by K. E. Saxon
He felt a bit odd, a bit light-headed. The mattress was so soft and inviting to him that he decided to rest there a moment before putting his shirt on and returning to the front chamber. The cool air of his bedchamber was like heaven against his hot skin. He flopped onto his back and sprawled out, rejoicing in the crisp air that cooled his armpits and groin. After a moment, he turned onto his stomach, allowing his backside to receive the cooling treatment.
* * *
When Bao didn’t return to the front chamber, Jesslyn went to his doorway and peeked in. Her heart did a little flip in her chest. He was bare from head to foot and so gorgeous, that in spite of her hurt, her anger, and her disgust at herself, her mouth watered.
He was sound asleep. Mayhap that was for the best, because she must bathe him down with cool water to try and break the fever. She’d already been dreading doing the deed since she had, not one hour past, just proven to herself that she had no self-restraint where a wickedly naked and awake Bao was concerned. But, she’d treated fever often enough to know that the bathing must be done.
Turning, she hastened out of the cottage and drew water from the well. Afterward, she would consult with Daniel and get some herbs for Bao’s throat and cough. So far, his cough was dry, and she was determined to keep it that way. If the phlegmatic humor moved into his lungs, his fever could rise.
Thankfully, Bao never fully awakened during her ministration to him and the bath was completed with no added embarrassment to her. Upon speaking with Daniel, she was cautioned to remain at the keep and not go near Bao again until he was recovered. This, as a precaution against the fever being transferred to her and possibly harming their babe. Which, of course, was fine with her, as she had no intention of ever speaking to the man again. However, that did not mean she wouldn’t worry over his recovery. He was, after all, the father of her unborn bairn, even if he was a no-good, rotten manipulator.
It was decided that she would use her chamber at the keep and that Bao would remain at the cottage, nursed by Daniel, Branwenn, and a few servants.
* * *
Bao’s recovery took several days, which gave him plenty of time to think about his dilemma. He had blundered, badly.
Jesslyn was right. Using his body as a means of persuasion was a habit he needed to break. There was more to their relationship than mere lust and ‘twas time that he convinced her of that fact. No matter how long it took, he would prove his devotion to her and not touch her, or attempt to seduce her again. And in time, when he didn’t stray from her, she would finally believe him, trust him, and then they could finally settle into their union.
He was dressed in his shirt and braies, standing at the washstand shaving, when he heard the knock on the door. Turning, he called out, “Enter,” and then turned back to gaze into the silver mirror as he scraped the last of the bristle from his chin.
“Good morn, Bao,” Jesslyn said.
A thrill of shock and pleasure rushed over him and he looked over his shoulder. “Good morn,” he answered softly.
“Daniel told me that you were recovered enough for me to see you.”
“Aye. I’m feeling fit, actually.”
“That pleases me. I was worried.”
“I’m sorry for that.”
She shrugged and looked away. She was tense with nerves, he could tell, so he turned his attention back to his morning rituals. He laid the knife down on top of the washstand and gazed in the mirror as he wiped the soap from his face, but his heart was racing and his palms were sweaty. “I’m moving back up to the keep, so you shall not have me in your way much longer.”
“My thanks.” There was both surprise and relief in her voice.
They were silent for a time and Bao strove for calm as he continued his ablutions. Her nearness made his heart pine, made his body ache for her touch.
“I am sorry that I made you ill,” she said at last. “Please, will you forgive me?”
Bao looked at her. “You didn’t make me ill. I made myself ill with my own foolish behavior.” He walked a step toward her. “And it is I who begs your forgiveness for my dim-witted attempt to trick you into giving me your good opinion again. I should have known not to treat you in such a manner. ‘Twill not happen again, I swear it.”
Jesslyn gave him a grim nod and then cleared her throat. “I’ve spoken to Daniel and he has agreed that, if you agree to it as well, Alleck, the babe, and I will move back to the MacLaurin keep to live once he and Maryn return there this summer.”
