by Anna Antonia
Risa whirled around and hurriedly made for the exit.
Confused by what just happened, I stared at her. Until she reached the doors.
Then I took off, knowing inside my gut that if I let Risa go she’d never come back again.
32
RISA
I had to get out of here or I was going to lose it.
The longer I stood there with Damian, the worse it got. I barely had any control over myself. I might’ve burst into tears while throwing myself at his chest. I was sure Damian wouldn’t appreciate me giving gossipers a reason to wag their tongues.
Funny, wasn’t it?
I’d been able to take so much of Damian’s shit these past months. I’d been able to take seeing him leave me to gallivant with Gretchen. I’d been able to take the rollercoaster of his affection. I’d been able to take him throwing me out of his place.
I’d suffered his moodiness, callousness, and all-around fucked up behavior. Not perfectly, but well enough. Even tonight I’d stood there calmly while he verbally built Gretchen up to be his perfect match.
But one tiny thump on my forehead and I lost all my composure.
How many times had Damian done that gesture to me before? So many times.
Thump.
“Risa, stop frowning. You’ll get wrinkles that way. You don’t care now, but you will when you have a roadmap all over your forehead by the time you’re forty.”
Thump.
“Risa, don’t give me that frown. It’s corner-time.”
Thump.
“Risa, little girl, you are going to finish that plate of food or you won’t get any dessert.”
I recognized it may have seemed odd the way Damian babied me. Hell, if a girlfriend confided these kind of details I would’ve thought it weird at best. Controlling at worst.
But it wasn’t. Not to us.
Damian took care of me in ways I would’ve never thought of doing for myself. It was all about being his little girl. Something that got further and further away.
One itty, bitty thump brought back more than memories. They brought me a taste of the life I had and apparently could never go back to.
Fuck! That’s what kills me.
I managed to dodge a thick, ever-moving throng of chattering groups. Few people noticed me as I pardoned my way through.
Damian wasn’t blind. He’d seen my stupid tears. He probably thought I was a maniac. Either that or he thought I was in a snit because my pretty tux got ruined.
He could think I was shallow. That was better than knowing the truth.
I’d cleared the ballroom and hallway. Only a few people lingered out here. I skipped the coat check, figuring I’d come back later if I came back at all.
You could leave tonight. Elaine promised to have a plane ready for you at any time. You can take her up on the offer. Damian will only be pissed for the hour it takes to replace you.
Why was I still holding on?
In the hopes he might one day remember me again? If he did, then what? He’d also remember me as I’d been now. He’d remember Gretchen and how important she’d become to him again.
He’d lose all respect for how badly I let him treat me. I could accept many things, but losing his regard wasn’t one of them. Our time was clearly done.
Just keep going and never look back.
“Risa, stop right there.”
My body obeyed before my mind fully registered the command.
Poised there, much like a doe, I cursed myself for listening to Damian. I knew I should just keep going and trust he wouldn’t do anything to bring attention to either of us.
Damian was, after all, the wolf surrounded by sheep. He wouldn’t throw off the skin hiding him.
His footfalls echoed across the stone floor. I shivered from an uneasy combination of anticipation, longing, and regret.
This was everything good girls were warned about. A man could only hurt you if you let him. When a man plays with your heart like a toy, expect it to get broken. You can’t change anyone else. Only yourself.
I knew the words. Hell, I spoke them to girlfriends all the way from high school through college.
Now my hubris came back to haunt me.
I could no more walk away from Damian than I could fly.
I wanted to see things through. No, I needed to see them through. I needed to know that in the end love conquered all.
Yet, my need warred with what I’d already experienced. Damian had the power to slice right through me, leaving me like a marionette without her strings.
It was a strange thing to fear the very same person you wanted so badly.
I feared what would happen by reopening this door, one I tried so damned hard to slam shut once he tossed me off the castle wall and left me to plunge into anonymity.
I spent my nights lost and alone, surrounded by all the luxury I couldn’t even dream existed and still miserable because I didn’t want new clothes, bodyguards, and a multi-million dollar view.
I only wanted him.
How had he spent his nights away from me?
Did you miss me too, Damian? Even just a little?
I felt him long before he touched me. Closing my eyes, I wondered if a person could break just from love alone. Every cell in my body craved Damian so badly.
So very much.
I wanted to forget everything bad that had happened between us in these last months. I wanted to be like Damian, capable of only remembering the things that were in the now.
Not one to indulge in fairy tales, I wondered with a curious sense of fancifulness if this man was my Prince Charming or the Beast like he warned.
I knew I should walk away before I found out. But I was helpless, a slave to my heart.
And a slave to hope.
“Risa, what happened? Why did you run out of there like that?”
His voice held no censure. He almost sounded bored, but I knew better. He wanted answers and he wanted them now. I understood Damian would not be fobbed off with a light, easy, false string of words.
He would not stop until he had my truth.
But how could I give it to him? How could I tell him one thing and not end up telling everything?
