by Lila Kane
He didn’t continue, so I said it for him. “For you to get married, right? Have some kids. Stop working so hard and instead, start enjoying your family.”
He shrugged though I knew I’d hit the nail on the head. “Life’s short. Once Dad passed, she couldn’t stress that enough. And after these last several years, I’ve realized that, too.”
I started to ask more, but Finn pointed. “Look at that.”
I peered across the lake, where a boat was settled at the dock. “The boat?”
“Looks like Mom was right. The Alistair’s got a new one. She keeps telling me and Jake we should buy something and come up here on the weekends.”
“Sounds nice. Maybe after Oasis, you’ll have some time between projects and you can stay here longer. You said it’s just about finished.”
He didn’t respond, only continued to lead us through the trees.
“Finn,” I said.
He squeezed my hand. “Sure. We’ll see.”
I let the conversation go even though I wanted to pursue it. Life’s short. He was right. And what did I have to show for it so far? I’d finally gotten a job I loved. Why not go for the rest?
The sun filtered through the trees in small patches, but when we reached a clearing, I stopped and tilted my face to the sky.
“It’s so warm,” I said, closing my eyes. “How could you not come here every weekend, Finn? It’s beautiful.”
“It is.”
But when I opened my eyes, he wasn’t looking at the lake or the mountains; he was looking at me. I sighed, touching his cheek. “Don’t look so sad.”
“I’m not sad. I’m…”
“What?” I whispered.
A hawk screeched above us, swooping past the clearing and vanishing into the trees. Finn snatched my hand again. “Come on. A few more minutes and we’re there.”
Holding back a sigh, I followed along. Finn pointed out mushrooms, the kind his dad used to collect, and we found Columbines in full bloom nestled next to a rock. He showed me the place he and Jake used to smoke cigarettes until their mother found out. But half the memories were of us, of the several times I’d come here with him and his family.
The last time we’d hiked to this spot, I’d been in love with Finn. So much I could hardly hold it in. We’d set a blanket on the ground close to the shelter of the trees and made love. He’d held my heart in his hands that day. I’d had no idea he’d break it only a week later.
I stopped when we reached our destination. I couldn’t remember how we’d gotten there but I remembered this spot. The trees, the flowers, the view of the lake. It was warmer this time, but all of it came back to me in one long, hard flash.
“What are you thinking?” Finn asked.
I looked over at him, my eyes hidden behind my sunglasses. I was grateful because they were glassy, threatening to spill over. “I was thinking about that last day we were here. I didn’t…” My breath hitched and I slowed down, trying to tell him how I felt. “I didn’t think I could love anyone more than you. That day, you were it for me.”
“And now?”
I turned to him. “God, I don’t know—it’s more real this time. Stronger. I love you, Finn. And it’s more than the last time. It’s…” I shook my head, clutching my hand to my chest. “It’s everything. It’s so real it almost hurts. You mean so much to me.”
He pulled off his sunglasses and swooped in so fast, I only had time for a quick gasp of surprise before his mouth captured mine. “You’re mine,” he said, so protectively it made me shiver. “It’s you and me, Charlotte. It always has been.”
“Then you’re mine.”
“Absolutely.”
His tongue mingled with mine, massaging long and deep. I slid my hands under his shirt, needing to feel him. Needing to be close. My life had changed in the blink of an eye once I returned to Oasis and all I wanted in this moment was to embrace it. To believe I could have it all and never lose it.
“Charlotte,” he murmured, his hand twining in my hair.
I kissed him again, not wanting words anymore, just wanting him against me. On me. In me.
“Stop for a minute,” he said.
“What?” I kissed his jaw and slid my fingers down to the band of his shorts.
He caught my hands. “Charlotte.”
“What?” I blinked up at him in surprise.
“We’re too exposed out here.”
Looking around, I didn’t feel exposed at all. At least not in a vulnerable way. It seemed safe enough. Quiet enough. Who else could be out here?
“I’m not worried,” I told him.
He dropped his backpack on the ground and scanned the area around us. “It’s a bad idea.”
Reaching for him again, I grinned. “No, it’s not. It’s a great idea.”
When my fingers danced under his shirt, he growled in frustration and picked me up. My legs wrapped around his waist automatically as he turned and pressed my back against a tree trunk.
“Finn,” I said, laughter mixing with surprise in my voice.
But he didn’t look amused. “God, Charlotte, I feel like my head’s going to explode whenever I’m with you.”
My mouth opened but nothing came out. Was that a bad thing?
“I like that you want to push the boundaries, to step out of the box and live your life, but not right now. I can’t—” He glanced behind him like he expected someone to walk up at any moment. “I can’t think straight when I’m around you. I want to give you everything—everything—but it’s more important to keep you safe.”
I unlatched my legs from his waist and let myself slide to my feet, my shirt catching on the bark of the tree. My hands dropped from his neck and fell to my sides.
“I’m sorry, Finn. I didn’t know—I had no idea this was so hard for you. I’m sorry.” I meant what I said but my voice came out flat. I was still stunned by his words, partially hurt that he didn’t want to be with me but more surprised that this was weighing so heavily on him. “I thought we were safe here. I didn’t think. We should go back.”
