“Perfect. Have a great day.”
I knew there were going to be more challenges. Gavin was tough.
“You too.”
After I made my sandwich, I put everything away before sitting at the bar. I was going to survive.
I kept repeating it, hoping the words would begin to make it true for the long battle we were about to face.
A few days had passed since the Grandmama’s news. It was the day after Valentine’s Day. With everything going on, I’d asked for a quiet night indoors where Brandt made us dinner and we laid next to the fire, holding each other. It had been exactly what I’d needed. We were going to Brandt’s mom house for dinner tonight. As we pulled up to Faith’s house, I was excited and nervous. It had been a while since I’d seen her. Part of me was ashamed at how I had vacated everyone’s life overnight without so much as a good-bye when it came to Brandt’s family.
“Don’t be nervous.” Brandt’s voice reassured me.
I looked at the house, longing to have Faith hold me like a mother would.
My mom wasn’t affectionate. Everything felt clinical with her, but I think she did the best she could with showing she did love me. I guess it worked for my dad’s excessive working hours, but I wanted more in my life than what they had. I wanted the fairytales Faith and Grandmama told me about. Sometimes, I wondered how in the world my dad was raised by my grandmother. I loved my dad, but he seemed disconnected. As a child, anytime I’d ask them if they loved me. My parents would say, “Of course, we do.” I’d asked Grandmama about why she thought my parents were like that and her response had been, “We don’t always follow how we were raised. Look at you. You aren’t a replica of your parents. As long as we’re true to ourselves, that’s what matters.”
She was right. Brandt hadn’t been raised in a family that did drugs, but he had turned to them. But, he hadn’t gone back to them.
The opening of Brandt’s door sent a rush of cold air into the car. I followed suit before he had a chance to come get me on the passenger side. He grabbed my hand, and we started toward the front door that had a twig wreath with hearts on it. Brandt’s mom loved wreaths and had one for almost every holiday. Before we made it to the door, it opened and Faith came out. She was in jeans and a red sweater. Her brown hair was up in a French twist.
“Nikola, oh my sweet darling, you’re really here. It’s so good to see you.”
I didn’t have a chance to respond as Faith pulled me into a tight hug and I wrapped my arms around her, feeling the comfort of her motherly embrace.
“It’s good to see you, too, Mom. I mean Faith.” I fumbled my words. I’d called her Mom before, but wasn’t sure if I still could. Brandt had always called her Mum. It was something special between them. He called anyone else’s mother Mom.
She pulled back. “There’s no pressure, but I still consider you my kiddo. If you want, you can still call me Mom.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “Thank you. I’d love to.”
Faith moved to Brandt and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek. His hair was pulled back tonight, and he was wearing one of his signature thermal shirts. “Hey, Mum. It’s good to see you. It’s a bit cold, you mind if we take this reunion inside.”
“Yes, yes, of course.”
We started walking to the door with Faith in between us. As soon as we crossed the threshold, I smelled one of the most divine smells. “Did you make Ruebens?”
“Yes, sweetie, I did. I knew they were one of your favorites.” Faith gave me a squeeze.
I took in the surroundings, and they were just as I’d remembered. The fireplace was the focal point of the living room that sat off the kitchen. The wooden mantel was covered with family pictures. The blue plaid couch sat at the same angle as the fireplace. There wasn’t a television in the living room. Faith had wanted family time to be actual conversations, rather than everyone staring at a screen. I loved the concept.
We went to the breakfast nook and sat. Rueben sandwiches were piled high. “There’s plenty to eat, and I’ll send some home with you.”
“This looks delicious. And I know that all the leftovers are mine, not Brandt’s.”
We chuckled. Faith replied, “They’re all yours. Let’s dig in.”
We grabbed sandwiches and began eating. I was mid-bite when Faith started to speak. As I glanced up, I was met with warm, chocolate eyes.
“I’m glad you guys got back together. You two belong together, and I can’t wait for your wedding.” Her eyes shot to Brandt, then added, “Someday.”
