by Susan Simone
My strength failed me and I leaned over throwing up. It was mostly bile from my empty stomach but my body heaved as if it had been a four course meal. Stone had an arm around my waist holding me up and held my hair back with his other hand. When my body finished retching I sunk to my knees and put my head in my lap.
The dizzy spell and blackness overtook me again and I could do nothing until it passed. My whole body shook, with fear or losing my stomach I didn’t know. I didn’t much care anymore either. The hard part was over. I just wanted to get to someplace safe to sleep and collapse. I had the will to live but my body was damaged from my abuse of it.
He took my chin again. ‘Sun low. We need to go. Can walk?’ I nodded reluctantly and let him pull me up. He put his arm around my waist and half carried me. We made our way deeper into the green and further away from the suicidal ridge. We were high, but it was wide open and safe. I briefly considered staying where ever it was we were going rather than risk having to travel back through. Mountains may be pretty but I wanted to live far away from them.
It was the beginnings of twilight when we reached the bridge…or what was left of it. The path ended in an abrupt drop. It was a steep long chasm down to the river we had sort of been following for the past two days and over to a matching cliff on the other side. Two thick wooden posts marked where a bridge had once hung. Limp rope dangled uselessly in the wind. Far on the other side the wooden slats hung halfway down the chasm like an old rope ladder.
Angrily, Stone stomped over to the wooden sentinels that had held that bridge for over a hundred years. He squatted down and picked up the end of the rope inspecting it closely. I carefully made my way over, holding back from the edge by several feet. I opened my arms asking what happened.
‘Cut,’ he answered.
‘How?’
‘Knife,’ he said with a darkly sarcastic face.
‘Who? Why?’
‘Stop us crossing.’ He threw down the rope and stood up. ‘Need food, water tonight.’ I pointed down the open grassy slope that appeared to lead down the mountain. He shook his head. ‘Open. Not safe. Men find us. Dangerous further down. No food, water, shelter. Need horses, gear, supplies. They wait for us. We go down.’
‘Down?’ I screamed with big hands.
‘Yes. Climb.’
‘No.’
‘Only way. Safe down there.’
‘Wait till morning? Sleep here?’ I inquired hopefully.
‘Open. Not safe. We go down.’
‘No. No, I can’t.’
‘Yes you can.’
‘No, I’m not strong enough.’
‘Yes you are. We can do this.’
‘No. Please no.’ I was backing away from him as I spoke. I never thought anything would make me want to go to the ridge again but at that moment it seemed better than trying to climb down a cliff in the dark. Anything was better than trying that.
‘Paige I was a child here. I know how. We can do this.’
‘Stone, please don’t make me do this.’
‘Look at me. Fight. You fight to live. Fight now. I won’t let you fall.’
‘I’m scared,’ I said with small hands.
‘I know. Follow me.’ He took me to the edge and looked down measuring the climb. ‘Get down on stomach,’ he said angling his body to swing his feet over the edge. I started to follow him slowly and froze.
‘I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t.’ I was crying and played it to the hilt in a last ditch effort to make him take pity on me. I even managed to fake a swoon.
‘Stop it!’ he gestured angrily. ‘You are not weak and I don’t play games with whiny babies!’ I was so shocked I just stared at him. He pulled me down to my stomach and put his feet over the edge. It wasn’t until he grabbed my foot and guided it down that I realized he used a full and proper sentence. Chiding my horrible acting skills I barely even noticed at first that I was hanging on a cliff’s edge again.
Stone pulled me expertly underneath him so he was sandwiching my body to the rock face. He was tall enough for his hands to be on mine and his feet to be one foot hold below. Propriety was gone in our current situation. I was too scared to care and Stone was too consumed with getting us down safely to bother. His body pressed up strongly against me. He felt like a warm solid rock himself.
