by Tiana Laveen
“Yes.” Dr. Owens threw him a disapproving look, unable to hide his true feelings as he slid his key into the lock and turned it. The guard attempted to peek in as soon as he pushed the door open, but he managed to swiftly close and lock it in the man’s face, refusing to allow him to view a potential crime scene until he had the information he needed.
Boy, it’s dark in here…
Opening the flashlight app on his cell phone, he took a look around the place. Nothing appeared off kilter as of yet. He continued his perusing, standing there, putting his senses to work while trying to be as quiet and careful as possible.
Perhaps they’ve fallen asleep? Yes, that is a possibility. Aaron or Mia would be asleep on the couch I presume, but, I see neither one of them there…
He debated calling out their names, but decided against it. Nor did he dare turn on the living room lamp; it would have made the place far too bright.
Lamp? Where is it?
And then he saw it…
Making his way over, his shoe stepped on something hard and made a crunching sound over bits of something sharp, broken to pieces…
Shit! Why is this lamp turned over?! What has Aaron done?!
His greatest fears were materializing as he raced towards the bedroom, then paused, coming to an abrupt halt… Music was playing, but not just any music…
It was a love song—“Smother” by a band called ‘Daughter’. He recognized that sound.
His face froze, then slowly split in a slight grin as he took careful…gentle… quiet…
Steps towards the bedroom door…
He placed his hands on the doorknob; he almost could feel the pulse of the place, alive and reaching out, spindly electricity, glowing bright and new, born free… Life lay on the other side—throbbing, pulsating life. A soft, pink glow emitted from the gap beneath the door and he smelled the distinct odors of recently burned cigarettes, sweet perfume, freshly fallen rain and… love…
He heard a slight feminine sigh… followed by a low, throaty moan and… his eye welled a bit. A groan, a bit of laughter and a muffled voice—the tone deep and urgent—carried through, uttering words he couldn’t quite make out. A short and simple utterance…
Oh my God, they’re making love…
He quickly wiped his moist eye as he took watchful steps in reverse, trying to erase his presence in the place…
This is… incredible!
The music played on as he kept going until he was safely back outside, the door locked and his eyes upon the guard.
“Everything all right in there?” the man asked as he looked up at him from his phone, then stared back down at it.
“Yes. Everything is wonderful… just…wonderful…”
Chapter Six
“I DON’T LIKE scrambled eggs,” he mumbled as he held the warm mug of coffee she’d handed him a few moments prior. With a white towel wrapped around his waist, Aaron sat at the small dining room table, a silly smirk on his face. Mia looked up at him, grinned, and shook her head.
“Who doesn’t like scrambled eggs?” She laughed and moved the spatula around in the pan.
“Me, that’s who.”
“I think you just like bein’ difficult.” She popped a piece of bread in the toaster then glanced towards the living room window panes covered in raindrops. It was such a gloomy day, yet beautiful and perfect, all at once.
“Nah, I don’t want to be difficult, baby. I’m just particular is all. Choosy.”
“How do you want your eggs cooked then? I’ll eat these myself I suppose.” She kept stirring, then paused, needing to cease her movements as a dull ache between her thighs reminded her that she’d been made love to for hours on end. The man was simply tireless.
“Don’t worry about it baby, I’m not hungry. This coffee is enough.”
“I think it’s going to rain all day. Can’t you just smell it?” She grabbed the stick of butter out of the refrigerator, placed it on the counter, then wrapped her robe a bit tighter around her body.
“Yeah, it does smell like a rain all day type of day. You know what my mama used to tell me about rain?”
“What?” She cracked a grin, and another egg in the pan, too.
“That hard rain, after a hard time, meant an important change was gonna come, that you’d been reborn.”
“Wow, I like that!”
I’m surprised someone like her could ever be so positive, after how she almost ruined her son with all of her evil!