A one-ton weight decended on his chest—it must have—for his lungs locked up and his chest cavity wrenched. He staggered back and leaned heavily against the washstand. “Nay, I do not agree to it.”
“You’ll keep me prisoner to you in a bad marriage, then? A slave to your will?”
He whirled around and gripped the edge of the washstand, his gaze blindly settling on its contents.
“If ‘tis a son I have,” she said, “then he’ll train with you instead of one of our allies, if it please you to do so.”
She was killing him and she didn’t even know it.
“All right?” she prompted.
He squeezed his eyes shut. “All right.”
“My thanks.” She turned and left the chamber, left him. Left him standing there with his mind numb, his heart in tatters.
* * *
CHAPTER 16
Several sennights later, on the feast of Saint Brigid, Jesslyn cradled Nora in her arms in the great hall, cooing and speaking to the fiery-headed babe in low, dulcet tones. What a wee imp she was going to be. She was sure to give her father fits, and Jesslyn couldn’t say that that thought gave her one moment of unease. Not after spending the past hours being chastised by the man for “tormenting” his brother.
“Has she finally fallen asleep?” Maryn asked softly as she settled on a stool next to Jesslyn and peeked around the blanket resting against the babe’s cheek.
“Not yet, but soon, I trow,” she replied in a whisper. “Her eyes have been drooping more frequently in just the past few moments.” She slowly rose from her seat. “I should take her up to her nurse now so she may take a nap.”
“I shall come with you,” Maryn said. She tipped her head in Bao’s direction. “Our lady guests certainly are enamored of your husband.”
Jesslyn glanced in his direction and shrugged slightly, taking care not to jostle the babe and wake her. “What care I who occupies his attention?” But she did. She’d been gnawing on her jealousy all during the festivities. And now, when his eyes met hers briefly, when they warmed, when his mouth quirked in a quick smile before he looked away again, her heart melted a little.
“You shouldn’t,” Maryn replied. “He’s a vile creature. When I think of what he was!” She shuddered. “He should have been banished; he has no place here with honorable folk such as us.” Jesslyn felt her cheeks heat with her sudden anger as Maryn continued her tirade. “I tried to explain as much to Daniel, but he’d hear naught of it” she said, her voice filled with disgust. “It seems he’s determined to defend his brother to the end.”
Jesslyn forced in several long calming breaths, but said naught else. They arrived at Maryn’s bedchamber door and quietly entered. She gently placed the babe in her cradle and quickly left the room, leaving Maryn whispering instructions to the nurse.
Jesslyn strode toward the stairs, intent on getting as far away from her ex-friend as possible. She couldn’t believe the vicious words the woman had given her! Poor Bao! He had no idea that his own sister-in-law held such contempt for him. And after all he’d done to run her would-be murderer to ground! What a faithless friend she’d turned out to be!
She heard the soft pad of rushing footsteps behind her and sped up. “I’m sorry!” Maryn said breathlessly when she caught up to her, but Jesslyn didn’t acknowledge her, simply continued to look straight ahead as she walked.
“I didn’t mean those things I said, I swear it! I was only trying to see if you still cared for Bao enough to defen
d him.”
Jesslyn stopped short and turned to face her. “What a foul thing to do! I shouldn’t ever speak to you again!”
“I know!” she cried. “Say you forgive me, I beg you,” she said coaxingly.
Jesslyn sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. “I forgive you.”
Maryn grinned happily and clapped her hands.
“But don’t ever try that again!”
“Nay, I shall not,” she promised. “There’s no need,” she added cheekily, “now that I’ve seen your reaction.” She paused only the length of a heartbeat before adding, “You love him. Desperately, in fact.”
Jesslyn took in a deep breath and released it slowly. “Aye,” she finally replied. “But love alone cannot save this union.”
“Why not? Love is the strongest, best bond there is between a man and a woman! Why shouldn’t it be enough to heal your hurt, to bring you back together—and keep you together?”
“Nay, it is trust that is needed to bind two people; love merely brings them together in the beginning, and sweetens the relationship as time goes on.”