He took my hand and guided it down to a hold below and held it there while he repeated with my other hand. He leaned into me keeping me from rocking back on my toes. There was painful pressure on my fingers beneath his as he lowered himself for the next toe hold. I could feel his breath on my neck as his head passed below. His body slid down against mine and his face rested on my back. He let go of one hand and took my ankle guiding it down. He switched hands and repeated. My body slid down along his chest his breath passing over my neck again. We paused for breath, and repeated the strange slow dance.
It was as intimate a situation as I had ever been in, topping even the time the naked man almost kissed me. I had never been this physically close to a man in my life. Our bodies were in constant contact always sliding against one another. His hands were on my arms and bare legs. He couldn’t risk my skirt getting caught so he always reached under it to guide my feet. His hands skimmed the bare skin when he moved so he didn’t get caught in the fabric. More than once my body connected with his groin. He didn’t so much as stumble but I was painfully aware of our position as he caught his breath against my ear. His hand brushed the side of my breast more than once changing his hold. I didn’t have that much to offer in the way of breasts but we were so close it was unavoidable.
As the last bit of twilight faded away leaving us in total darkness I was starting to get flushed as our bodies constantly moved against each other and the intimacy of the contact. Hanging on a cliff side did nothing to diminish the effect. In fact it seemed to make it worse. We could slip and die at any moment and all I could think about was how close he was. Later I would often think that was the only reason I made it down alive. I trusted him implicitly; trusted his hands on my body. He could have taken a liberty at any time and I would have been helpless. I began to want him to, but other than the unavoidable he didn’t try anything inappropriate.
Without warning Stone’s foot slipped out from beneath him. He lost his grip and swung back dangling from one hand and one foot leaving me dangerously exposed. His fingers clamped down painfully on mine as he fought to right himself. I craned my head in time to see him fly away. His mouth opened in a wordless yell and his eyes were wide and terrified.
NO! Stone!
I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed. I could barely hold on myself and I had no idea how to help him. The hand closest to him was clamped under his and moving the other would make me swing back like he had. His fingers started to slip pulling mine with him. If I held on to the other side I wouldn’t fall…but he would. No. Not again. I was not going to lose anyone else.
Dragging every last vestige of courage out of me I slowly let go with my free hand. I tried swinging it back the long way giving me a longer reach but my other arm wobbled and I flung my hand back to hold on. Trying again I reached my arm under and back. It wasn’t much encouragement but it was all I had. I couldn’t yell to him, I couldn’t gesture. I could only hold my weak little arm out and pray he at least tried.
When nothing happened I craned my head to look at him again. He was trying to swing back around but his foot wouldn’t move. Please, Stone, please, I urged in my head, take the hand. He met my eyes and I saw his answer there. He knew he was pulling me down. He was going to let go so I didn’t fall. He was going to die…for me. No, God no!
“Don’t. Give. Up,” I tried to say. I tried to say it loudly. I couldn’t feel my throat; I had no idea if I even made sound or how badly it sounded. Bear always told me I was louder than I thought but I couldn’t prove it. “Stone. Please. Live.” I stared at him, willing him to hear me, understand me, to do something to save his life. I didn’t even break the eye contact when tears blurred my vision.<
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He set his jaw and burrowed his brown eyes into mine. He reached my shoulder closest to him and slid his hand slowly down my back into my hand. I grabbed it in a death grip pulling it the rest of the way to the finger hold I had been using. I gratefully accepted my fingers being ground into the sharp rock as he worked his foot to another hold.
Suddenly he was strong and sturdy behind me again. He was breathing hard and bent his head into my hair letting me feel the vibrations of his chest and his lips moving in my hair. Even as I wondered what he was saying I felt his hardness against my backside. It was the adrenalin I knew. A fact of male anatomy. It wasn’t anything he could control, but it was definitely the most intimate touch so far, inadvertent as it may have been. We were connected through this and I could show no more embarrassment than I would have with Bear.
Neither one of us moved, partly to catch our breath, but mostly to give Stone’s body time to react the way he wanted. We both knew this and knew the other knew as well. After so many near death experiences in a few days we didn’t need words. I decided not to feel awkward about it and just stilled myself to help.
