by Toni Mari
Thankfully, Mandy came over and dripped on him. I laughed. “He seems a little hot, Mandy.” I made dumping gestures with my hands. She nodded and ran for a bucket of pool water.
Shawn hopped up and sat on top of me. “If I’m getting it, you are too.”
Mandy had no mercy. She threw the bucket on both of us. We shrieked, and Shawn picked her up and tossed her in the pool. He turned back to me and held out a hand to help me up. “Poor thing.” Then he scooped me up and tossed me in the pool.
I climbed out. “You’re gonna get it!” I chased him down and tried to push him in the pool. I couldn’t budge him.
He wrapped his arms around me. Holding me against his hard body, his lips practically touching mine, he said, “I told you, we’re in this together.” He lifted me and fell into the pool with me. When we surfaced, he said, “Wanna try that again?”
“No! No, you win. I’m out, I quit.” I went back and laid on my damp towel. I purposefully closed my eyes. Maybe I should jump back in the pool to erase the feeling of Shawn’s body touching mine. I squeezed my eyes tighter. Why couldn’t he keep up the silent treatment? That was easier. I peeked at the pool. Shawn and Mandy were having doggy paddle races. I smiled when he let her win and she dunked him for his trouble. I banged my head against the chair. This would be so much easier if Shawn were the shallow playboy that he pretended to be when I first met him. “I’m gonna go check on Windsong.”
I slipped on my flip flops and pushed through the gate. I was halfway to the barn when I heard the squeak of the gate again. I looked back and Shawn was jogging to catch up. I faced forward, biting my lip. I was trying to distance myself from him.
“You know, we have a barn manager for that.” He shook his head and sprinkled water on me.
“Windsong needs to see me, he’s a weenie like that.”
“I need to see you. Will you come check on me, say, about midnight tonight?” His voice deepened as he flirted.
“No.” But my blood tingled at his words.
“Maybe tomorrow.” He took my hand and tickled my palm.
I pulled my hand back. “Go back to the pool, Shawn. I’m fine by myself,” I said firmly.
His cocky grin did nothing for my mood, even though he did turn around and go back.
Windsong was laying flat out in his pen. Santos was in the pen next to Windsong, peacefully watching over him with his head above the fence. Santos pointed his ears at me and lifted his face as I approached. Windsong didn’t move.
“Windsong!” His ears flicked. Well at least he wasn’t dead, but was this increased fatigue? I stood at the gate for five minutes and when he still hadn’t moved, I turned and dashed back to the barn. “Joe! Joe, where are you?”
He came out of the tack room, cocking his head toward me. “Here.”
Panting, I clutched his arm. “You have to come. Windsong is laying down.”
“Is he rolling like he’s colicking?” Joe strode to the end of the barn and put his hand up to shade his eyes from the sun. “He looks like he was just napping.”
As we watched, Windsong stretched his front legs out and pulled himself up. Santos nickered softly. After a full body shake, Windsong walked over to Santos and blew on his nose. Then, Windsong opened his lips and bit at Santos’s cheek. Santos head-butted him away and trotted off. Windsong hopped up and down on his front feet a couple times and tossed his head. They both trotted the fence line, stopped opposite each other, and then dropped their heads to graze.
With a hint of impatience, Joe turned back into the barn. “Just getting some sun.”
I must have seemed like some overanxious baby to him. I would have to do better than that if I wanted to keep Windsong’s heart condition under wraps. I sank onto a bench in the shade, keeping one eye on Windsong and searching the Internet on my phone to familiarize myself with the exact symptoms related to a malfunctioning heart valve.
#
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I had Windsong on the cross ties and was pretending to groom him. Michelle rolled her eyes at me as she passed carrying Shawn’s saddle to Donner, who was also standing in the aisle. Michelle had already groomed and trimmed Windsong to within an inch of his life. She told me she would tack him up and bring him to the indoor for me, too, but I was too keyed up to sit around doing nothing. Michelle probably just chalked it up as more of my overprotective, micromanaging behavior.