“I ain’t talkin’ about my real mama,” he announced, as if able to read her mind. “I’m talkin’ about Patti. My mama didn’t have prudence like that, encouraging words, care and concern.” She could hear the disgust in his tone as he described the woman, no doubt feeling something she could never fully imagine. “Patti did though,” and just like that, he sounded more upbeat as he brought up the woman he truly adored.
“She’d tell me all sorts of things like that, and though sometimes I thought she was bein’ silly or superstitious, I think she may have been on to somethin’. Using the weather makes sense, giving us signs through nature about how we should be livin’. She stopped takin’ drugs, stopped livin’ crazy, but still died from a heart attack. Makes you wonder, makes you think.”
“It does… I’m glad she was a good influence on you for the short time you had with her. Was she religious?”
“Not particularly. I ain’t much into the Bible myself, though I’ve read it a time or two. I understand it; I just don’t believe all of it is all. The things going on in front of you—you can count on that. Like earthquakes, floods, shit like that. Man can’t tamper with that, use it to control people and hurt folks and start wars they can’t fuckin’ finish. I say, don’t start none, won’t be none. Yeah, it all makes sense.”
She shot him another glance and observed him lighting a cigarette as he leaned leisurely back in his chair, blew smoke out the corner of his mouth then winked at her.
“God talks to us in mysterious ways. I believe that first hand, Aaron.”
“I think so, too. We just miss it sometimes. Besides, how else is God gonna talk to us, you know? He ain’t gonna call us on the phone I don’t think. We answer, ‘Who is this?’ He says, ‘God.’” He chuckled. “He ain’t gonna call and give us the play by play, make us do right, say, ‘Aaron, ya been fuckin’ up, boy! Get it together!’”
Mia burst out laughing.
“You are so silly! What’s gotten into you? What am I talkin’ about? I bet you’re like this more times than not. You just look serious, but I bet you are a bit of a clown, too.”
“Only ’round you, sweetness.” He smacked his lips at her, causing her to turn up several degrees and her heart to flutter.
“You made me laugh so much in your letters sometimes. I don’t know how you come up with this stuff!” She kept on chortling, reminiscing about some of the stories he’d shared with her via his pen and paper.
“You made me feel comfortable… It was nice to talk to someone, be able to open up like that.”
She paused, noting the man staring down into his coffee as if it were some magical wishing well. He slowly raised his head and looked at her.
“With you, I was allowed to be… human. I was allowed to be wrong. I could be right, but when it was all said and done and signed off on, my signature on the bottom,” he said, moving his hand as if he were writing upon an invisible wall, “I was signing it as the real me…”
“Aaron, I’m so sorry about what I did.” There it was again, the hideous guilt pulling her asunder. “You could be the real you, I just—”
“Don’t apologize to me anymore.” He held his hand up, a stern expression on his face. “It’s over and done with. We’ve had our fight, we hashed it out… It happened so now just forget it.”
“But I—”
“Stop it. I’m serious.” He pointed in her direction. “We both know why you did it. Didn’t make it right, but I understand it now. It ain’t like it would’ve been an easy t
hing to do, to come clean about something like that considering the circumstances. Look, I need to talk to you and don’t want to holler across the way.” He tapped debris into the ashtray that sat by his coffee. “Can you turn that stove off and come over here a minute, baby?” He took another toke of his cigarette as his brows bunched, an irritated expression on his face.
“Yeah…” She quickly turned the eye off and moved the eggs from the heat. Wiping her hands across a hand towel, she made her way into the dining room and sat across from him. “What’s wrong?” She crossed her arms over her breasts.
“Nothing’s wrong, just need your ear for a minute… take care of some business. Look.” he cleared his throat and leaned in a bit closer. “This has happened, and we’re together now.”
“Yes…”
“And that means some things will have to change and there’s some shit you need to know. My main concern is keepin’ you safe, outta any shit, any trouble.”
“Aaron, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine.”
