by K. E. Saxon
A clamor came from the entry to the cave and in the next instant Daniel was there with them, his arms akimbo as he looked on with fevered eyes at the scene before him. “What goes on here?”
Bao remained stonily silent.
Just like him, Jesslyn thought. She shot around him and rushed over to Daniel, pointing back at Giric. “This—this is—”
“NAY!” Bao bellowed. “Do not say it.”
“Bu—”
Giric struggled to his feet and dusted off his tunic. “G’day, Daniel. Your brother seems to think I was up to no good with the lad Alleck. I assure you, my squire and I were only teaching the lad a bit of rudimentary swordplay. How to heft it, being the first lesson.”
Jesslyn saw a light of understanding in Daniel’s eyes as he narrowed them on Bao. “I see.”
It surprised all of them when Daniel tore over to Giric and pummeled his fist into the man’s groin. Giric screamed. Doubled over, he staggered out of Daniel’s reach. He stumbled, and before anyone could catch him, he fell, hands-first, into the fire. This time, Jesslyn’s screams echoed his. Daniel and Bao sprung into action. Daniel reached him first and rolled with the man in an attempt to put out the flames.
It wasn’t until long minutes later, after the flames were extinguished, and after Daniel had tried unsuccessfully to revive him, that Jesslyn got a good look at the man’s injuries. His face, hands, and lower arms were burned. But it was his countenance that captured her gaze. One side of his face was charred and bloody and he no longer looked like the comely, brown-haired man he’d been just moments earlier.
“The burns have put him in a stupor. He may not live until morn,” Daniel said. “We must get him back to the keep, though it makes my stomach churn to give him shelter.”
“Even if he lives, he’ll not be the man he was,” Jesslyn said.
Bao shocked her by speaking for the first time since he stymied her words earlier. “What am I to do with this vermin? Allow him a decent burial? He may not have gotten to Alleck, but he’s certainly done something to his squire”—he drilled his gaze into hers—“where are they? Still outside?”
“Maryn took them back to the keep.”
“Good.”
* * *
Two hours after returning to the keep, and after leaving Alleck and her babe in the care of the nurse, Jesslyn returned to her bedchamber, intent on finding her husband. He’d disappeared after helping Daniel get Giric into bed and getting his own wounds reclosed and redressed. Thus far, she’d had little luck finding him. But after she was told by Steward Ranald that he’d seen Bao going upstairs not a quarter-hour past, she felt confident she’d finally located him.
With care, she opened the door and looked inside. Aye, there he was. Seated by the fire, brooding.
She placed the basket of berry tarts she’d brought him on the floor, then walked over and settled in his lap before he could give her protest. Happily, he allowed it, even wrapped his arms around her as she rested her head on his shoulder. “Does this hurt your wounds?”
He shook his head, but said naught. Just continued looking into the hearthfire’s flames.
After another moment, she lifted her head, turned his with her hand on his cheek and kissed him on the mouth.
It crushed her a little when he didn’t return it. She stroked her tongue over his bottom lip in a bid for him to open, but instead, he stood up, dropped her into his place on the chair and strode toward the washstand. “I’m not clean,” he said, and she knew he meant more with those words than simply the literal.
He splashed water on his face several times, then grabbed a towel and buried his face in it.
“You’re beautiful. I love you.”
He wouldn’t face her. Instead, when he took the towel away, he turned and leaned his palms on the washstand. “How can you? After what Giric told you about me.”
She rose from the chair and took a step toward him, then stopped. “Did you think my words to him were lies? You were a bairn, Bao! Just as Gowan is—would you blame him for what Giric did to him? Condemn him as vile if his body’s natural responses betray his will to do otherwise?”
He shrugged. After a stretch of time that seemed endless to Jesslyn, he finally spoke. “I hate myself. I’m sick—disgusting.”
How it was possible for him to both break her heart and fire her wrath at the same time, she could not say. Her hands shot to her hips and she stormed over to him and yanked him around. “You go see your son, see what you created, then you come back to me and tell me you still hate yourself. You’ll find him in the solar with Alleck and the nurse.”