I couldn’t.
I couldn’t say a word of why he broke my heart with one little thump.
What am I supposed to do?
Torn, I didn’t turn around. I didn’t dare let Damian see that my truths were unraveling.
“I’m sorry, Sir. I’m not quite sure what came over me.” I attempted to inject humor in my voice. Even I could hear I how badly I failed. “Maybe I’m just tired.”
It was true in its way.
I was tired of keeping my mouth shut. I was tired of worrying over every little word I spoke to him, fearing it would be the wrong thing to either set back his health or get me barred from his life forever.
Damian put his hand on my shoulder and carefully turned me around. When I would’ve avoided his gaze, he tipped my chin up with one finger. His enigmatic two-toned eyes searched mine.
I imagined he would soon be the holder of all my secrets because I was breaking.
“Don’t ever lie to me, Risa. I will not stand for it. Do you understand?”
Once again my traitorous tears decided to make an appearance. I didn’t know what to say. I always knew what to say.
It was one of my gifts and now that I really needed it, it was gone.
“I asked you a question. I expect you to answer.”
“I understand.”
Too bad it was still a lie.
A large sigh went through his body followed by a frown. His hand gently caressed my cheek before sliding to my nape. “I don’t like this,” he murmured softly. “I don’t like the way you’re acting right now.”
Guilt, that ever-faithful companion, reared its martyred head. I was supposed to make Damian’s life easier. Not worry him.
If I couldn’t at least be his PA then what good was I?
“I alrea
dy told you. I’m just tired.”
Damian squeezed my neck, not hard but not gentle either. Forcing me to look up at him, he stated, “You are going to start being honest with me, Risa. I don’t care what it takes to teach you, but I will teach you that lesson. Tell me you understand.”
Licking my lips, I whispered, “I understand.”
I was fucked in the head for wanting Damian to be less than a gentleman. It excited me before when I saw it as a secret binding us together. The outside world saw Damian in a certain light.
Professional. Polite. Placid. Maybe even dull.
Only I knew what really laid beneath the surface of his courtesy. That wicked knowledge turned me on like nothing else.
But now it was a big, juicy steak waved in front of a starving dog.
I knew Damian wasn’t this nice. Especially when he expected me to behave.
And God help me, but I didn’t want him nice.
I wanted him mean, careless, and stripped clean of caring about anything more than spreading my pussy over his cock.
“I have to go. My jacket is ruined. You don’t want to be seen with me like this.”
Damian firmly drew me to him.
“No, you don’t have to go. I don’t want you to go, Risa.”
I didn’t understand what he wanted from me. Or maybe I was too afraid to hope, to acknowledge that knot of anticipation building in my stomach.
Damian looked away, mouth turned into a kissable pout. I could see he struggled with his thoughts before apparently making a decision.
His cool expression settled back on me.
“I’ve secured a suite here. Upstairs. I want you to come with me.”
My heart rattled in my chest. Longing swept through me, drugging my good sense and heightening my desire. Everything would change if I went upstairs with him. I didn’t delude myself into thinking I would simply attempt to clean my jacket and then leave.
I recognized the hunger in Damian’s eyes. I didn’t have to look in a mirror to see the same thing reflected in my gaze.
I could say no and pray Damian wouldn’t care, that he would simply walk me into the elevator and up to his room. But I knew Damian wouldn’t force me to do a thing.
Not here anyways.
It would be up to me to determine what happened between us next.
Was I ready to accept that in the end I might not be able to tame the beast? That he might turn on me and rip me to shreds?
But what if he doesn’t? What if he finally remembers you? And even if he doesn’t, what if he meant what he said about Gretchen? You didn’t ask him but you know it’s burning up inside you. What if this is what it takes to finally break through Damian’s ice?
Was there any real choice?
“Yes. I’ll go upstairs with you.”
33
DAMIAN
The silence between us was like an abandoned garden, choked and hidden beneath vines, waiting to unfurl and come alive.
But only if the vines were torn away. Could either of us afford to do that?
I opened the door, ushering Risa in with one hand on her back. Nervousness sawed away at my confidence.
I wasn’t supposed to do this. I wasn’t supposed to be here with her.
All my promises of keeping Risa safe, of keeping her hidden from my unknown enemies, evaporated like smoke. Something greedy came alive in its place.
I wanted Risa. All of her. Would I let her go?
I already knew the answer.
“Would you like me to send for some seltzer water? That might help get out the stain.”
Risa’s fingers touched her jacket. “It’s too late. It’s ruined.” Before I could say anything, she looked at me with eyes that saw past my outward courtesy. “Besides you and I both know that’s not why I’m really here.”
“True.” I approached her, hands in pockets in the attempt to appear far less interested in the outcome of the night that I really was. “So tell me, Risa. Why are you here?”
“I have to go first, huh?”
A little shrug and an unrepentant grin served as a good enough answer. Risa laughed softly.
