Stand-in: Take 3 of the Kanyon and Daylen Series

by K. B. Draper

“Apparently not.”

  Kanyon looked down at Daylen’s shoes, soaked jeans and shirt, then worked her way back up to meet her eyes. “Probably been better with less clothes,” Kanyon smirked.

  “Noted. I’ll try to dress more appropriately next time,” Daylen smiled.

  “Listen, we don’t have any issues with you, lady. Only your friend. You head out now and there won’t be a problem,” Bigger stated.

  Kanyon pretended to ponder the offer. “Yeah, see, that’s just not going to work for me.” Kanyon took Daylen by the arm. “We’re both leaving and you’re going to forget all about this little incident.”

  Bigger took a step forward. “Funny thing is I have a really good memory and I don’t tend to forget things like this.”

  “Me either,” Dumber added. “I have a good memory. I eat carrots every day.”

  Kanyon and Bigger both looked at him, confused.

  “Carrots?” Bigger asked.

  “Yeah. You know, for memory.”

  “Carrots are for eyesight, you idiot.”

  “Ahhh, yeah I know. I mean, I see things and I remember them,” he tapped his eye then the side of his head in demonstration.

  Bigger rolled his eyes then moved to confront Kanyon while flexing his fingers before balling his fists. “Sure you want to do this?”

  Kanyon waved him forward with a jerk of her head. “Eh, why not? I haven’t given a good ass kicking in a while.”

  Bigger huffed out a laugh then charged. Kanyon dropped to one knee and punched upward, striking the guy in the groin. Bigger dropped. She spun back up into a fighting stance to take on Dumber, who was already stepping toward her. Kanyon smiled as she straightened, giving him a small wave. His steps faltered but then he lowered his head and charged. Kanyon sidestepped at the last second and Dumber went head first into the door of a parked car.

  Kanyon stood, hands on her hips, looking down at the two men on the ground. “That was completely unfulfilling.”

  Fire trucks and police cars began pulling into the drive. Kanyon grabbed Daylen’s arm, pulling her away from the lights and sirens. “Jump in my car, it’s over here. We’ll grab yours later. We don’t need to be caught up in this.”

  Once they were safely down the road and Daylen had toweled off her dripping wet hair, she finally spoke. “So, thanks ...” she held up the towel she’d used to dry herself off, “for this and for saving me back there.”

  “That’s my job, remember,” Kanyon replied, shooting her a quick glance, then moving to eye the passed-out Theo in the backseat. “You know what happened to our little drunkard?”

  Daylen half-spun to give Theo her own quick glance. “I’m not sure. At the set, he told me he didn’t need a ride home because he was going out with the guys. Next thing I know, I get a call and Mooan-na,” she rolled her eyes, “was all up in Theo’s business. I was worried so I came to get him.”

  “Speaking of Mona, you have any clues why she thought I was Theo’s girlfriend and was there for a three-way?”

  “Ummm, nope.”

  “Righhht.” Kanyon answered, flicking a glance in the rearview at Theo when he groaned. “Thoughts on what was going on there tonight?”

  “I don’t know, but I don’t think Theo’s new friends have enough cash or flash to get the kind of attention they were getting.”

  “Agreed.”

  Theo groaned again.

  Kanyon spun slightly in her seat to look back at him. “Seriously, if he yaks in my car, I–”

  Daylen turned fully in her seat and put a hand on Theo’s retching back. “I think you better pull over.”

  “Theo, damn it! Don’t you dare yak in my car or I’ll kill you and use your cold, dead body to wipe up the mess,” Kanyon threatened as she took the first side street with a jerk of the wheel.

  They were stopped and Kanyon was out and around to the passenger side door before Daylen had barely gotten her door open.

  “Here, I got his legs.” Kanyon started pulling Theo from the backseat by his ankles.

  “Kanyon, Christ! Watch his head or you’re going to give him a concussion,” Daylen yelled as she crawled through the two front seats, saving Theo’s lolling head from hitting the floorboard or the doorframe.

  “He’ll get over a concussion. I’ll never get puke out of Italian leather seats.”

  “You’re worried about your car?”

  “They’re customized seats.”

