As much as my sister hates Ruby, she acted civilly, still caught up in the newness of motherhood. Liam hovered. Staying near her and the baby.
“Now it’s time… you go to Uncle Enzo,” Giada handed the baby to Liam and Liam awkwardly held the kid.
“It’s a baby, not a football,” I barked at him.
Liam tried to arrange his arms, but I came and took the baby.
“Enzo’s a natural,” Giada bragged.
“That’s because my sisters keep popping out little ones.”
Ruby came to stand by me while I sat down, the baby resting against my forearm so I could study his face. “I think being a big brother helped,” Ruby massaged my shoulders as she spoke. “He had all that practice.”
“You’re the reason your mother is behind in her school,” I told the baby. “It’s all your fault.”
“Enzo,” Giada warned.
“You also was this close to growing up without a father,” I showed the infant the small space between my thumb and pointer finger.
Liam laughed.
“He’s beautiful,” Ruby told them.
“Thanks,” Giada tried not to sound cold but didn’t exactly sound warm.
“What’s his name, then?” I asked them.
“Flavio,” Giada said with pride. “After daddy.”
“Very good,” I approved.
“And Lorenzo… after his uncle.”
I looked up at her. “That’s three nephews with my name, now.”
“Well, you’re important to this family.”
“Don’t name the poor kid after me.”
“Why?”
“There’s a lot of names out there. Get creative.”
“It was Liam’s idea,” Giada held Liam’s arm.
“Brown nosing little shit,” I muttered.
Liam shook his head.
After a while I came and handed the baby back to Giada, kissing her head. “You done good,” I told her. “He’s perfect.”
She leaned into my kiss, then gave her attention to the baby.
“Do you want to hold him?” Liam asked Ruby.
The room chilled. Angela is the only one that tolerates Ruby and Ruby is extremely estranged from my many nieces and nephews. She wouldn’t even be able to tell them apart.
Ruby held my arm and scratched the back of her shin with the toe of her high heeled shoe. “Um, I think I’ll let him sleep.”
“He’ll sleep through it,” I said only for her ears.
She shook her head. “Maybe next time.”
Liam nodded. “Okay, thanks for coming, guys.”
We waved and left, Ruby still on my arm while we walked. I kept my hands in my pockets and guided us through the hospital.
“Do you think Giada was pissed I didn’t hold the baby?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t read her mind.”
“I was afraid she would be pissed if I did.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Do you ever think about it?”
“Think about what?”
“Kids…”
I could feel my body tightening at the thought. “No.”
“It feels like we never see each other. You live at the restaurant and I live at the firm. We don’t have time to think about stuff like that, but we’ve been together all these years…”
“Where is this going?” I was glad to put distance between us when we reached the elevators. I punched the button and waited with a foot or two between us.
“Nowhere, I’m just curious if you ever wish we did… I mean, we still have time, if we wanted to.”
“We had our window,” the doors opened, and it was empty.
“Had?” She followed me inside.
“You made the decision for us.”
“I didn’t know if it was yours,” she defended. “What? You wanted to raise some other guy’s kid, so you could always be reminded of my mistakes?” She faced the doors and shook her head. “You would have hated him or her, and that’s not how children should grow up.”
“You’re determined to make that my fucking choice.”
“It was,” she held her purse strap and widened her eyes at me. “I did it for you. I did it because I loved you and I didn’t want you to have to stare our problems in the face.”
“You mean, your guilt. I never gave a shit whose it was, and I made that clear.”
“We could have done a test.”
“I told you, it wasn’t important. I didn’t want you to abort the baby either way.”
Stepping out of the elevator we walked toward the car garage.
“Why the hell is this even coming up?” I lit a cigarette to calm my nerves.
“Forget it.”
“Already did.”
She crossed her arms as we walked, keeping more space between us. Then it hit me. I stopped and she did too. “You’re pregnant again,” I guessed.
She shook her head. “No.”
I looked her up and down. She’s a liar, and you can never be sure with liars. Sometimes there’s a tell, other times there isn’t.
“Don’t do it to me again,” I said in a deep growl. I needed her to know how serious I was. “Ruby, I swear to fucking God, do not fuck me over like that, again.”
“It’s always about you, right?”
“Ruby, I’m not playing.” I came to look her in the face. “Don’t. You want to fuck the city, do it with some Goddamn birth control!”
“I’m not fucking around on you, stop it! Stop getting mean just to be an asshole! Stop throwing the past at me!”
I laughed, no humor in my heart. “I would have raised that kid!” I yelled. The parking garage echoed my words. “You got rid of it because you didn’t want to, and you still find a way to make it me. You selfish—”
A truck filled with construction tools and two Hispanic men pulled into the spot next to her car. We waited until they stepped out and left to continue.
“Selfish? I’m selfish?” She touched her chest. “You think that was an easy decision? Your mother already hates me! If I had that baby, she would have hated it too. She’d have known it wasn’t yours.”
“You’re fucking delusional,” I accused. “That’s what you are. You’re delusional. Blaming my mother, what the hell is that? Delusional.”
“Is that my fault?”
