“So, you know about Hank’s alter ego as an unstoppable vigilante crime fighter, huh? And he told you about my son-in-law?” I asked. Somehow, this interaction was no longer funny to me and I’d suddenly lost my taste for teasing her or zinging her with my sarcasm. Although I had been the one who had arranged this meeting under false pretenses in order to try to influence Jodi to help put the brakes on Hank and his growing obsession with vigilante justice, apparently, she was the one who was going to drive the conversation. Unfortunately, it did not seem at all like she was going to be receptive to my thoughts on how she and I could work together to save my best friend and her lover from himself. Rather, she seemed to be willingly rolling down the tracks with Hank on the steam train known as The Psycho Express, and, worse yet, she was shoveling the coal!
“I know about everything!” she bragged. “And I love it! Those assholes got exactly what they deserved. And now that camel jockey who hurt his little girl has gotten what he deserved as well! I know you know who I’m talking about. Hank told me that you tried to talk him out of it. He actually was thinking that maybe you were right, and that maybe he was going too far. You actually made him think there was something wrong with what he was doing, you asshole! How can you call that being his best friend? Especially after what he helped you do! You are a dick, Mark! Just a chickenshit, hypocritical dick!”
“So, it was you two who took out that liquor store owner,” I said. “Too bad he was innocent!”
“Bullshit!” she shot back.
“Sorry, but it’s not bullshit,” I explained. “I happen to know the CPS worker who handled the case. She told me about the whole thing, including the fact that the little girl wasn’t saying that it was her Daddy who hurt her. It was the neighbor’s dog, named Danny. He jumped up on her and knocked her over onto the sprinkler, in front of witnesses. So, their story about how she got injured was not a lie after all. That little girl adores her father—well, adored him—until a couple of self-righteous assholes blew his fucking head off! Now that family is destroyed, and it’s all because your Hanky-panky presumed that his interpretation of what happened to that little girl was the correct one! And, of course, because you’ve become some kind of vigilante groupie and you can’t get enough of your wannabe superhero boyfriend!”
“I don’t believe you! You’re making that shit up. You’re just jealous because Hank has the balls to make a difference and you don’t!” She screamed at me as she approached, to the point that her face was now directly in front of mine.
I was sorely tempted to meet her aggression with that of my own and shove her violently away from me, but I held back. I knew I couldn’t afford to alienate her quite yet, as that would make it harder to come up with a plan regarding how best to put an end to this lunacy.
“I don’t really give a fuck anyway,” she said. “The world is better off without another rag head in it! My brother was killed in Iraq, so all I had to do when we were in that liquor store was imagine that Middle Eastern piece of shit was the one who killed my brother. Once I had that in my mind, I had no problem watching him die.”
“So, what now? You and Hank are going to declare a jihad on all Middle Eastern people? Fuckin’-A. I thought maybe Hank was losing his grip on reality and hoped that he wasn’t confusing you and making you think killing bad guys was somehow justified, but now I’m not sure which of you is the bigger loose cannon,” I said.
“Of course, we’re not going to go after innocent Middle Eastern people—as if you can even call Muslims innocent. But if we happen to find someone who needs to be dealt with and he just happens to be a camel fucker, then that’s just a bonus as far as I’m concerned,” she said.
I had no idea what a racist Jodi was prior to this conversation. Now I had an entirely new reason to hate her.
“Let me ask you something,” I said. “What, exactly, are you and Hank getting out of this? Believe me, I know it’s hard to see people being victimized, but do you really think you are going to change the world by killing bad people? There’s always going to be people doing terrible things to others. This isn’t Gotham City, though, and you’re not Batman and Robin. All that is going to happen in the long run is you’re going to get caught and labeled as murderers, which you are—well, we all are, I guess. At that point your life will be fucked, and you’ll probably spend the rest of it in prison. This is not a game, you know!”