  “Yet, still the same question.” Daylen jockeyed herself around in the back to get into a better position to help Theo get out of the car uninjured. Kanyon huffed her irritation but stopped yanking and let Daylen help lift him out of the car and onto the curb. “Come on, Theo, let’s set you up for a minute. Take some slow breaths.” Daylen held onto Theo as she sat on the curb next to him. “Deep breaths,” she soothed as she rubbed slow circles on his back.

  Theo’s head flopped heavily onto her shoulder. “Daylen, I don’t feel so good.”

  “I know. Just take it easy.”

  “I don’t think I like drinking.”

  “Understood.”

  “Theo, buddy, how’d you and your geek posse land the attention of all those women?” Kanyon asked. Daylen shot Kanyon a not now look. “What? It’s not like he’s doing anything but reenacting a bad afterschool special. We might as well try to get some answers.”

  “I don’t know. We just kind of walked in and they all came to us.” He shrugged, which threw off his balance, causing Daylen to have to right him again.

  “They just came onto you?” Kanyon repeated disbelievingly.

  “Yeah, like bees to this sweet honey.” He smiled stupidly as he rubbed a hand awkwardly over his chest, then lurched forward and hurled all over Daylen’s shoes.

  Kanyon slammed a hand over her mouth and nose. “Yeah. I’m thinking sweet honey is going to be hard to get out of those shoes,” she offered, pointing at Daylen’s feet before gagging and turning quickly away.

  “You just had to push him,” Daylen stated.

  Kanyon paced a good distance away. “You’re lucky I didn’t hurl over the sweet honey remark.”

  Daylen patted Theo’s back as she one-handedly took off each of her shoes and tossed them toward the car.

  Kanyon laughed. “Oh no, don’t even think those are going in my car.

  “We can put them in the trunk.”

  “Only if you can fit them in next to the human spew fountain, ‘cause he’s not going in my car either.”

  “Kanyon, seriously,” Daylen replied with the eye roll apparent in her voice.

  “What? It’s spacious.”

  “Kanyon, we are not putting Theo in the trunk.”

  “Why? He’s drunk. We can just tell him it’s the space transporter pod thing from Star Trek. He’ll think it’s totally cool. Heck, he’ll probably crawl in there himself and we won’t even have to touch him.”

  Daylen looked at Kanyon, noticing she was still averting her eyes, pinching her nose, and talking with a hand over her mouth. “Does the big, bad warrior-superhero-chick got a touchy stomach? Can fight off bad guys and leap tall buildings in a single bound, but can’t handle some tossed cookies?”

  Kanyon shot Daylen’s vomit soaked shoes a quick glance and dry heaved. Twice. “Thank you. Now I’ll never eat cookies again.”

  Daylen laughed. “Superhero taken out by a little vomit. I mean, kryptonite I get. But blow a few chunks–”

  “Not funny!” Kanyon mistakenly looked in Daylen’s direction and saw Theo heave. Kanyon shot her gaze skyward and breathed slow and deep, tamping down her gag reflex. “Seriously, can we just throw him in the trunk? I promise he won’t even notice.”

  Theo lifted his head. “Notice what? I’ve been working on my surveillance skills. I notice everything.” He tried to narrow his eyes and do his best to survey the area, but the back and forth head movement made him nauseous. “Oh man, I don’t–” Theo started, then launched a stream of semi-liquid nachos in Kanyon’s direction.

&n
bsp; Daylen stifled a laugh as she looked down then back up at Kanyon who stood frozen staring at the night sky. “He freaking hit me, didn’t he?” Kanyon asked softly.

  “Yep!” Daylen answered smugly.

  Kanyon took in a deep steading breath. “Okay.” Then another. And another. “Okay. This is not a problem. We can handle this. Daylen, I just need you to come over here and take off my boots and my jeans.”

  Daylen blinked. Not exactly the way she’d hoped that little proposition would play out. “Excuse me?” she sputtered.

  “I need you to come over here and take my boots and jeans off,” Kanyon repeated slowly through gritted teeth.

  “We’re in the middle of the street.” And there’s a good possibility I couldn’t stop with your jeans.

  “I totally rescued you tonight. The least you can do is take off my clothes!”

  Again, not exactly the scene she’d played out in her head. “There’s really not much on there. Hardly anything at all.”

  Kanyon took a quick glance down at her feet. She retched and breathed rapidly into the fist she had pressed against her mouth. “Jalapeno chunks. Processed nacho cheese! Jeans. Boots. Now!”

