“Where is Artie?” Joseph demanded.
Scott turned around and realized that Artie had conveniently disappeared. “He must be on a break.”
“Here’s my card. See that Artie gets it! If he wants our business, he’d better stop making changes willy-nilly around here and put things back the way they were. I’m sure my performances are a big draw, but if he doesn’t appreciate talent, he can do without. Come on, Lionel. Let’s get out of here!”
Joseph and Lionel had barely set foot outside the door and onto the sidewalk when half the room burst into applause. The brunch crowd at Arts was apparently no more fond of Joseph’s singing than the staff was. Artie stuck his head out of the kitchen and smiled. “That went well, I thought.”
Chapter 18
“Sure, Ruth… okay, I’ll tell him. It’s no trouble. I’m on my way over to Arts right now. See you in a bit.” Nick hung up the phone and grabbed his jacket. He walked down to 18th Street so that he could stop at the Bank of America ATM on the corner and get some more cash. He wanted to arrive at the restaurant before Ruth and Sam did, but there was no hurry, even when he took into account the need to negotiate the usual Sunday afternoon obstacle course of worthy causes on Castro Street. Two little boys in matching school uniforms with clip-on ties were selling raffle tickets for a trip to Hawaii. Tickets were a dollar apiece or six for five dollars and the proceeds were going to help their school’s music program. Nick already had his wallet out to get his ATM card, so he handed them a five-dollar bill and scribbled his name and phone number six times.
Further along were another couple of guys about twenty years older than the little boys. They sported matching nipple rings on nearly identical perfect bodies. Nick wondered if they were twins in their matching haircuts and expensive orthodontia. Their raffle tickets were fifty dollars each for a new silver BMW convertible parked at the curb. Nick didn’t see what the proceeds were for, but as he retrieved his cash from the ATM he noticed Birdie Fuller in her SFPD uniform heading toward them. Nick wondered if Teresa was back from Seattle yet, but didn’t have time to ask.
“You can’t leave the car in the bus stop, fellas,” Birdie said to the BMW boys. “The next two spots are for taxicabs, but the one in front of the Sausage Factory is about to open up. How about backing it up a few feet? You don’t want to make me write a ticket on that pretty new car, do you?”
The one with the raffle tickets handed them to the one holding the money so that he could reach into the pocket of his skin-tight shorts for the car key. Even though both of them towered over Birdie Fuller, they seemed accustomed to acquiescing to an officer in uniform. Her demeanor helped, too. She always tried friendliness first. If that didn’t work, her natural butch intimidation tactics could come later.
Nick would have continued on his way to Arts if Birdie hadn’t spotted him first. “Hey there! Aren’t you Tim Snow’s friend?”
“Yes.” Nick smiled. It had been a while since anyone used the term friend to describe what he and Tim had together, but Nick wasn’t one to argue with a cop, either.
“He used to live in Teresa’s building, right? You were the guys without the gate key. I remember you now.”
“That’s right. I’m on my way over to Arts to see Tim now. My name is Nick.”
“Nick! Right… I’m Birdie Fuller… at your service!” The policewoman grinned and gave Nick a firm handshake.
“I remember you too. How’s Ruth’s cat? Are you still stuck with the feeding chores?”
“Teresa gets back tonight sometime, so she can take over.”
“She won’t have to,” Nick said. “I just talked to Ruth on the phone. She and Sam are meeting us at the restaurant, too. They’re on their way into the city right now.
“Sounds like a party. Maybe I’ll stop by and say hi to Artie if he’s working, but first I’ve got to go over and pet me some dogs. Seeya, Nick!”
“Seeya, Birdie,” Nick watched her head toward the animal lovers from Rocket Dog Rescue on the corner. He’d tried not to look when he walked by them or he’d have wanted to adopt them all. With his schedule lately, it wouldn’t be fair to have an animal, but he hoped maybe someday he and Tim could adopt a dog together. And it wouldn’t be some prissy little neurotic gay show-dog, either. They’d get a real dog, a butch dog, a country dog.
Mimi broke into Rhapsody in Blue just as Rosa Rivera came in the door, followed by Bruno with his hands full of applications for the big gay wedding at Arts.