His arms started to shake from strain and even though he wasn’t really ready he moved and we started our sliding, gripping, touching dance once again. He was still hard every time my body came in contact with his but he never slowed, in fact he moved urgently.
I was grateful that my own arousal was not so obvious, or at least I hoped so. Men always seemed to know when a woman was turned on even when we went to great pains to hide it. I never understood what they saw. It was a mystery to me, not that it mattered anyway. His situation was obvious and I couldn’t complain if mine was as well. I caught myself thinking that if I wasn’t so weak, when we hit solid ground I would make a move, and vowed that when I was strong enough, if he ever made a move I would let him do what he pleased.
Just when I thought I could take no more he put an arm around my waist and pulled me from the mountain to solid ground. Relieved to tears, I spun around on sore toes and wrapped my arms around his neck. This was even worse because his hardness was pressed against the front now, but he held me back lifting me off my feet.
The world spun again and I grabbed my head. Stone put me down and held me up until it passed. He walked me to the river several feet away where we both collapsed to our knees. I bent down and put my lips to the water; drinking like an animal, too exhausted to try anything more civilized. I washed my hands and face and even ran cool water over my head.
I felt water sprinkle my side and looked over. Stone had taken off his shirt and was using it to dunk in the water and wring rivers over his head, the jerkin set to the side. The moon light hit and he was a beacon in the night. He was more than a well made man. He was perfect…and dripping wet. Oh I so did not need to see that right then. Several muscles I didn’t know I had clenched almost painfully.
He caught my eyes and we stared at each other. The look on his face was so intense I swore he saw what I was trying to hide. Nothing else existed for a long moment. Even the imposing mountains on either side of us melted away. I thought he was going to reach for me, wanted him to reach for me. I could see it in his eyes…
‘You can speak,’ he accused instead. The moment was gone.
‘You can use sentences,’ I accused right back.
‘You can speak!’
‘Badly,’ I conceded. ‘I’ve spoken before.’
‘I thought that was noises. I didn’t think …’
‘Why didn’t you use sentences before? This whole time I thought you were a bad student!’
‘Got you down the mountain, didn’t it?’ he smiled.
‘Well my speaking got you down,’ I countered with a frown. He laughed. He reached over and took my hand putting it over his heart. The hair on his chest was soft and every bit as curly as his beard or hair.
‘Thank you,’ he said and let me go after a moment’s hesitation. ‘Food,’ he said getting up. ‘We need food and a fire, and sleep. Stay here. I’ll be close.’ He tossed me the water skin and walked off. I rinsed and filled the skin and sat in the moonlight massaging my sore toes and fingers.
Stone came back shortly after and gave me a large handful of berries and new dandelion greens. It was a meager and tasteless meal but it was wonderful none the less. We ate in stillness absorbed with the first food and water either one of us had had since the apple on the ridge that morning. What a day! I was certain it was the scariest day of my life and I hoped to forget it for the time being.
He led us away to the beginnings of the woods. We found a small clearing and he built a tiny fire. I worried over my fingers, hoping the stiffness would go away. I didn’t even want to think of the damage the mountain had done to them. I could live without walking, I couldn’t live without painting. Stone waved his hand getting my attention.
‘You okay?’ he asked.
‘Fingers sore,’ I frowned. He moved over closer to me and took both of my hands, rubbing them over the heat of the fire working slowly on each knuckle. If I were a cat I would have purred. My eyes started to droop and he pulled me down gently. He laid behind me and kept me warm all night. We slept like the dead and woke late in the morning.
Ten
I was comfortable. I was undeniably on the ground and the fire had worn its way down to ash covered coals but I felt nice and snuggly with Stone’s warm body behind me. His arm was wrapped around me and I held my hand on top of his. Lost in the twilight between sleep and wakefulness, I yawned and nudged my way closer. Stone responded in his sleep pulling me just the tiniest bit nearer. It was another full minute before either one of us realized he’d been cupping my breast in our sleep and I was pressing him closer.
