He doesn’t seem embarrassed by it. “At first it was because I felt she would get herself in trouble. Then it was because I needed to remember what she’s capable of doing to me.”
“Do you ever get mad or…” I picked up the last bite of potatoes with my fork. “Noah gets upset if my dresses are too low and a guy is ogling my chest. He would never be able to watch something happen between me and another man.”
“I get angry. I let it all come to a boil until I feel like a rubber band stretched so tight that it might snap. Then I leave. I would never act on it, violence takes her back to when she was abducted. I only do it to play Russian Roulette with my temper.”
After swallowing the last bite, I tried to test him for an answer. “You said she doesn’t stay with one man for long. Then I guess she will move on from Noah soon…”
“I don’t know when it started, but I know she has been with him longer than most.”
This news hurts me. I stand and start clearing our plates and utensils. When I walk past him, he sniffs the air. “He brings Ruby here?”
I dump the dishes into the sink and look at him curiously. “Not that I know of, why?”
“I smell perfume…”
“Oh, no, that’s the stuff Noah bought me tonight,” I took it from my apron and come stand by Lorenzo’s chair. “See,” I handed it to him. “I think he feels guilty and is trying to mend things. I don’t wear this sort of stuff, but it might be a nice change. I love that he thought of me.”
Lorenzo takes the bottle out of the box with a small smile. “This is the fragrance Ruby wears…”
I cock my head. “I’m sorry, what?”
“This is the only brand Ruby will wear. It was one of the first gifts I ever gave her when we were dating.”
I take back the box and look it over. “Why would he—”
Lorenzo takes a bread roll from the basket that was between us and pinches away a bite-size amount. “I was wrong when I said he was stupid.”
“You didn’t say he was stupid.”
He paused with the bread near his mouth. “I was thinking it very loudly, I thought I said it.”
I looked at the perfume. “He gave it to me so we would smell the same…” the coolness of the glass in my palm was soothing as I felt my body heating with anger and maybe embarrassment. “That way I wouldn’t notice if he smelled like her.”
Lorenzo handed me the box back. “Dump it.”
I pulled from my quandary and replayed his words. “I can’t, this stuff is pricy.”
“It is.”
“I would be pouring his money down the drain.”
“You’re right,” he took another bite, chewed and swallowed. “It would be wrong.”
The way he said, wrong, made me catch on to his point. It was wrong that Noah was cheating. Wrong that he was trying to make me smell like her. I cocked my brow and slowly unscrewed the bottle.
Lorenzo followed me with his eyes as I went to the sink and stood, looking over the drain. With a bravado I had no idea I possessed, I tipped the bottle over and let the pretty, pale pink fluid roll out and into the drain. It felt good. Surprisingly triumphant.
As another hour breezed past us, Lorenzo and I spent the night talking while we cleaned the kitchen. He was a kitchen guru, showing me tricks and teaching while he aided me in the clearing up.
“You have a dimple in your chin,” I said, following him to the door.
Shrugging on his coat and flipping up the collar, he looked down at me, awaiting an explanation.
“I’m not attracted to men with dimples,” I said in an uppity way.
He laughed, taking cigarettes from his breast pocket and a lighter. “It took you all this time to come up with that?” he said around the slim roll between his lips. I noticed he had a natural crease in his lower lip and a thin scar that started at his right eyebrow and created a half moon down to the corner of his eye. Somehow, it made him more masculine. More attractive in a seasoned way. There was a lot to see on Lorenzo, but I’m too shy to blatantly stare at him, and he is far too vigilant to miss it if I did. When I study his face or body, it’s in fleeting spurts.
“And I’m a B cup, not an A,” I jabbed.
“Congratulations,” he didn’t sound impressed either way.
“Thank you for coming,” I leaned on the doorframe. “I kind of needed the company.”
“Yeah,” he didn’t agree or say he felt the same. Just ‘yeah’, but somehow, I think ‘yeah’ meant the same thing.
“Goodbye,” I waved.
“Addio.”
Chapter Seven
LORENZO
“You went over there?” My sister Angela asked me.
Together, we were helping our nieces and nephews into their costumes for Halloween. While I dress the boys, she does the face painting and the detailed stuff.
“Yeah, I did,” I sat forward on my chair to help my youngest nephew into his Batman pants.
“Giada said she looks like a Quaker.”
I laughed. “She ain’t a Quaker, she’s just religious.”
“Auntie Rosa and Uncle Roberto kind of religious?”
“Yes,” I tied on the cape. “Like that. She’s not so bad, though.”
“Mmm, it’s weird,” she stopped to take a drink of her wine.
“What?”
“It’s weird,” she said in a higher pitch.
“What?”
“Hanging out with your wife’s, lover’s wife, what— like what is that? That’s soap opera shit.”
“You would know.”
She shoved me but then lifts her pallet of paints to start creating a likeness of the Joker on the twin to the kid I’m dressing. Mom’s house is crawling with grand-kids since they all meet here before going out.
“All’s I’m saying is, don’t get tangled in Ruby’s mess. I don’t know about you being so close to the man she’s doing.”
