She raised an eyebrow. She didn’t like where this was going.
“I think we settled it. We’re on to the next step, where we go back to having occasional sex in the on-call room. I’d still like to keep things discreet, though.”
He shook his head. “Let’s be rational here. We tried the workmates with benefits thing. It didn’t really work. We also tried completely separating, and that was a major disaster. I’d never been so miserable in my life. Now you want to go back to secretly screwing around the hospital? It’s not going to work.”
“Whoa, I thought we agreed to not talk about this for another few months.”
“What difference does that make? Something will just go wrong again.”
“Well, when every type of relationship we could possibly have is a disaster, what other choices do we have?”
“It wasn’t always a disaster,” he said quietly. “I remember one time where it was really great.”
“Are you talking about the time just before we found out we were siblings?” Isabella nearly shouted. “You have got to be kidding me.”
“We were really happy then. I was, anyway,” he said earnestly. “Those were some of the best months of my life. I really fell for you, Isabella. I still have feelings for you that just won’t go away.”
“Yeah, but you’re forgetting the most important part: we’re siblings! Sneaking around and having sex is dirty and wrong, but still weirdly exciting. Being siblings and dating is a whole other level of wrong.”
James threw up his hands in exasperation. “We’re not blood related, though. We didn’t even know our parents were married until after things were getting serious. It’s a weird coincidence, but not much more than that. It’s not immoral or disgusting, just a little … different.”
Isabella shrugged her shoulders. She didn’t know if there was anything he could say to change her mind. How could she enter a relationship where she would be ashamed to tell people about the ins and outs of it? How could she face the people from her hometown after her mom inevitably tells the whole story? She would be judged and ridiculed. She didn’t know if she could handle that.
That, and she hardly felt ready for a serious relationship. The small taste she had earlier was really great, but it would be a lot of work once the honeymoon phase was over. And seeing as they had already witnessed the worst of each other, they would be starting over in a whole new place.
“The only other option,” he said, “would be to completely avoid each other forever. One of us would have to leave town, and we would have to avoid our parents for as long as they’re together.”
Isabella knew that he was saying that because it wasn’t really an option. Neither of them could leave in the middle of the year. Transfers were possible, but certainly not ideal. Besides, both of them had made a name for themselves at the hospital, and starting over would change the trajectory of their careers.
“Okay, okay, I see your point,” she said. “This kind of stuff doesn’t come easily for me. I can’t come up with solutions right now. Can you give me some time to think this through?”
“How much time?” he asked.
“I had initially asked you for five months. I suppose that was too long for you.”
He sighed. “Yes, I’ll give you a little more time.” He cupped her chin in his hand. “I hope you can start to see things my way.”
James gave her a soft peck on the lips, and Isabella grabbed her purse and left. She walked briskly to her car and didn’t look back.
Isabella’s mind was whirring. James made a good argument. Deep down, she knew that he was right. They weren’t actual siblings, and they had a lot of good chemistry together. She knew that he had strong feelings for her, but she didn’t know if she could reciprocate.
If she could get past the fact that they shared parents, James would be the perfect man. He was smart, sexy, and amazing in bed. He made her laugh but could also be serious when it was warranted. He had a lot of traditional ideas about what one’s life in their thirties should look like.
James wanted to live in a big house with a wife and a couple of children running around. No doubt, he would be the type to coach the soccer team or be the parent to volunteer to make cookies for the school bake sale. Once he was through with his residency, he would work a less hectic schedule and devote any free time to his family.
On the other hand, Isabella wasn’t sure if she even liked kids that much. In her experience, kids were fine only if they were returned to their parents within a few hours.
Once, Isabella was given the task to babysit her young stepsiblings. There were only two girls to watch, but it was exhausting. The younger one did nothing but cry the whole time, and the older one whined for junk food. Luckily, the kids spent most of their time with their mother, and Isabella only had to be around them once or twice a month.
Isabella also didn’t know much about being a partner. So much of her life had been spent alone. She was good at looking out for herself and her patients, but she didn’t know how to care for a boyfriend.
Would it even be fair to get his hopes up about a relationship? She was certain that she would screw it up in some way. She had no idea what she was doing.
She couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if she were his girlfriend again. She did like how she felt when she could casually show up at his place on the weekend. She liked having someone to make supper with, someone to complain about work with. They had similar taste in television and films, so he always had the best recommendations for her. When they did watch movies, they could only manage to finish about half before they got distracted.
Isabella also appreciated that she could talk about work with him. There were so few people in her life who could listen to her talk about a surgery without getting grossed out or spacing out completely. Not only could he listen, but he could make intelligent conversation and teach her a thing or two.
If she decided that she wanted to date James, it would mean that she had been wrong all along. She was too stubborn to admit error, even if it meant that she would suffer because of it. It was especially irksome that she had to be wrong while arguing with James. For once, she wanted to know better than him.