“I’m here because I don’t want to run away from this.”
“Ah, that’s not true. I caught you. Remember?”
“Only because I let you.”
“Very well. But I wouldn’t have caught you if I didn’t want you here with me.”
Risa closed her eyes tightly and then opened them again.
“You’re so selfish, Damian. You give me hope and then you snatch it away. You’re so sadistic.”
“I know. So do you.”
Risa’s mouth hardened before a melancholic sigh passed her lips.
“I do know it. Better than you’d ever guess I did.”
I fisted my hands in my pockets. The sense that Risa saw beneath my exterior was an aphrodisiac as potent as seeing her nude. My fingers tingled with the desire to slip her clothes off to test my theory.
“You’re here because you want me.”
Her quick exhalation came out as “Yes.”
I took another step towards here. No matter how much I wanted Risa, I wouldn’t manipulate, coerce, or seduce her into being here.
Whatever happened between us tonight would be done with eyes wide open.
“I meant what I said about Gretchen. She’s not here in New York. We haven’t been together since you moved out.”
I didn’t have to tell her that. It was none of her business. But I wanted her to know, to understand she didn’t have the rival she thought she did.
“Why?”
“A change of scenery.”
“Where is she then?”
“I don’t know. She’s somewhere with Leon.”
“I see.”
Jealousy slithered up my spine again.
“Does that bother you, Risa?”
She shook her head, eyes narrowed with obvious confusion.
“No. No, it doesn’t.”
“Really?”
I took advantage of my weaker emotions and walked up to her. I carefully settled my hand around her chin. Not too much pressure. Just enough to keep her right where I wanted her.
“It doesn’t bother you that the bodyguard who paid so much attention to you is now paying attention to someone else?”
Why was I trying to remind her? Did I still worry she found my younger brother far more fascinating and attractive than she did me?
“How can I care about Leon when the person I care most about is right in front of me?”
This was dangerous. It would so easy to sink into the warmth of her sweeter emotions.
“Careful there,” I warned with uncharacteristic candor. “I’m liable to take advantage of your feelings.”
Her tiny grin whispered secrets. “I doubt it.”
I let my fingers squeeze just enough to press harder into her jaw. “Try me.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Yes, you are.” I bent down and brushed my lips against hers. “I want to make love to you, Risa. Do you want the same?”
Her lashes swept down. Shyness suited her beautifully.
I wouldn’t kiss her until she said one word. Instead, she gave me two.
“Yes, Damian.”
34
Finally, I took her mouth the way I wanted all night.
Tender and coaxing, enjoying the feel of her mouth before I became more aggressive. Her lips clung to mine and her beautiful body pressed against me. I couldn’t wait to unwrap her and taste every part of Risa.
Her breasts, hips, belly, and oh yes, her delicious pussy.
“You deserve me to go slowly with you, Risa. To savor every piece of you,” I whispered against her swollen lips.
“I’d rather you didn’t. At least, not at first.”
My already-hard dick swelled further.
“And what would you want then?”
“I’d want you to fuck me rough and hard, Damian.”
Perfect.
<
br /> My imagination unfurled. All the dreams I’d had of Risa, bound and liquid with discipline and desire, came to life. Playing with her would be so intoxicating. She’d already hinted that we shared the same proclivities when it came to our sexual natures.
All I’d have to do was open the door and see for myself.
“Never tempt a beast, little girl. He may just give you exactly what you want.”
“I’d be upset if you didn’t. More than upset actually. I don’t call you ‘Sir’ for nothing.”
Bad girl!
Lifting her up, I instructed, “Wrap your legs around me.” I felt the heat between her thighs against my stomach. My hands spread beneath her ass, pulling her closer, and rocking her against me. Risa’s mouth peppered my jaw and neck while her hips undulated in obvious pleasure.
It wasn’t nearly enough.
I kissed her, hungry for the taste of her mouth again. Risa’s tongue curled sensuously around mine, stroking and retreating until I leaned forward to chase after her. Aggressive and demure by equal measures, Risa kissed me back in a way I didn’t want to live without.
I carried her into the bedroom and kicked the door closed. She arched and rubbed against me, using my shoulders as leverage. Her breathy sighs of pleasure spilled into my mouth as if she couldn’t get enough of me.
Risa was so responsive already. What would it be like when we were skin to skin on the bed? Or against the wall? Or on the floor?
Not wanting to let go of her, but wanting her naked more, I set Risa down on her feet. But not before clasping her small face in my hands and kissing her again.
Risa enthralled me. I couldn’t stop kissing her. Dragging my teeth across her plump bottom lip, I felt her jump of surprise before she pushed harder against me.
One night surely wouldn’t be enough.
We were both panting and out of breath when we finally broke apart.
“You make me crazy, Risa. Did you know that?”
“Good,” she sighed. Before I had a chance to punish Risa for her impertinence, she linked her arms around my neck and said, “You’ve been driving me crazy for months.”