"I'm not sure," Joshua replied.
"Joshua here has received a pardon," Harold said with gravity. "No doubt you're still unwelcome by the navy."
"I will never be welcome there again," Joshua confirmed.
"No matter," his mother said. "You will just have to make a life on land now. We will make sure you are settled."
There was another woman in the room, a plain girl, but well-dressed. Joshua had never seen her before.
"And you must meet my wife, Annette," Harold said proudly. "This is her. We have been married for just over a year now.”
Joshua hadn't been aware that his brother had gotten married, but he wasn't surprised. He took her hand and with a bow, kissed it. "I am most pleased to meet you, sister-in-law. Brave enough to take on the care of my rascal of a brother. You are to be admired."
She smiled brightly. "Nothing to be admired. I am happy to welcome you home. Your brother has missed you dearly, I think."
"Come," his mother said, "we must have some refreshment. You must be parched." His mother took his arm and urged him toward the parlor.
"Perhaps after, if you are not too tired, I will show you some of the improvements that I have instituted around the estate." Harold always liked his work to be recognized, and did value his brother’s opinion.
"Later in the afternoon," Joshua said, cognizant that his mother had some fussing to get out of the way. He knew they both had missed him.
In the parlor, coffee was quickly presented by Harold's manservant, while Joshua told them the details around how his pardon had come about, the stroke of luck that led him to assist a young lady back to England and back to safety. Obviously, he left out the feelings he'd unadvisedly developed for this girl and the shameful things done as a result. He wasn't proud of them, but he would never really bring himself to regret them either.
His brother couldn't wait to show the improvements he'd made and went ahead and told him about all of them. His mother told him about the other events and gossip. It turned out his cousin had also married in his absence, to a girl who wasn't quite suitable, a stage actress from London. It had been quite a scandal, and the family had been shocked. Joshua expected they hadn’t been quite as shocked as by his desertion and subsequence descent into piracy.
"What are your plans?" his mother finally asked him, eager to hear if he was staying.
"Well, I will have to find somewhere to go," he said. "I do have sufficient funds to purchase an estate of my own."
His mother positively beamed with joy, gripping his hand tightly. "Then I hope a marriage will be in the cards. I would so love to see you settled with the family by year-end. This is the best news," his mother repeated as if she couldn't quite believe it. Her family was together again and Joshua could tell that her worries were laid to rest.
*
After a joyous day, Joshua was exhausted and enjoyed the peaceful tranquility of the room he'd been given. A bottle of whiskey sat on the small table next to the chair he'd taken. The fire had been prepared and he was enjoying its warmth after a long day. He was almost overtired, as if he couldn't settle to sleep. It was now late and the only sound was a lone bird outside, looking for its mate. He couldn't quite believe he was at home. He'd never doubted how happy his family would be to see him, but it felt strange to be here, as if he was dreaming, expecting to wake at any moment.
This new phase of his life was going to start now, the return to the life he'd been eager to leave and had at one point rejected. But now his temperament and views had changed. Perhaps later in the week, he would engage a man of business to start surveying the properties available in the nearby region. He didn't have to live close to his family, but he saw no reason not to if a suitable property was available. There were also so many things he had to learn about land management, animal husbandry and even how to function properly in society. As much as he'd never craved moving in society, it would be required to herald this return and also to court a bride.
His thoughts turned to Sarah and he hoped her homecoming was joyous as well. He knew she’d had some reservations, but surely she had been overly concerned. Her father had seemed very happy to see her, as Joshua had expected him to be.
Leaving her behind had been difficult; it had felt unnatural, but he'd had to do it. There was no other choice, and feeling moreish about parting with her was a waste of energy. She was back where she belonged, at a fine estate to the west of where he was. He would probably not hear about her; the only news would be news he dreaded, that of her marriage. Jealousy flared through his mind, making him feel heated and dissatisfied. Her passion had never belonged to him and would be given to some other man.
*
The whole neighborhood called in, eager to meet the pirate who had returned and triumphed. His late father's friends also came calling, happy to welcome him back, and willing to offer any advice he might need. He was grateful for their concern, but wondered how much of it was pure curiosity. He was that now, an object of curiosity everywhere he went. The ladies in the district weren't quite throwing their daughters at him yet, but they were assessing him as a prospect. Perhaps that was good, as he could potentially forego the entire venture into society, and settle on a bride right here in his brother's drawing room.
He got endless invitations, more than he'd ever expected—more than he could ever attend. It seemed the news of his return had traveled far and wide, and everyone was eager to hear his stories. Amusedly, he wondered if he could forego an estate and make a life for himself traveling from one house to the other, dining on his stories for the rest of his days. So eager were the people he met to hear of the illicit lifestyle of the pirates sailing and terrorizing the waters in a far-off place. Danger was very exciting at arm's length.
Joshua, however, got tired of talking about it. It brought back too many memories of the people he'd left behind. He made some good friends, people who were loyal and would do absolutely anything to help him. It was hurtful to him that he was forced to leave them behind, and he wasn't sure that the hurt would ever truly subside.