“It is a game, though!” she replied. “It’s a game where Hank and I are on one side and all of the evil assholes are on the other side. We’ll never lose because Hank is a genius, and everything is planned out to the finest detail. You know what I’m talking about, because he planned your mission perfectly, and made sure there was no way the two of you could get caught.”
Big surprise! Hank had clearly told her he was the mastermind behind our mission to rid the world of my abusive son-in-law. Honestly, I wasn’t at all surprised. He clearly had used the story to let her know what a strong and fearless guy he was, and he probably had Jodi dripping wet by the time he finished explaining the details of the morning we saved Ryan from a life of violence and terror.
“What do we get out of it? Satisfaction, that’s what! Also, excitement! I wasn’t sure if I really believed Hank about the rush you get when you stop thinking about somebody getting what they deserve, and you actually make it happen. It gives you such a feeling of power to know you are no longer going to sit back and watch people getting victimized over and over. Now that I’ve seen what Hank and I can do together, I know I am fucking the most powerful man in the world! And trust me, sex before was good, but now I feel like I’m sleeping with an—I don’t know—like a Greek god or something!”
‘Holy shit,’ I thought. It was clear that Jodi had become infected with Hank’s violent obsession. It definitely was sounding like they had no intention of ceasing their vigilante activities and they were going to be eagerly looking for more ‘offenders’ to punish. I had known it was going to be a struggle to get Hank to abandon his deadly pursuits, but now I knew he and Jodi would be feeding off of each other’s pathological elation and the twisted form of ecstasy they had achieved by sharing in their murderous endeavors. I knew at that point, realistically, there would be no way to convince Hank to change his intentions. His pattern of behavior, for as long as I had known him, was that his interest in an activity would grow exponentially and he would never abandon a pursuit until he had mastered it and proven to the world he could not be bested. I wasn’t sure how his hard-wired need to excel would translate to his indulgence in vigilante justice, but I knew one thing for sure—he was nowhere near achieving a sense of completion. This fact made it clear to me that Hank and Jodi would be actively searching for their next victim, and I suspected it would not take long for them to identify an evil wrongdoer in need of their heroic intervention.
“I can see your little wheels turning,” Jodi said. “I know you think what we’re doing is wrong, and I know you are worried about your own little secret. Let me tell you something, Marky. You should be worried! Because if you ever feel like you need to tell anyone about me and Hank, and if any cops should happen to show up on our doorstep, we’ll make sure you go down right along with us. I’ve already talked to Hank about this. He doesn’t believe his best little buddy would ever turn against him, but he did agree that if you were ever stupid enough to out us, he would have to let the authorities know about how he got started down this path in the first place—and that means your own actions would also come to light.”
There it was—the threat. I had figured this was coming, and I knew it would be the proverbial straw that led to a sharp cracking sound followed by the sound of a camel falling into the desert sand. The situation had changed. Prior to this conversation, I was concerned that if Hank were to continue his criminal pursuits and eventually get caught, I could somehow become implicated as an accomplice or co-conspirator. Now, however, I was being informed that if they were to get caught, they would not hesitate to inform the a
uthorities about my own criminal past, based on the assumption that I had somehow ratted them out. The indirect threat had evolved into a direct threat against me and my family.
It wasn’t that I really felt like I could be successfully prosecuted for the murder of Brandon. I knew that I had meticulously planned and carried out the entire series of events which led to his demise, so there would be no evidence of my crime to be discovered. If Hank and Jodi were to provide the police the details of what had really happened to my former son-in-law, it would come down to my word against Hank’s. I did not feel like an investigation of my possible involvement in his death would ultimately be fruitful for the authorities, but that didn’t mean I would be unharmed by Hank’s allegations.
I could just imagine the media frenzy that would occur if a successful physician and businessman like Hank were to be arrested for multiple acts of lethal vigilante justice. It would become national news, literally, overnight. I could further imagine what a huge story it would be if he implicated his best friend of many years, also a successful physician, as his partner in crime during his debut performance. It wouldn’t matter that there would be no trail of evidence for the police to follow as they tried to ascertain my guilt or innocence. I would be tried in the press, and, most likely, found guilty in the court of public opinion.
