by Emily Koch
Up. Over.
Look at this.
It’s beautiful. It’s beautiful up here.
Acknowledgements
To everyone at Harvill Secker – particularly Liz and Jade – thanks for having faith in this book, and for working so hard to help me make it better.
To Peter (and that empty chair next to me), I am so grateful. Thank you for your belief and enthusiasm, and for introducing me to your excellent team at RCW.
I couldn’t have attempted to imagine the experience of being locked-in without the accounts of Kevin Weller, David and Sandra Nette, Kate Allatt, Julia Tavalaro, Richard Marsh, Martin Pistorius, Philippe and Stephane Vigand, and Jean-Dominique Bauby. Thank you for going to such astonishing lengths to put your respective fights into words.
For medical help – thank you to Rory, Sarah, Mat, Vicki, Mel, Gareth, Geraint, Dawn and Damian. Any medical inaccuracies or unlikelihoods are my own fault entirely.
For teaching me to climb – thanks Dave at TYF, and Emily at Bloc. For answering my never-ending stream of technical questions, I’m indebted to Greg and Gary; for an insight into the mind of a climber, to the autobiography of Jerry Moffatt.
I am grateful to Liz for your advice on police procedure, and Richard at the Bristol Naturalists’ Society for your help with geology. Lindy – thank you for all the printing!
Gavin – I simply couldn’t have got this far without your hours of reading and discussion in the early days. And to others who taught me on the Bath Spa Creative Writing MA (particularly Celia and Sam) or workshopped sections with me, thanks for your encouragement and tough love.
My first readers – Erin, Clare, John and Sophie – you were so generous with your time, suggestions and feedback.
Alison – thanks for being the Scarb to my June. I’d love to say more, but what happens in WriteClub stays in WriteClub.
To my friends and family, particularly The Syndicate, my Lovely Ladies, the Circle of Trust, and my big brother, James. Thank you, all.
Mum and Dad, I could thank you a million times and it wouldn’t make a dent in my debt.
Finally, Matt. For having such unwavering confidence in me, without reading a word. For that walk in Cheddar Gorge. For all those other miles we covered, while you listened. Thank you. And Gwen, who arrived in the middle of it all – you turned my life upside down in the best possible way. I love you both.
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Copyright © Emily Koch 2018
Cover design: Anna Morrison
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Emily Koch has asserted her right to be identified as the author of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
THE POEMS OF EMILY DICKINSON: VARIORUM EDITION, edited by Ralph W. Franklin, Cambridge, Mass.: The Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, Copyright © 1998 by the President and Fellows of Harvard College. Copyright © 1951, 1955 by the President and Fellows of Harvard College. Copyright © renewed 1979, 1983 by the President and Fellows of Harvard College. Copyright © 1914, 1918, 1919, 1924, 1929, 1930, 1932, 1935, 1937, 1942 by Martha Dickinson Bianchi. Copyright © 1952, 1957, 1958, 1963, 1965 by Mary L. Hampson.
Excerpt from Look Up for Yes by Julia Tavalaro & Richard Tayson 1997
First published by Harvill Secker in 2018
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A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
Table of Contents
Contents
About the Book
About the Author
Dedication
Title Page
Epigraph
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Acknowledgements
Copyright