"I know," she said. "Don't worry, Nyall. I messed up, but it's okay. I think I've learned enough now that even though I'm technically still a virgin, in all the important ways I'm not. You've done enough for me."
He stilled. "What are you saying?"
She shrugged and gazed down at her hands, hoping he wouldn't look too closely at her eyes. "I'll let you off the hook. There's no need to continue with this vacation now."
"Janey." His voice was soft. "What's going through your head?"
"It's what you said. One bad decision destroys things. I could have ruined your deal. Maybe I did. I certainly ruined it for…for myself." She turned her face to the side away from him so her tears wouldn't be so visible.
"What do you mean, for yourself?" There was a harsh edge to his tone now.
"Just that there's no point to continuing this. I guess that's what happens when you deal with people outside of your social circle. No—" she stopped him. "It is true, Nyall. You and I are worlds apart. Your relationships aren't that big a deal to you. But in my world…"
His eyes narrowed and she went on quickly. "I'm so sorry. There's no way I can make up for the vacation you canceled. I don't know if you can still get tickets to Copper Canyon. But I can at least stop this whole thing now so your work doesn't get ruined."
"Janey, you're overreacting. You're assuming a lot, and I warned you about making assumptions." He reached for her and she flinched away. "Look, I was frustrated and you tempted me. I didn't mean to imply there was anything wrong in what you did. I forgot how innocent you were, and I couldn't—Janey, I was the one who let myself be tempted."
"Well, it wasn't what Melissa or Sandy or Celia or Amy would have done. Your mistresses. They respect your priorities. I broke the rules. Of course you'd be angry."
"I'm not angry. Not anymore. It's mostly myself I was pissed at anyway." He shook his head in exasperation and reached out again, and again she evaded him.
"But you were right. You work so hard around the clock. I wanted to help you. That's the problem right there, Nyall. You say I don't owe you anything. But you're helping me in ways you can't even imagine and all I can give you back is teaching you how to fry chicken and make banana bread. You won't let me pay for a few groceries even."
"Now you're being melodramatic."
"Maybe," she said, blinking rapidly to see through her tears. "But it's true. I don't have anything you want that's important. I thought maybe I could help keep you from being prisoner to your work all the time. That was naive. And because I was so childish, I hurt you. Well, not you of course but your business, which as you say is way more important than what we're doing here."
"Janey, this is crazy. I didn't say my business is more important than what we're doing here. You're putting words in my mouth."
"Yes, you did, Nyall. 'Work always has priority.' But it'll be okay. If I get packed now I can be gone before evening. You should call Mary back right now, because what if she can't reach Alfred?"
Nyall gave an impatient laugh. "Janey, there's absolutely no reason for you to go or for us to stop what we're doing. I'll deal with the business problems." He moved to her side and reached for her chin to turn it towards him. "Next time I just won't let myself weaken when you—Janey, you are crying. Don't, sweetheart."
His words, said so tenderly, released the floodgates for Janey. She tried to stop the tears but they kept coming as fast as her hands could wipe them away.
His lips settled gently on hers. She jerked her face away. Nyall trying to comfort her after she'd just realized how much he could hurt her was too much to deal with.
"Please stop feeling sorry for me," she said. "This whole thing started because you tried to do me a kindness."
"How many times do I have to tell you, I'm not doing this out of nobility."
"Oh I know, I'm glad I can give you convenient sex," she rushed on. "That's really nice. But Suzanne or Sherry can do that just as well although I think Amy might be the best for that." She sensed another interruption was imminent, but she'd about reached her limit. "Nyall? I want to get up now but I'd rather you not look at me. Could you close your eyes?"
His brow furrowed. "Why don't you want me to look at you?"
"I'm naked."
She saw him register the way she was cowering under the covers. "I know. I undressed you," he said blankly.
"That was before. I'd rather you not look at me now."
"You'd rather I not look at you? A few minutes ago —" He cut himself off.
Janey twisted her fingers in the bedcovers. "That was when I felt comfortable around you. I don't feel that way now. I'm actually kind of embarrassed. I did things I'm not proud of, touching you and—I just don't want you to see me like this."
He became motionless.
"Janey, this is fucked," he said slowly. "You know that, don't you? I've seen everything you have on offer, touched you, made you—and now you—fuck.""
"I'm sorry," she said. "I just want to go home. It won't take me long. Then you can call one of your sex partners if you want and maybe Mary or somebody can reschedule your vacation."
She expected him to nod in acceptance, perhaps reluctantly because he really was trying to help her. But he looked angry, so angry she wouldn't have been surprised if he started stripping the covers away and then hauled her out of bed. She didn't understand why he was so upset when he was getting everything he wanted. He must know he'd be much better off with someone who could always shrug off sex when it became inconvenient. She wiped her cheek.
"Fine." He clipped out the word and got off the bed, reaching for his clothes. "Fine." When he straightened, his look at her was chilling. "That's fine, Janey."
He turned on his heel and walked out of the room.
