Treat (Terraway Book 5)

by Mary E. Twomey

Finn sat up, massaging my thighs in a way we both knew he shouldn’t. His hands felt… and they made me want…

  “I’ll miss this. You in my bed. Us like this.” He brushed his nose back and forth across mine. “This is how we should always be.”

  I harrumphed, climbing off of him. “See what you did? Now I have to go sleep on the couch.” I stomped into the living room, waving Garrick back down when his head popped up from the arm of the couch. I couldn’t imagine he was comfortable there, but he never complained. “Hey, roomie. It’s a little crowded in Finn’s room. Mind if I sleep out here?”

  “Of course, October. Here. Take the couch. I can sleep on the floor.”

  “No, no. I call the floor.”

  “I’m not letting an Omen sleep on the floor, much less a pregnant one.” Garrick stood, stretching and drawing me in for a hug I’d started softening into after the first few days of getting to know him. My eyelids drooped as he pulled a modest amount of stress from me, relaxing my rigid posture in his arms. Garrick was a love bug, and I was starting to trust him more every day we spent together.

  Finn stomped out in black shorts for Garrick’s sake. His fists were clenched with sheer irritation. “Get back to bed, October.”

  “I’m sleeping out here tonight. I told you to slow your roll, and your roll didn’t slow one bit.”

  Finn cast his arms out, flustered. “You also told me to relax my butthole.”

  “Well, you’re too relaxed in there with me. Boundaries, Finn. Don’t confuse me.”

  Finn stopped short, his eyebrow raised. “You’re capable of being confused about your stupid attachment to your stupid non-boyfriend?” He took a determined step toward me, reaching for my hand.

  “No. That’s not what I meant.” Strands of my auburn waves had fallen out of my messy ponytail, dancing around my shoulders and the edges of my face, the slight tickle irritating me all the more. “Don’t put words in my mouth. Whatever. I’m sleeping out here.”

  “You’re not sleeping on the couch. It’s not good for the baby.”

  My pitch climbed in exasperation. “Quit saying things like that! I’m not pregnant, you jackwagon. You have to have sex to get pregnant. I don’t know what kind of flunky taught you sex education, but the basics are pretty non-negotiable.” I blushed at how very almost naked he was. “And would you put on a shirt? Garrick’s going to think we were… you know, doing things.”

  Garrick rubbed the flat of his palm to my back in a circular motion that soothed me. “Finn’s right. You’ll not sleep on the couch or on the floor. You’ll sleep in the bed.” He leveled his gaze to Finn. “Finn can flip me for the couch if he’s misbehaving.”

  Finn’s eyes widened at being kicked out of his own room while I grinned. “Yes, he’s misbehaving. Thank you, Garrick. And thank you, Finn. I’ll be sure to mention to my non-boyfriend what a total gentleman you were, offering up your room so I could be comfortable with my imaginary fetus.” I rubbed my belly, making a show of sticking out my usually flat stomach.

  My hand stilled as my frown pulled down the corners of my mouth. The toned muscles I’d earned the old-fashioned way weren’t nearly as defined. I palmed the lower half of my abdomen in confusion at the small swell between my hips. “Weird,” I breathed before I remembered I wasn’t alone in the room. I dropped my hand, raised my nose in the air and stomped into the bedroom. “Enjoy the floor, Finn,” I called before slamming the door shut.

  Thirty-Nine.

  If you Live, then I Breathe

  When it was just me alone in the darkness, I opened the curtain so the moon could shed light on my stomach. I lifted my tank top to observe the oddity more clearly. I traced back over every moment, knowing I wasn’t pregnant, but feeling a childish confliction all the same. I was pissed at the guys for getting to me, and shoved the hem of my tank top down, feeling foolish that the moon watched me behave like an ignorant kid who didn’t know where babies came from.

  I climbed into the large round bed, stretching out in the center like a cat on her perch, sniggering that Finn had been dethroned to the floor. I missed Von and Mason terribly, missed my own bed, but Finn’s mattress was a stellar second option. I closed the bed curtains, grateful for the pitch black. The darkness made it impossible to count the things that called out to me, or touch the objects that seemed to need fiddling with. Though the OCD never fully left me, I was proud of myself for making it so long without my medication. I hadn’t suffered a breakdown, and though I couldn’t stop counting things without concerted effort, I could tell that the healing waters and a steady dose of pulling were giving me a chance at a better life.

