“I’m no cheat sweetheart, that’s one thing you never have to worry about. I don’t have to tell you what I’d do to you if you ever betrayed our vows, so let’s just say on that score we’re clear.”
“How do I know you’re telling me the truth? How do I know that you’re not going to take me there away from everything and everyone I know and then turn into some playboy womanizing abuser?”
‘That night, the first night we met. You saw me at my worse. Did I abuse you then? Since we met yesterday, when I found out that you’ve had my kids for three years without even trying to find me, did I strangle the shit out of you? No? Well then, I guess you can put that shit out of your head.”
She was biting her tongue. I could tell by the way she held her mouth. “Don’t do that, you have something to say, say it.” She tore apart that croissant like it was the enemy.
“Don’t you find this whole thing crazy?”
“We’ve already had this conversation. Yesterday, before I had you, again, I would’ve said I’ll take my kids and you can stay here since you seem so attached. But now there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that I’m leaving any of you behind. The best thing you can do instead of imagining every worse case scenario there is, is try to look at the bright side. You just married a man who’s worth millions. Your children now have a father, not to mention aunts and uncles and grandparents who would give their life to save theirs. What exactly do you find wrong with that?”
“I don’t want you to take over.” She said it so low I had to ask her to repeat herself and when she did I finally got it-Sort of. “You come from this amazing family and you have all this money like you said. What do I have? What’s to stop you from trying to take them from me?” I took my time answering, because contrary to what she believed I did understand how hard this was for her.
Only in fairytales do women just run off into the sunset with the strange man, who knocked them up and then disappeared, only to return years later and sweep them off their feet.
“I’m asking you to trust me. You saw what happened last night. Trust me, if I wanted to take the kids or make life hard for you, all it would’ve taken is one phone call. My uncle isn’t only good for getting rushed marriage license. Look I told you, our kids deserve the life I can give them. You deserve it. It couldn’t have been easy going it alone. Tell me about it.”
“It wasn’t as bad as all that. Not once I got past the fear and panic. My parents were a huge help. I guess the hardest part was having to drop out of school. I could’ve continued for another semester while I was pregnant, but I needed the money for the babies.”
“What were you studying?” I hated to interrupt. I hadn’t realized after she started talking how much I wanted to know about that time in her life. I wanted to know everything I’d missed. When Abigail was pregnant with Sam it was a family affair, everyone was involved.
I hated that I’d missed it all with her and the twins. In my family being a dad doesn’t just start once the baby’s born. We’re more hands on. I felt Sam kick, got to see him grow…
“Law. I wanted to be a lawyer. But after the babies, that wasn’t plausible. Mom and dad helped me go to school to get my paralegal certificate. They’ve been there every step of the way. Mom is a great help with babysitting. She watches the twins when I have to go to work, that helps with childcare.”
She stopped to take a sip of her chocolate while I took it all in. I looked around at all the people going about their day. Enjoying for the first time in four years the sights and sounds of joy that the holiday season brings.
Even the smell of something sweet with a hint of cinnamon baking that wafted through the air added a little… something to the ambience. But most of all, it was my new family that I was looking forward to spending this time with.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” She seemed actually stymied.
“For what? For all the things you just mentioned. For having my kids when let’s face it, you didn’t have to.”
“Oh, there was never any question that I would have them. Of course I cursed you a thousand times when I was hung over the bowl being sick as a dog. But not once did I think of not having the baby. Then when I found out there was going to be two of them I thought for sure I was going to lose it.”
She smiled as she said it but I could only imagine the fear. I listened to her tell cute little stories about her cumbersome girth once she got too big to even tie her shoes. I remember going through that with my first wife, something else I had missed.
As I sat there listening, watching, I realized I liked her. She was amazingly smart, beautiful with a heart of gold. I got all of that from the way she’d handled herself the last four years. From the fact that she wasn’t even remotely interested in my money.
“What?” She looked at me questioningly.
“What-what?” She did that thing where she tries to hide behind her hair and I couldn’t resist reaching across the table to push it back behind her ear. “Tell me.” She shrugged her shoulders and played with her pastry. “You were staring.”
“I was just admiring my wife. You know there’s another side to this that you haven’t given much thought to.”
“What’s that?”
“I have just as much reason to be leery of you as you do me. For all I know, you could be some kind of crazy nut who’s going to turn my life upside down. I just married you and I have no idea who you really are. I did it for the most obvious reason, our children, but like I’ve already told you. It’s best to find the silver lining because there’s nowhere to go but forward. Come on let’s go spoil our kids.”
12
Bella
And spoil them he did. “Luca that’s way too much.” He bought out the better part of two toy stores and I don’t even want to start on clothes. “What are they going to do with all this stuff?” This was beyond me.
On the one hand, I was excited that my kids were going to have something more than the few paltry plastic toys I had already bought, and had hidden at mom and dad’s. And then there was the side of me that was worried about them really becoming spoilt.
