by Anna Antonia
My Love Regret
Anna Antonia
DelSin Publishing, LLC 2016
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Copyright © 2016 by Anna Antonia
All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission from DelSin Publishing, LLC. DelSin Publishing, LLC and the author assume no liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Published by:
DelSin Publishing, LLC
www.delsinpublishing.com
Cover Credits: Konrad Bak
Cover Design: CGM Web Designs
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Quote
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Twenty-Three
Twenty-Four
Twenty-Five
Twenty-Six
Twenty-Seven
Twenty-Eight
Twenty-Nine
Thirty
Thirty-One
Thirty-Two
Thirty-Three
Thirty-Four
Thirty-Five
Thirty-Six
Thirty-Seven
Thirty-Eight
Thirty-Nine
Forty
Forty-One
Forty-Two
Forty-Three
Forty-Four
Forty-Five
Forty-Six
Forty-Seven
Forty-Eight
Forty-Nine
Fifty
Fifty-One
Fifty-Two
Fifty-Three
Fifty-Four
Fifty-Five
Fifty-Six
Fifty-Seven
Fifty-Eight
My Love Protect
More Anna
About Anna
Though lovers be lost love shall not. –Dylan Thomas
1
DAMIAN
I couldn’t believe Risa walked out on me. Rage ignited, quickly burning through the kindling of my resentment.
I didn’t have time to waste. I had to find Risa.
But first I had to get rid of the present company…
“Leon, your job is to watch over Gretchen. Why are you here?” I bit out in Russian, furious and to my breaking point.
“You were late. I had to see for myself why.”
“And so you bring your charge here?”
Leon’s look of chagrin scratched at my curiosity. “She is not a woman to be commanded easily.”
“That’s your damned job.”
My half-brother’s gaze frosted over like the tundra. “I know my job, Damian.”
“Then never bring her here again!”
“Are you angry at me or yourself?”
I killed the curse ready to spring forth and rip his ears to shreds. “Leave this place. Do not come back unless I call for you.”
“I will come back if I believe I must.”
Stubborn. Implacable. Not worth arguing with because he was a stone when provoked.
“Go.”
Leon nodded once. “Next time answer your phone and I will not need to fight this one.”
Wasting time.
“If I was in danger, bringing ‘this one’ would hardly be doing your duty.”
“But you weren’t in danger. Risa was. It was good I came.”
I lunged and pushed Leon into the elevator doors. We both ignored Gretchen’s tiny cry. “What do you care about Risa?”
“Remove your forearm from my throat, big brother, or you will make me angry.”
“Answer the goddamn question.”
“Don’t drag Risa into this.”
“That’s my fucking line.”
I pushed harder, feeling primitive satisfaction in seeing his face redden. Logically, I knew Leon wasn’t fighting back so it wasn’t a true victory, but my beast didn’t care.
I was making a point and Leon was going to understand it or there would be blood.
“Risa is my business, Leon. Not yours, understand?”
My half-brother didn’t show by flicker of an eyelid whether he heeded my words. Nor did he seem to care I was steadily compromising his air supply.
“Damian, let him go. Now!”
Interesting.
I stepped away from Leon and turned to look at Gretchen. Her face remained composed in its usual lines, but her gaze glimmered a tad bit bright.
She was upset.
Was it because of me? Was it because my obsession with Risa had broken free from slavish self-control?
I would’ve batted about my curiosity if it had been an ordinary night. As it was I had a much more important quest to pursue.
“Gretchen, do not come to my home unannounced. Not ever.”
She stiffened. “I was worried. You weren’t answering your phone and you were late. You’re never late.”
“Yes, and since your safety is important I expect you to take better precautions.” I punched the elevator button and stepped inside a moment later. “I have to cancel tonight’s event. Goodnight.”
“Damian!”
I nearly let the doors close, but my sense of self and affection for Gretchen refused to let me do so.
“What is it, Gretchen?”
She opened her mouth, words hanging like dew on her glossy lips. “Be careful and don’t ignore Leon again.”
“Giving orders, dear Gretchen? Careful.”
Instead of being abashed by my gentle warning, she drew herself up. “As will you if you have any respect for me.”
My smirk couldn’t be helped. I tipped my head to her and then let the elevator doors close. The tiny bout of humor faded as I called Risa’s security.
“Where is she?”
Risa’s very well-paid shadow answered that he had her in his sights before saying, “Ms. Kelly is going into a small bar.”
No good.
I got the address. “Keep an eye on her. Make sure no one approaches, understand? I’ll be there is less than ten.”
My phone rang. I hoped it was Risa even though I knew I was the last person she’d call.