Maryn opened her mouth to argue, but was cut off by Jesslyn’s next remark.
“Oh, I’m not saying ‘tis not important, or even highly desired in a union. I’m simply saying that one can have a happy, contented union without love where there is trust, but happiness and contentment cannot exist where love abides without trust.”
“And you cannot trust Bao?”
“Nay, I cannot.”
“Will you do something for me?” Maryn asked softly.
“Aye,” Jesslyn responded, a question in her look.
“Will you have your evening meal here at the keep, as you used to do?”
“Aayyye,” she drawled, suspicion in her voice.
Maryn gave her a slight smile. “Even if Bao is invited as well?”
Jesslyn narrowed her eyes at Maryn and shook her head at her friend’s shameless meddling. “All right,” she finally answered on a sigh.
* * *
A fortnight later, Jesslyn was on her way back to her cottage after spending the morn sewing with the ladies in the solar. She’d just turned off the path and was heading to her front door when she caught a glimpse of Bao and her son walking hand-in-hand toward the lad’s mangonel. She stopped short and watched them.
Alleck’s bright countenance turned up to the tall warrior and he said something to him. In the next instant, Bao had him hoisted into his arms and Alleck hugged him so tightly, she thought he’d choke the poor man. “My thanks, Papa!” she heard him yell. It caused a sharp spasm in her heart and before she realized it, a tear leaked from her eye. If only….
She threw her shoulders back and continued her march toward her cottage. No use wishing for things that would never be. She hadn’t told Alleck that they were leaving with Daniel and Maryn. After discussing it with Daniel, they both decided that ‘twould be best to tell him closer to the day of their departure. In any case, her son would begin his training with Daniel come September, as had been promised by Daniel to her husband Graeme before he died. And Daniel had been much like a father to Alleck these past years since Graeme’s death. Alleck would soon recall their closeness when they were home once again at the MacLaurin holding.
* * *
A troupe of traveling players passed through on their way to a faire in the next county near the time of the Alban Eiler, the feast of the vernal equinox, and Lady Maclean thought it a fine time for a celebration. Jesslyn’s childbed time was nearing and her gate was a bit lumbering, but she looked forward to the entertainment.
That evening, after the feast, the great hall was filled with soldiers and tinkers, alewives and midwives, ladies and maids, lads and their lasses. For the hundredth time, Jesslyn’s eye scanned the crowd and landed briefly on Bao and his bevy of lady friends before moving back to the players.
“They vie for his attention like hounds on a bone,” Maryn whispered to her.
Jesslyn quirked an eyebrow at her. “Of whom do you speak?”
“Bao, of course! The young women of good family and marriageable age are all abuzz with the prospect that the new laird and chieftain of clan Maclean will soon be free to wed again, now that you plan to petition for annulment on the grounds of consanguinuity within the fourth degree.”
“Mmm. As long as they do not let my son hear of it, I care not.”
Maryn’s hand settled on top of hers. “And yet, his eyes are only for you.”
She couldn’t help it, she looked. “Nay, they are not. He’s listening avidly to—” with a jolt she realized exactly to whom he was speaking. ‘Twas his lover, the one from the wood. A jealous fist twisted her insides and broke her heart. Again. Which angered her. Again.
“To whom? Oh, I see. ‘Tis the MacGilvie lass. She’s not a worry.” Maryn leaned closer and whispered, “She’s carrying a babe in her belly and is to wed soon. Oh! I see Daniel waving me over. I’ll return in a moment.”
Jesslyn felt weak, dizzy. Bao got the lass with child and now she was being bartered off to whatever young lad would have her. This time, when Jesslyn looked in Bao’s direction, she allowed her gaze to remain. The MacGilvie lass stretched up on her tiptoes and whispered something in Bao’s ear. He nodded and, in the next instant, she settled her hand on his arm and he led her out of the great hall.
Another tryst? Jesslyn didn’t allow herself time to think. She rose from her stool and followed the two. This—this would be the final proof she needed to show Daniel and Maryn that she was right to end this marriage and give him the freedom he clearly craved.