“You can’t make everything that’s wrong with you about what happened!” I followed her to her car, the red paint of it, angering me on some deeper level. “It was unfair, and it was awful, and it was unforgivable, but the shit you do now, is on you, not what happened.”
She pulled at her hair as if she wanted to tear it out. “You’ve never forgiven me for Kyle,” she said over her shoulder.
“Kyle?”
“Kyle, your ex-best friend. The one your mom caught me with—”
“I know who fucking Kyle is.”
“You never got over that.”
“I didn’t bring him up, you did.”
She dug through her purse for the keys. “You obviously haven’t gotten over it if you are accusing me of something. You just told me to stay on birth control if I’m going to fuck the city. I haven’t done anything to you since Kyle.”
I choked on my smoke, tossing it so I might get some air. “Are we playing this game?” I asked with risen brows. “Tell me, Baby. Because I’m a little lost. Are we playing the game where Kyle was the only one? We aren’t talking about Eddie, Jake, Dennis, Tony, Michael—”
“That stuff was in your head,” she found her keys.
“Noah?” I added.
She shook her head at me. “Fuck you.”
“Yeah, you certainly did, you fucked me.”
“I was asking you something—”
“You want to bring a kid into this mess? Us? Why? So, you can control me better? Your father owning my life, that’s not a short enough leash?”
She opened her door. “I brought it up to see if you had a direction you want
ed us to go in. I wanted to see what you wanted.”
“Your legs to stay as shut up as your dysfunctional conscience.”
She glared, a warning that something shitty was about to pour past her lips. “Maybe you didn’t do a good enough job when I was spreading them for you.”
I felt my temper skyrocket and acted before thinking. The red of her car, the sneer in her lips, the heat I felt all through my body. I nodded, then came over and punched her BMW’s back window. I cracked it, little hairline splits spreading from the impact.
Pain flooded my fist and lit up my arm.
She gasped and held her stomach.
We stared at the damage.
“If you’re going to be violent, I’m not driving home with you.”
“I’ve never been violent with you,” I held my hand. “Why do you think it was the car I hit? Huh? The anger gotta go somewhere.”
“Real mature.”
“Daddy will repair it.”
“Go to hell,” she opened her door and got in. “And next time, don’t let your ego turn you into a maniac. You’re scaring me.” She buckled her belt with the door open. “You can’t control your temper, and that scares me.”
“I control it,” I held my hand to my chest as it throbbed and ached. “If I didn’t, Noah would be pushing up daisies.”
She drove past me and I slammed my good hand down on the car’s rear as she went.
A car slowed to a stop and I didn’t think to pay it any mind until the window rolled down and Chance Urban’s face appeared.
“That Italian temper getting the best of you?” he asked.
I fumed.
“Get in,” Chance commanded.
I raised my eyebrow, daring him to tell me what to do again.
“Get in, Lorenzo.”
“What are you even doing here?”
“Your sister had a baby. Why wouldn’t I come? She keeps in better contact than you.”
I stood there.
“Whatever is going on, you aren’t going to figure it out in a parking garage. Let’s go.”
I got in and buckled with my good hand. I was surprised his car was empty. In April, he married Adam, and they were in the process of adopting the child that owned their souls. He was hardly ever alone now, but tonight, I’m glad.
“You gotta get your shit together,” Chance reprimanded. “What the hell are you doing?”
“I don’t know.”
“You still love her?”
I set my head back on the rest. “I don’t know.”
“What do you know?”
“I don’t know.”
We drove in silence, the smooth driving, calming me, streetlights flickering past.
Chance drives with his upper body reclined a bit. His eyes trained on traffic. “What’s going on with you and that girl? The one we last talked about? Don’t say you don’t know.”
I thought about Lydia, and the pain in my hand subsided. “I feel like I’m wearing these big, iron shackles around my wrists… and… Everything I want is only a few feet away, but the chains are too short.”
Chance took a turn as he said, “I can’t tell you what to do if you don’t tell me the problem. Because all I see is self-made bullshit. You’re in a marriage with no mutual respect, and all you have to do is pull the plug. You say you can’t, but you won’t say why.”
“I need a drink.”
“No, you need some common fucking sense.”
I looked out the window.
“You want the one married to the guy your wife is with?” Chance asked rhetorically.
“I don’t just want her.”
“You said she isn’t a looker.”
“She’s a looker,” saying it out loud felt weird. “In a real way. She’s what some people would call plain. Maybe she is before you know her.”
“And you know her?”
“Yeah.”
“So now she’s beautiful.”
“She’s gorgeous.”
Chance stopped at a red light, taking the time to pivot and look through me the way he does everyone. Chance could probably solve half the crime in New York if he was a cop, his pensive eyes are able to chisel through walls of pretense. “Compared to Ruby?”
“I can’t compare her to Ruby.”
“What’s stopping you?”
“She’s married, I’m married—”
“Is that what you people call it?”
“You’re married now. If Adam slept with someone, could you walk away?” I tested.
Chance’s eyes lit with humor. “If Adam slept with someone, that person would wake up with their own dick down their throat, and I wouldn’t be able to walk because I’d be on death row.”