It didn’t always feel good to be right.
“Sir, the chef is here. May I send him up now?”
Disappointment flared. Tonight was supposed to go so differently.
“No. There’s no need.”
Pocketing my phone, I grimaced. It would appear my attempt to be considerate and a tad bit romantic failed.
Dragging Risa back wouldn’t help the situation.
Too bad. In for a penny, in for a pound.
2
RISA
Pathetic.
That was how I felt when my cell rang just as I took a seat at the bar. I’d hoped it was Damian, calling me to demand I return back to him or I was going to be very, very sorry.
A quick glance at the ID sank me. For more than one reason.
“Hello?”
“Risa! How are you?”
This voice was the s
ound of my childhood happiness. No matter how long of a day he’d had, I could always count on being picked up and kissed hello. His hugs were like those of god. He could make anything better.
“I’m good, Daddy. How are things going at home?”
“Oh, you know. Same old same old.” His chuckle faded. “So how are things going with you? You still like New York? Your mom’s convinced that you’re going to stay there and never come back home.”
I could hear the hopeful note that I’d assuage his worry. Guilt pinged me for more than one reason.
My parents had no idea I’d been out of the country to two months. They thought I’d been here in New York all this time. I’d been able to fob them off from visiting me by claiming I wanted them to come once I’d accumulated enough time off from work.
They were trusting. Good people who didn’t deserve to be lied to.
If they only knew about what I’d really been up to, the kind of things I wanted from a man, from Damian, it would surely let them down.
I definitely wasn’t raised to be that kind of girl.
“New York is…interesting.”
“Yeah? A hundred people all fighting to stand in the same spot?”
I laughed and agreed. “That about sums it up.”
“It’s definitely not the kind of place I’d want to live in…although it would make going to some of the cons easier.”
I rubbed the corner of my eyes. My emotions were on a rollercoaster. It was the worst time to get my dad’s call, but I was glad for it. Talking to him reminded me there was a different kind of me before all of this cold chaos.
Innocent. Cheerful.
Growing up, I loved going to cons with my dad. Even my mom would get in on the fun, teasing her hair and laying on the eyeliner thick to play Nurse Chapel to his Bones. Although Spock was his favorite, my dad “sacrificed” himself to match my mother—who truly didn’t care either way but we kept that between us and let Daddy be her hero.
I got to play the rest of the cast. Spock, Kirk, Uhura, Sulu, Scotty, and Chekov. It was fun to dress up and pretend to be those fearless and remarkable characters.
I wish it could be fun now.
Back then I could just take off the wig and clothes and go back to being Risa. What happened if there was nothing to go back to?
“Say, Risa, you’re awfully quiet. Are you okay?”
I shook my head. I forced my lips into the biggest smile I knew how to give. It was a trick I learned from a speech professor. Smiling forced your voice to sound upbeat, even if you weren’t.
“I’m good, Daddy. Just tired. It was a long day.”
“I know you won’t listen, but try not to work too hard, Risa. It’s not good for you.”
“I know.”
“Say, what if me and mom fly up there this weekend? We’ll do the tourist thing together. Take in a show. Try to find the real Ray’s Pizza. It’ll be fun.”
How much easier would it be if I was who they thought I was?
What if I was really here because I got a great job that I couldn’t turn down? I wasn’t a liar, not by nature, and I’d lied to them in the past two months more than I ever did my entire life.
“That sounds great, Daddy, but it’s really not a good time. I’ve got a project I’m working on and my weekend is out. I’ll let you guys know the first clear weekend I’ve got. Promise.”
I heard the disappointment in his voice and wished I hadn’t caused it.
“I understand. We just worry about you. We’ve never been apart like this before.”
“I know.” Moisture leaked from my eyes. I rubbed them away and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I miss you and Mom more than you know.”
“We miss you too, m’hija. I really wish you hadn’t left. I didn’t know it was going to be this hard—”
Suddenly I heard my mom’s voice in the background.
“Hold on, Risa…yes, Lila. I got her on the phone. You want to talk to her? Well, let me finish. Yes, yes. I’ll make it fast. Jeez Louise!”
This time my smile was real. It was always like this. My dad called first and then my mom busted in on his call. They bickered and then my dad would say the same thing.
“M’hija? Your mom wants to talk to you. Why she waits until I want to talk to you I’ll never know. Just tell us the first weekend you’re free and we’ll fly up, okay?”
“Sure thing.”
“Live long and prosper, Risa.”
“Live long and prosper, Daddy.”