The damage to my reputation would almost certainly be exceeded by the damage to my relationship with my daughter. Even if I tried to convince Ryan that Hank was insane and his story of my involvement in Brandon’s murder was total bullshit, if would be hard to erase her lingering doubts regarding my innocence. The fact that he would be able to relay to the cops all of the details surrounding the fateful attack on her former husband would make it clear that he was, either on his own or in cahoots with another killer, involved in the assault that left Brandon dead in the stairwell of the parking garage where his body was found. Additionally, it would be hard for anyone to imagine why he would come up with a story about this additional murder he was involved in just to implicate me as his homicidal collaborator. Ryan would also, I’m sure, find it hard to believe that Hank would have guessed Brandon had been consistently hurting her—a fact that nobody was supposed to know, other than herself and her late husband. The bottom line was that I’d almost certainly be found guilty in the eyes of my daughter, and it was just as likely she would never forgive me.
As I stood there looking at Jodi with an almost unrestrainable urge to grab her by the throat and choke the life out of her, it all became clear to me. I no longer had a choice regarding how I would deal with Hank and his treacherous bitch. They were both going to have to go away—forever. I had been hoping there would be a way to defuse the bomb named Hank and prevent the explosion that would surely demolish our friendship and leave at least one of our lives destroyed. Clearly, however, there was not going to be a way to disable the timer which was slowly counting down to the moment of detonation, so my only choice was to heave the bomb into the deepest hole I could find and run like hell to escape the blast wave.
I knew it wouldn’t be easy to come up with a plan that would, once and for all, rid my life of the threats which Hank and Jodi had become, in a way that would not reflect my involvement. Furthermore, it was going to take some time to develop such a plan and implement it. In the meantime, I was going to have to do whatever was necessary to preserve my friendship with Hank and try to quell the hostility that Jodi had developed toward me. It would be nearly impossible to manipulate them into a position from which I could effectively strike if I were to allow my relationship with my would-be victims to deteriorate further.
I figured that regaining Hank’s trust would simply be a matter of resuming my role as his faithful disciple and acting like nothing had fundamentally changed regarding my commitment to our friendship. Jodi, however, had clearly taken a disliking to me, and getting back into her good graces was going to be more difficult. There was no doubt that my first move would have to be to eat a huge pile of shit and put on a convincing act that I respected her and wanted desperately to be her friend. To do so, I would have to temporarily abandon my self-respect and make her believe she had effectively intimidated me and successfully put me in my place. There was no doubt I needed to do whatever it took to resolve my differences with both of them without delay. Once I was certain I had re-entered their circle of trust, I’d be able to adequately choreograph the events that would overcome the menacing threats to my future, which currently hung over my head like the fabled Sword of Damocles.
Although only a few seconds had passed, it felt like Jodi and I had been glaring at each other for several minutes as each of us tried to stare the other down. It occurred to me I had unconsciously been gritting my teeth, to the point my jaw muscles were aching from the exertion and my molars felt as if they might implode from the pressure. I made myself focus on the fact that I could not afford to make Jodi my enemy, so I forced myself to relax my jaw and slowly let a smirk form on my lips. I broke eye contact with her and began to rub my eyes as I shook my head from side to side.
“Damn girl!” I said. “You are definitely not one to be trifled with!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked. She would never be mistaken for a Rhodes Scholar. I decided I would need to keep my statements simple and to the point in order to avoid alienating her further.
“I’m just saying I wouldn’t want to cross you!” I replied. “The good news, though, is I have no intention of fucking with you or with Hank. You are definitely correct about the fact I don’t support what you two have been up to, or what you might be planning, but you’ve gotta realize Hank is my boy and I would never betray him.”
“What, so now you’re telling me we’re friends again?” she asked with a doubtful look.