All month, I had used every excuse, lame or otherwise, to be near Windsong so that I could keep an eye on his condition. I had a few scary moments, but I learned to give it some time before I raised the alarm. And here we were, the day before heading to Kentucky for the Championships, safe and sound. Sound of body, anyway. My nerves were stretched to breaking, a volatile mixture of anticipation, performance anxiety, and uncertainty about my relationship with Cory. I didn’t know where Shawn was at the moment, but I was stroking Windsong’s glistening, black coat, enjoying a bit of breathing space.
We had skipped our workout in the basement gym today to ride first thing in the morning. Donner and Windsong would then be turned out in their individual pens to enjoy their last freedom for the next six days.
I brushed Windsong’s face more for his enjoyment than to remove any dirt. He nibbled the brush as it swept down his jaw and across the side of his lips. I put my hand in the center of his forehead. “Windsong, I hope your brain remains in your head this week. I need your help. I don’t want to let anybody down.” I tugged gently on his forelock.
He nuzzled my t-shirt. I kissed his warm nose.
“If I nuzzle you, will you kiss me?” Shawn’s voice was teasing.
Hiding the tremors his voice stirred in me, I said in a deceptively casual tone, “Depends on if you help me win a medal like Windsong is going to.” Picking up my saddle, I carried it like a shield. It was especially clean and shiny, and I inspected it closer to make sure I had the right one. It never looked this great after I cleaned it. I loved the smell of leather conditioner, so I took a healthy sniff.
“Then it’s a wrap. We’ve got the medal in the bag.”
I grunted, “How do you say that with such confidence? I’m a nervous wreck.” On all levels, I failed to add. I put my saddle on, slid it back into position, and buckled on the girth.
“First of all, our first class isn’t for three days, so why worry ahead of time? Second of all, you have me.” He pointed to himself and flashed the cocky grin that both irritated me and excited me.
All month, I had been dodging his seduction. And he meant to seduce me. His campaign included wandering hands, pointed comments, flattering compliments, and never being far from my side. As a result, I spent a lot of time with Mandy, and we developed quite a friendship. As I pulled my helmet on, I quoted Melinda, grumbling, “I think you’re forgetting that you have ‘Wacky Windsong’ and ‘Jumpy Jane’ too.”
“Jane, you and I are unstoppable. I mean it. After a month of watching you work really hard, I have every confidence we are going dominate this competition.” He swaggered down the aisle, leaving Donner for Michelle to lead.
Erica worked us in her normal way, quietly, thoroughly, and precisely what we needed. When we were through with our workout, she brought us both to the middle of the arena. “I am so proud of both of you. I believe that not only can we win the team gold but also one of you will win the individual or freestyle gold. Your personal demons will be the only things that can stop you. Jane, your nerves. You will have to use the techniques we practiced to control your nerves. And Shawn, your discipline. You will have to eat right, go to bed early, and pay attention to the schedule. I will be there to remind you, of course, but ultimately it is up to you. The question is: How badly do you want that gold?”
Despite my pounding heart, I shouted, “It’s mine!”
“Not if I have anything to say about it!” Shawn answered and held his fist out for me to bump. In a quieter voice, he added, “The only person I will allow to beat me is you, Jane.”
“
I doubt I will, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.” For the first time in weeks, I looked him in the eye and smiled with all the respect and admiration I had for him as my friend and fellow teammate. Before Shawn turned to slide off of Donner, I saw just how much that meant to him.
As usual, I wouldn’t let Michelle take Windsong. Untacking him myself had become one of my rituals. Joe took Donner from Shawn, who nodded but didn’t bother to argue with me when I said I would meet him inside for lunch.
Before we left the table, Erica explained the schedule to us. We had an eight-hour drive to the Horse Park, and then there were arrival and check-in on Monday; barn inspections and jog for the veterinarian on Tuesday. The team tests would be on Wednesday, with the award ceremony held that afternoon. Individual tests and medals on Thursday, and Freestyles and another award ceremony on Saturday. We would load Donner and Windsong on Erica’s trailer with Erica driving and Michelle coming as groom. My parents were flying and would arrive early Wednesday morning.