* * *
Bao didn’t go directly to the nursery. Instead, he went to find Gowan. Jesslyn’s words had struck deep. She was right. He’d never blame Gowan for any response he might have had to Giric’s forced touch. Why then, was he so quick to blame himself?
He found Giric on the training field, squiring for Derek. After taking the lad aside, he said, “I want you to stay here and squire for me, if you would like. I’ve just sent a missive to your family and we should hear from them in a sennight, mayhap a fortnight at the latest.”
Gowan’s gaze dropped to the ground. “What did you tell them?”
“Naught about what Giric was up to with you. I told them that, due to Giric’s hand injuries, he’d no longer be able to do battle, so would have no further need of a squire.”
Bao put his hand on Gowan’s shoulder. “What he did to you…he did to me as well, when I was near your age.”
Gowan’s head shot up, his eyes wide as saucers. “He did?”
“Aye. ‘Tis why I think you and I were destined to meet. I know how you feel, the shame you feel, but you are not to blame. He is. And today, he paid for his villainy. We must be content with that and not hate ourselves any longer. All right?”
The look of relief on Gowan’s face was a treasure in itself to Bao, but when the lad told him that Bao would be his liege from this day forward, he knew he’d made a friend for life.
* * *
A few of the Gordon allies were still camped outside the keep. They’d arrived soon after the truce had been signed, and some had stayed on to rest themselves and their mounts before taking the journey back home. When Giric surprised them all and recovered enough to demand he be allowed to return to his stepfather’s—the Gordons—holding near the MacGregor’s, Bao agreed to Daniel’s request that he be allowed to do so. It was not until later that evening that he was able to finally visit his newborn son, Bao Li.
As he approached the opened door of the solar, he heard Alleck say, “And there’s a loch with really, really big fishes in it.” The babe was squeezing Alleck’s finger in his small fist and grinning up at him and that drew a smile to Bao’s lips as well.
“See! You are grinning! ‘Tis not just wind, like Callum’s mama said.”
Bao quietly leaned against the wooden doorjam with his arms crossed over his chest, content to just continue listening and watching the interplay between the two. The nurse looked up from her sewing and started to speak, but Bao motioned with his fingers over his mouth for her to remain silent. When she nodded and resumed her stitching, Bao turned his attention back to his two sons.
“When you’re just a bit bigger, I’ll take you to the loch and we can catch some fish—you’ll like that, will you not?”
Bao Li kicked his feet and bobbed his arms up and down in response. “Guuuu.”
“Aye, ’twill be good,” Alleck agreed, nodding and smiling. “Me and Niall have a fortr’ss, too. ‘Tis only for us lads—no lasses can come inside. You can help us defend it from ‘em.”
Bao’s heart expanded in his chest with love and contented delight. He hated to interrupt the private conversation, but he couldn’t wait one more moment to hold his new son. “And what mischief are you planning to get your new brother into, my son?” he asked, straightening and taking a step into the chamber.
Alleck started and twisted around, nearly toppling over in the
process. “Papa!” he said at the top of his lungs. “You’re here!” He jumped to his feet and flew at Bao’s knees, flinging his arms around them in glee.
Bao winced at the jarring his newly reclosed groin wound was being subjected to before lifting Alleck up and hugging him tight, scrubbing his son’s mussed flaxen hair at the same time. It made the wound in his shoulder burn as well, but he ignored the added discomfort. “Aye, I am quite fit. And how fare you?”
“I’m good.” He dropped his gaze to Bao’s chest. “I’m sorry I was playin’ with Giric’s sword—are you still vexed at me?”
Bao lifted Alleck’s chin and made him meet his eyes. “I was never vexed at you. I was vexed at Giric—‘tis an old, dull story that I’ll not bore you with now. So”—he tucked a lick of Alleck’s hair down—“what else have you been doing since your return from Laird Donald’s holding?”