“Charlotte,” Finn said, bracing his hand on the trunk above my shoulder. “Don’t look at me like that.”
My lips trembled, making me angry with myself. I covered my face, trying to get it together. “I’m not doing it on purpose, Finn. God.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Finn sighed. “Charlotte.”
I pulled my hands away from my face and forced a wobbly smile. “We’d better go.”
I shoved around him, eager to get his eyes off my face. I didn’t want to cry in front of him, not about being rejected. Not about being called on being unsafe. And I certainly didn’t want to cry because he thought I was doing it on purpose.
“Charlotte, wait,” Finn said, touching my waist.
I skirted away from him and grabbed the backpack. Shit, it was heavy. But I tried not to show it as I attempted to heft the thing up on my back.
Finn caught the strap, making me stumble. “Charlotte, stop. We can still have our picnic.”
“No.” I yanked on the bag, trying to get him to let go. “You’re right. It could be dangerous. I thought—” I shook my head. I’d thought we were going to spend the day outside, but I hadn’t realized how hard it would be for Finn. “Let’s not argue about this. Come on.”
He wouldn’t release the backpack and neither would I. “Will you please hold on?”
“Let go, Finn. You carried the bag here, I can carry it back.”
“It’s not about the pack,” he said.
And damn it, the tears got me anyway. I just wanted to move. To hike back. To do something other than stand here and realize I’d acted like an idiot. When Finn saw the first tear fall, his mouth opened and he stepped forward. I yanked on the strap at the same time and the motion left me unbalanced.
I fell on my ass on the cold, hard forest floor, with pine needles poking my pants and my legs. With a sob, I dropped the strap of the backpack and rubbed my hands over my face.
<
br /> “Are you okay?”
I heard Finn crouch next to me, saw his boots from under my hands, and wanted to crawl behind a rock and hide.
“Charlotte?” He touched my arm. “Are you okay?”
Shaking my head, I said, “I wounded my pride, and then my ass. Now can we go?”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you like that.”
Dropping my hands, I swiped an errant tear. “How am I supposed to feel? I had this—this epiphany about how I feel about you. Like, seriously powerful, and I feel like I know what I want for the first time since all this started. And I just wanted to show you how much I love you, to be close to you. Then you make me feel like an idiot for doing it. You could have been more tactful at the very least. And you said we could be out here today! If you weren’t sure, you shouldn’t have agreed to it.”
“You’re absolutely right,” he said.
I frowned, picking at the pine needles. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”
“What would make you feel better?”
I sighed, willing the tears to go away. “Nothing. I’m fine.”
I shifted, ignoring the ache in my butt, and tried to get up. I evaded when Finn stood quickly and held out a hand to help me.
Eyeing the backpack, I decided whether or not to go for it again. Then I stared out over the lake, the sparkle of the sun on the water, another hawk flying high overhead, and tried to get myself under control.
“I guess this means we probably won’t be going to town tonight,” I murmured.
“Why’s that?”
I adjusted my sunglasses. “Because we can’t even be out here for a hike and a picnic without you freaking out.”
“I was freaking out because I don’t want you stripping off all your clothes where someone else might see—or worse, be in a position where I can’t protect you fast enough if something does happen.”
I glanced over. Finn took my hand, his warm fingers squeezing mine.
“That doesn’t mean I don’t want you stripping off all your clothes at all. I want you so bad, it hurts, Charlotte, and if you thought any different, I’m sorry. I’m tempted to take you back to the cabin right now so you can see how much I want you.”
His words sent a wave of longing through me and a sharp jab of lust to my middle. “You probably shouldn’t say that unless you mean it.”
He swiveled to stand in front of me, blocking my view of the water. “I absolutely mean it. But I’m not going to do it because you wanted to be out here today and I want you to have that. I brought a blanket just like last time and drinks and sandwiches and…Say you’ll stay here with me.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“That easy?”
I dropped my chin, a rush of emotions shooting through me. I still felt a little hurt, a lot stupid, and definitely upset that we couldn’t just enjoy every moment we had together. “I’m sorry. I’m…a little sensitive.”
“You don’t have to apologize for that.”
I met his eyes briefly. “And I can’t control myself around you either.”
“You definitely don’t have to apologize for that. I was an ass for handling it the way I did. Under other circumstances, you’d already be on the ground, naked, and it turns me on that you want me so badly. I’m just…trying to cover our bases, so to speak.” He glanced down with a grin and I followed his gaze, surprised to see him straining against his pants. “And it’s costing me.”
“Later,” I murmured.
“I’m going to hold you to that.” He reached around and gently cupped my ass. “Are you hurt?”
I rubbed the spot where I’d fallen. “No.”
He leaned in, nipping at my lip. “I’ll check it out later just to be sure.”
“I’m going to hold you to that.” I lifted on my toes to kiss him and then pressed my lips to his cheek instead.
“God,” he said, gripping my waist. “I didn’t mean you had to hold back altogether.”
“I’m saving some for later.” I danced away, grabbing the backpack. “Now, what do we have in here?”
He reached out. “Why don’t you let me handle that?”