“Naw, you not fine, Mia. You think you fine, but you aren’t. When you mess with a man like me, even if you were white with blond hair and blue eyes, someone will still try you… You know why? ’Cause you’re with me… belong to me. People out here in this world ain’t worth a piece of dog shit!” He slammed his fist onto the table. “They’ll just as soon light you up like a goddamn firecracker to shake five fuckin’ cents outta you! I didn’t tell you this in the letters, but I’m tellin’ you now: I got more trouble than this damn court case. I got a motherfucker after me, a guy I trusted. Now, this shit between you and me would make his damn day, but I’m prepared for him finding out about this. Something might happen to me, Mia… something real bad.”
“Aaron, don’t talk like that! Please! We’ll talk to the warden, Dr. Owens, and call the police and then—”
“No—nobody can know about this but me and you. The police is filled to the goddamn brim with socialists and KKK members, Mia! This is what I’m talkin’ about. You don’t really understand what’s goin’ on out here. We are in every organization, every college, every profession, every warehouse, restaurants and shopping centers, every hospital… we’re in everything!”
She took a deep breath, and all she could do was shake her damn head. “That’s…awful. It’s heartbreaking; it angers me…”
“And it should. This is why I was able to get away with so much before, because the people that were supposed to be servin’ justice were just as fucked up in the head as me. Racism is something that’s inside your brain, Mia.” He pointed to his temple. “You were disgusted by me, felt sorry for me, but by the time you’d found out what I’d done and believed, you’d already cared about me so you were invested, so to speak. I’m still fucked up.” His eyes narrowed on her. “And don’t you forget it. I didn’t get this way overnight, so it’s gonna take a minute for me to get all this shit out of my system, but the first step is to admit it, which I’ve done. The second step is to try and re-train my brain, which I’m doin’ right now.” He shrugged.
“I ain’t got no choice! I like you a hell of a lot. I’m in love with you; you’re a black woman! Ain’t no denyin’ it! I look at you and see nothin’ white, you can’t pass that test—and you shouldn’t want to and you don’t need to try. When I first walked in here, a part of me wanted you tell me you were somethin’ else, but I knew better. I thought that would ease my mind, since blacks and Jews are what I hated the most. You told me straight up that though you got a bit of race mixin’ in your background, you’re still black, African American, whatever you want to call it, despite your lighter complexion.
“I knew who and what you were; I just wanted to play games with myself, and that’s just childish on my part. I had to get over this and accept what the fuck is going on here, and facts are facts… You’ve got African ancestry, you’re black. It wasn’t just your great grandmother, it’s just about everyone in your bloodline. It is what it is, and I don’t love you any less ’cause of it…just like you don’t love me any less ’cause I’m white. I can’t imagine my life without you now that I got you, so,” he said with a shrug, “I had to build a bridge and get the fuck over it!” He threw up his hands.
She laughed lightly, though still unnerved by his earlier declarations.
“When I was lookin’ at you sleep, I was thinking about all sorts of things… all sorts of stuff, baby. Your hair has this consistency I ain’t never felt before. You got big lips, and I don’t mean that as an insult… they’re beautiful. You got high cheekbones; your skin is so damn soft and smooth, like a baby’s. Your eyes are amber… mysterious, sexy. You got curves in all the right places and I like every goddamn thing I see in front of me.” He took a sip of his coffee before going on.
“You ain’t less than because you’re black. I’ve been a goddamn fool! Like you said a while back, ain’t no segregated waitin’ room in Heaven. I used to laugh when people would say shit like that. I’d think all sorts of stuff, things that don’t need to be repeated right now, not ever quite honestly. But what you said, I believe. I look at you, and know God made you!” His voice trembled. “He made you for me… and he made me for you… you’re my Eve, and I can’t run from that; don’t want to, either. You my everything, and I’m your man, and a man protects his goddamn woman, Mia. You were able to see past what most wouldn’t have… that makes you incredible.”
She offered a sullen smile then looked away, trying to sort her thoughts as he spoke the heavy words.
