“I assume,” he repeated.
“You said I, not she.”
“Yeah?” Max looked at Wilma. She didn’t move. “Maybe here, in her house … I don’t know. She could find a way out through me. I really don’t know.”
“Max, I need to tell you something.” The woman approached the table and sat near her uninvited guest, who talked for her daughter. “I’m so scared, you don’t even know.”
“Me too,” Max said, and his words surprised him.
He hadn’t expected fear. However, fear was coming up from the bottom of his stomach like hot lava, poisoning his mind, making him want all of it to stay in his dreams. He felt like turning back time, keeping the dream out of reality. It would be better if he had never come here, never seen this woman, or entered this house. Something horrible was hiding at the bottom of his mind, and threatened to open like empyema. It wanted to get out. After it happened, his life wouldn’t be the same. It wasn’t Angelica or her death or her killer. It was …
“Don’t be scared, Max. Don’t be.” He felt a warm touch on his hand. “Angelica is a good girl. She won’t hurt you.”
“White bear,” Max said. Something strange was happening to him. Something he didn’t like. He felt small and helpless. “Can I have the white bear?”
“You want Angelica’s favorite toy?”
Max nodded. Her favorite toy. It felt safe to sleep, pressing the bear to her stomach. Fear went away and everything felt right. Always.
“You want it?”
He nodded again.
“Wait.”
The woman walked away and Max waited for her, studying the bouquet of roses. Neat, as if made out of plastic.
“Here.”
The toy landed on the table. A white bear with fur peeled from multiple washings, smelling like bleach and candies.
“Do you mind?”
“You can take it.”
Max clenched the toy in his hands. Yes, cotton inside, crunched like it was supposed to, like there was sand inside. It was always like this.
“Wilma, I’m really sorry. I have to go.”
“Now? Are you going to come back?”
“Yes. I just … I have to … I don’t know.” Max stood, backed to the door, keeping his eyes on the roses, then he turned away, so he didn’t have to see their plastic, unrealistic beauty. A lie. What he knew and thought was a lie.
“Don’t forget your coat.”
He took it from her, left the house without putting the coat on, and rushed to the car. He threw the coat and the toy on the passenger seat, and got inside, looking at the woman. She was bundling up in her scarf again. Max grabbed the bear, pressed it to his stomach, and turned the car away from the red brick house, holding the wheel with one hand. He drove home and didn’t even look at the architect’s house.
CHAPTER 48
As soon as Max entered his apartment and lay on the couch, cuddling with the white bear, he received a call from the lobby. The doorman said that Kelvin Daniel was here to see him.
Max scratched his chin with his left hand, holding the bear with his right, and asked to give him the phone.
“Did we agree to meet today?” he asked.
“No.” His friend sounded surprised. “Can’t we meet without an appointment? You won’t let me in?”
Max closed his eyes, breathed out through his clenched teeth, and then asked for the doorman.
While Kelvin was coming upstairs, Max turned on the coffee machine and took two cups out. He needed a stimulant to stay awake. Kelvin wasn’t going to leave after five minutes. He came unannounced, and it meant he had something important on his mind. If he had something important to say, it meant he needed time. Max wasn’t the only one visiting people without a warning call.
Less than a minute after the phone call, the doorbell rang. Kelvin entered and stared at the bear in Max’s hands.
“It’s … I’m not gonna ask.” He stuck his hand forward and shook his hand, and then he lifted his other hand and presented a bottle of wine. “Let’s knock back?”
“Did Anna tell you about staying at her parents’? I didn’t make her, it was her idea.”
Kelvin stopped smiling, sighed, and put the bottle down. “I understand and she wasn’t complaining. Nadia called her, wanted to go out for dinner or something. We haven’t seen each other for a while and today is Saturday. Anna said she was not going to be home until Monday. Are we going to talk by the door?”
Max stuck the bear under his arm and went to the kitchen, listening to Kelvin’s steps following behind him. The coffee was ready and Max filled the cups, and put them on the table.
“What about the wine?”
“Get the glasses out.”
Max sat down, put the bear on his knees, and rubbed his eyes with his fists. After a second, a glass landed in front of him. Kelvin opened the bottle, filled the glasses with wine, and sat on the opposite side of the table. Max didn’t understand what anyone wanted from him. Why everyone wanted to penetrate his soul? Wasn’t that happening now? Let’s drink and get rid of everything inside us. No one cared that he didn’t want to get rid of anything. He didn’t need these intimate conversations, this forced care. It wasn’t the right situation.
Kelvin raised his glass and Max followed his example without much enthusiasm, but he noticed how the wine went to the bottom of his stomach and spread through his veins. If his friend disappeared now, it would be great. But, Kelvin refused to do that. He put his elbows on the table, leaned forward, and settled his dark eyes on Max. Max hugged his bear tighter and drank more wine.
“You shouldn’t have wasted your time, Kelvin. I’m glad to see you, but I don’t need a lecture. I’m fine. I hope I’m not losing my mind.”
“Nothing is going on with you?”
“Something is always going on with me, but I don’t need therapy sessions.”