“You know what I mean. And wouldn’t you want forgiveness, if you cheated?”
He shook his head. “I sampled most of what’s out there, I got what I wanted.”
“You’re avoiding the question.”
“Cheating isn’t love, and I love Adam. I can’t answer your question.” The light turned green and he followed the flow of cars. “Ruby doesn’t love you, and you need to bust the shackles and grab this woman.”
“I don’t do that.”
“I didn’t say cheat. I said bust the shackles.”
I rubbed my face with my good hand.
“Adam was in a relationship when we met,” he told me. “A dying one. Shit gets ugly when people don’t bury what’s dead.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
LYDIA
“How long’s the cat been living here?” Angela asked.
“Two months,” I said from my living room floor. Kendrick was curled on my lap, purring. When I say lap, I say that loosely. He’s two times bigger than my lap.
“And has Noah’s allergy kicked up?” Mia questioned.
I sent her a flat look. “Another little lie, apparently. He hasn’t sneezed, swelled, coughed or itched once. His eyes don’t water… nothing. And Kendrick sleeps on our bed.”
“He doesn’t notice?” Donna came to sit by me and pet Kendrick, but he woke and thumped her hand.
“Nope. I keep Kendrick in the toy room when Noah is home.”
“He’s a fugly cat,” Giada said with a wince. She was sitting on the coffee table, using her foot to rock the car seat her baby was in.
“He’s got character,” I corrected.
“Yeah,” Giada agreed. “His character is that he’s ugly.”
We all laughed.
“So,” Donna shook her hair back. “We got a question. My brother’s closest friend, Chance Urban owns a club. It’s beautiful, very elite. Sometimes even celebrities go there. We want to go and have a night out. Giada needs it. The baby is old enough to stay with daddy. She needs to go blow some steam, grab a few drinks. You in?”
I blinked and then pointed at myself. “Me?”
“No, your fugly cat,” said Giada.
“I’ve never been to a club.”
“It’s fun,” Mia nodded. “It feels good to get all dressed up, dance, laugh…”
“Dressed up?” I sat straighter. “Like short dresses with spaghetti straps and heels?”
“Well, duh,” laughed Giada.
“You can’t dress like a nun,” said Angela.
They all murmured in praise of her statement.
I thought about it. “If I agreed… would you help me?”
“Of course,” three of the four said in unison.
Donna talked over the rest. “Lorenzo plans to go with Chance on Saturday night, we thought we’d go with him. We’ll meet at Cibo Degli Dei and then take a taxi to Rebel Vision, that’s the club.” She looked at Giada. “By the way, Chance don’t own the club no more, remember?”
Giada pointed at her. “That’s right… after he got married, he passed it down to Zeus.”
“But he still visits, and has a finger in things,” Donna finished. “If we go when he goes, you know we’ll drink free.”
“He’s our other brother from another mot
her,” Giada said. “Like you.”
I started to feel a tingling excitement in my core. “What do I wear, can I wear makeup? Do all of you wear heels? I’ve never walked in heels.”
Angela played with my braid. “Sure, Sweetie, we do all that, and we’ll definitely help you out if you want.”
I shifted to see her, and Kendrick stretched. “What about my ears? I could get my ears pierced.”
“Sure,” Donna tapped her earrings. “But let Ma do it, Ma did all our ears. Quick and painless. By Saturday they’ll be healed enough.”
I couldn’t contain the sudden throbbing in my chest. I wanted to cry I was so elated. I’ve wanted to do something like this most of my life, but I never thought it was what good girls do.
“Can you do my hair?” I asked Angela.
“It’s taking all my will power not to do it now,” she inspected my braid closer. “I’ll tell you what, you come to the salon on Saturday morning. We’ll do a manicure and pedicure. We’ll do a trim…”
“You could do her makeup at the house before we go,” said Mia.
Donna interrupted, “We could go dress shopping tomorrow, then stop at Ma’s so you can get your ears done.”
“She needs a crash course in heels,” Giada reminded. “If she ain’t never worn heels, she needs to learn.”
“We get the heels and the dress tomorrow,” Donna dictated. “And we’ll add that to the list of to-do’s at Ma’s.”
I bit my lower lip and grinned.
“Aw, she’s blushing,” said Mia. “Look at her blush.”
They laughed. Their laughter made the blush worse and I could feel it spread. I’ve never been this happy. I want this so much. Time to be a girl, to just do all the things girls do. And I want to do it with these girls. Girls I trust.
My sisters.
Another hour into their visit, Giada was walking around my kitchen with her son, shifting her weight from side to side, keeping him at ease.
I stared at him a lot. Sometimes I felt like a crazy person, being able to study his face, his movements, his sounds. I want it more than anything. I want mine.
“You wanna hold him?” Giada asked as I finished our dishes from lunch. I dried my hands on a towel, glancing at the other sisters sitting around my table.
“Is that alright?”
“Sure,” she smiled, coming my way. “I’m sorry I never offered before. Liam never puts him down and if Liam doesn’t have him, Ma does. I never thought to ask if you wanted to.”
The Affair (The Relationship Quo Series Book 5) Page 26