I pause to point at the kids. “Young ears, Angela. Come on.”
“Meh, they’re not listening. You listening, sweeties?” she asked the twins.
They shake their heads, no.
“See,” she said.
“What are you afraid will happen?” I asked her.
“That by hanging out with the wife, the husband might come home, and my big brother will be eating Christmas dinner behind bars after it was x-rayed for razors. That’s what I’m worried about.”
“Jesus, Angela, I’m not going to go berserk. I can control my temper.”
Throwing her head back, she lets out a shrill, “Ha!” Laughing still, she points her makeup brush at me. “I can hear God laughing.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, drop it,” I snap.
“How is she?” Angela asked a few minutes later after the humor died out. “This woman that’s married to the dick husband.”
“She thinks they can work it out, but she’s not ready to talk about it with him.”
“That’s sad,” she sighed. “Really it is. She sounds nice. What made you go over there? Or even text her? She pretty?”
“Nah, she’s plain. Kinda preppy. Doesn’t eat enough, she’s skinny.”
“Ma would fix that, but you never answered me, why did you contact her and why did you go over there? I’m serious, now, why go? What if he did come back? Even if you didn’t go into a blind rage, what about this girl? He would think she was cheating, and you would have put her in a shit storm.”
I helped the next nephew into a ninja turtle costume. “I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking about the consequences. I didn’t care. Ruby made up one of her excuses to go out and I just… needed to do something other than think about it.”
Angela offered me a lopsided pity smile. I hate those.
“I think it’s good, then…”
“What?”
“You talkin’ to her. I think it’s a good thing. You got seven siblings and none of us been through what you been through with Ruby. None of us get it. Not even Ma. This girl knows. If you know the same
pain, then you can’t be strangers, can you?”
“I don’t know…” I handed another nephew his cowboy hat to go with his costume. “I think I was curious too. I wanted to see where the fucker lived.”
“You just told me to watch the young ears,” she kicked me in the shin.
“They ain’t listening.”
“Men are dogs,” she shook her head while she worked. “All of you should wear collars and leashes.”
“How am I a dog?”
“Pissing circles around another dog’s tree.”
“That’s not why—”
“That’s why.”
“That’s not why I—”
“That’s why,” she said over me.
LYDIA
“He has to work late again. I thought you weren’t supposed to mix business with pleasure?” I texted Lorenzo Monday night right after Noah texted me that he would be stuck at the office.
“Don’t worry. He’ll be home after he ‘gets off’.”
Lorenzo’s text back made me snort laugh. I usually can hide the snort at the end of my laugh, but that one caught me off guard.
A few minutes later, Lorenzo texted me again.
“You should come to the restaurant. Pizza is the special.”
I consider it.
“Funny you should mention it. I was in the mood for Italian and was going to order in from Dominos.”
His text back is quick, and I can hear the edge in his voice.
“That is not Italian food. What are you doing to me, here?”
I laugh again.
“Your place needs reservations at night. It’s too late for me to get in.”
His answer is swift.
“Nah, I know the owner. I’ll get you in.”
I smile as I go to get my purse. Once I have my coat on, I run to the car to escape the cold. Once inside, I shove the keys into the ignition and rub my hands together while I wait for the vehicle to warm up. Like an idiot, I drop my cell between the seats.
Fishing for it, I start to get annoyed when my hand brushes something soft and light. With a crease in my forehead, I reach further past my phone and bring up some sort of gauzy red material.
Slapping the light over my head, I hold the fabric up higher and see that it’s a thong.
A wave of nausea punches me in the gut. I don’t wear thongs, and I don’t own lace undergarments. The last time Noah saw Ruby was when Lorenzo came over. Noah had taken the car not a cab.
She was in here.
As the car warms, I can smell her perfume around me.
I was doing so good these past few days. I had managed to push through, not fixating on what Noah was doing behind my back. This was like ice water being thrown at my face. Was he even trying to be discreet?
Tears stung my eyes as I hurried out of the car to throw up. I sat on my knees until the illness passed, then I got up and drove to Cibo Degli Dei.
“Hello,” Lorenzo’s sister, Giada, met me at the hostess stand. “Enzo said you were coming; we have a table for you.”
I smiled and followed her to where Lorenzo and I met. The table by the window. “Thank you,” I said in a small voice.
Giada stopped and stared at me. “You okay?”
I looked at her blankly for a moment. “Oh, I’m fine.”
“You look green. I should know. I’m pregnant. I throw up all the time.” She bugged her eyes. “Not because of the food here—”
I laughed. “No, I get it. Morning sickness. Congratulations.”
“Thanks,” she patted her stomach, still so flat.
A fit of sudden jealousy hit me. Then despair. Because if Noah and I don’t work this out, when will I get my baby? My future? I’m twenty-nine… it’s not like I have forever.
“Enzo said you were supposed to get the special,” Giada went on. “But he’s a pushy bastard. You can look at a menu if you want.”
“Uh,” I thought of the red panties. “I think I’ll just have a ginger ale for now.”
“Okay,” she smiled and then walked off.
I thought coming here would help, but all I feel is this crushing weight. All these people, and all this noise, my life on a string. One question is repeating in my mind.