Most of the close friends he'd had here were staying clear, but only because they were still commissioned in the navy and he was definitely a persona non-grata in those circles—seen as a traitor and a criminal. The pardon, while keeping him safe from prosecution, would not change that perception of him. That did hurt, and for a very long time, the views of his colleagues had weighed heavily on his heart. It was perhaps that which had made him bitter, the knowledge that he was disparaged by the people whom he’d trusted and cared about.
But there was a reason for what he'd done, and perhaps that reason could be enforced. There was an opportunity, he supposed, to use his notoriety, to highlight the inconsistency around the government's policies. The government needed to be held to account for the discrepancies between its stated policy and what its agencies, particularly the navy, were doing on its behalf in the far reaches of the world. It wasn't acceptable that the government said one thing and did another. He could use his notoriety to point that out and to force the government to act in accordance with the code of conduct itself proposed. He was, in no way, the only person to feel this way, and he could lend his support to those who were trying to achieve change.
Chapter 30
"We are pleased that you could join us tonight," Anton Helford said as he leaned on the mantelpiece Joshua was standing by, letting the fire warm his legs. "It is good to hear from someone who's been in the thick of the fight." Helford looked over at him with respect, eager to hear what Joshua had to say. "No doubt you have paid heavily for your stance, but we must fight the good fight.”
This was the gathering of the abolitionists in London. He'd met a Mrs. Carsten at some event his brother had dragged him to, and had ended up sitting next to the older woman, who had slowly but surely pried his life story out of him over a supper that never seemed to end, in Joshua's estimation. But it had been a fruitful one, in the end. Mrs. Carsten, as it turned out, was an acti
ve member of the abolitionist movement, and pleaded for him to attend this meeting.
Joshua hadn't been so keen on traveling all the way to London, but the woman had been adamant he should, and it was for a cause he believed in—one he'd given his station and profession for.
This group was apparently the political arm of the abolition movement and there were all sorts in attendance, people who firmly believed that the government's stance on slavery wasn't being implemented correctly—the honorable way. The stand he'd taken in the Caribbean, and the things he'd done, now made him quite the celebrity within these circles.
If there was anything he could do to help, he was happy to do so now that this group was taking their views to Parliament itself, in front of the king, with an insistence in being more vocal in their beliefs. The passion within the group surprised Joshua, but perhaps it shouldn't. Maybe it was he who had grown dispassionate and it was now time to revive the political beliefs that had, in a sense, cost him so much. He still held firmly in those views and as a person who had enacted what was essentially sabotaging, in its cause, his actions could be of benefit to this group.
An older woman joined them, her name Havencourt hadn't caught. A Mrs. Williamson, it turned out. A very wealthy widow who was a firm believer in the right to freedom of all God's children. He could tell she was admired and respected within this group, and calmed some of the younger, more fanatic members.
It was nice to be amongst people who were united in the cause, with a firm belief that things could change. The optimism in the group was almost too bold for him, but it was his journey that had made him jaded and disillusioned. Perhaps it was time to put that to side, rouse his anger and discontent.
"You must, of course, join us when we make a presentation to Parliament," Mrs. Williamson said. "It would be immensely helpful, particularly a naval man such as yourself, one who has seen the government's policies in actions, and the misery it causes to those poor people."
"It's pure greed, too," a younger man said, joining their group. "Rich men are making money and will do anything to keep doing so. But we are complacent and that we cannot have. We cannot say, as a society, we are for the God-given equality of man and then turn around and do the opposite with our policies. We can't have this. There must be change." The young man was fervent in his beliefs, almost shaking with his passion.
"Yes," the older woman said, "but change takes time. It is a thing of endurance and we must endure. We cannot be disheartened, but neither can we expect immediate change."
"We must make people see their own hypocrisy."
"Things people do not like to see. Sometimes it's better to coax rather than to confront."
"But they are doing things wrong. That cannot be overlooked," the young man stated emphatically.
"True, but the objective is to enact change, not to prove to people that they are wrong."
Joshua's admiration for this older woman grew. She was shrewd and clever, and he didn't doubt she was correct in her estimation. Hot-headed accusations would only be dismissed, while enacting true change was inevitable if attacked with consideration and calculation. He, himself, had learned exactly what hot-headed reactions got one.
*
An invitation to dine at Weicherston Hall arrived at breakfast a few days later. With surprise, Joshua took the letter presented on a silver tray. Spreading butter on a piece of toasted bread, Harold eyed him curiously as Joshua broke the seal and read the missive.
"An invitation, you say?" Harold said. "To Weicherston Hall, to boot. Quite some circles you are traveling in."
Joshua didn't know how to take this, or what it meant. Perhaps the vice-admiral actually sought to thank him. Perhaps that shouldn't be unexpected, but it still made him wary. He knew the navy wanted nothing to do with him, so this invitation was quite a surprise.
