by Susan Simone
Silent Heart
Susan Simone
Edited by: J. Ellington Ashton Press Staff
http://jellingtonashton.weebly.com/
Copyright.
Author
©2013, Author
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book, including the cover and photos, may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. All rights reserved.
The characters, places, and events depicted are fictional and do not represent anyone living or dead. All characters depicted are over the age of 18. This is a work of fiction.
No book is written alone. I would like to thank the amazing staff at JEA for all their support, laughter, and hard work. TL is a great editor and pushed me for my best work. I feel I’ve made friends more than just business connections. Thank you to Mandy for being my first reader, and the first to believe in me. Finally, thank you to
David and Nichelle
for all your love.
Thank You all for believing in me.
One
It was a sunny day and just warm enough for the first flowers of the season to show their shining faces. Okay so that was a little too sweet even for me, but the fresh air put me in a good mood and I was content to be girlish and silly. I almost skipped just for the fun of it and laughed silently at myself. Bear would tease me mercilessly had he seen that.
Oh Bear. I missed my twin terribly. Since our parents died of the fever, he was the only family I had left. He had to leave to provide for me and I learned to navigate the world without my translator/protector/dearest friend by my side. He did his best and made sure I never wanted for anything. I prayed for the hundredth time that day that he would be home soon. He was due any day now.
Thinking of what kind of surprise I could give him, I walked blindly through the woods enjoying every scent and sensation. I should have been paying attention to the vibrations in the ground, but I had been safe for so long and it was so wonderful to walk in the sun that I entirely forgot. I pulled my skirt free of a bramble and walked into a clearing, stopping dead in my tracks and dropping the basket and knife I was carrying.
There were men all over the clearing. It took me a moment to realize they hadn’t seen me yet. No, they were too wrapped up in their debauchery. Six men with horses nearby had captured a man. They all wore black capes and dark colored clothing. I stared at their faces. Never had I seen such expressions. It made me cold deep down inside. They smiled maliciously. They enjoyed what they were doing, wanted to do it, but there was nothing of decency left. The warm day was all but forgotten under that presence.
The caught man had short brown hair that fell onto his forehead. His face was all kinds of colors from long inflicted bruises. The men cut his shirt off revealing a smattering of dark brown hair on his chest. What little was there was matted with blood and more bruises decorated his body. It looked like someone had tried to paint him in relief tones.
His hands were bound behind his back and blood oozed around the edges. He had been bound for a long time. The men held his head back by his hair and cut off the cloth around his mouth that was so tight he had to bite on it. They threw him to the ground and pushed his bloody face into the dirt. They circled him like vultures, slowly, taking turns inflicting blows.
It was pure evil. I had never seen anything so evil in my life. Not even an animal that killed its prey was so vicious and heartless. Sure it was bloody, but the task was done as efficiently as possible. This was mutilation.
They pulled him up to his knees and started cutting away pieces of his skin with artistic precision. I could see him throw back his head in an agony I would never hear. My deafness wouldn’t allow me to experience even that most basic and primal sound, but my eyes could see and burn the memory into my soul. The lines of his face contorted until he didn’t look human anymore. His jaw was distended and the skin crinkled at the distorted corners of his mouth. His eyes were tightly shut and sent sparks of lines radiating out from the sides. His nostrils pushed up and flared in answer to his scream. His neck muscles bulged and rigid cords looked as if they were trying to escape. Veins popped out on his arms and chest with the force of the strain.
Between blows the man though haggard looked young and afraid. His head would drop to his chest and I could see his lips moving, pleading with his captors. His whole body shuddered with sobs too deep to release tears.
It was horrifying. How could men do this to one another? What had broken them so badly inside that they enjoyed seeing his agony? Something inside me cracked some piece of me that had always looked for the good in people. I just couldn’t comprehend this madness. Surely it was madness. Sane men could not do this.
I felt the tears slide down my face, the wind cooling them against my skin. I knew I should leave. There was no telling what they would do to me if they saw me, but I was frozen in place. Fear often overrode your more intelligent instincts. I knew that man was going to die. Someone should bear witness to what was done to him. Someone should care.
I must have made a sound because the man looked up at me abruptly. He had diamond blue eyes. They sparkled with the tears he’d not allowed himself to shed. I couldn’t pull away from those eyes or the terror and sadness pouring out of him as he stared at me.
Suddenly all six men looked up at me at once. I felt like a deer mesmerized by fire. I couldn’t pull away. For one instant they all locked eyes with me and the clearing was completely still while we regarded each other in total shock.
Then the lips of the young man moved. One of the men in black drew his sword and beheaded him in one smooth stroke. The others started to move towards me and finally my feet unlocked. I spun around on my heels and ran. I was small and dangerously thin according to Bear. I didn’t have much body weight to move and could be quick. I put all my effort into just getting away.
I wasn’t quick enough.