“Mum, please.” Brandt was semi-censoring, and I’d never heard him talk to his mother like that.
She looked down for a second. I didn’t know what to say. Brandt looked uncomfortable as he stared down at his Rueben. I wore a fake smile as I swallowed another bite and tried to force it down. This had turned awkward quicker than I’d thought possible. I wanted to marry Brandt, but I wasn’t sure he was even ready to broach that subject. The look on his face confirmed my suspicions. In time, we’d both want to be there. For now, I would enjoy us.
Faith rebounded and started talking like the awkwardness hadn’t happened. “So how’s the business going? Brandt says you landed a big account.
I started talking about it, but couldn’t keep my eyes off Brandt, who wouldn’t look at me a lot through the rest of dinner. He did all the things I was used to—putting his hand on my knee, sneaking kisses—but he was slightly withdrawn. Not enough for anyone to notice, but the difference was there.
A difference I had experienced before.
I trusted him.
I was stressed from everything with Grandmama.
I trusted him.
We were lying in Brandt’s bed after getting home from Faith’s. Our legs were entwined, naked from our last bit of lovemaking. I’d needed Brandt inside me. Making love helped me realize that there were still things in this world that were beautiful, despite what I faced with my grandmother.
Brandt’s hand idly stroked my hip. His bedroom was the most decorated space in the house. He had a metal bed that filled the center of the room. The rest of the furniture—side tables, dressers, and chest—were all black. He had a green velvet comforter that felt heavenly on your skin when mixed with the satin sheets. Black and white art hung on the wall over the bed.
“Is there something bothering you, Brandt? You’ve seen withdrawn since diner over at your mom’s.”
He turned to me and said, “I’m perfect. I have you.”
Fingers grazed the underside of my breast. Clearly, he needed a distraction, and I was happy to oblige until he was ready to talk. A thumb started grazing my nipple. Brandt watched me closely as my hand made its way down to my clit.
“Fuck me, are you about to touch yourself?”
He got his answer when he wrenched the sheets from my body and my fingers had already made contact. My hips were beginning to pump on their own accord, and I could feel the wetness from my core increasing. Brandt flipped his body and hovered above me. His head was right at my pussy.
“Ah hell, Nikki, your pussy is swollen. Rub it baby, finger-fuck yourself.”
I started stroking myself faster, but at a pace that kept the internal build slow. Brandt’s dick was hard and throbbing above my face in a dark red state. His purple vein bulged. I ran my tongue down his shaft. His dick jumped at the touch.
Brandt looked at me from below. I opened my mouth and angled my head so his dick could go in all the way. The tip entered my mouth and I created a suction around it as it continually slid in, filling my throat. My throat opened, and I began to breathe through my nose to keep my gag reflex at bay.
“You have me in all the way. Oh, fuck. This feels good.”
I kept touching myself and started to hum around Brandt’s length. He began moving in and out of my mouth as he kept a steady pace. I entered myself deeper and moved my fingers in a scissor motion.
As I was about to reach the edge, Brandt removed my fingers and sucked my clit i
nto his mouth. I screamed and he pumped faster at my noise of ecstasy. Hot liquid spurted to the back of my throat.
My mouth fell open as I came down from my high. Brandt flipped around, sliding on top of me, captured my mouth, mixing our bodily fluids. Salty combined with the sweet cream tastes, and it was sexy as hell as our tongues battled each other. Pulling back, his blue eyes locked with mine.
“You’re mine, forever and always.”
“I’m yours.”
We lay in each other’s arms, content and happy. This is what I’d needed, and Brandt had been there for me. My eyes were about to close when my cell phone vibrated on the black, wooden nightstand.
Brandt nuzzled my ear. “Let it go to voicemail.”
I was still reaching for the phone. “It could be Grandmama, she might need me.” He squeezed my waist in response.
Feeling for the plastic case I had around my phone, I grabbed it and answered,
“Hello?”
“Ni-Nik-Nikola.”