“Rosa Rivera!” Artie shouted across the room. “Bienvenuto! Don’t you look lovely today? Non sembrate oggi belli?”
“Grazie tante, Artie! Che piacere vederti.” She was talking fast and gesturing wildly. “Oh mio dio! We have nearly sixty applications already. How many have you got?”
“At least that many,” Artie said, “And it’s not even Pride until next Sunday. They’re coming in every day. What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know. I’ll be in the parade, you know. More couples will want to enter after they’ve seen me in person. Some of them sent along their photographs. You wouldn’t believe how graphic the pictures are. Some are even nudes!”
“Really?” Artie had to see those pictures. “You’d better leave them all here with me. What do we need to confirm, exactly?”
“Make sure they’re legitimate. Both entrants must be over twenty-one, they have to live within a San Francisco zip code. I should hope that they’re photogenic for the cameras, but we didn’t ask for pictures, so we can’t rule out the ones who didn’t send them. If I ever do something like this again, I will…”
“How many finalists do you want?” Artie asked.
“How many people will this place hold? Don’t forget the cameras and technicians need room. They’ll run cables out to the van where they’ll take care of the technical things. Bruno can help with that and it will save up some of our precious space...”
“We’ll have to rent some chairs. We could fit a hundred in here, maybe more if we took out the larger tables and put the chairs in rows with an aisle down the center, but which one would walk down it?”
“Neither. They’ll get in position on the commercial break, before the cameras start rolling. After you weed out the ones that don’t qualify, we’ll draw twenty-five couples for finalists and each winning couple will get four tickets, so they can bring two friends as witnesses. Everyone will dress up, just in case they’re going to be on TV and it will be a good-looking crowd. That’s a total of one hundred for the studio audience—I mean, the ceremony—with room for a few extras.”
“That’s good,” Artie said. “I want to invite some people to hear me sing. I’ll call up some of the old gang from Finocchios, if any of them are still alive. Arturo will want to invite our tenants from Collingwood Street and the gay papers should send reporters. Donna Sachet might write about it in her column, if she’s not busy at Harry Denton’s… no, come to think of it, that’s only on Sundays… and maybe the Chronicle. I’ll bet Leah Garchik will come if she can. And I’m sure Ruth will want to invite Sam. Each of our staff should be able to invite a friend. Let me see… who else?”
“Whatever!” Rosa wasn’t here to listen to Artie’s blathering. Some days it took all her patience just to remain civil to him. “We’re filming some local florists today. I can’t stay here all afternoon chit-chatting. Let’s see… I’ll be on camera in the center of the room, and we’ll have another camera close up on the couple’s faces with the audience in the background and one camera from the opposite direction to get the person who is officiating at the ceremony… Oh, did I tell you… we might have Gavin Newsom?”
“No kidding!” Artie said. “What a coup!”
“He’s big on gay marriage, you know.”
“He likes gays and the homeless, as long as he doesn’t have to sleep with either,” Jake cracked and Artie gave him a dirty look.
“Don’t say anything yet, Artie,” Rosa warned. “I’ll firm things up when I see him this week. We’re ta
ping one of my wedding episodes of Let’s Make it Happen at St. Mary’s Cathedral. He’ll be there as well as two other former mayors, the governor, and a lot of people flying in…”
“Who’s getting married?” Artie asked.
“Natalie Rhodes.”
“Doesn’t her father own that new hotel they’re building down on the waterfront?”
“He already sold that one. He’s building an even bigger one a block away! They won’t let me bring cameras into St. Mary’s, but I’ll get the guests coming and going. It’ll be the red carpet treatment and we’ll have full access to the reception. I shot an interview yesterday with Natalie in her childhood bedroom at their home in Seacliff. It’s così dolce… such a precious setting with her trying on her veil and in the background are her little teddy bears and the view of the Golden Gate Bridge.”
“Who’s the lucky groom?”
“Terry Winthrop, the sole heir to his grandfather’s pharmaceutical company. It will be a good first marriage for both of them.”
“He should be the one wearing white,” Jake interrupted. “… just in case anything falls out of his nose.”