I lifted an eyebrow.
“The gun’s in there.”
“Oh.” I passed the bag over. “Okay. I’m going to test the water.”
“It’s freezing,” he warned, pulling items out of the bag.
I flashed a smile in his direction. “It’s not like I’m going skinny dipping.”
“Charlotte,” he bit out with a wince. “Please don’t put ideas in my head when I can’t act on them.”
Grinning, I blew him a kiss. “You watched me fall on my ass. Now I get to see you a little uncomfortable, too.”
He growled out a response about being uncomfortable and pulled more items from the bag while I bent to swirl my hand in the ice-cold water.
A full stomach and the warmth from the sun lured me into a light sleep. Lying on Finn’s shoulder and listening to the wind through the trees, it was easy to forget we were here for any other reason but to enjoy ourselves.
Of course, there was a gun a few feet from his hand, but it was almost normal.
I shifted against Finn and he touched my cheek. “Charlotte?”
“No, sorry, I don’t want to,” I mumbled.
He chuckled. “Don’t want to what?”
“Move. Get up. Go back. Any of it.”
When he didn’t answer, I grudgingly opened my eyes and looked up at him. “What?”
“Nothing.” He kissed my temple. “We can stay here a little longer.”
The blanket on the forest floor wasn’t all that comfortable. In fact, I think I was laying on a rock. But that didn’t matter as much as being able to spend this time with Finn.
“Did you sleep?” I asked.
“No.”
“Aren’t you tired?”
He shrugged. Then I realized he probably hadn’t slept because he’d been keeping a lookout for danger.
“If you want to close your eyes for a bit, I’ll be the lookout.”
He laughed. “Is that so?”
I propped myself up to peer at his face. “That’s so.”
“I’m good. Thanks anyway.”
“What? You don’t trust me with a gun?”
His lips curved. “Let’s forego this conversation. I don’t have it in me to argue anymore.”
Frowning, I said, “I’m not going to argue with you.”
“Good. How do you feel?”
I stretched, lifting my arms high over my head, my side pressed into Finn’s. “I feel…superb.”
“Superb?”
I grinned at him. “Yeah. This is exactly what I needed. Thank you, Finn, for coercing me into leaving Oasis for an impromptu vacation.”
“Coercing,” he said with a laugh. “I’ll show you coercing.”
He rolled on top of me, pinning my hands to the blanket above my head. “Tell me you love me.”
I smiled and then shrieked when he gripped both wrists with one hand and used the other to attack my ribs. “Finn! No, Finn—stop! I love you.”
He stopped tickling me and smiled. “Good. Now, tell me…you’ll be my love slave tonight.”
I was already laughing when he poked my ribs again. The snap of the branch behind us was so loud, it cut through the laughter and made both of us jump.
Finn was off me in an instant, grabbing the gun and pointing it at the trees. I scrambled to my knees, eyes locked on the forest in front of us.
A rabbit darted from behind a tree and scampered to a nearby bush.
I blew out a breath, my shoulders relaxing. Finn continued to stand with the gun still aimed at the trees.
“Finn,” I said, getting up. “It was a rabbit.”
His eyes scanned the forest, the trees, the brush, everywhere. “Yeah, that’s probably all it was.”
“Finn.” I touched his arm. “It’s fine. We’re just on edge.”
He lowered the gun, giving the forest another sweep wit
h his gaze. “You’re right. Shit.” He blew out a breath. “I’m sorry.”
“Let’s go,” I said, reaching for the blanket.
“No, no. It’s not—we don’t need to go yet. I said we could stay longer. Come on, lay down.”
I shook my head. “I’m good. I had a great time. Really, Finn,” I said when he didn’t move. I ventured a step closer, keeping my eye on the gun. “Let’s go back.”
He followed my gaze and cursed. He bent and stored the gun in the backpack again. “Stupid rabbit,” he muttered.
I knelt next to Finn, wrapping my arms around him from behind and resting my cheek on his back. “That was kind of hot,” I said, voice muffled against his shirt.
“What?”
“You. Protecting me. From a rabbit.”
“Charlotte,” he said, exasperation in his voice.
“It makes me want you even more.”
He sighed and I could feel it against my cheek. “You only have your mind on one thing.”
“You.”
He swiveled on the blanket and wrapped his arms around me. “Trust me, I feel the same way. But if you’re still okay with it, I think you’re right. We should go back.”
“I’m still okay with it.” I pulled back and met his eyes. “One more thing, though.”
His eyes went to the trees again just briefly before meeting my gaze. “Anything.”
“I want to move in with you.”
His hand twitched on my hip. “You do?”
“I do.”
Finn’s eyes locked on mine, searching. Seeking something more than my words. “You’re not saying this because—”
“No. I want to. I want this. I know…I know you’re the one for me, Finn. And this is a good start to making that official.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded, not feeling even a flicker of uncertainty. “Yes. I want this. But…I have a few conditions.”
“Name them.”
I laughed at the seriousness in his voice, on his face. “This isn’t a business negotiation. And I think we should probably talk about this later.” Standing again, I pulled on the blanket. “You’re going to have to get off so we can pack this away.”