I sat straight up, dread filling my head as Wesley’s broken voice came through on the other end. “Wesley, what’s wrong?”
He sobbed, and I clutched the phone tighter to my ear, hoping I didn’t miss what he said. “S-sh-she’s d-dead. Di-Diane is dead.”
“Wait. What? Diane is dead?”
Brandt sat up beside me as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
“S-she over-overdosed. She’s de-dead. It’s a-all my f-fault.”
I got out of bed and started hunting for my clothes. “Wesley, where are you? I’m coming to you.”
Brandt got dressed, too. My lip quivered at Brandt’s never-ending support. He had a long day of interviews tomorrow for the new Club Manager positions, but he was going out with me in the middle of the night.
“I’m a-at m-my pl-place.”
“Okay, Wesley. I’m on my way. Don’t do anything. I’ll be there right away.”
He sounded lost. Wesley had been there for me through so much. It didn’t seem fair that I was getting my happy ending and he wasn’t. If something had happened to Brandt, I knew I’d be in the same shape. He was my beginning and my end.
“T-t-thank y-you, Ni-Nikola.”
“Of course. Hang tight.”
I hung up the phone, and Brandt stood at the door as I finished putting on my T-shirt. As I got closer, I went into his arms. “Thank you for getting better. Thank you for coming back for me. Thank you for fighting for your sobriety. I love you.”
Brandt’s hands came down to the side of my face, and I looked up into his eyes. “I will never stop fighting for us, and I’m never leaving you since I have you. Let’s go help Wesley. I’m sorry this happened to him.”
“Me, too. I had hoped they were going to get their happily ever after. They deserved a happily ever after.”
NIKOLA AND I were in a church, sitting in the third row with Wesley. At the front of the church sat a cream-colored, closed coffin. The pastor spoke about seeking help before it was too late. The words rattled in my head as I tried to make sense of everything.
Why me? Why had I been given a second chance at life? I glanced over at Wesley, who stared blankly ahead as Nikola held his hand. My arm was draped around her shoulder, hoping to be the pillar of strength she needed to help her friend through this horrific time. The choir sang a song that sounded angelic as my mind drifted.
Two days ago had been sobering when Nikola and I went to see Wesley.
We were pulling into a neighborhood with cookie-cutter houses lining the streets. Nikola had put his address in the GPS as we drove there.
“If it makes you uncomfortable to come in, I understand.” Nikola’s eyes were sad as she looked at me.
“I want to be there for you and your friend. Maybe I can help.”
She nodded as a few tears fell down her cheek.
A female voice sounded. “You have arrived at your destination on the right.”
I pulled into the driveway, and Nikola was out of the SUV and running up the sidewalk before I had a chance to put the car it in park. Quickly, I got out and followed her up the short pathway as she knocked on the door.
A voice called, “It’s open,” from the other side of the door. Without hesitating, Nikola opened the door and walked into Wesley’s home. I followed and started taking in my surroundings.
The place was warm and had a feminine touch. Pictures of Wesley and a woman, whom I assumed was Diane, were everywhere. Wesley sat on the brown suede couch with his head in hands. He had on sweats and an old T-shirt. Nikola sat on his right side. I stayed back at the entrance to give them a minute.
“Wesley, I’m here. I’m so sorry, but I’m here.”
He turned and wrapped his arms around Nikola and started sobbing into her shoulder. Nikola’s eyes connected with mine. Normally, I was possessive and didn’t like people close to my woman. Nikola knew this, and I’m sure she was nervous. But this was an exception. Wesley had lost the love of his life, and I couldn’t fathom what the emptiness would be like. I gave Nikola a reassuring smile, and she nodded.
She consoled Wesley. “Let it out. I know it hurts. Let it out.”
Wesley grabbed her shoulders until his knuckles turned white. “Why wasn’t our love enough? Why didn’t she beat the statistics? Why did she have to lean on the drugs and not me? Why? I loved her, Nikola. I loved her with every fiber of my being.”