* * *
Bao led the lass across the antechamber and out through the door of the keep. At the bottom of the steps, he stopped and looked around. “Over there. No one is about, they’re all inside the hall. We should have the privacy we need.”
When they were ensconced in the darkness afforded by the night and the shadow of the chapel, he said, “Of what did you need to speak to me in privy?”
“I did a favor for you once and—”
“Of which I paid you handsomely.”
“Aye. But I wondered if you might do a favor for me now?”
“What do you need?”
“I need you to promote Jamie in your ranks.”
“My men get promoted when they deserve it, not before, and not for any other reason.”
“But my mother found the coins a few moons ago that you gave me that day in the wood and when I explained where and why I got them,—I had to, else I’d have been banished—well, now she believes that you are the father of my bairn, not Jamie. She’s heard the rumors that you are granting your wife an annulment and she will not be still until I agree to wait for you—to wed you instead.”
“I understand not. How could she believe such—‘tis clear you are not far enough along, even if I had bedded you, for this babe to have been conceived then.”
“She believes ‘twas you I was with on Hogmanay, not Jamie.”
“And why does she believe that?”
“Because I told her as much that night when she questioned me. The lie just flew from my lips. She hates Jamie. She cornered me outside the soldier’s quarters, where Jamie and I had…and I thought if she believed ‘twas you, then she wouldn’t punish me as harshly.”
“And what good will my promoting Jamie bring you?”
“Do you not see? My mother’s opinion of Jamie will rise and she will see that ‘tis best to wed sooner rather than later. And, once the babe’s born, ‘twill be clear that ‘tis not yours.”
“Lass, you are being naïve. If the lady truly believes that I fathered your bairn, she’ll not rest until you are the lady of the holding.”
She let out a long sigh and she wrang her hands. “What am I to do? I love him. He loves me. We want to wed.”
“I could speak to her, explain…”
“Explain? Your wife saw us together. She doesn’t know that you arranged it so that she would find us there, so that she would believ
e that we coupled. My mother has already told me that she believes your bedding me is the reason that your wife is leaving. All ‘twould take is for her to speak to your wife, for your wife to confirm what she saw, and… well….”
Jesslyn stepped from the shadows. “I shall tell her there is no way—”
“—Jesslyn!” Bao said.
“—‘tis Bao’s babe when she speaks to me.” She came toward them. “And his family will concur, for all of them know where and with whom Bao was with the entire evening.”
* * *
“And then the two of you made love in the cave?” Maryn asked the next day as she and Jesslyn sat in the solar enjoying some mulled wine.
“Aye. Nay. Oh, I don’t know!” Jesslyn jumped to her feet and walked over to stand at the window, looking out at the courtyard and training fields. “We...coupled, aye. But I cannot say that love had anything to do with it.”
“Can you not?” Maryn asked disbelievingly.
Crossing her arms and rubbing them, Jesslyn shrugged, “‘Twas a demon trick on his part.”
“Jesslyn,” Maryn pressed, her voice chiding. “You lie to more than me with that response. You lie to yourself.” Maryn placed her cup on the table before rising from her stool and walking over to stand next to her. Wrapping her hand around Jesslyn’s upper arm, she gently squeezed and coaxed, “You love Bao—and he loves you.”
Jesslyn shrugged once more, unable to speak past the constriction in her throat.
“Avow it this instant or I shan’t do any more of your sewing for you!”
Jesslyn whirled to face her. “All right! I love him! He loves me!”
Maryn’s gaze gentled.
Jesslyn’s shoulders shook with grief as she struggled to stem the tears that flowed from her eyes. “I fear there is something lacking in me. Something that will lead him away. Else, why would Graeme have betrayed me?”
Maryn pressed her lips together in an effort to keep back the sharp retort that came to mind. She took in a deep breath and released it slowly. “I do not like speaking ill of the dead,” she started carefully, “but...did you not ever consider that his faithlessness was a weakness—a lack—in his own character?”