by Anna Antonia
Risa belonged to me and I didn’t take care of her. I forgot about her. Worse, I threw her away.
My sweet girl stood by my side still, loyal to me despite all the pain and disrespect I inflicted. Nauseated, I remembered how I treated her after we finally made love in New York.
It didn’t matter what bullshit moral reasons I’d held. I should’ve never, ever rejected Risa that way. What kind of man had I devolved into?
Tonight, yet again, I’d broken her heart and Risa still loved me enough to encourage me to go find love elsewhere.
“Goodbye, Damian.”
Panic raced down my nerve endings until my heart felt like it was going to explode. I didn’t have to assess the situation. It was clear Risa wouldn’t be coming back to me again. She’d let go of me completely.
And I just let her do it.
Immediately, I called my security and barked, “Stop Risa from leaving the hotel. Go now!”
Tearing into my suite, I fought to keep my mind from splintering back into its broken pieces.
Who the hell had I been these past months? I didn’t recognize the man or his actions. Indecisive, weak, stupid. The bullet in my brain did more than take my memories. It also took away my personality…
The bullet…
Clichy. My father. Our meeting.
We were ambushed…gunned down…
Elaine and Thomas lied to me. From the moment I opened my eyes until tonight, Elaine had manipulated me into complacency. I’d trusted her completely and she’d taken that trust and twisted the world around me.
And she did it using Risa.
Fury ate away at my panic. The buzzing in my ears fell silent. The fog burned away from my mind. I’d deal with Elaine later.
My phone rang. It yanked me back long enough to bury the stark emotions of vengeance and betrayal.
“Report.”
“We couldn’t detain her in time. Miss Kelly is already gone.”
I hung up and went to call her security when I remembered my orders. Risa was out in Denver without protection.
Anger wasn’t a luxury I could afford. Clear and focused for the first time in months, I left the suite.
I had to find Risa.
My first and only priority was bringing my little girl back to me.
57
RISA
I wasn’t going to gorge on ice cream.
No, I needed something far greasier to make a dent in this kind of grief.
Thank God I was able find a restaurant with the kitchen still open. Loaded with my favorite comfort food, I got in my car and drove home.
It was still sinking in that I put everything on the line and got rejected by the only man I loved. Again. Bitterness couldn’t touch me, but sadness and loss knew me by name.
With the radio playing softly in the background, I thought back to when I first saw Damian. God, I was so arrogant to think I could have him at the snap of my fingers.
Damn, but he took me down a few pegs. I’d become a different woman, one who’d been forced to change because of one man.
My bruised heart still couldn’t regret knowing and loving Damian.
Tears scalded my eyes as I remembered everything that had been mine for too short a time.
I remembered how intimidated I was of Damian at first, but how quickly that emotion blossomed into exhilaration. My fear of disposal made me squander the hours I’d had with him.
If only I could’ve gone back to do it all over again.
I remembered how Damian spoiled me with cupcakes, brownies, cookies, and ice cream. I once accused him of trying to make me plump.
“You’re going to make my ass and thighs get bigger. They’re already big enough as it is,” I complained, fully expecting him to ignore my self-deprecation.
Was I wrong!
Damian walked over to me and without warning tossed me over his lap for speaking ill of myself.
After earning twenty spanks and corner time, he’d then held me on his lap and had me promise him I’d never criticize my body in such a way again.
Only Damian could get away with such diametrically opposed methodology.
Wiping my eyes and cheeks with the back of my hand, I was glad for this strange love of mine. No matter how dark, dismal, and twisted it seemed at times, I wouldn’t have traded it for anything in the world. The pain only made that love sweeter.
And we’d loved each other. We really did.
Damian may have forgotten but I wouldn’t. I’d never forget how well he loved me, giving me the words I desperately needed even when his actions already proved his devotion.
It was real. No matter how it turned out, Damian’s feelings for me had been real.
Just as every kiss, sob, moan, yell were all for him and all real. I’d given Damian everything I had to give and now that it was over, I knew I didn’t have to feel fear anymore.
For so long I’d been scared that Damian wouldn’t feel for me what I felt for him. That he’d tire of me and leave me broken.
I’d done everything I knew how, tying myself into knots, becoming submissively pleasing, all just to keep my fear from coming true.
I ran from it only to end up running headlong into the very thing I dreaded so much.
Now I never had to be scared of anything anymore. I suffered and I survived. I was still here and I wasn’t going to die.
I’d grieve over Damian and eventually I’d move on.
Maybe the next guy would be a rebound. Maybe not.
But I wouldn’t make the mistake of trying to replace Damian with someone else. I may fall in love again, one day far in the future, but it wouldn’t be because I was trying to recreate Damian.
He was one of a kind, irreplaceable and impossible to replicate.
I understood then my masochistic hunger would die off. So would my desire to be a girl who got spanked, fucked, and loved. Those experiences belonged in the past and in the past they would stay.
Does this mean I’ve finally grown up?
Maybe. If growing up meant realizing just how little control there was in life.
What I understood now was although I’d put everything on the line yet again for Damian, I’d never let myself become that emotionally raw and unstable again.
Any love I had for a man would be tempered by wisdom. Never again would I chase after passion and violence.