Not five steps into the woods hands closed on my arms and yanked me off my feet. I went limp and tried to latch on to anything I could reach; tree branches, rocks, bushes, even weeds. The first hard jerk and the hands around me lost their grip. I pulled away frantically. Something hard connected with my foot and I fell. Trying desperately to get up, hands circled my ankles and they dragged me back to the clearing.
They twisted my legs and my body obediently flipped over. I was covered in dirt and tiny scratches and my skirt was up around my waist. There was no time to worry about that. They reached for me and I started swinging my arms and kicking my legs. They would not get me, not while I had breath in my body.
In the back of my head, the one tiny part of my mind that wasn’t consumed by terror, I yelled at myself for dropping the knife. I forced myself to look around praying I would see it and maybe then if I was lucky I could work my way over. I had no idea what I would do then. It didn’t matter. I needed a weapon if I was going to live.
Someone pinned my arms above my head and another took my legs. Oh God no! I thrashed as hard as I could but it was no use. I was no match for six grown men. They pulled me unwilling to my feet and my arms were tied behind my back. A sturdy man held me from behind while the others crowded around me.
One man, the leader I supposed, stood in front of me casually. His face was long and sunken. Though he couldn’t have been much older than me he had the look of a skeleton. His eyes were almost black and I had the sense I was looking into a death mask. Except for that emaciated face he was covered from head to toe. The hood of his cape cove
red his head and his hands were covered in black leather gloves.
He was asking me questions, but I was frozen to the core. My hands were bound and I had no way to answer him. I was too scared to try. Angrily he came up to my face and shouted at me. I could feel his hot breath on my skin the sound making tiny little ripple vibrations on my cheeks. I held fast. It was my only defense.
Suddenly a fist connected with the side of my head. It came out of nowhere! I had no idea any of them had even reached a hand back. I pulled my head forward and faced the man again. I was terrified and made no attempt to hide it. Did he not know I was scared? Did he just not care? Did he enjoy it?
They hit me again and continued shouting at me. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t begin to try to answer them. I had no idea what they were even asking. I endured the punishment as best I could but I felt the hot tears making salty trails down my face. Why couldn’t they see I couldn’t answer them? I tried to say it all with my eyes but that was worse than useless. Unable to move my hands I had no way to tell him I couldn’t even hear his questions.
He reached out taking me by the shirt collar and shook me, his lips still moving over the same unintelligible forms. My weak threadbare shirt gave way and ripped. Surprised he paused and looked at me. With his thumb and forefinger he gently picked at the ripped edge to my blouse and pulled it away revealing a bare shoulder. With another slight movement he uncovered one small breast. I blushed furiously and tried to angle my body away, to cover it somehow.
The man looked back at his men and then turned to me with that cold malicious smile. He took off his gloves and stepped towards me still talking. I could see what he intended in his eyes. I shook my head screaming with all my will, NO! The man behind me tightened his grip and I could no longer feel my hands. The man in front of me took my breast squeezing it until it was misshapen in his hand.
I tried to kick at him but he was too close, pressed up against me. I shook my head vigorously and used every piece of me to pull away, to get away, anything. Anything but that. Dear God help me! He was fumbling with my skirt when everything stopped.
The men all turned away and the bushes at the edge of the clearing moved. There was no time to think about that. I started thrashing hard seeing perhaps my only chance. There was chaos all around me but I paid no attention. I was busy trying to get the man to let go of me. I bent over trying hard to step backwards and stomp on his foot. A rock whizzed by my face so close I could feel the breeze of it and the man dropped me abruptly.
I didn’t wait to make sense of anything. Rocks were raining out of the sky, men were lying on the ground, and someone was attacking a bush. It didn’t matter. I ran. I put all my adrenalin into my legs forgetting about my exposed breast and ran for home. I was so distraught that I didn’t find anything wrong with running home. The idea that I would be followed didn’t even cross my mind. The tree branches and bushes blurred in my vision as I ran heedless of everything around me.
A hand reached out and clamped over my mouth. Strong arms pulled me down in a bed of ferns. I was face down on the ground and a man was lying on my back. I tried to escape but he held me fast, talking to me. I could feel his breath on my ear and the vibration of his chest on my back. He slowly moved his hand away and covered my head with his arm pushing my face into the dirt. I couldn’t move. Please God is there no end to this?
There was the vibration of riders on the ground. I knew well what horses felt like. Oh God did he call his friends? I caught my breath and the man was speaking in my ear again. The smooth edge of a sharp knife ran along my side. I went perfectly still, my mind screaming with rage and fear and so many emotions I couldn’t sort them out. I thought I was going to die. I thought clearly they were going to rape me and kill me.
The blade gently caressed my arm, with a sharp twist he cut clean through the binds. I was going to make another run for it but the riders came. The man tightened around me his muscles turning him into a solid wall. I had even less chance of moving now. He didn’t so much as breathe until the riders passed.