Yes, my dad was a complete geek and nerd. Predictably, he was an astrophysicist in Houston. Although his surname was Kelly (courtesy of a great-grandfather), my daddy was a proud Mexican-American whose family had lived in Texas for generations.
However, being short, socially-awkward, and incredibly intelligent didn’t help him with the ladies during his formative years. Even after nearly thirty years of marriage, he still didn’t quite understand how he landed my mom—blond, beautiful, and taller than him by several inches.
I knew.
Richard Kelly was the sweetest, kindest, and most loyal man a woman could ever hope to be loved by. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for me and my mom.
All these years I’d held up each man I’d seen to him and found them all lacking. Until Damian…
Look what I got for my troubles. Besides, Damian is nothing like my dad. He’s aloof, obsessive with rules and order, definitely not sweet, and ruthless.
No, that wasn’t what I wanted to think about right now.
“Risa?”
“Hi, Mom.”
“You’ve been working hard, haven’t you?”
“Always.”
“Good. It’s a man’s world out there, Risa. You’ve got to dig in deeper and work harder than any of them. That’s the only way you’re going to make it.”
I knew I could count on my mom to not lecture me about my work habits. She would, however, do more than lecture me if she knew what I was really up to. If she’d had an inkling to the kind of relationship Damian and I had constructed, my mother would’ve flipped her lid.
I shuddered to even think about it.
“How are you and dad?”
“Oh, you know your father. He’s like a cat looking for his kitten.”
I winced from the reminder. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. You were bound to leave sooner or later. Besides, Daddy will be fine. We’ve gone out on the boat a lot. We’re also going to Galveston this spring. You know how much he likes that.”
“I know he does.”
Memories of sun, sand, and surf swirled through my fractured mind. Life seemed so easy then. Just me, my daddy, and my mom. Back then I thought the world was mine for the taking.
Suddenly, I felt old. Tired and disillusioned.
“Mom?”
The need to confess, to share even a tiny bit of my life, got the best of me.
“Risa? Sorry, hun, but I’ve got to run. I was able to get Daddy out of the lab early enough to actually go out to dinner tonight. If we leave now we’ll only be about ten minutes late.”
Smile time again.
“Okay. Have a good dinner.”
“We will. Call us if you need anything.”
“I will.”
I wouldn’t. They couldn’t fix what I needed.
“Goodbye, Daughter-Dear.”
“Goodbye, Mother-Dear.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Ending the call, I placed my phone on the bar and took a breather. Lying to the people I loved the most added just another layer of stress to my already knotted psyche. Wondering if I’d ever find what I was looking for with Damian just about broke it.
An elegant hand suddenly entered my line of sight and lifted my phone.
“Who was that?”
I didn’t have to look over my shoulder to see who it was.
Damian had found me.
3
DAMIAN
“I lov
e you too.”
Fury and disappointment dropped like a boulder in my gut.
Selfish, contrary bastard that I was, those were not the words I wanted to hear Risa utter to anyone else except me. Even though I wouldn’t have her. Not the way she wanted.
Impossible situation.
I was primed for a fight. She’d left me, blatantly disobeying my commands and it made me aggressive. I couldn’t afford to be unstable. I had to be in control, but finding Risa in this bar lit a fuse inside.
She had no idea I was there. I could’ve been anyone. I could’ve been a murderer or a rapist. I could’ve hurt Risa in this semi-crowded bar and been out the door before her body hit the ground.
How had she survived intact so far?
She’s survived because she’s normal. She’s had the power of statistics in her favor. Being in your daily presence has undoubtedly turned the odds against Little Miss Kelly.
If I was a good man I would turn around and leave my PA to her manhunt. But then again, I wasn’t a good man.
I was only good at playing one.
I picked up Risa’s phone. I could’ve checked the number myself. I already knew the combination to unlock it, having seen the motion of her thumb many times over. It was simplistic.
Unlike Risa.
“Who was that?”
Would she lie? Would she pretend to not know what I was asking? Would she pretend she didn’t have to answer me?
Risa’s posture stiffened. I was tempted to run my finger down her spine. Maybe I would’ve if I wasn’t already so fucking pissed.
“You’re here.”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t expect that.”
“Answer my question.”
Risa swiveled on the stool. I didn’t have to look down to see her feet couldn’t even touch the footrest. I’d have been charmed in other circumstances.
“I was talking to my mother.”
“Your mother?”
“Yes.”
Relief. Risa wasn’t lying to me. She was angry enough that she wanted to rub the truth of it in my face.
I could afford to be generous now that I knew the identity of the person on the other end of the line. So I smiled, full and open.
Risa’s cheeks immediately flushed a soft pink. She really was so exquisite, especially like this.