“Don’t you have work to do?!” Artie scolded.
“Come to think of it, maybe I ought to do an episode on prenuptial agreements, but that wouldn’t be very romantic.”
“Which camera will be on me when I do my number?”
“Oh, Artie… there’ll be plenty of time to work that out later,” Rosa cut him off.
Mimi started playing again and Artie sang along, “Take my hand… Hey! Wait a minute! That’s Stranger in Paradise. She’s supposed to be playing classical music that nobody could sing along to. I just did!”
A stranger at the bar heard Artie and explained, “It is classical music. That’s from Borodin’s opera Prince Igor. The melody was the inspiration for Stranger in Paradise in the Broadway show Kismet.”
“Well, excuse me…” Artie turned to the stranger. “How do you know that?”
“I’m from New York… big Broadway fan… it’s a hobby of mine.”
“Smart-ass queen” Artie said under his breath. “Where did Jake disappear to? He’s supposed to be the trivia buff around here. Oh well… as long as that loud-mouthed Joseph is gone, it’s a lovely tune and she’s playing it in my key.”
When he arrived at the restaurant, Nick didn’t see Tim right away, but he spotted Rosa Rivera at the bar. Her assistant Bruno turned all the way around on his barstool to flirt with Nick before the front door had even closed. “Hello there, handsome.”
Nick looked behind him to see if Bruno was talking to someone else and Rosa spun Bruno back with a tug on his shoulder. “Can’t you stop cruising for one minute? Pay attention here! Buoni a nulla! What do I keep you for?”
“Hello Nick!” Artie said over the chaos. “Tim must be in the kitchen. You know Rosa Rivera, don’t you? And her assistant Bruno?”
“How do you do,” Nick shook Rosa’s hand as she turned to face him. “I’m very pleased to meet you, Miss Rivera.”
“Ché uomo handsome! How do you do?” Rosa batted her eyelashes. “Sono estasiata di conoscerla. The pleasure is all mine.”
Tim appeared from the men’s room wiping his hands on a paper towel and made a fast approach. “Hey stud… what’s up?” Tim put his arms around Nick, which prompted Nick to return his affection with a kiss.
“Merda! The best ones are always taken. Quelli belli sono tutti gay.” Rosa was disappointed that Nick wouldn’t return her flirtations, but her smile reappeared as she handed him an entry form. “You two ought to enter. Maybe you’ll be the lucky winners.”
They both ignored her and Tim asked Nick, “What’s going on? I thought you were gonna wait for me at home.”
“I just got off the phone with your Aunt Ruth. She thought you’d be done with work by now.”
“I normally would, but…” Tim cocked his head in the direction of the only occupied table—a pair of young blond love-birds at a corner table.
“Did you say you talked to Ruth?” Artie asked Nick. “It’s about time someone heard from her. Where is she?”
“She and Sam took a little trip together.”
“Thank goodness. I was worried that she’d gone the way of Madalyn Murray O’Hair!”
“Who’s that?” Tim asked.
“She was that infamous atheist women who disappeared. Don’t you ever watch the History Channel?”
“Sometimes, I guess, but I must have missed that one.”
“Your Aunt Ruth’s not an atheist, is she?” Jake was back.
“Only if you compare her to my mother, but… never mind! Where is she? Where have they been?”
“They went to Wyoming—the Tetons—but they’re back in Hillsborough now. She asked me how you were doing after that phone call a couple of weeks ago. She said she thought you might have needed some time to process the news about your mother, but she hoped you would have called her by now.”
“I’ve been trying not to think about that phone call.”
“Why? You still haven’t told me everything, have you?”
“If what Aunt Ruth thinks is true, the main reason my mother came out here was because she thought I was dying of AIDS.”
“Why would she think that?”
“Because all gay people are dying of AIDS, that’s just how those people think.”
“Well, then her intentions were good, anyway. She must have gotten over your being gay, at least enough to want to see you one last time. She wanted to smooth everything over with you. That’s not so bad, is it?”