Wesley was a broken man. If I hadn’t chosen to get clean, I pictured what this would have done to Nikola. I’d never put her through that. Never. I’d do everything in my power to keep doubt from ever entering her mind. There was a picture right beside me on a sofa table. Diane and Wesley were gazing at each other. It was a stolen smile, captured on film. The emotion came through the photograph. In the right hand corner, a date appeared. It was from this past Christmas, when Diane had been clean.
Things can turn upside down and inside out before you know it.
Nikola continued to console Wesley. It was obvious she’d attended group sessions as she prompted him to feel and express his emotions. Wesley grasped onto Nikola as if she were the only thing keeping him here.
“All I wanted was to have her in my life and love her. I never needed a baby. I only needed her, and now she’s gone. Diane is gone.”
I was speechless as I saw firsthand what addiction does to the ones we love. The guilt hit me like a fresh punch imagining her sobbing and heartbroken when I’d been so messed up. I was beyond fortunate I’d been given a second chance to make things right.
The song ended, and the pastor began speaking again. Light shone through the stained-glass windows. Nikola’s free hand came down on my knee and squeezed it. I placed my hand on top of hers. Diane had left the rehab facility and scored some drugs. From there, it appeared she went on a mind-numbing binge that resulted in taking her life. There were no words to console someone in this instance.
The service ended and we went through the line to greet the family. Wesley had joined them in the family line and was now standing next to Diane’s mother and sister. They were dressed in black with tearful faces. Nikola gave them each a hug, and I followed. When I got to Wesley, he pulled me in close.
“Nikola deserves to never have to face what I’m going through. Promise me you won’t go down that road again.” His voice pleaded.
I whispered back, “I promise.”
He released me, and I walked over to meet Nikola. We got into my vehicle to follow the procession to the burial site. Wesley was going to ride with the family there. He’d wanted Nikola to ride with him, but there wasn’t room. The hearse was parked in front of the church steps. It was like a curse that rang throughout the area for everyone who looked upon it. There were so many reminders of death; I needed a way to show that I chose life. The noise in my head became louder as I tried to sift through it, telling me I made the right decision with what I had planned for our future.
Nikola’s voice broke through my inner ramblings. “Thanks for being here with me through
all this. I’ve needed you.”
I looked over at her sad, green eyes. Nikola looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. She looked frail.
“I’ll always be there for you. Never doubt it. Nikola, I will be the man you need even with my last breath.”
Nikola’s eyes watched Wesley, holding Diane’s mother as they walked to the car behind the hearse. He consoled her.
Nikola continued to look in their direction as she spoke, “I beg you never to go back to drugs, Brandt. Don’t let this become our ending. I want the life we imagined together. I want to grow old with you as we watch our kids play outside. I trust you, but seeing what Wesley is going through scares me.” Her lip trembled. “I’m scared of losing the only man I’ve ever loved and will ever love.”
Tears fell down her face. “Nikola.” She kept staring forward. “Nikola.” My tone was firmer, and she turned my way. “I’m never going back to drugs. I promise you. We are going to get the life we planned together. I love you. Never doubt my love for you.”
“Why were you distant the other night at your mom’s house?”
Shit. With all the things I was trying to sort through, I’d hoped Nikola wouldn’t have picked up on the near slip at my mum’s house.
People were all getting in their cars and starting them as the hearse began to move. We had a few minutes before it was our turn to slide in to the long line. “Mum mentioned things we hadn’t discussed yet. That’s a decision for you and me to make. I didn’t want it to be awkward for you, which it did anyways.”
Nikola nodded and bit her lip. “You’re right. Someday, we’ll be ready for that.” I knew she was holding something back.
I knitted my brow. I put the vehicle in drive and pulled forward. “Yes. Someday.”
A couple of weeks had passed since the funeral. It was the beginning of March, and the weather started to warm. We were leaving Anne’s house, where we’d watched a movie together. Anne’s condition didn’t seem worse. I was thankful. Between making sure we went to Anne’s regularly, helping Wesley daily, work, and Club Envy, we were both exhausted.
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