“I’m not giving you a therapy session.” Kelvin frowned and drank. “It’s not like you’ve known me for a day. We are all worried about you. That’s all.”
“There’s no need to be.” Max smiled. The situation, all of a sudden, seemed funny to him. If they only knew what was really going on. He could try to explain it to them, but they wouldn’t believe it. Take Anna for example, the closest person to him. He thought she would believe, but he had been mistaken. She took it wrong. She twisted it. She concentrated on her selfishness, trying to find a leak where none existed.
“Max, listen. I understand. I may not be a writer, but I understand you. I know you don’t need this shit, but I also see that you don’t trust me. I don’t care. Something is happening inside your head, something is breaking. I think I know when and how it started. But what is it exactly?”
“You understand?”
“I’m not an idiot, you know. And I care. You could lose everything, Max. Your wife, your friends. We care about you. You know that. Tell me what I can do. If I can’t do anything for you, maybe that therapy session you were talking about can be of help. I didn’t think things had gone so far. You’re my best friend; I don’t want to lose you.”
Max saw his effort to understand. What would they figure out when Max felt as if he were stuck in a thick fog? He only saw things right in front of him. Things he was allowed to see and was shown. He couldn’t make it out of the fog and take a good look at everything around him. He groped his way through, drove away the fog with his hands, and stared with all his might. Today, something clicked. He was starting to understand, and now he was even more scared. If everything were the way he thought, how would he live? Could he just continue to live?
“Max?” His friend’s demanding voice pulled him out of the fog. “Are you having some writing crisis? Listen, I’ll ask you frankly. You’re not going to commit suicide, are you?”
Max could laugh, but he didn’t.
“No,” he said. “I can assure you, I’m not going to kill myself. You can go now.”
“Fuck.” Kelvin swiped his hand over his forehead an
d then finished his wine in one gulp. “I told Nadia that no one could change in such a short time. It’s been happening for a while, right? Stuff piled up? I don’t recognize you, man.”
“You never curse.”
“Huh?” Kelvin rounded his eyes.
“I said, you curse.”
Kelvin didn’t move for a few seconds, gazing at Max as if trying to see something opposite to what he’d heard. Maybe the voice of reason.
“I know how to talk to you,” he said, “but I don’t know now. I don’t know what to say.”
“How’s your daughter?” Max asked as he thought of Angelica.
“My daughter?” Kelvin frowned. “Fine. Growing.”
“You watch after her,” Max said. “There’re plenty of pervs on the streets.”
“What does that mean?” Kelvin looked confused, suspicious, and worried all at the same time.
“I’m not talking about myself,” Max said. He put the bear on the table, tugging on its fur. “The world has too many twisted people. They take kids from their parents.”
“Where did you get that?” Kelvin pointed to the toy.
“It’s mine,” Max said. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Yours.” Kelvin bent closer to Max. “Where did you get it?”
Max chuckled. He took another sip of wine before turning back to his friend.
“I didn’t kill anyone if that’s what you think. The toy belongs to a girl named Angelica. She died before I was born. She was killed. Say hi to Nadia.”
Kelvin looked like he tried to understand the last sentences, but then he nodded and stood.
“I didn’t think you killed anyone. I mean, I thought, but … Okay, it’s not important. Listen, Max. Whatever happens, we are always within phone distance. Sorry man, I can’t reach you. Or maybe you think that I don’t get you.”
Kelvin stood in the middle of the kitchen for another minute, probably waiting for an answer, and then he turned away from Max and left the apartment. Max only twitched when the door slammed. He finished his wine, then picked up his toy and went to the living room, lying on the sofa and pressing the bear and his knees to his stomach. Max smiled from the unexpected and pleasant feeling of safety that visited him, as if, finally, everything had fallen into place, as if nothing bad was going to happen ever again. He knew that wasn’t the case. He knew the truth was ahead.
He relaxed and tried not to think about anything bad, at least for a few minutes. It was still early, but he started to sink into sleep. Images flashed before his closed eyes.
“Good night, daughter,” Mother said.
CHAPTER 49
Anna wrapped the scarf tighter around her neck, said goodbye to the guard, and walked outside. She hadn’t gone home Sunday night, deciding to return on Monday after work. Max didn’t care about her absence and hadn’t called once, but she received a call from Kelvin and he told her about his visit. Nothing consoling. Her husband was a shut in and didn’t want to see anyone. The situation had become serious, but she still didn’t know what to do. She decided to call Max and tell him she was coming home. Who knew, he could just as well have someone in the apartment. She didn’t really believe that, but she wanted to let him know that he wasn’t going to spend another night alone. She fished the phone out of her handbag while walking to the car, and dialed the number.
“Hello.” He sounded tired.
“Max, hi.” Anna wanted to ask how he was doing, but thought better of it. “I just left work and …”
“Ann, listen,” Max interrupted. “I think I know what’s going on. I didn’t want to tell you, but maybe you’ll understand.”
“Is it about Angelica and your book again?” Anna stopped.
“Yes, but listen.”