  Daylen sighed and laid Theo’s head between his knees. She made sure he wasn’t going to topple over before moving toward Kanyon. “I’ll help you with your boots but I’m not taking off your jeans.” Daylen knelt and began unlacing Kanyon’s boots.

  “I can’t ride across town knowing there’s pureed peppers on my pant legs,” Kanyon protested as Daylen pried off the left boot then started on the right.

  “You can’t drive across town pants-less either,” Daylen retorted, though the image of that happening was extremely arousing.

  “The hell I can’t. Socks too,” Kanyon said as Daylen began to rise.

  Daylen knelt back down. “Seriously?”

  “They were touching the boots,” Kanyon retorted as if it was perfectly logical.

  “There.” Daylen stood and watched as headlights approached. “We need to get out of here before we draw any attention.”

  “Fine. You get him and I’ll pop the trunk.”

  Daylen watched Kanyon stiff-leg walk, her feet three feet apart from each other, to the back of the car. “We are not putting him in the trunk.”

  “Second option is human-size trash bag, so unless you have one in your pocket then …”

  Daylen rolled her eyes, then refocused on Theo, who seemed to have the worst of it out of him. “Theo, you okay to go now?”

  Theo nodded, though his head was still between his knees. “Daylen, I’m never drinking again.”

  Daylen leaned down and rubbed his back. “We’ve all had these kind of nights. Can you stand up?” Theo nodded again, lifted his head, and grasped the hand Daylen was offering. “There you go.” Daylen held him steady for a second. “You think you can walk?” He took a small stumbling step but Daylen caught him, placing his arm around her shoulders. “Easy. I got you.” Daylen looked toward Kanyon’s car to correct their course. What she saw was Kanyon with a knife, cutting off the legs of her jeans at a length that would cause Daisy Duke to blush. It was Daylen who took the next stumbling step, causing her to have to catch herself and Theo. “Ah, Kanyon?”

  Kanyon took one last slice with her knife, shook her foot until the severed jean leg was gathered at her ankle, then she flicked out her leg in a front kick. The severed fabric landed twenty feet away next to the other severed jean leg. “Much better.” Kanyon looked at Daylen with a wide grin. “Fixed that little issue.”

  Daylen stood looking at Kanyon’s mile of bare legs and swallowed hard. “You couldn’t have, oh, I don’t know, cut them off at your knees?”

  “Area contamination.”

  Daylen couldn’t help but think that Kanyon had fixed one problem only to cause her two very long, toned ones. Daylen forced her eyes away from Kanyon’s underwear with pockets and edged Theo closer to the car, stepping quickly sideways to counterbalance a weave. “You could come help me with him.” Daylen heard the trunk of Kanyon’s car pop open. “Kanyon, we’re not putting him in the trunk.”

  “I don’t mind. If Kanyon wants me to,” Theo began.

  “See, he doesn’t mi–”

  “We are not putting him in the trunk,” Daylen repeated. “Can you get the car door, please.”

  “Fine. But, I’m not touching him,” Kanyon muttered, yanking open the rear passenger door.

  “Kanyon, seriously? Help me get him in the backseat.” Daylen lifted Theo’s arm from over her shoulder and spun him around.

  Kanyon contemplated for a long moment, finally putting one finger delicately on his shoulder blade and began to push.

  “Are you freaking kidding me right now?” Daylen growled.

  “He’s got puke cooties,” Kanyon whined, pushing harder with her finger.

  Daylen jostled Theo around and started to place a protective hand on his head so she could guide him in.

  “Ahhh, wait.” Kanyon moved forward and Daylen stepped to the side thinking Kanyon had finally decided to assist her. But instead, Kanyon reached down, grabbed the bottom of Theo’s T-shirt, and yanked it over his head. She stepped back with a smile. “Bam. Built in puke bucket.” She looked at Daylen. “Like those poop bags on parade horses’ butts.”

  “Whoa,” Theo swayed. “Spock, man, why are you so up in my grill?” He waved a hand out in front of him, got Kanyon in the chest, and squeezed. “Why are you upside down? And why do you have–”

  Kanyon slapped Theo’s hand down. “Not a word. I’m going to go start the car.”