Alleck’s eyes grew animated. “We found some more stuff for our fortr’ss in the glen!—I’m glad it didn’t get blowed up during the siege—There was a bunch of broken up stuff out there. Uncle Daniel said it was from the prince’s army, but that we could have as much of it as we could carry. We even found some arrows!” Alleck’s shoulders sagged, his lower lip protruding a bit. “But Mama wouldn’t let me keep ‘em. She said I’d be too tempid to use ‘em on the lasses.”
“If you give me your vow that you will not point them at a living thing, I will have some made for you and teach you how to use them. You can only shoot them on the training field and they can only be aimed at the targets that are set up for their use there. Agreed?”
Alleck bounced up and down in Bao’s arms, nodding exuberantly. “Aye!” he shouted and squeezed his arms around Bao’s neck, making Bao bite back a groan.
“I love you!”
He closed his eyes and pressed the lad closer still. For at least the millionth time since finding Alleck in the cave earlier that day, a wash of relief flooded his spirit. “I love you, too.” He had to swallow and clear his throat before he could get his next words out. “Now, introduce me to my new son.”
Alleck scrambled out of Bao’s arms and skipped over to the cradle where Bao Li lay gazing around wide-eyed and drooling. “He looks like you, Papa! See? ‘Cept he’s got blue eyes, like me an’ Mama.”
His injuries caused Bao’s movements to be a bit stiff as he made his way over to the side of the infant’s bedding. Gazing down at his cheerfully innocent, driveling bairn, he was filled with wonder. He did not know now what he had been expecting to see; mayhap a babe with the aspect of Alleck—flaxen-haired and with the look of the Highlander in him. Instead, here was a clear link to his own Cathayan heritage, to his mother. A sense of complete contentment settled over him in that instant. “I did it, Mama,” Bao thought. “I did what you wanted and made a family—became a part of a family. And I’m no longer a slave, no longer bound to another as chattel and no longer bound in mental bondage, either, by my past.” Now, all that remained was the present and the future and it held a sea of possibilities. “He’s beautiful,” Bao said softly. “Perfect.”
Alleck rolled his eyes. “That’s what Mama keeps sayin’!” Shrugging, he studied his brother closely once again. “He jes’ looks like a fat wee babe to me.”
Bao smiled and tousled Alleck’s hair. “You’ll understand one day when you have a bairn of your own.”
Alleck shrugged once more, rolling his eyes. “Growed people are always tellin’ me stuff like that.”
Bao laughed and tousled Alleck’s hair even more this time. “You will, I promise.”
Alleck sighed and scraped his hair flat. “Aye,” he said, tho’ his voice held no conviction. He bowed his head and rubbed his finger across a groove made by a scratch in the side of the cradle, his brow furrowed in thought.
“What ails you, son?” Bao asked.
Alleck shrugged.
“Worry you that your mother will not allow me to make you those arrows?” Bao guessed.
Alleck shook his head.
“You believe me that I’m not vexed with you, do you not?”
“Aye.”
Bending down even further in order to see Alleck’s face more clearly, Bao said, “I truly am well, I’ll not perish.”
Alleck nodded. “Good,” he said softly.
“Alleck,” Bao said in some frustration, “tell me what ails you, else I will not be able to help.”
Rubbing his cheek on his shoulder, Alleck began, “Bao Li is your true son—is Mama’s true son. If you love him more than me...” With a loud sigh, he shrugged again. “I shall not be mad.”
Stunned and quite honestly appalled, Bao did the only thing he knew to do in that moment: He came down onto his knees and wrapped his arms around the lad. He hugged him tight, holding the back of Alleck’s head in his palm and pressing the lad’s cheek against his shoulder. The action wrenched his wound, but he paid no heed. “You are as much my true son as is this babe—and I know your mother feels just as I do, for she has told me so.” Taking hold of Alleck’s shoulders, Bao drew the lad away from him a moment so that he could look into his countenance as he continued, “Remember you the first day we met? By the loch?”
Alleck nodded. “I thought you was a magic giant ‘cuz you wored no tunic—only that blanket around your waist. And you left the magic coin in my shoe.”
It was Bao’s turn to nod. “Aye. But did you know why I left the coin for you—why I spoke to you that day?”