“Babe you worry too much. Every kid should have a million toys under the tree come Christmas day. My parents did the same for me and I turned out ok.” Boy did he ever. All day I’ve been watching him. Watching to see when that façade would crack, when the real him would show up.
I couldn’t believe that he really was this person. This selfless man who one day finds out he’s a father and without a thought for himself beyond being a part of his children’s lives would do all that he had done.
I guess he has a point. I could very well be a loose canon, how was he to know? I’m as much a stranger to him as he is to me. But I’m afraid I knew what the problem was. I wanted him to want me and I’m not just talking sex. Obviously we had no issues there. But all he keeps talking about is the kids. And I feel like a monster for even thinking this way.
I should be jumping for joy that this man who had so much to offer my kids, who has shown so far that he truly does care for them, wants them in his life. Instead, I’m secretly begrudging the fact that he’s doesn’t seem to want me as much.
“Why have you gone so quiet all of a sudden?” We were driving back to his parents. I hadn’t realized there was a lull in the conversation once I got lost in my head. “No reason. I was just thinking about the kids.” Liar.
We unpacked the SUV with help from his dad, who like his son, seemed very accepting of having a ready made family fall in his lap two days before the holiday. “How was your day Bella?”
“It was fun thank you.”
“Well come on in here, Connie has some warm cider waiting and I think there’s someone waiting here for you.” I looked at my watch and then back at Luca. It was too early for my parents; maybe it was one of his family members.
“I forgot all about that, sorry sweetheart. You’ll meet her soon enough.” Very cryptic but then again I had come to learn
that Luca only said as much as he needed to. Inside, there was a very stylish woman sitting with Luca’s mom, Connie having Cider.
“Oh hello dear, this is Sylvia she works wonders, we have you all set up in the salon.” She was talking too fast for her words to make sense and before I knew it I was being dragged off to the back of the house.
“Wait.” Luca caught up with me and I was almost relieved to be saved from whatever this was but it was short lived. “It’ll be fine sweetheart, I’m right out here.”
“But I didn’t get to see the kids.”
“Oh, they’re having their nap dear. All that fussing around in the stables tired them out poor things. I think you’re going to have a time on your hands in New York. They loved the horses. Maybe that would be incentive enough for you to move back home. There’s no better place to raise children.” And with that I was rushed off and away about to face who knows what.
13
Luca
I took the stairs two at a time leaving dad and Aggie and the rest of the staff to drag the toys into the den for later. I opened the door to the nursery and wondered how long it would be before this feeling disappeared. How long before I no longer get choked up at the sight of them.
There’s so much I have to do. Most of it will have to wait because of the holiday, but as soon as we get back to New York I had a whole list of things that needed doing for my family.
Luna’s little arm would look perfect with a bracelet but where would I hide Luca’s tracker? Boys weren’t big on bracelets and he was too young for a watch. Maybe, I’ll get him something that I have, something that he’d be proud to wear because his daddy has one too.
Their mother’s was easy. I’ll put hers in something she was sure never to remove. “Shit, I need to get her a ring.” For some reason the thought of placing such a public statement of ownership on her hand made my heart beat wildly in my chest.
I sat in there with the kids for a few minutes just sucking in the joy. The season didn’t suck as much as it had in the past. In fact, I couldn’t wait for tomorrow, to see the looks on my children’s faces.
There are no words to describe what I felt as I sat there looking at them. Alone with my thoughts for the first time, I let it all sink in. This was my life. The change had come out of nowhere and was totally unexpected, but no less appreciated.
I shed a tear for my dead son and his mother. I don’t think I will ever fully say goodbye to them, how can I? They were once a big part of my life and there will always be a place for them in my heart. But this, these two and the woman downstairs who I’d just thrown to the wolves. They were my future.
I got up from my seat on the bottom bunk and walked over to the bed where they both laid sleeping. Life truly is stranger than fiction. I suffered my greatest loss because of this holiday four years ago. At least that’s how I’d always seen it in my head. Had Abigail not gone shopping they would still be alive.
I’ve hated this time of year and especially Christmas day since then. Now life had given back twice over. They were conceived the night before Christmas, and I found them two days before. Looks like my moratorium against all things Christmas was over.
On that thought, I headed back downstairs to get started on wrapping the mountain of gifts we’d got them. She’s right, I may have gone a little overboard, but who can blame me? I had three years to make up for and it looks like I’d got a good head start. It would be nothing to pack them all up for home so I wasn’t worried.
I was in there, ten minutes sorting things out when dad came in. “Are you here to help wrap?” We both hated giftwrapping I remember, but this time it didn’t feel as much of a chore as it did a pleasure.
“I can but that’s not why I’m here.” He was holding something in his hand and for one of the few times in my life he seemed uncertain of himself. “What you got there, dad?” I kept turning the box with the three- foot doll over in my hand to figure out where to start.