By next Saturday—six short days from now—it would all be over. I didn’t let myself think about afterward, after the championship, when I would leave Erica’s farm and maybe never talk to her or Mandy again, when Windsong’s health may halt his career and possibly mine, when I would have to sort through my relationships with Cory and Shawn to somehow resolve this middle ground I had been living in. Oh no, I didn’t let myself think about afterward.
Noreen lifted her brows in question as she picked up my half-finished sandwich. “You can take it, I’m done. Thank you.” Afterward, when I wouldn’t have Noreen to serve me delicious meals and wash my laundry. It was enough to start my throat aching.
“C’mon,” Shawn said, “let’s go watch a movie, take your mind off it.” My melancholy must have been obvious on my face, because Shawn took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
Shawn folded his long legs, lowering himself onto the couch. He patted the seat next to him. I collapsed onto the cushions, snuggling under his arm. Mandy cuddled up next to me. “Mandy, pick something good.”
As she was flicking through the channels, Mandy mumbled, “I’m going to miss you guys.”
#
Chapter Thirty-Nine
I fell asleep. Shawn shook my shoulder when it was time for dinner. “You missed the end. The Indian boy let the horse go free.”
My cheek was on his chest, and my drool had left a dark patch on his shirt. “I’m sorry.” I rubbed at it spastically. “I know. I’ve watched it a million times.”
“Stop!” Shawn covered my hand with his warm one. “It’s just a wet spot and all that rubbing is bringing up other issues.”
I snatched my hand away. Close proximity to him led to danger every time, yet I couldn’t resist being near him. I enjoyed his company too much. He was more light-hearted and playful than Cory was. A flash of guilt had me leaping up when Cory crossed my mind. I hadn’t spoken to him in days, and when we did talk, it was a hurried, unsatisfying conversation or a few quick texts. Shawn stood, stretched, and dropped a kiss on my neck. Before I could protest he walked to the dining room.
After dinner while everyone was preoccupied watching another movie, I slipped through the screen door and sat on one of the lounge chairs by the pool. The beep of my phone sounded so loud over the stillness of the water and the background chirp of crickets.
Cory’s voice mail, again. As I hung up without leaving a message, I flopped back on the chair and dropped the phone next to me. He was in the same time zone, what could he be doing? I stared at the stars, willing my mind not to answer that question. None of the answers I could come up with would be good.
A cool breeze tickled my skin, and the crickets’ song was mesmerizing. Combined with a full belly, drowsiness overcame me. This month had been intensely physical with the workouts, the swimming, and the riding and an emotional roller coaster. My eyes drifted closed. When my phone rang, it startled me awake. Swiping the screen, I silenced the music and breathed all of my anxiety into the words, “Hello, Cory.”
“Jane. What’s up?” his voice was brisk.
“I just needed to hear your voice.” To remind me that we still are together, that we have a relationship.
“I’m sorry. It’s a bit nuts here. One of the performance horses strained a tendon and Barry is into all the latest technology. We are having every type of therapist come to look at this leg.”
“He’ll be okay, though?”
“Yeah, needs time off. How about you? Getting down to the wire, huh? Windsong okay?”
“Yeah, tired like me, but fine.”
”You don’t have to tell me about tired. I haven’t seen food or my bed since five this morning.”
“My head is spinning. I can’t believe we leave tomorrow morning. When will you be coming? I need you to do your thing, help me calm down so I can ride well.”
“Sweetie, you’ll be fine. It’s just a horse show, and I’m up to my elbows here. In fact, it’s looking bad for me coming out to Kentucky at all. This horse has an appointment at the equine clinic and Barry wants me to take him so I could hear first-hand what treatment he’ll need.”
I bolted upright. “You can’t come at all?”