  Daylen was still chuckling as she jockeyed Theo into the backseat, shut the door, and went to collect the articles of clothes and shoes they’d left in their wake. With her shoes, Kanyon’s boots, and jean legs in hand, she headed back to the car. The doors locked as soon as she pulled on the door handle. She leaned down to look into the window and found Kanyon giving her an “ain’t happening” shake of her head. “What’s the matter with you? Let me in.”

  Kanyon hit the button, allowing the window to be cracked a fraction of an inch. “That stuff,” she pointed to what Daylen was holding, “is not coming in here.”

  Daylen grabbed the door handle again, pulling it helplessly. “We can’t just leave it here.”

  “Sure you can. Just leave it for the homeless.”

  Daylen raised an eyebrow. “Seriously, did you just suggest leaving vomit laden shoes and cut-off jean legs for homeless people?”

  Kanyon hunted around in the console and pulled out a fifty-dollar bill. “Not without money to clean them with, obviously.” She leaned across the front seat to slide the bill through the crack of the window. “Here. Just put it in one of the boots, it’ll be fine.” Daylen thrust a frustrated fist to her hip. Kanyon shook the bill. “Those items are not getting in this car, so you can either take this,” she wiggled the bill again, “or?”

  “Seriously?”

  “Seriously,” Kanyon repeated.

  Daylen snatched the fifty from the window, stomped back to the sidewalk, neatly arranged the items, placed the fifty in the right boot, then stormed barefoot back to the car. She snatched at the door handle again and nearly fell backward when it was still locked. She glared in at Kanyon.

  “Smile.” When Daylen didn’t comply, Kanyon released the locks. “Geez, giving to the underprivileged always makes me happy.”

  “We left them soiled shoes and cut off jean legs.”

  Kanyon put the car in gear. “Which will make a nice hat for someone in need of a hat.” Daylen shot her a look, cutting off the rest of her nonsense. “It could happen,” Kanyon muttered as she U-turned and headed toward Daylen’s house.

  Daylen laid her head back, realizing that as frustrating as Kanyon could be, she’d desperately missed the playful, sometimes irritating banter between them. Grinning, Daylen rolled her head to the side to look at Kanyon. “It could happen.” When Kanyon returned a smile, her heart sighed, anything could happen.

/>   Daylen hadn’t realized she’d dozed off until Kanyon laid a hand on her shoulder. “Daylen. We’re at your house.”

  Daylen straightened. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to–”

  “All good. I made a call to get your car brought to your house, so it’ll be here in the morning.” She looked at her watch. “Well, in a few hours.”

  “You didn’t have to do that.”

  Kanyon gave her an it was nothing wink. “I don’t think we’re going to get much out of him tonight,” Kanyon stated, shooting a thumb over her shoulder.

  Daylen looked back. “Why does he have a floor mat under his head?”

  “He was drooling.” When Daylen gave her an unimpressed eyebrow raise, she continued, “Hey, at least I brought the floor mat to him. The other option was to take his face to the floor mat.”

  Daylen stifled a chuckle as she undid her seatbelt. “Will you help me get him in?”

  Kanyon let out a groan. “Sure. But first, give me your keys.”

  Daylen expected Kanyon to unlock her front door and immediately return. What she got three minutes later was a knot on the back of her head from jerking up and striking it on the rear doorframe. “What the–” Framed in her front door was Kanyon, standing barefoot in shorty shorts with her hair pulled back into a ponytail. Daylen was pretty sure Kanyon had one of her kitchen curtains tied bandana style around her neck and a trash bag encompassing each arm, duct-taped in place mid-bicep, and an oven mitt on each hand. Daylen watched Kanyon walk toward her as if it was just another casual stroll down Melrose Avenue.

  Kanyon slapped the oven mitts together. “Okay, let’s do this. Where do you want him?”

  “Couch is fine. It’s close to the bathroom.”

  They dropped Theo on the couch where he curled up on his side and began to snore.

  “Want to de-Hazmat yourself?” Daylen asked.

  “Yep.”

  Daylen retrieved a small trashcan and lined it with two plastic grocery sacks from underneath the kitchen sink. “I’ll be right back.” When she returned, Kanyon was using her teeth to pull the tape from her arms. “You do recognize this is ridiculous, right?” Daylen asked as she began to help unwind the duct tape.