My promise to myself mattered and I’d respect it as holy from here on out.
Arriving at my building, I didn’t have trouble finding a parking space close to the elevator. I pulled down my visor and looked at myself in the mirror. I didn’t look too bad. Red eyes and nose, yes, but nothing too bad.
At least, not yet.
I knew I was going to end up bawling once I got upstairs. I wouldn’t even try to fight it. I just needed to get to my apartment, eat, and then let my emotions go.
Tomorrow I’d wake up early enough to deal with my swollen eyes. I’d go to work, be normal, and function with a hidden knot of sadness in my throat.
I’d do it again and again until one day I’d find I forgot to think about Damian for an hour. Then a day. And then a week followed by a month. On and on.
Until I was finally over him.
Carrying my bag of food into the elevator, I avoided seeing anyone. I was glad for it because I didn’t think I had it in me to make small talk.
I opened the door to my place. I’d been in such a hurry to leave I’d left every light on. Just as well. I would’ve hated fumbling around in the dark.
A heavy thud came from my bedroom. Then another.
Startled, I rushed in there without thought. Later I would realize how foolish I was in doing that. Things would’ve turned out differently if I’d just ran downstairs and called the police…
At the time, though, I was innocent.
I simply wondered if my pictures fell off the wall. Daddy tried to convince me to use a molly but I hung them just using a picture nail instead…
Holy fuck!
/> I dropped my food, completely shocked and horrified by what I saw.
Damian was in my bedroom.
Damian was in my bedroom and he had a gun.
Damian was in my bedroom and he had a gun and there was a masked man standing in front of him with his arms up.
Words were exchanged. Low, pleading even. Russian.
Damian didn’t say anything else because he had a gun and he pulled the trigger.
Blood misted across the wall behind my bed. The man dropped to the floor, lifeless like a puppet. Without looking away from the body, Damian pointed at the man’s head again and pulled the trigger. Then the chest. Once.
Letting out a strangled scream, I watched in horror as he calmly pulled out his phone and spoke a few lines of Russian. He then crouched down and pulled up the mask.
Frozen to the spot, I wondered if I was hallucinating. I had to be because the dead man looked like the apologetic man who’d spilled red wine all over my white tux. I had to be because otherwise I’d just seen Damian execute a man in my bedroom.
Damian would never do such a thing.
Never.
I backed out of the room. Damian said one word.
“Risa.”
Shivering, I couldn’t deny the reality of the gruesome scene.
Damian was in my bedroom.
Damian was in my bedroom and he had a gun.
Damian was in my bedroom and he had a gun…and…oh my god!
I spun around and sprinted out of the room. Damian’s footfalls thudded behind me. I never made it out of the hallway.
He yanked me off my feet, hand held gently over my mouth.
“Ssh, little girl. It’s okay. I’ve got you. I’ve got you and I’m not letting go.”
58
DAMIAN
This wasn’t how it was supposed to end.
I was supposed to wait for Risa in her apartment.
I was supposed to share that I regained my memories.
I was supposed to ask her forgiveness.
I was supposed to prove my devotion to her.
I was supposed to succeed.
I was supposed to spend the rest of my life loving and being loved by Risa.
What I wasn’t supposed to see was an intruder in her apartment.
I wasn’t supposed to avoid the rapid succession of bullets.
I wasn’t supposed to trap him in her room.
I wasn’t supposed to kill him in front of Risa.
I wasn’t supposed to chase her down.
I wasn’t supposed to make her terrified of me.
Now it was too late.
Risa had seen a side of me that wasn’t supposed to exist.
Risa had a target on her back because of me.
Risa had lost her chance to be anonymous and free.
Risa had become a victim of the Konstantinovs after all.
Holding her against me, feeling her small body tremble and shake, I wished it could’ve turned out differently.
I wished I was really Damian Black-Price.
I wished I was able to take Risa’s memories of this night.
I wished I wasn’t going to have to force her to come with me.
All the wishes in the world wouldn’t change this.
The life we might’ve had if tonight had played out differently was forever gone.
The only thing that mattered to me was keeping Risa safe.
No matter what.
Continue Risa and Damian’s dark romance in “My Love Protect”
Coming 2016
MORE ANNA ANTONIA
Mad, Bad, & Dangerous to Love Series
Mad for You
First Night (A Mad for You Short)
First Lines (A Mad for You Short)
Bad for You
Dangerous for You
All to Love You
My Love Series
My Love Forgive
My Love Break
My Love Regret
My Love Protect (Upcoming)
Billionaire Grooms, Unexpected Brides
Adrian
Marcus’s Mercy (A Dark Romance Serial)
Marcus’s Mercy #1
Marcus’s Mercy #2
Marcus’s Mercy #3
Dark Romance Collection
Under His Hand
Rebecca and Trevor
Being Trevor’s – A Novella
ABOUT ANNA ANTONIA
Anna is a lover of all things dark and passionate. Living in the Southeastern United States, she enjoys antiquing, DIY thrift store finds, sedate hiking along trails, and spending time with her family and menagerie of pets. Being the only girl in a household full of men makes it hard to always be a lady, but she gives it a good old college try.
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