Does he love her?
Does he love her?
Does he love her?
“Hey,” Lorenzo commanded my attention with his authoritative voice and stride, coming from the kitchen. “What’s the matter with you? Giada says you aren’t eating.” He stopped beside me, putting both hands on my table as he did before, leaning over it like a brace.
I take a shaky breath. “I’m… just… feeling a little sick.”
“Sick?” he grabs my chin and pulls it up, then puts the back of his hand to my forehead. “You ain’t sick. You’re pale. Pale and clammy.” He takes his hand away. “What’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing.”
“Then eat.”
He really is pushy. “I…” I can’t’ get it out. Something about all of this feels embarrassing all the time.
“What?” he snapped.
I can’t get the words out, I keep choking on them, and instead of speaking, I feel that infuriating sting in my eyes again. Seeing it, Lorenzo squats down beside my chair and takes his bossy ways down a notch.
“What made you sick?” he asked lower.
I can’t look at him when I say it. “I found… something in my car.”
“Something,” he repeated.
“Your wife’s… panties…” I whispered past gritting teeth. Now that I said it, I can’t breathe and start to make some fish-out-of-water, wheezing sound.
Lorenzo is quiet for a minute, only the hum of people and silver wear clanking. “You’re having a panic attack,” he said it calmly like he would if he were telling me what color my eyes are. “Calm down, listen to me,” when I don’t look, his bossiness surfaces. “Eh, look at me.”
I do like it’s a reflex.
“Tell me five things you can see. Any five things,” he said.
“In the— in, um… the restaurant?”
“Yeah.”
I looked around, feeling chilled, trembling a little from a cold that is non-existent. “Um… I see… the water fountain… um… the lights hanging, they look like old street lanterns. I see, uh, bricks in the walls, tables, and greenery garlands.”
“Good. Now name four things you can touch,” he prompted.
I look down at the table. “The tablecloth, the flame on the little candle in the centerpiece, my utensils, my…watch…”
Giada comes to drop off my ginger ale but leaves right away like she knows that Lorenzo is walking me through hell.
“Well done,” he stayed crouched and close. “Now, three things you can hear.”
I open my senses to the atmosphere and inhale through my nose. “Well, the people talking, the music… it’s Italian stuff… um, and I hear traffic, outside the window. It’s not loud but I hear it.”
“And two things you can smell?” he adds.
I exhale loudly. “The fresh bread on the next table over. Their food just came out, and your cologne.”
“Last one… something you can taste.”
“That’s easy, my ginger ale.”
He nods.
After breathing in and out very slowly, I started to recognize that the weight on me had been gradually lifting.
“You’re okay,” he said.
“I’m okay…” I mimicked his words to feel them. The restaurant is beginning to feel like a person. Someone opening their arms to me and holding me through my personal storm. My problems are out there, on the other side of the window, not in here. Not with all these sights, sounds, tastes… not with Lorenzo. He banished them to the outside, and I’m safe in here.
“Better?” he prodded.
“Better.”
“Good, time to eat.” He stood and retied his half apron around his waist.
“How did you do that?”
“It’s calle
d grounding. It doesn’t always work, not unless you do it before the attack gets bad.”
He knows because he’s been through this, much longer than I have. “I like that you’re as broken up as I am,” I spoke without thinking.
He sends me a feigned look of surprise. “Gee, thanks.”
“I didn’t mean it to sound like that,” I smiled and held my soda. “I meant, this is lonely and being lonely together isn’t so bad.”
He doesn’t answer. He knocks on my table twice with his knuckles, then walks back to the kitchen.
Twenty minutes later, I’m served this enormous pizza, and I’m certain I’ve never had an actual pizza until tonight. The flavors are exploding and with each bite, my appetite surfaces and my troubles dissipate, beating on the other side of the glass, pouting because I won’t look at them.
And of course, there’s no bill for my food.
LORENZO
I know how to handle anxiety because Ruby had crippling attacks that I used to walk her through. And when she started messing around, she caused my own.
“How early do you get up in the morning?” I asked Lydia as I walked her to her car. She stayed until closing, reading some book. She doesn’t want to go home, and I get that because neither do I. Home is where our problems sit.
“I’m usually up and about by four,” she said. “I like to get up before the sun.”
I put my hands in my pockets and lifted my shoulders against the cold as she took out her keys. “Swing by, I usually drink my coffee at the window before opening.” I know how I sound. I don’t ask questions; I make subtle demands.
“I really did love your coffee,” she admitted. “Those little cups, there is so much flavor.”
“There is nothing like Italian coffee,” I said as I opened her door.
She folded her arms on the top of the door and placed her chin over them. “Italians are so proud.”
“Because we know how to do everything right.”
She giggled. “There, pride!”
“Mmhmm,” I agreed.
“Morning coffee sounds good to me; I can be here at four. Noah will think I’m on my run.”
“Bene,” I nodded.
“Bene?”
“Means, good.”
“Oh,” she got in and waved after buckling. “Bye,” she said through the open window.
The Affair (The Relationship Quo Series Book 5) Page 9