Both of us froze in the same moment, our heads turning slowly to meet each other’s eyes. After a brief surprised glance we scrambled apart ending up on opposite sides of the remnants of our fire. We stared at each other lost for words. Stone’s jaw was hanging down and working hard on making words I couldn’t read. I kept mine firmly shut and blushed wildly watching him with wide eyes.
‘I’m sorry,’ he gestured slowly. Still blushing I waved him off and started stirring the fire to kill the last embers. How embarrassing. I didn’t know how to react. No one had ever touched my breast before…not like that—except the skeleton man…but that was different. His entire hand was covering the small soft mound. I realized he’d seen it once, the day he rescued me, but he never acted like he’d seen it. His touch felt good…normal, and in my sleep I’d pulled him closer.
A hand tentatively touched my shoulder making me jump. I looked up into Stone’s worried eyes. His head was hanging low and he looked as mortified as I felt. ‘Paige…,’ he started.
‘Don’t say it,’ I said getting abruptly to my feet. ‘Just forget it. It was nothing.’
‘I really am sorry. You have to know I didn’t—.’ I interrupted him by putting my hands on his.
‘It doesn’t matter. We’ve both been in bad situations. Just forget it. Where are we going now?’ I had to change the subject before this became a regular topic. He took a visible breath and stood a little straighter, his mouth set in the grim determined lines I was used to.
‘We go to a little city down the river. Stay the night, get supplies. We’ll go the long way around the mountain to catch the main road. It is a harder trail but no climbing and more cover and less chance of traps.’
‘Good. We go. We’ll find breakfast on the way. How far to the city?’
’10 or 15 miles.’ I harrumphed silently.
‘How many days?’
‘Late tonight or early tomorrow.’
‘So one more night on the road.’
‘I think.’
‘Lead the way,’ I said picking up the water skin.
We walked into the morning sun, east along the river. There was no set path but the river made sure we didn’t get lost. The forest was thick and much more lush than I expected for so early in the season. There was plenty of fo
od to find, and Stone assiduously saved as much as he could carry in our little bag. I had thought the mountains would be the hardest part of our trip but watching him worry so over the abundance of food made me wonder. In the end I was too much of a coward to ask. I was afraid if I found out about something worse on the way I’d work myself into a fit with anticipation. Some questions were better left unasked.
For once it was a boring day. There wasn’t much to see or feel although I enjoyed the play of light on the water and through the bushes with their odd cast of green only found in the spring. There was one spot that seemed to grow some wild fruit trees and were awash in soft whites and pinks in clusters of little flowers. The sugar maples blended right in with their tiny burgundy knobs and long red stamens. I spent much of the day planning out how I would mix my pigments to match the colors.
Stone brooded most of the day. I assumed he was still embarrassed over the morning, but I couldn’t understand why that would worry him so much when the day before his hard groin had spent a fair amount of time pressed against me…unless he didn’t realize I knew. That was an interesting thought. I was sure he had to know I felt it….
He also worried over the mountain slope rising to our right. He paid little attention to where he walked, choosing instead to keep his senses keened on the woods in that direction. I remembered him telling me the men may be waiting for us along that slope. How long would it take them to realize we’d taken another route, and how long before they figured out which one? I caught myself walking closer to him as those thoughts rolled over in my head.
At sunset Stone decided it was time to rest and we found some shelter in the thick brush. I made myself useful starting a fire while Stone went in search of food refusing to dip into our stores while we were still along the river. We dined gratefully on fish and greens, burning our fingers with our eagerness.
Stone regularly pushed more food at me urging me to eat more reminding me sharply of Bear. Oh Bear. Where are you now? I closed my eyes and tried to hold back the torrent of emotion. There were no words to describe his loss. Part of me still wanted to die without him, but the rest was such a mix of hate, fear, anger, sadness, emptiness, betrayal, even relief and a little sliver of joy I couldn’t really feel or think anything other than, I miss you.