“Well, son, last time you got married your wife wanted a more modern ring. I was hoping this time my new daughter might like a piece of our family history…” I stopped and looked at him.
“Great-great grandma’s ring.” He was right, Abigail had her own style and it was certainly nothing against her that she’d chosen a more up to date design. She hadn’t rejected the family heirloom in fact she’d never seen it. But she’d shown me the ring she’d always wanted and that’s the one she’d got.
He held the little antique box out to me with a slight tremble in his hand. It had been years since I’d seen the ring. It was a beauty to be sure. A single stone on a bed of gold filigree. It would be almost too simple if not for the artwork and the three and a half carat diamond.
“You can have it reset if you’d like or whatever.”
“No dad it’s perfect, it’s her.” And it was. It had that same old world beauty she does. Strong, classic, beautiful. “Thanks dad.” He rubbed my shoulder before taking a seat across from me.
“Now, let’s see if we can get through this lot before Christmas. I’m very proud of you son.” He was looking at a box with one of Luca’s toys in it with a confused look on his face.
“Why?”
“Because of the way you’ve handled this situation. Not many men would’ve done it the same. Especially a man in your position. They would’ve asked for DNA and any other kind of proof they could.”
“Dad all you have to do is look at them to see they’re mine.”
“I know it, good grief it was like being sent back in time. And they have so much of you in them son.” He smiled fondly as he figured out the box in his hand and where to start. Nobody made just plain square boxes anymore.
“Your mother and I took them down to the stables and had a hell of a time on our hands keeping them from climbing the horses. And that little miss, you’re gonna have your hands full. She wanted to know why she couldn’t ride the horsey and when we took them down to the pond she almost jumped right in. Just like you remember? And your son, the way he stands back and lets her run the show but always with a watchful eye making sure she’s safe.” He shook his head.
“Damn if I haven’t seen you do that same thing with your siblings a thousand times. I tell you it’s the best. I have one grievance with you though.”
“Yeah, and what’s that?”
“Well, why do you always have to show me up with your mother?”
“I don’t follow.” I waited for his answer as he wrestled with the gigantic roll of giftwrap paper. “Well you know how she’s always wanted to sail around the world. Well I finally made all the preparations. Hired a crew to man the yacht and take us wherever her little heart desires. Your brother was going to fill in for the year hiatus I planned to take.”
“I don’t see how I’ve shown you up. You don’t even know what I got her.”
“Are you kidding me? Two grandbabies days before Christmas? Who the hell can top that? Not to mention it would take a stick of dynamite to get her on that fool boat now. I’m already expecting having to spend every damn weekend in that damn city you up and moved to.”
“Sorry dad. Better luck next year.” He had a point and we both knew he was right. No way was ma going to go anywhere. I was already dreading the leave in the next few days because I knew she was going to cry and plead with me like she always do to stay a little longer, to come home.
I put the ring in my pocket and got back to work, already imagining just how I was going to put it on her finger. Now I couldn’t wait for the night to be over so I could do just that.
It felt like hours had passed when I heard the kids’ voices. Aggie was telling them about snacks and their little squeals of delight were music to my ears and a song in my heart. “Break time.” Dad had helped me plow through the mountain of gifts and we were both easing out the kinks as we stood to our feet for the first time since entering the room.
I found them in the kitchen getting ready to be strapped into the seats my parents had attached to a little
breakfast bar they kept for the grandkids. “Daddy.” I stopped dead in my tracks when my daughter ran to me with outstretched arms. Dad clapped me on the shoulder once it was obvious that I couldn’t move.
“Hi princess.” I picked her up and hugged her too tight, I was sure, as her brother true to form stood back and waited his turn. I got to my knees and opened my other arm for him and pulled him into our little family hug. How did they know? Isabella and I hadn’t even gotten around to discussing how we were going to break the news to them.
She came into the room with ma on her heels and I looked up at her. She looked amazing. Her beautiful hair now had a healthy shine and the fat curls she’d had balled on top of her head now fell to the middle of her back. “You look beautiful.” She smiled shyly and ran her hand over her hair and down over the new outfit she’d changed into that fit her perfectly.
“My parents will be here any minute.” Shit, I’d almost forgot. “You told them?” I looked at the kids so she’d know what I was talking about.
“They asked. Well to be exact your daughter asked.” She looked nervous as she said it.
“Thank you.” I didn’t realize how quiet all the adults in the room including Aggie had gone during this exchange. Then ma started talking and the spell was broken.
“Aggie is everything ready? Our guests should be arriving soon.” Ma was moving around the room like a crazy person fixing the already perfect house. “So what’s the plan? What did you and your family have planned for tonight?”
“Well, we were going to have dinner, and then once the kids were in bed we were going to wrap their gifts and put them under the tree. That’s about it. You don’t have to change anything; we’ll do whatever your parents are accustomed to. I don’t want to make any trouble.”
A Family For Christmas Page 9