Still, he had carefully calculated the risks and rewards associated with a relationship, and he was still interested. Isabella could not ignore logic, but she could deny herself happiness in the name of preserving her independence.
That night, she tossed and turned for hours. Eventually, she sent James a text around two o’clock in the morning.
I don’t know if I can do this.
She felt a lump in her throat. She didn’t want to hurt him.
Let’s talk again this weekend. I know whatever decision you make will be the right one.
Isabella scoffed and rolled over in her bed. She knew that he was just trying to be supportive, but oh, how he was wrong.
Chapter Nineteen
Against her better instinct, Isabella called her mom the night before she agreed to meet up with James.
Isabella could count on one hand the number of times she’d called her mom for advice. This was the first time she called her about boy troubles.
“Mom, can you talk?” she asked shakily. “I have a problem, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh my God,” she said. “Are you pregnant?”
“What?” Isabella squealed. “No, I am not pregnant! Why would you say that?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I figured if you were calling me, it must be serious.”
She had a point.
“I’m having problems with this guy—”
“James?”
“Actually, yeah. How did you know?”
“Darling, I have been in love with many men. Women who pass on men like James are idiots, and I certainly didn’t raise you to be an idiot. Tell me what’s going on.”
Isabella gave her mother an overview of their relationship without getting deep into the details. Her mom was no stranger to sex,
but she still felt weird discussing it with her.
“I feel like some of this is my fault,” her mom said. “If I hadn’t married James’s father, you wouldn’t have this problem.”
“No,” she said. “It’s not your fault. It’s just bad timing, I guess.”
“You can say that again.”
“But what can I even do? He’s my stepbrother now, and that’s not going to change any time in the immediate future.”
“I wouldn’t get too hung up on that. I think even you know that it’s not that big of a deal.”
“Yeah, but I’ve already turned him down and made things nearly impossible for us to be together.”
“Do you want to be with him?”
Isabella paused for a second before answering. “Absolutely.”
“Then why aren’t you?”
“Like I said, I’ve already told him no. We’ve both stated our cases.”
“And?”
“His is better,” she conceded. “But if he knows that, then how will he be able to respect me in the future? I’m no different than any wishy-washy girl who needs a man to make all of her decisions for her.”
“Isabella,” her mom said patiently. “From the second you could feed and dress yourself, you have relied on no one. You’ve always taken care of yourself without any help. You even made it through medical school and landed a great internship through your own hard work. You aren’t capable of being anything less than a powerful, independent woman. Loving a man who loves you will not detract from that.”
Isabella was starting to tear up. She had never heard her mother say such nice things about her. That was probably due to the fact that Isabella was never willing to hear it.
“But Mom,” she started. “What if everything goes wrong?”
“What if everything goes right? All relationships have ups and downs. You can’t let a little fear and uncertainty hold you back. That’s no way to live life.”
Isabella took a deep breath. “Okay. Thank you. Honestly, I feel a little better.”
“Good. Does this mean that I can expect to see the two of you at the house soon?”
“I don’t know just yet. I haven’t completely made up my mind.”
“I want you to know that even if things don’t end well, it’s far better to experience love that ends in heartbreak than to never experience it in the first place.”
“So you don’t regret any of your marriages?” Isabella challenged.
“For the most part, no. Each man had something great to offer. For instance, your father was wild and disloyal, but I got you out of it.”
Isabella chuckled.
“Well, whatever you decide, know that I support you. I know you’ll do what’s best for you.”
Isabella felt like she was having déjà vu.
“Okay,” Isabella said. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Keep me updated.”
She laughed. “I will, but I’m sure you’ll hear somehow.”
Talking to her mom was surprisingly reassuring. In her mind, she always imagined her mom begging her to get married and have children as soon as possible. It was a pleasant surprise to know that even if she blew this chance at a serious relationship, she would still support her.
The next evening, Isabella drove back over to James’s house, her hands shaking the whole time. Either it was nerves or just the effects of the double-shot latte she drank before she left.
When she arrived at his house, she sat in her car with the lights off for a few minutes. She had never broken anyone’s heart before, and the thought of doing so made her feel ill.
If he were just some jerk asking her out on a date, it would be different. But James was so sweet and kind. He didn’t deserve to be hurt. Despite their occasional disagreements, Isabella really thought the most of him.
In the time she’d sat in her car, it had started to storm. She ran from the sidewalk in front of the house to his stoop. Her attempts at staying dry were futile—she was completely drenched. She pounded on the door, wind whipping at her back.
After what seemed like an eternity to Isabella, James opened the door.
“Sorry,” he said, pulling her inside. “I couldn’t hear you knocking with all the thunder.”