"Perhaps they have use of you again," Harold suggested. "I suppose there are those things that need doing by someone discreet, if you know what I mean."
That could be the case, Joshua conceded. Perhaps they thought he would succeed again as he had done so once already. It could be that it was a mission they needed him for. Even so, it still felt uncomfortable, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to be a resource for the navy to use for things they didn't want to be associated with.
Even so, he couldn't say no. There was little point in putting on an affront by refusing to accept an invitation. He had his family's benefit and reputation to consider. Saying that, he wasn't sure attending this he would come away better off.
*
He arrived early to Weicherston Hall, in the late afternoon, ahead of the time the supper was supposed to start. As he had a little time, he decided to stretch his legs and walked around the grounds, before presenting himself to the vice-admiral. He felt a need to stretch his legs, and also to compose himself. Would she be there? Would he see her? His heart beat powerfully at the prospect. These past months, he'd tried to put her behind him, out of his thoughts, and to some extent he had been successful—not entirely, but most of the time.
The estate was enormous; the parklands alone were larger than many of the townships he'd spent time in lately. The grass was meticulously kept, roaming deer keeping it short. The hall was made of stone, the windows glittering in the setting sun. It looked as forbidding as the man who resided there.
Josh's thoughts returned to Sarah, wondering how she was faring. Was she in that house somewhere right that moment, among the multitude of rooms? His nerves flared, making him feel uneasy in his own skin. What was she doing? Was she happy? He hoped so.
This sight in front of him seemed so far from the girl he'd known. She didn't seem to fit into this setting, but she'd grown up here; this was the life she knew.
A rider on horseback approached, and for a moment, Joshua worried that he'd be accused of trespassing. He hadn't actually presented himself yet, so it was a fair assumption by whoever was approaching.
As the man drew closer, he saw it was the vice-admiral himself.
"Your grace," Joshua said when the man reined in his horse and came to stop shortly ahead of him.
"Havencourt. You are here."
"The roads were gentle today and I arrived a little early—thought I'd stretch my legs."
"Of course, of course," the man said, as if distracted. After a moment, he swung his leg over and slid off the horse, which he let go completely and it wandered off to graze nearby. "Good thing I ran into you," the vice-admiral continued. "I wanted to have a word, perhaps best to do so now, while we're not disturbed. We’ll walk back to the house."
Joshua fell into step with the man, who had started walking. The horse followed behind them and he wondered if all things on this estate were as well trained. Probably. The man was used to everyone, including animals, it seemed, following his direction.
"Reports have it you have been causing quite a stir," the man started to Joshua's surprise.
"Your grace?" Joshua questioned, not entirely sure what the man was referring to.
"It seems the abolitionists are set on causing trouble. Lot of ingrates. And news has it that they've accepted you as their new spokesman."
"I'm not a spokesman for them," he said, "but I have met with them."
"Unruly fanatics always stir up trouble," the vice-admiral said with disgust. "They've started harassing the lords of parliament from what we hear. Creating quite a bother, but I suppose it is nothing new; they've been around for a long time, in the margins, rumbling away and trying to cause trouble."
"They have a passion for a cause they believe in," Joshua said.
"I doubt it not, but these things must be contained."
"If they believe their own government is not doing the right thing, it is their duty to cause trouble." That was the wrong word to use. "It is their duty to voice their concerns," Joshua corrected.
"True, but these people's only objective is to cause trouble, anarchists seeking to destroy our society," the vice-admiral stated, his voice full of
contempt.
"I don't believe they are anarchists, your grace," Joshua said through gritted teeth. "They simply believe that the execution of certain policies needs to change."
The earl stopped and turned to Joshua, considering him for a moment. "So you are in cahoots with this group?"
"As I said, I have met with them, but I'm not in cahoots with anyone." Joshua was certain the vice-admiral's expectation was that he crumble to his knees and beg forgiveness, but he wasn't beholden to the admiralty anymore. The vice-admiral should hardly be surprised he would join in with the abolitionists considering the actions he’d taken in Port Royal.
"Be careful of actions that will have you marginalized," the vice-admiral warned.
Joshua wasn't sure what the threat entailed, there wasn't officially anything anyone could do. The navy had no say over him for the things he spent his time doing. Perhaps he was referring to more social inclusion, but the vice-admiral, it seemed, overestimated his concern about his acceptance and inclusion in society.
Joshua had to check himself for the moment. Did he actually care about his inclusion in society? For so long, his objective had been to get back here, to get back to his country and his people, the society he belonged to. But he was still not willing to compromise on his principles, and his inclusion amongst the avid abolitionists supported that principal. He wasn’t prepared to undo it for the vice-admiral or anyone else.
"Every man must have his principles," Joshua finally said.
The vice-admiral continued to eye him. "So it seems," he said as if he'd learned something distasteful about Joshua today. "I suppose you always were a stubborn creature with unrealistic ideals, but I will warn you, however," he continued, "to take care in your objections. There are people who would love any excuse to weigh your wrists down with manacles. I would show more care, if I were you."
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