Looking down at his toes, Alleck shrugged.
“Because I saw myself in you; saw the lonely lad I had been when I was just your age and felt a connection to you even then.” Bao stroked the hair away from Alleck’s brow and lifted the lad’s chin, forcing Alleck to look him in the eye. “And when I wed your mother and became your papa, I felt twice blessed. For I could not have loved you more or been more proud to be your father had I beget you myself.”
Alleck shrugged and bit his lip, breaking eye contact with Bao and looking to his right.
“Know you that your Aunt Branwenn and I are not related by blood?” Bao waited for Alleck to nod before he continued, “And yet, even now, she would stay here with us and not go with her brother-germane, had she the choice. Blood is not what makes us love you; ‘tis you, Alleck, the brave, strong, clever and merry lad that you are, that makes us love you.”
Alleck couldn’t bring himself to meet Bao’s eyes, but he nodded slowly and again rubbed his cheek against his shoulder as he settled into Bao’s arms once again.
“You believe me, don’t you son?”
“Aye,” Alleck said softly.
Bao could tell that the lad wasn’t thoroughly convinced, but he reasoned that time would surely show Alleck that he was, and always would be, his and Jesslyn’s first-born son. Looking back now, he could almost convince himself that it had been kismet, fate, that had brought the two of them together, for his life had been mightily altered after meeting this bairn.
“Don’cha wanna hold Bao Li?” Alleck asked after a moment.
Smiling, Bao said, “Aye.”
Alleck moved out of Bao’s embrace and watched as Bao lifted the babe into his arms.
“He weighs much more than Branwenn did!” Bao said with some surprise.
Alleck giggled. “It’s cuz he’s a lad, Papa! He’s a warrior, not some puny lass!”
Bao grinned as he looked from the gurgling babe in his arms into Alleck’s shining countenance. “Aye. How witless of me to forget.”
“You’re really silly, Papa.” Alleck slowly worked his way to Bao’s side and leaned into him a bit.
Bao absently reached down and rested his hand over Alleck’s flaxen pate as he spoke to Bao Li. “How would you like to take a walk to the training field, my wee warrior?”
The nurse jumped up from her position in the corner and hurriedly took the babe into her arms. “It be much too bitter outside as yet for the young one,” she admonished.
* * *
‘Twas just past sunset when Bao ret
urned to his bedchamber, returned to his wife, with one purpose in mind.
As he shut the door behind him and leaned against it, he allowed his eyes to settle on her. She’d clearly believed he’d return hours prior—and that her ploy would be successful—for she was already in bed, naked. Unfortunately, she slept.
With a sigh, he began to undress. Tomorrow would be soon enough. The day had been long and eventful.
As he approached the bed, she opened her eyes and looked at him. “Finally,” she said and sat up. Her silken hair swayed over her shoulder and pooled on her thigh.
“Aye, finally.” In two strides, he was at the bedside. Without breaking eye contact, he brought his hands up to her face and stroked his thumbs over her lips before dipping his head and giving them a gentle kiss. After a time, he lifted his head and gazed into his wife’s bemused eyes. “I want you to touch me again, as you did this morn past.”
Her eyes grew round and then she grinned. “’Twill be my pleasure.” She turned and plumped up his pillow. “Lie down and let me love you.”
Afterward, Bao marveled. “Christ’s Bones! Do I still live?” he gasped as he lay dazed, dizzy, elated, and spread-eagled on the bed. He was so much in love at that moment, he thought his heart would surely burst from it. From the vicinity of the washstand, he heard his wife giggle and it brought a smile to his lips.
She’d done it. Done what he’d begun to believe was the impossible. With her love and her generosity, she’d broken down the last barrier. Not once had his mind strayed to his past. Not once. It had been as it always should have been with her. Perfect. Wonderful. Untainted.
While she was still at her ablutions, he looked over at the table next to the bed and grasped the treasure he found there, bringing it down to his side, hidden from view.
After she’d settled once again beside him, bathed him off, and rolled her body into his, he said, “I’ve a craving for something sweet.”