“Probably not. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? The biggest show of my life, I need you, and you can’t make it. Thanks a lot.”
“Jane, it’s a horseshow. This is my job. My boss and this horse need me.”
“Well, it’s clear where your priorities are,” I huffed.
“My priorities are fine. This job is for my future, remember? You’re the one that said that. I think you better check your priorities. You act like winning a ribbon is the most important thing in life.”
“Really?’ I stood and started pacing. “I’ve been working toward this for a year, and I may not get another chance. It is kind of important.”
His voice became muffled. “Great. Here comes the laser therapy van. This sucks. I’m sick of it.”
I stiffened. “Sick of what?”
“I gotta go get the horse out.”
Keeping my tone as steady as I could, I asked, “Can you please tell me what you are sick of before you hang up?”
“Jane, something’s gotta change. None of it is worth it.” Cory’s voice faded and then came back. “I can’t talk right now.”
“Cory, wait! What’s not worth it?” My phone beeped when the call ended.
Something’s gotta change. I’ll agree with that, and if I wasn’t worth a few minutes of his time, he wasn’t worth any of mine. I continued to pace, keeping rhythm with the slapping flap of the pool filter. I had simply asked why he couldn’t come. I would be in Kentucky for six days, couldn’t he find time to come for one of them? I had made it down there to visit him when I had this giant event to prepare for. I tossed my phone down on the lounge.
“You okay?” Shawn’s voice came from behind me.
“Yep,” I answered without turning around. Wrapping my arms around my chest, I sank onto the chair.
It dipped as Shawn sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulders. “You look like a kicked puppy. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing important. Cory’s not coming to Kentucky.”
“That’s okay. I’ll be there for you.”
“I know, but . . .” My voice broke and I slapped a hand over my mouth to suppress the sob lingering there.
His voice became serious. “Really, Jane. I’m there for you.”
When I only nodded, he turned me to face him. He used one finger to lift my chin. “You don’t need Cowboy America. You deserve so much better.”
I shrugged. “He has his job and Kentucky is really far. He said it wasn’t worth it. He doesn’t really believe that competing is that big of a deal,” I explained, pulling my chin away and wiping at my damp face.
Shawn put both hands on my face, tipping my lips up. “A guy like that, who lets you down all the time, you don’t need him.” He kissed me. His thumbs stroked my cheeks softly
. He slid his fingers under my hair and let them drift down my back. I sighed. His lips caressed my jawline, and his hands landed on my hips and tugged me closer. I laid my head on his shoulder again, leaning on him for just a moment. But when he pulled back and tried to kiss me again, I stopped him with my fingers on his soft mouth. “I can’t.”
Shawn sat back, and I stared at my wiggly toes.
“I’m sorry, I don’t want you to cry. Not tonight. I just want you to know I won’t let you down.” When I didn’t respond, he sighed. “It’s me and you all week.”
Slowly, I lifted my head. The look on his face took my breath away. All that concern combined with that kiss undid me. I threw my arms around him and hugged tight. “Thank you, and I’ll be there for you too,” I whispered. Then, I jumped up and ran in the house and up to my room.
#
Chapter Forty
We all scurried around like mice in the cupboard when the light goes on. Joe and Michelle had loaded the trailer with everything we needed. Erica was double-checking the list with them. Our horses wore their shipping boots and were munching hay in their stalls until it was time to load.
I fingered the beaded friendship bracelet tied onto my wrist. “Mandy was so cute when she gave us these.” We had hugged her goodbye earlier this morning before she left with her dad, who was dropping her off at summer camp for the week.
Shawn nodded. “I know. She left a bag of magic treats in the trailer for us too. I think she’s sad that she isn’t coming, although camp will be more fun for her.”
“It’s pretty nice the way you are with her. I’m proud of you for it.” My lips quivered, all the emotions of the last few days and the next few to come catching up with me.
“Thanks, Jane. She’s like a little sister to me. Hey now, if you start crying again, I’ll have to fix it like I did last night.” He gave me a light-hearted hug.