He ran to the closet and pulled out a hand towel. She blotted at her face and wrung out her hair, but she was still soaked with rain. Isabella stood on the rug, shivering and regretting ever coming to his house. Nothing could go right.
James wrapped his arms around her frozen body, leaving spots of moisture on his dress shirt. He was so warm and inviting, and Isabella was cold. Typical, she thought.
“Come on,” he said, gesturing toward his bedroom. “Let’s find you something dry to wear.”
He left her alone in his walk-in closet while she chose a pair of gym shorts and a sweatshirt. The scent of his clothes instantly took her back to the first time she ever stayed over at his place.
When she had finally managed to dry off, she joined James in the living room. There were two cups of hot chocolate on the coffee table.
“I’ve got some schnapps in the cupboard if you want some,” he called to her as he started up the fireplace.
He knew her too well. She grabbed a small bottle of the peppermint liquor and poured a good measure in her mug.
“Feeling better?” he asked.
She nodded, one last shiver leaving her system. James sat down next to her on the couch, his hands wrapped around his warm cup.
There was an awkward silence between them. Both knew exactly what had to be done. Either they would agree to enter a relationship that night, or they would decide to call it quits for good. They both had something they wanted to say, but they were afraid of how the other would respond.
After several long, uncomfortable moments, James spoke up.
“Let’s just get this out of the way. I want to be with you. I’ve always wanted to be with you, from the first moment you kissed me in the doctor’s lounge. You’re not just a hot hookup to me. I want you in my life. I can accept it if you don’t want to be with me, but it’s all or nothing. I can’t spend the rest of my life hoping that you’ll eventually come around some day. I love you, Isabella, and I want you to know that I’d do anything to get you to stay with me.”
Isabella tried to hold back the tears that were starting to form in her eyes. She blinked rapidly, trying to be discreet, and then she was overcome by her own feelings for James.
“Did I say something wrong?” he asked. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“No,” she said, wiping her tears away. “I have feelings for you, too. I’ve been pushing them down for so long because I was trying to protect myself. I want you to know that—”
She got choked up. Fresh tears slid down her cheeks.
“Know what?” he coaxed.
“I was wrong. I really want to make this work.”
James pulled her into his arms, and she dripped tears on his shoulder. He kissed her softly on the head.
“You have made me so incredibly happy,” he said.
She smiled, and he dried her face with his thumbs.
“Can we go back to how things were before the disaster dinner with our parents?” she asked.
“Of course. I’ve wanted to try out some new recipes but have had no one to cook with. I also have that voucher for the trip to the resort that needs to be used soon.”
“Are you asking me to go on vacation with you?”
“Is it too soon?”
She laughed. “I don’t think anything can be too soon anymore. I would love to go with you, but if we take the same time off work, will it look suspicious?”
“What’s the point in keeping it a secret anymore?”
“How about if we don’t go out of our way to announce it to everyone, but we don’t deny it if anyone asks?”
“I can work with that,” he said. “We should probably limit sexual activity to the privacy of our own homes, though,” he said,
laughing.
“That’s fair. I suppose normal couples don’t have sex at work, do they?”
“No, I don’t think they do.”
He twirled a strand of her damp hair around his finger. “So this is actually happening, isn’t it?”
Isabella nodded and kissed him. “Are you afraid I’m going to run out?”
He grimaced. “Honestly, a little.”
She grabbed his face with both hands. “James Johnson, I promise you that I will do everything I can to make this work.”
He smiled. “That’s all I can ask for.”
“My mom is going to be thrilled. Ugh,” she exclaimed. “I’m going to have to call her tomorrow.”
“I think my dad will be pretty happy, too.”
“Are you sure? We’ve only met the one time, and I behaved abhorrently.”
“No, he understands the situation.”
“Have you talked about me?” she asked.
“Maybe,” he said cryptically.
“I’m glad we have this sorted. Otherwise, family gatherings would be a nightmare,” she said.
“Maybe we should have another dinner with the parents soon,” he suggested. “This time, there will be no secrets.”
“That sounds nice.”
They kissed, and everything felt right. There was no tension or drama between them anymore. They would be together and let nothing get in the way of their happiness.
Work had a different vibe now. They didn’t see each other often during the day, but occasionally, they could meet up for lunch. The interns had their suspicions, but no one had confronted Isabella about her friendship with the attending. Of course, Jordan knew everything, and she could not have been happier for Isabella.
When they found themselves alone in the doctor’s lounge, they opted for a quick smooch instead of a quickie. This way, they could keep things perfectly professional. There was less temptation to get it on during work hours anyway, because if Isabella wanted sex, James’s house was only a short drive away.
Even though their sex life was no longer deviant, it was just as hot as ever. Because they were no longer hooking up between patients or before rounds, they could take the time to really explore each other’s body.
Forbidden Prescription 2: MFM Ménage Stepbrother Romance (Medical Romance) Page 41