“I don’t want to listen to anything. I’ll be home soon and we can talk. Actually, you know what?”
“If you don’t want to listen to me, then don’t come home.”
“Really? Fine.” Anna punched the end button on the phone. “Oh my God. I don’t know what to do.”
“Excuse me?”
Anna turned to a familiar man’s voice. Her client. Great timing. What did he want? Was something wrong with his order? Anna looked around. No one in the parking lot besides him, two steps to her car, and the wind was growing stronger.
“Excuse me.” The man stepped away from the open doors of his van. “Do you know of any pet shelter around here?”
“Pet shelter?” Anna asked, puzzled, searching the empty parking lot again. Her car and her boss’s white Mercedes. Why did she stay so late? The man seemed nervous.
“Look at that! Found it on the corner!” The man disappeared inside for a second and emerged with a fluffy pup. “A whole litter! Want to see? I came back to order more cards and heard them. I forgot my phone at home to call anywhere. Are you done for the day?”
“Yes.” Anna moved to the van. On the road, cars sped by, beeping, illuminating with their lights, the walls of the building. “It’s cute.”
“Maybe I should call the police. I can’t take them home, and it’s too cold to leave them here.”
Anna approached the van and peeked inside. Three more puppies lay on the floor of the van.
“I haven’t seen any stray dogs around here.” Anna turned to the man.
“Me neither.” The man smiled, and then put a soft cloth over her face. She flapped her arms before something poisonous burnt her nostrils and reality drifted away.
CHAPTER 50
Max didn’t want to answer another phone call. First, he decided to call Foxtail and convince the agent that everything was going great and he continued working on the book. In reality, he didn’t care about his agent’s concerns, but his answer could put an end to his endless messages. Then, one of his friends called. Max lost the thread of the short conversation almost immediately and couldn’t remember who he had talked to after hanging up. Next was Max’s aunt, but he didn’t have enough strength in him to answer her. Anna was last. Unfortunately, she couldn’t get past her selfishness. Why did he think she had supported him before and helped him in everything? She did it so long as it was convenient for her, but once something serious happened, she turned away from him. Ran away. Good, he didn’t need anyone.
Now she called again, from her parents’ phone. What did she want this time? To apologize? Try to explain to him that he was crazy?
Max answered, but thought it was going to be the last conversation with his wife for today and for some time. He needed to be alone.
“Yes,” he said.
“Max, hi.”
“Mom?”
“It’s me, yes. Max, is everything all right?”
Strange question. Max scratched his head.
“I guess.”
“Anna’s not answering my calls. I wanted to be sure she got home okay, but she won’t answer.”
“Got home where?”
“What do you mean where? Her home. Where she lives with you. She’s not there yet?”
“No.”
“It’s been about two hours since she left work. I asked her to call when she got home.”
“She was coming home.”
“Didn’t she call you?”
“She did.” Max sighed. With his mother-in-law, he didn’t want to discuss anything about his relationship with Anna, no matter how he felt about her. “We argued. I think she’ll be at your house tonight.”
“Oh.” She paused. Max was silent too, waiting for her answer. He fumbled with his teddy bear. “Max, Anna loves you. She just worries.”
“I know. I know.”
“She worries about you a lot.”
“I know, but she doesn’t have to. I have … writer’s block. Temporarily. Everything else is fine.” Max wanted the conversation to be finished. He left the couch in the living room and went to the kitchen to drink water.
“That’s what I told her. I told her that everything will return to the way it was after you finish your book.”
“Yes, tell her that. Maybe it will be a good idea for her to stay with you longer. She doesn’t need to see the bad side of creativity and worry for no reason.”
“I don’t mind. I’ll be happy to have her. Our house is so quiet all the time, but you are also her family. I still don’t know where she is and why she’s not answering her phone. Did she cry when you argued?”
“I don’t think so,” Max answered, but he wasn’t sure. He couldn’t even remember what the fight was about. “She didn’t.”
“What if she didn’t cry with you and then got in the car and started? What if she’s gotten into an accident?”
“I don’t think so. The police would have contacted me.”
“They would have other things to do before making calls. They’d have to clean everything. She’s not answering my calls.”
“Not much time has passed. She could have stopped at a friend’s.”
“I don’t know. It doesn’t feel right, Max. What if something happened to her? I have this nagging feeling. Can you call her? Maybe she’ll answer.”
“Okay, Mom.”
“Then call me, please.”
“I’ll do that.”
Max didn’t have any nagging feelings, but he called and his call went to voice mail immediately.
“Hi, Ann. Your mom is worried that you’re not picking up your phone. Give me a call, please.”
Max turned the phone off, drank water, and started to dial his mother-in-law’s number, when his phone signaled the receiving of a text message. Max opened it.
I’m fine. With a friend. Call you later.
Max dialed his mother-in-law and she answered after the first ring.
“Yes, Max.”
“She didn’t answer my call, but she sent a message that she’s with a friend.”
“She might send me one too. Wait, I think I reached the limit. Why won’t she pick up? I don’t understand. It’s not like her at all.”
The land of dead flowers: (A serial killer thriller) Page 23