“She didn’t care about me dying, Nick. Aunt Ruth told her way back when I inherited Jason’s house and that’s what she wants. My dad’s just about through with her and her drinking and who could blame him? He’s got his own life now. She figured she could get her hands on my house, sell it, and the money would support her in grand style in Minnesota.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, babe. That’s a whole different story.”
“No kidding.”
“What an evil bitch!”
“Yep…”
Tim started to walk away, so Nick changed the subject. “I thought you carried your cell phone with you. Don’t you know how to change the ring from The 1812 Overture yet?”
“I thought I already did. That must be its default. I know how to put it on vibrate.”
“I’ll bet you do,” Artie said with a wink.
“Am I a sitting duck here? Is my mother about to walk in that door any minute… after all these years?”
“No, babe, I can tell you that much, but your Aunt Ruth will have to tell you the rest. She should be here any minute.”
“My mother is part of the past and I want her to stay there. I like my life the way it is. I don’t need some phony tearful reunion and I sure as hell don’t need to hear how much I upset her by being gay. If I could deal with it, she can too—or not! I don’t care! I don’t need any changes in my life right now at all… like getting married and moving to the country.” Tim stopped, took a deep breath and turned to Nick with a sorry smile. “Oh, man, you didn’t deserve that. I apologize. One thing doesn’t have anything to do with the other, I know…”
“That’s okay, Snowman, I hear you,” Nick had winced at how Tim said the word married, but he understood the need to vent. “But this thing with your mother… don’t you think you need to make a plan?”
“I don’t know!”
“Okay, okay, I’ll leave it alone, then. Your Aunt Ruth can help you figure it out. I’m going to the john.”
As soon as Nick was gone, Artie asked, “What’s pissed you off so much?”
“I’m not pissed off,” Tim practically screamed.
“You could have fooled me. You and Nick aren’t having marital troubles, are you?”
“No, we’re not. Because we’re not married! And we’re gonna stay that way. Rosa Rivera can find some other suckers for her stupid TV show!
“Whoa,” Artie tried to calm Tim down. �
��I didn’t even see an application in there for you two and I’ve checked out dozens of them already. I need to hire a secretary. Maybe there’s a business school where I could find a student cheap.”
Tim took a deep breath and totaled up the check for his last table. They were standing up now, but still in a lip-lock. Tim thought about asking Artie for one of the entry forms behind the bar and handing it to the love-birds, but the phone rang and Artie was distracted. Rosa didn’t miss the opportunity, though. She raced across the room with the entry form in a whirl of skirts and Italian flattery.
Then Birdie Fuller walked in, followed by Marcia and Jeff and Tony, the boys who lived in the apartment upstairs from Ruth’s. They all gathered at the bar and ordered drinks from Artie. There was so much commotion that nobody besides Tim even noticed when Ruth entered. She put her arms around her nephew as he said, “Well, where’s my mother? What the hell is going on? I keep expecting her to walk in that door any minute.”
“That won’t happen, honey. Don’t worry. Right now she’s a couple of hours from here, but she still wants very much to see you and I just don’t know...”
“Where’s Sam?”
“Parking the car. Where’s Nick?”
“Taking a leak. Aunt Ruth, you remember that day I found out that Cousin Dianne wasn’t really my cousin after all?”
“Everything happened so fast and it was all so confusing. I never intended to tell anyone, but the truth had to come out.”
“Well, I remember it very well. We were at Davies Hospital and Dianne was barking orders and snapping at all the people who were trying to help her. When you finally told her she wasn’t your real daughter, I was never so jealous of anyone in my entire life.”
“I don’t understand. Why were you jealous? Were you jealous of me?”
“I was jealous because I wished it was my mother telling me that we weren’t related to each other, that there’d been a big secret she’d been keeping from me all these years. What a relief that would have been! My mother turned her back on me every time my father beat me up and then she’d recite some Bible verses like that would make it all okay. Anything that ever went wrong was my fault in her eyes. When they found out about me and the track coach all the shit in the world hit the fan. I’ve never laid eyes on my mother since that day you came to pick me up and I went to live with you and Uncle Dan. I was barely sixteen years old! Don’t you see? I have no use for her now.”
Wedding Season Page 15