Janey gazed unseeingly at the open doorway where he'd walked out. Fresh tears welled up, and as she went through her suitcase to find fresh clothes, the tears devolved to full-fledged sobbing.
Chapter 9
From Juliana's Deflowering Advice on ABAWFoG (A Blog About Women, for Guys)
So guys, if you're on this page, it's because you either want to avoid screwing up, you just screwed up and Googled "Where did I fuck up with the virgin", or you follow every post on this section of the blog because you love me in all my virginal magnificence. Well, you've come to the right place. After all, I am THE most experienced virgin on the planet, so proceed to bask in the glow of my innocent wisdom.
The problem at issue? She's CHANGED HER MIND. Your unblemished lady friend who has promised to trust you to initiate her into the wonders of post-purity has had second thoughts.
Maybe she even turned you away at the last moment. I cry for you. I feel your pain. Nobody deserves that kind of frustration—especially you, who are trying so hard to spare your delicate flower from your marauding male savagery on this singular occasion. You're an angel to care. So take heart. I have answers.
Here are the most likely reasons she changed her mind about letting you pop her cherry:
1) She's not aroused enough. See my post, 10 Ways To Arouse a Virgin.
2) It started hurting more than she expected. (See #1)
3) She is insecure about her naked body and thus embarrassed.
4) She is aroused and thus embarrassed.
5) She is flatulent and thus embarrassed.
6) She just remembered her panties are stained and she's embarrassed.
7) You're embarrassed, so she's embarrassed.
8) Get it? She's embarrassed.
9) She has doubts/personal issues you haven't addressed yet. (Say it with me—COM-MU-NI-CATE.)
10) You broke her trust by going too fast.
11) You broke her trust by lying to her.
12) You broke her trust by breaking your promise(s).
13) You broke her trust by telling her she did something wrong (during foreplay and throughout sex, she is a Virgin Goddess. She DEFINES right.)
14) Get it? You broke her trust.
15) You expec
ted her to be like your non-virgin, more cougar-ish lovers and trounced her. She's afraid. She's insecure. She's embarrassed. She—is—virgin. Hear her meow.
"Fuck," muttered Nyall, and stopped reading any further.
TO: Amy Ellen Winch
FROM: Nyall Anderson
RE: Calling you
Tried home, lab and cell. Are you working? I want to talk to you.
Nyall
Nyall Anderson
CEO
Sonneman Anderson Research Group
TO: Nyall Anderson
FROM: Amy Ellen Winch
RE: Calling you
Nyall,
Gotta wait till later, I'm here till the wee hours. The server went down yesterday and my manager just vomited in his office. If you need me soonest, I'll do chat. Break in fifteen minutes.
Cheers,
Amy
Chat Transcript
[Nyall Anderson] You talked to Janey today.
[Amy Ellen Winch] Hey hello to you too.
[Nyall Anderson] Sorry. Busy day? Vomiting manager?
[Amy Ellen Winch] Insane. Stomach bug. How are you babe?
[Nyall Anderson] I want to pick your brain about Janey.
[Amy Ellen Winch] How's that going?
[Nyall Anderson] Not great. You talked to her today?
[Amy Ellen Winch] Yeah, she called.
[Nyall Anderson] What did she say?
[Amy Ellen Winch] I don't know, something about you.
[Nyall Anderson] Amy, focus. Put your work down.
[Amy Ellen Winch] OK, OK. She asked if you got violent.
[Nyall Anderson] What else?
[Amy Ellen Winch] Oh geez. She wanted to know if you liked her. Something like that.
[Nyall Anderson] What else?
[Amy Ellen Winch] Why you get pissed about money talk.
[Nyall Anderson] What did you say to that?
[Amy Ellen Winch] Told her about Kimberly.
[Nyall Anderson] Thanks for that. No, really. Thanks.
[Amy Ellen Winch] Ha
[Nyall Anderson] What else?
[Amy Ellen Winch] Fuck Ny, you didn't tell me there'd be a test.
[Nyall Anderson] I'll bribe you.
[Amy Ellen Winch] With what?
[Nyall Anderson] Chocolate rum balls.
[Amy Ellen Winch] Thinking…she wanted to know why you're into her. Something about being a charity case.
[Nyall Anderson] Fuck.
[Amy Ellen Winch] She's sweet. Where'd you dig her up?
[Nyall Anderson] Elevator.
[Amy Ellen Winch] Oh right. Also she said you haven't shagged her yet.
[Nyall Anderson] Nice of her to share.
[Amy Ellen Winch] So is it everything you hoped and dreamed?
[Nyall Anderson] Would I be talking with you if it were?
[Amy Ellen Winch] I tried. If things go south you can hit me up for a quickie.
[Nyall Anderson] Thanks but no.
[Amy Ellen Winch] I take it back anyway. My new slam piece is the sensitive type.
[Nyall Anderson] He good to you?
[Amy Ellen Winch] Not as good as you, you loser.
[Nyall Anderson] We'll always have scones.
[Amy Ellen Winch] And rum balls. Break's almost over. What else you need?
