the day. He likes you and he may not have said it, but he will. I’m sure of it.”
“No, he won’t,” said Kate. “He won’t say it because that’s not how he feels, we’re just friends.”
“It is how he feels,” Ron reassured her. Emma scoffed, Kate ignored him.
Kraig walked in through the door, they all suddenly stopped talking and diverted their gaze towards him.
“What’s with the awkward silence?” he asked.
“Why are you wearing sunglasses?” asked Ron.
“I uhm…” he couldn’t think of an excuse (or a better way to hide his red eyes), “Don’t question it.”
“Are you wearing your regular glasses underneath?” asked Kate.
“Could be.” He laughed, she smiled just a little bit.
Kraig thought this scene was somewhat like the Expectations vs Reality scene from 500 Days of Summer. He expected her to throw herself at him because she still liked him and it would all be fine as he embraced her, but she just stood there sheepish and awkward. She wasn’t Summer, though in this story, Kraig was or maybe no one was. There tends to be complexity in the face of romance.
Maybe he had been relying too much on her for validation, he wanted someone to like him to prove something to himself, and maybe when he finally got that, he was scared or maybe he just didn’t want to have his heart broken. No. It was both.
Kraig put a bag of nachos on his desk and opened a jar of nacho-cheese. They all dug in. Duke heard the noise and woke up. He walked into the room and sat down near Kate. She stroked
his head lightly.
“Hey, buddy,” she whispered.
“So are we going to play videogames? There’s four of us and I only have two controllers. Or do you guys want to do something else?” asked Kraig.
“How about a movie?” Emma suggested.
“Sure, if you know any good ones. The only one I can recommend is 500 Days of Summer.”
No one could come up with any good movies, so they marathon-ed The Office instead. They watched episode after episode, until it was six and the sun was beginning to set. Everyone was tired and they were all just about to leave, Kraig barely talked to Kate.
Before they left, Kraig went to the bathroom quickly, while they stayed in his room, cleaning up the snacks and tidying up.
“I told you so,” Kate told Ron, almost wanting to cry but refusing to do so.
Ron was displeased. He was sure he’d do something in this situation. He grabbed Kraig’s phone which was still on the desk. He unlocked it (he knew the password; it was WaterBottle44) and wrote a note for him on it, then locked it again on the same screen. After Kraig came back, he saw them off and said goodbye to each and every one.
Before she left, Kate handed him some money.
“For the Go-Karts.” And with that, she walked out the door.
Kraig was soon alone again and he was now feeling like shit, because he had seen Kate’s sad-happy-neutral expression.
He sat down at his desk and put away all the wrappers into his bin. He got up after sitting down for a few minutes to tidy up the room.
After all was said and done, he unlocked his phone and saw a single sentence.
Chapter 10
In My Life
“Fix it you fucking moron, before she gives up on you entirely!”
Kraig felt helpless; he created this mess. He had never been a man before, he had no courage, never stood up to anyone, a complete push over but it was time to face everything. The bus stop was fifteen minutes away, the bus was probably already there.
He put on the first pair of sneakers he could find, grabbed his keys and ran out of the apartment. He ignored his fear of being in public, and the fact that people would look at him and wonder what he was doing and he ran like every hellhound from the corner of hell was after his soul.
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