  I concentrated on breathing, hoping to see Mason and Von the next day when Finn swam me to the shore to meet them. I worried for Mariang, knowing that me being stuck here meant she was carrying the weight of feeding Terraway on her own. I missed her gentle presence, and longed to take some of the burden off her frail shoulders.

  I decided not to hesitate this time if Ezra opened his arms for a hug.

  I wished again to connect with Von in my dream, but had lost hope that he still loved me. For surely if he did, he would’ve met me in my dreams by now. He couldn’t go without sleep for three weeks. There was no explanation, other than that he’d fallen out of love with me as quickly as we’d fallen in step with each other. Our weird personalities somehow matched up in all the important ways they should, but now it was back to the friend zone. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. My stomach churned as I worried about seeing him again. I would have to face a relationship where I’d been head over heels, but he wasn’t anymore, and maybe never really was more than those few moments. He’d warned me about his attention span and aversion to relationships. He’d said from the beginning that he was temporary. I don’t know why I thought I’d be the difference to change it all. Yet another thing that made me feel like a childish idiot.

  I drifted off to sleep, almost grateful I didn’t see Von. Night after night not dreamwalking with him was serving as decent closure for the feelings that didn’t do either of us any good. Instead of wishing I saw Von in the night, I didn’t complain when my dream took me to watch a chicken strut around in a pigpen instead. I sighed dejectedly at the chicken, wondering how I got stuck in such a boring dream.

  When the jostling on the mattress woke me some time in the night, I groaned and rolled onto my back. “What?”

  “I’m not sleeping on the floor in my own house. Move over.” Finn was resolute, and I knew better than to argue when I could barely form words through my sleepy haze.

  “Fine. Whatever. Be a prince and let me sleep.”

  Finn scooted me to the left and flopped on the bed in his spot. He was much heavier than me, which made my body roll toward him, landing me in his arms. He let out a contented sigh as he drew his thick brown blanket up over us, his nose nuzzling me as he rested his forehead to mine. Our lips were inches apart as he held me, his hand cupping on my bare hip under the covers. “Much better.” He started massaging my backside with his tired hand. “I don’t like that you’re leaving tomorrow. I don’t want us to end.”

  I exhaled slowly, keeping my eyes closed so I didn’t have to see his pained expression that most likely mirrored my own. “I know, but it’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I’m an Omen, Finn. I can’t stay here. If I do, you’ll eventually starve and die. If I want you to have a chance at surviving and finding good things out of life, you have to let me go.”

  He brushed a light kiss to my lips, inhaling the scent of my face. “You think about me when you’re reaping?”

  “I try not to. I try to think about all of Terraway. If I think about you too much, I…” My hand drifted to his waist, alighting on the band of his black cotton briefs. I wondered where his shorts had landed on his pathway to the bed. I didn’t want to confess to Finn how often I thought of him. The non-platonic things I saw myself doing in this very bed taunted me with their utter impossibility. I swallowed, but my heart forced words out of my mo
uth I had no business uttering. “‘If you live, then I breathe.’ No matter how far away we are, I’ll always know what I lost in leaving you.” I stroked the side of his face with clumsy fingers, unable to keep my heart stony when we were so thoroughly tangled in each other. “I’ll miss us.”

  Finn’s whisper held so much pain, I had a hard time hearing the words that shook me. “I love you.” He pressed his lips to mine, sealing his love inside of me to take with me while I reaped and carried on without him. “We don’t have to say any more about it. Goodnight, sinta.”

  “’Night, Finn.”

  Forty.

  Five More Minutes

  Finn’s face or palm always landed on my boobs by morning, and today was no exception. I awoke to his cheek on my chest as the suns’ lights filtered in through a narrow slit in the bed curtains, rousing me gently as I combed my fingers through Finn’s hair. No one got to see him like this, defenseless and precious. He was always so surly outside his house. I didn’t take the privilege lightly that he trusted me in his vulnerable moments, sleeping with his guard down.