[Nyall Anderson] Know any U.N. negotiators or Nobel Peace laureates? I need some diplomatic power. She's packed and only hanging around to finish making a cheesecake.
[Amy Ellen Winch] Hey if you're serious I can do better than that. The S.O. is trained in conflict resolution. You want me to send him your way?
[Nyall Anderson] Can he be here within the hour?
[Amy Ellen Winch] Depends. He's highly motivated by money.
[Nyall Anderson] What's fair?
[Amy Ellen Winch] For you or him?
[Nyall Anderson] Just tell him to write his own check. One hour.
[Amy Ellen Winch] You serious?
[Nyall Anderson] She won't listen to me. I don't want her leaving. I was supposed to have her the whole week.
[Amy Ellen Winch] Po boy. I'm tempted to come too now and witness this.
[Nyall Anderson] You're busy.
[Amy Ellen Winch] I'll find a way. Gotta meet the chick that made the legendary Nyall Anderson wax poetic.
[Nyall Anderson] She'll go ballistic when she sees you.
[Amy Ellen Winch] Why?
[Nyall Anderson] She thinks you're made for me. She's always telling me to call you.
[Amy Ellen Winch] Ha. You were a thundering good lay though. Who knew?
[Nyall Anderson] Right back at you. So you guys will come?
[Amy Ellen Winch] I promise to try. Might be two hours.
[Nyall Anderson] Start delegating now.
[Amy Ellen Winch] Yessir.
[Nyall Anderson] Thanks Amy.
[Amy Ellen Winch] Hey no prob.
***
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Janey was sitting at the kitchen table staring at the oven timer when it went off. She got up to reset it for an hour, then turned off the oven and took her seat again.
She could hear Nyall moving around the condo, but she hadn't seen him since he'd caught her right as she'd lugged her suitcase and totes to the front door and stiffly asked her to remain long enough to finish baking the cheesecake. She had refused; he'd said something sarcastic about promises; reluctantly she'd changed her mind.
Janey sighed. She didn't know why Nyall cared that much about the cheesecake. She had the feeling he was using the excuse to keep her there a little longer. She didn't know why he was doing that.
But she did know she wasn't going to stick around to the end. That would mean hours more of miserable loitering and she was tired of sniffling pathetically in Nyall's kitchen. She dug a piece of paper out of her purse and scribbled out instructions for spreading on the sour cream topping and making the strawberry syrup.
"What are you doing?"
She looked up. Nyall was standing in the entranceway scowling at her. "Writing you a note. You need to wait for the cheesecake to chill when it comes out of the oven and then put on the toppings. I forgot to tell you all that before." Because I was so eager to get to the end of the game. Oh, how times change.
With the memory of how wonderful things had been just a few hours ago, Janey discovered she did have more saline left to spare despite what she'd thought; new tears welled up and spilled down her cheeks. She pulled a tissue from her purse and blew her nose loudly.
"Janey, will you stop crying? You don't need to go."
"Yes, I do."
"I want you to stay," he said baldly.
"No," she said.
"Look, this whole thing is ridiculous. If you really think you have nothing important to contribute to this arrangement, we'll work something out. Though you're wrong about that."
She shook her head, pressing her lips tightly together. This pressuring Nyall was hard to fight.
He said gently, "Put this stuff away. Come into the bedroom and lie down with me. I'll hold you and we'll both feel better."
"I don't know why you're making this hard for me, Nyall, but please stop."
"All right." He fixed a hard gaze on her. "I want you to stay a little longer. I've asked a couple of guests over."
"Guests?" she echoed in dismay and shoved her chair back. "Oh, no, I have to go now."
"They're for you and me, Janey. If we can't come to an arrangement on our own, then we're getting help. We'll do this the hard way if that's the only way."
"Do what?" She was bewildered. "We're all done. There's nothing more to do."
"Fix this. I want you here. And despite what you're saying, you want to be here, too. Otherwise, why would you be crying? We both made mistakes but we're going to move past that with the help of some professional negotiation. I've hired an expert in conflict resolution."
Janey's jaw dropped. She couldn't have been more astonished if he'd said he'd hired a surgeon to remove an extraterre
strial from her brain.
"But why?" she said. "Why would you do something like that?"
"Time, Janey." He knelt down by her chair and stroked her jaw. "If you go now, we lose precious time. I haven't been able to schedule a vacation like this since I sold my first startup. I have a week for you. After that, it's an hour or two here and there and that's not enough."
"Enough for what?" She shook her head to clear it. "You don't have to give me any hours. I don't expect to see you again. You already did what you said you would. I don't feel like a virgin anymore."
His mouth tightened. "That's good, I think. But we still haven't gone the whole hog. Until I put my cock inside you, you're still not going to be absolutely, a hundred percent sure you're ready for sex. Are you?"
When he put it like that, so softly, caressing her earlobe with his fingers, she almost believed…
"No!" She stood up, glaring. "Nyall Anderson, you're using unfair tactics on me. You really are the hardboiled businessman I first thought you were, aren't you?"
Heat Exchange (The Alpha Billionaire's Virgin Book 1) Page 11