“The fact that you had faith in someone like me, that you were prayin’ for me every night, being eaten up because you lied to me but wanted to help me, made me stop and think. Ain’t nobody that think the opposite as me, or should I say as I used to think, ’specially a black person, gonna look at me like this,” he said, pointing to his tattoos as his eyes glossed over, “and be able to look past that and want to comfort me!
“They gonna look at me and see decades… shit, centuries of oppression, hostility, arrogance, pride, zealousness, evil, and hatred…and they’d be right, because that’s what I was! I’m still conservative in my thoughts—that ain’t gonna change as far as how I feel this country should be run—but I will not be consumed in hatred for a race and put myself above everybody else, just because I really feel lower than shit!”
The man’s lower lip trembled and moisture kept gathering in his eyes. She reached for him but he scooted back, avoiding her caress as he ventured deep inside of himself to confess, come clean.
“I felt I was born into a landfill, Mia, from a mama and a daddy that only cared about their goddamn selves. I thought I wasn’t ever gonna be shit in this lifetime, no matter how afraid of me people are…born shit, and would die bein’ shit! I figured since that’s how it was going to go, I might as well make my presence known, give somebody somethin’ to talk about, something to remember! I ain’t give nothin’ before, left no legacy except a fucked up life of harm done to me, and harm I’ve done to others as retribution. THAT’S MY GODDAMN LEGACY, wrapped around some bullshit called racism—and now… now I’ve made love to a woman, a black woman that I love the hell out of, so what’s my goddamn legacy now, huh?! I AIN’T GOT NONE! I’m startin’ from ground zero!”
She tried to remain quiet, to keep a straight face and stay strong, but a tear got away and ran down her face.
“Baby, Mia, listen to me, sweetheart.” He placed his cigarette down and caught her hands in his as Mogwai’s ‘Take Me Somewhere Nice’ played softly in the background. “You gonna catch hell fuh not only bein’ with a white man, marrying me and havin’ my babies, because that’s exactly what we’re goin’ to do…” He cracked a smile, and she laughed, filled in her spirit by his words. “You gonna catch it because of my affiliations. Almost everybody knows who I am; my reputation precedes me. I gotta keep you safe from all of that, especially since my main concern is just trying to start a new life with you. So, we need to have a serious talk, and I need honest answers.”
“I have too much going on here. My business, mainly… That makes things messy. My daughter is here, too, and that’s the only thing that would keep me but I got to keep sortin’ through that, too. Anyway, you have a teacher’s license and a degree, should the need arise, and I’m tellin’ you now it probably will. Are you willing to relocate? To leave Alabama and move away with me, sweetness?”
“To be with you? Aaron, yes. My family is here in Alabama, and I’m close to them but sometimes we have to do what is best for us, and being with you, well, that’s what’s best for me. Plus, like you said, I can teach practically anywhere. I’ve already thought about these things—worse case scenarios if you will.”
“Good, ’cause I got some property in West Virginia. It’s a real nice, comfortable house that I bought some years ago, had built from the ground up as a place to get away to, go fishin’ and huntin’, just to clear my mind. Nobody knows it’s mine, that I go up there, ’cept you. I kept it that way ’cause when I go there, it means I don’t want nobody botherin’ me. Anyway, I got some money stashed away, too. My company does pretty good, and in the more trying times even, I’d stash cash away. If anything happens to me, I need you to get your hands on that money and get the hell out of Alabama, or wherever we are, start fresh someplace else. I have an account for my daughter for when she turns eighteen; it’s all hers, Mia, every dime of it. She don’t know about it, her mama don’t, either… but now, you do.
“It’s enough to last her a good, long while if she’s conservative with it. The rest, what’s in the bank and hidden away, I want you to have it. After you and I get married, all of that will be yours but I’ll be tellin’ my lawyer as soon as I get back to Holman that I need to speak to one of his estate lawyer buddies, get this in writing. Only you and Laura mean anything to me at this point, my woman and my little girl, so … the two houses, my motorcycle, my boat, guns, business, cars, everything…it’s yours.”