  I smelled something sweet in the air, but wasn’t awake enough to place it. My stomach was queasy before I even thought about sitting up. I tried to move to the edge of the bed without bothering Finn, but the second my breasts left him, he woke, wrapping his arms around me and anchoring me beside him. “Five more minutes,” he mumbled through puffy lips.

  “I’m getting up. You can sleep in, though.”

  “I don’t like sleeping without you. Just five more minutes.” He spooned me and started kissing a line up the nape of my neck, making my back arch as my body responded before my brain could tell it not to.

  “Knock it off, Finn. You know I’m still hung up on that other guy. You’re making the boundaries confusing again.”

  He didn’t listen, but sucked on the juncture between my neck and my shoulder, making my lashes flutter shut. I bit my lip against the temptation that was getting all too sparkly and beautiful. “Your non-boyfriend’s not here.”

  I sat up, indignant as I shook off the waves of lust I tried not to feel. “But I’m here. I told you I was still hung up on my non-boyfriend, and great as you are, it’s not the same as what I still feel for him. Why are you making me hurt you like this?” I shook my head, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as Finn sat up.

  “Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? I wouldn’t hesitate to make you mine. He doesn’t love you, sinta.”

  Fair point. “Because I’m a masochist. I’m so over this conversation. Aren’t you tired of it?”

  “You let me kiss you in the waters,” Finn reminded me, his voice low.

  My cheeks flushed. “I pulled away. And I hardly think when I’ve been under that much duress that I can be on top of every rational decision. I was barely alive, Finn. You want to call a spade a spade? You saw your window and moved on it.”

  “I’ll call a spade whatever I like.” He pointed his finger to the mattress. “It doesn’t change the fact that you’ve kissed me in this very bed nearly every night for three weeks now. Don’t tell me you feel nothing.”

  I huffed. “We’re not debating if I make great decisions. Of course I have feelings for you. That’s not the point.”

  Finn scowled at me. “You know I’m in love with you, and if that other guy wasn’t in the picture, you’d love me. I can see it in you.”

  I pulled my knees to my chest. “Don’t make me lose you. Don’t make me push you away. You’re like, my last safe place.” I hung my head. “Ugh. I’m sorry. This is all my fault. I clung too hard to you. I let it get confusing.”

  “I’d take care of you, you know.” He glanced down at my stomach. “Even though it isn’t mine, I would…” He left the implications of him raising my nonexistent baby with me.

  Though there was no baby, the gesture was grand, hitting me in my tender spots. “Stop, Finn. That’s maybe the nicest thing you’ve ever done for anybody, but you’re wasting it on me. Save all this for the right girl. I care about you a great deal, but I’m not her. I’m sorry for making you think I was. If things were different, yeah, I’d stay here and never look back. But that’s not my life, Finn.”

  “I know you want me. I see it in your eyes all the time.”

  I looked away. “A crush. That’s all it is, Finn. A little crush. Of course I’m attracted to you. But I couldn’t stay with you even if I wanted.” The sweet smell that wafted in the air stung my nose, making my stomach churn. “Oh, I’m getting seasick again.”

  Finn watched my discomfort play out on my face. “Do you want me to get a bucket?”

  “No. It’ll pass.”

  Finn smoothed back his hair, his shoulders deflating their fight. “Alright. Sorry I made you uncomfortable. This is our last day together, and I know when you leave, things will be less… just less. I love you, sinta. I want you to stay. I’m better when you’re here. Everything’s better when you’re here.”

  I gripped his hand. “I love you, too. Just not in the way that would make you kissing my neck something that led to more. Those few kisses we shared? It’s all I can give you, so take it and run. I have to leave you to do my job. That song can’t change, no matter how much both of us wish it could. I’m an Omen. If I want you to live, I have to leave you and go back to reaping.” His lips brushed my cheek, and I gripped the back of his neck, wishing I could give him what he wanted, but knowing I couldn’t.

  He was a fish, and I couldn’t swim, and there was the crux of it, the metaphor of why we would never work.