Slowly he moved off of me. I flipped over on my back and cowered away from him. He had short curly light brown hair. His brown eyes watched me warily, concerned. Concerned? Clutching my shirt closed with one hand I backed away from him. He turned his head to the road sharply. I scrambled to my feet to run but he reached out and caught me.
He dragged me deeper into the woods pulling me along like a child’s toy. It was all I could do to remain on my feet. It was too much. It was all too much. Now two different factions were after me? What did this one want?
He pushed me into a tree and covered my mouth again quicker than I could think. Breathing heavy and swearing that the fight was not out of me yet I bit down hard on his hand. His mouth opened in a yell and he pulled away shaking his hand. One hand was still holding me back by one shoulder, his mouth opened in a long stream of what I assumed were curses.
Recovered he took me by my shoulders and started questioning me again. I kept flinching waiting for the blow that never came. He backed off a step and let me go still talking, still trying to get answers. He didn’t try to hurt me. He opened his arms palms up to show he meant no harm.
With shaking hands I put my hands to my ears and shook my head. ‘I’m deaf.’ He narrowed his eyes and leaned in a bit. I repeated the gesture and tried to use words. I wasn’t mute. I could speak and make sound when I wanted but people rarely understood me that way and I only knew a few words.
‘I’m deaf.’
He closed his eyes and his head sunk to his chest for a minute before he looked back up at me. He said a word I couldn’t read. I shook my head slightly. He put his fingers together making a roof and shaped his hands like a box.
Oh. Home.
I swallowed and nodded my head nervously. He took my arm again. He was firm but didn’t hurt me. He held out his other arm asking me to lead the way. I didn’t know what else to do. He could kill me at any time. I was still wondering why he hadn’t. I walked back to the path trying like hell not to shake.
My toe hit a rock and I stumbled. Damn this adrenalin riddled body! The man caught me and put an arm around my back holding my opposite arm. His other took the elbow nearest him. I froze. I didn’t like him that close. I wasn’t sure at all that he was safe. He urged me forward and I was forced to lead him. I didn’t think I’d ever look at a beautiful spring day the same way again.
Two
I opened the door to my little cabin. Bear had built this place. When he had to leave he was so afraid of the local boys taking advantage of me. Garland, our cousin, was in the village, but he was young, not quite an adult himself and we had both wanted him to grow up before being saddled with an invalid cousin whom he couldn’t talk to. This was far enough away to ensure most folk just left me be.
Bear was the only person I could talk to. Most deaf people never learned any communication at all. I knew I was lucky. Because he was my twin we learned to speak with our hands as babies and grew up creating our own language. It was Bear who taught our parents. It was Bear who translated the world for me and taught me the skills I needed to survive. When he was gone I chose to live a solitary life rather than frustrate myself and everyone around me trying to accomplish the most basic of tasks. Bear always sent money for me, and I made up the difference with my art and brushes and paint.
The cabin was a little rectangle and just right for the two of us. There were two beds with cedar chests at the foot. Those had been made by my father when we were children. One corner had a little kitchen with a cool box built low into the ground and a fireplace. A table and chairs filled the open space on that end. I had my pots and pans hung on the walls. There was a little door to a privy closet next to a large window. Bear didn’t like me walking alone at night just to use the privy so he attached it. If someone ever broke in I was supposed to hide in there. There was no use hiding from the man that escorted me home though.
In the other corner I had several easels set
up with paintings in various stages of development. A tall chair sat in front of them. My carving tools and brushes sat neatly on a shelf. Dried herbs both for medicine and paint hung on every free space of wall. It wasn’t much but it was home and just the way Bear and I liked it.
The man pushed me in the door turned around and locked it tight. He surveyed the little home with keen eyes taking in every detail. He strode past me and opened the door to the privy searching with the same fastidiousness. He felt along the seams to my window and even poked his head in the fireplace checking the chimney. I was bewildered watching him. What was he looking for?
Seemingly satisfied, he walked back to the door and leaned against it; crossing his arms across his chest. Not knowing what else to do, I backed myself against the opposite wall and watched him. His eyes looked over me sullenly and then darted away quickly looking up at the ceiling. I looked down and realized my shirt was hanging open by the rip. Somehow finding blood left in my face I blushed and looked for something else to wear.
I edged my way over to my chest, once again clutching the blouse in my hand never taking my eyes off of him. He caught my movements and watched me. I really did need a new blouse. I opened the chest and pulled out my nightgown. That would at least cover everything and I wouldn’t feel like I was flashing him every five minutes.
I waved my hands at him like you would shoo an animal. He shook his head. I looked exasperated at the ceiling trying to invoke some divine intervention. I fingered the ripped collar of my blouse and held out the nightgown and tried shooing him again.
‘Please leave.’
He shook his head, but turned around. I figured that was the best I was going to get. I changed quickly pulling my skirt over the nightgown and crossed my shawl over my breasts, tying it in back the way the farm women did, keeping an eye out to make sure he didn’t turn around. He didn’t even try to sneak a peek.