“Jodi, I’m telling you no one understands what you are doing or why you are doing it more than me. I, of all people, know about the evil that exists in human beings and the responsibility we have to overcome it!” I lied. “On the other hand, I’m not sure I’d call you my friend. You just said some ice-cold shit to me and I’m not exactly the forgiving type. Hank and I have an unbreakable bond, though, so I’m going to give you a pass and forget for the time being that you just threatened me. I surely don’t deserve to be taking any fucking lip off of you, but I’m going to consider it water under the bridge for now. Hopefully, you’ll lose your ‘tude and realize that I’m the best person in the world to have in on your secret, because I swore my undying friendship to Hank since way before your pretty little ass entered into the picture. They say the enemy of my enemy is my friend. I believe that the friend of my enemy should be my enemy and the friend of my friend should be my friend. So, I guess we are friends, after all.”
“Lucky me!” she said with a snide look on her face.
“You have no idea how lucky you are, friend,” I replied, barely able to mask the fact that my blood seemed to be turning to ice within me. She really had no fucking idea. “Hey, help me with this canoe. Friends or not, you still work for my best friend, and I know for a fact he’d want you to be making sure I don’t mess any of his shit up as I pull this bitch out of his oversized toy box. You grab the front and I’ll grab the back.”
She stood there looking at me for a minute before realizing I was exactly right. She knew that she was his bitch and that she was expected to take care of his casual, as well as his business associates with impeccable professionalism and courtesy.
“Okay, Marky, let’s do it,” she said, with what seemed to be a genuine smile on her face. “Hey, maybe you and Mandy should give us a call soon. We should all go out. I really like Mandy! She’s super fun and sooo sexy!”
This chick was out of her fucking mind, but at least I seemed to be mending some bridges that I would need to cross over in order to get to my ultimate destination. I could put up with her a little longer if it meant I’d finally, at the end of this long and treacherous road, find some peace of mind. All I wanted to do was resume a normal life free
of damning skeletons trying break out of closets which had been securely locked for years and a best friend compulsively driven to murder villains both imagined and real.
Chapter 51
It was just past six in the evening and I was waiting in the humid air outside Hank's office in Paris. I was post call, so I had only worked a half day of clinic. This was my typical schedule, which helped me to maintain my sanity by keeping me from having to pull off a full day of cervical exams and obstetric ultrasounds while I was dragging ass after a long night in Labor and Delivery. I didn't always have to be physically present at the hospital overnight when I was on call, but it happened often enough that I knew I could turn into a really grumpy, sleep deprived asshole at about three o'clock on a post-call clinic day. While in clinic, I was expected to be happy and engaging to my pregnant patients, and lucid and confident to the gynecologic patients I’d soon be operating on. I knew myself well enough to know I could not pull off the best version of myself if I was unrested, so I purposely avoided setting myself up for failure by limiting clinic hours after a night on-call.
I had racked my brain for several weeks as I tried to develop a plan regarding how to keep the twin loose cannons, known as Hank and Jodi, from careening uncontrollably around the deck of my storm-tossed ship of a life, destroying my proverbial assortment of carefully crafted nautical equipment as well wreaking havoc on the trusted crew I knew as my family. One obvious option would be to distance myself from Hank and disregard my knowledge of what he had done and what he intended to continue doing. I repeatedly asked myself whether it was up to me to put an end to his reckless campaign of violence. In the end, no matter how many times I posed this question to myself, the answer was always the same. There was no way I could consider myself a moral and decent man if I were to try to simply walk away and leave Hank and Jodi to their murderous vigilante pursuits. Furthermore, I was certain it was only a matter of time before some type of unforeseen variable would occur during one of their assaults which would leave them exposed to discovery by the authorities. I had to face the reality that when the police showed up to arrest them, they would naturally think that I had dropped a dime and provided incriminating information which led the cops to their door. Even as Jodi had initially bragged about her knowledge and involvement and delivered her unmasked threat, I had instinctively known in that moment I would have no choice but to forsake my best friend and eliminate the threat he had become to my own life and livelihood.
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