  I pulled back the curtain, but before my toe could touch the rug, I gasped. The sweet smell manifested in the form of smoke coming from the tip of Von’s cigar. He cast me a hard smile from his spot in a chair on the other side of the room. “Well, that saved us a few dodgy conversations. I feel like I’m all caught up.”

  Forty-One.

  Reunited with Team Terraway

  I didn’t ask how long Von had been there or exactly what he’d heard. I didn’t care that he looked miffed or that I was climbing out of another man’s bed. For the briefest of moments, I forgot that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I didn’t ask questions, but ran to him, crashing into his arms as he stood. “You’re here! How? I thought we were meeting you on the shore!”

  “Clearly. I didn’t want to wait. Thought I’d surprise you early. One point for me on the surprise part, though seeing you in here? In bed with the great Captain Finn? Quite the surprise I’m suffering myself. That’s about fifty points for you. Maybe more when the shock finally wears off.”

  Finn climbed out of the bed in nothing but his briefs, which I’ll admit was pretty damning. He pulled on a shirt and pants, grumbling about this being his space as he pushed past us to go to the bathroom.

  “Those are some spectacular pajamas, Captain,” Von jabbed loud enough to carry down the hall. There was a lightness in his tone that didn’t match the anger in his eyes.

  “I haven’t been seeing you in my dreams,” Von accused when the bedroom door closed the two of us inside. “Can I guess Finn’s the reason why?”

  My nose scrunched. “Finn’s got nothing to do with it. I’ve been trying to find you in my dreams for weeks. It’s not me who fell out of love, Von. Though, believe me, I’ve tried.” I looked up at him, trying not to let my underbelly show.

  He took a puff on his cigar, his eyes slits as he sized me up. “It’s not me. I’ve been taking sleeping pills, trying to find you.”

  “Well, you found me.” I didn’t care that he was irritated and I was wounded. I cared that he was there.

  “Is three weeks all it takes for you to forget whose bed you belong in? Shall I remind you?” The second the cigar left his mouth, he leaned down and kissed me. He tasted like love, and smelled like the sweet smoke I’d missed. His lips were warm and pliable, despite his attempt at stoicism. The colors started swirling, and that was all we needed. He groaned into my mouth as I bit his lower lip, drawing it out a lit
tle just how he liked it. He was a glow of blue and gold. Von was all the gold I needed.

  The streaks of paint and swells of violins transported us to our park – the special place we shared when we hallucinated. We were a tumble of limbs that were frantic to get at each other. We rolled in the grass as our lips and hips stayed fused together, fighting for dominance as we flipped to him on top, then me, then him. It felt right, like comfort mingled with exhilarating danger.

  I couldn’t get close enough, couldn’t make him understand with my lips and my body just how much I’d missed him, and needed to be with my best friend through the very low lows I’d endured.

  “We weren’t meant to be apart,” Von said, pacing himself as his lips moved to my neck. “Let’s never do that again.”

  “Never,” I promised, seeking friction he was withholding just to make me crazy. “Closer,” I begged. “I need you.”

  “It’s all I can do not to tear your clothes off and make love to you right here.”

  “Do it,” I taunted, working off his shirt so I could see and feel the wondrous body I adored.

  “I’ll not take your virginity in Finn’s bedroom.”

  I opened my eyes and looked around at the surreal setting. The blue-painted trees with purple and pink leaves swayed slowly around us, bathing us in nature’s confetti to celebrate our reunion. “We’re not in Finn’s bedroom; we’re in our park. Make love to me again.”

  Von growled low and deep, his lips kissing me roughly with abandon. “I can’t be sure I’m not doing this in real life. When you punched me last time to wake me out of our dream, I ended up with a bruise the next day. That’s quite the left hook you’ve got.”

  “Huh?” The colors started vibrating, going from dull to super bright like a slow-moving strobe light. The sensory input was overloading me, making my stomach churn in ways I couldn’t ignore. “Wait! Wait, stop!” I rolled away from him, his hair a perfect mess as we both blinked the blur of the park away and came back to the floor of Finn’s room.