by Tiana Laveen
He swallowed.
I thought I had that stuff hidden pretty good in my room!
“I think it was the only time I really saw you show any emotion, knew how you felt about Mama and Arnold. It was through your poems that never rhymed; I’m not sure what they were.” She smiled sadly. “And from us playin’ dolls that day. I knew, right then and there, that you were just as afraid, hurt and upset as I was…but you was too busy tellin’ me to stop crying all the time and running away to Patti’s house, that I never got to really see you like that. And then, there was something else.”
“What?”
“Later that night, Patti came by. She brought some food over. The house was a fuckin’ mess. She looked around at us and everything and she asked Mama how it was goin’. Mama didn’t pay her much mind but asked her for a cigarette and some money. You then stood up and asked Patti if she’d adopt you and me and Travis. Mama came over and smacked the old ass white dog shit outta you…”
Aaron bit his damn tongue as the memory flooded him, made him rear up inside! He tasted blood.
He’d stuffed so much shit down, pushed so many things away, he’d forgotten it all! Amy had a steel trap mind. Her memory remained intact like the love of God for sinners so there was no questioning her accounts – even the ones about his womanizing, which had occurred over the course of a few years before he’d met the mother of his child. He just didn’t wish to discuss it with her, so he lied and said it never happened, but that was the truth.
“But wishes come true sometimes, huh?” Amy’s eyes glossed over as she flopped back into her seat with a sullen smile. “She did finally adopt you, and I saw a change in you. You went from keepin’ to yourself to bein’ outspoken. A real leader! I couldn’t get behind what you were sayin’ though. I didn’t hate nobody. Now yeah, I think a lot of the blacks want somethin’ for nothin’, use their race as an excuse as to why shit doesn’t get done, but there’s good black people too, Aaron. I know you don’t wanna hear this, but I had black friends ’nd shit and it got to the point that I couldn’t bring ’em around, Aaron, because you were there!”
He could hear the woman’s resentment in her tone as she relived the moments… moments when she realized her big brother, the one who used to protect her, was breaking her damn heart. He lowered his head in shame and fought back the rush of pain.
“I was afraid you was gonna hurt ’em, maybe even kill ’em ’cause I know what you done!” she hollered. Her voice cracked at the end and she pointed a shaky finger in his direction.
“Yeah… I know you do, Amy,” he stated calmly. “I’m sorry for any pain I caused you with my beliefs.” He could immediately see the damn shock on her face. Her expression cracked like an egg, exposing a runny yolk chock full of confusion. On a long exhale, he continued. “I don’t think like that anymore, Amy. I was wrong. I uh…” He swallowed harshly as he looked her in the eye. “I’ve had a lot of time to think and…this time in prison changed me.”
“…But you were acquitted.”
“Amy, the charges were dropped after the new evidence came out, but I was in there a year. Now, a year ain’t that long to many people, when you think of prison time, but for me it felt like an eternity. A lot happened to me in there, Amy… a lot.”
“Like what? You get hurt?”
“Not in the way you think but one thing that happened was that I was forced to go to counseling. After a while, it wasn’t forced anymore. I wanted to go, wanted to see him. I’m pretty messed up, Amy.” He smiled sadly. “We all were. We can say our parents did this to us; it sure as hell didn’t help. As a reaction, I had chosen something that made me feel better about myself but was harmful to others, even people I cared about. I’m sorry for beatin’ up your boyfriend that day… that Mexican boy.”
She hung her head and began to twitch in her seat. “His name was Lucas…”
“Yeah, Lucas.”
“He couldn’t see for days… had to get stitches in his head.”
“That was… a terrible thing for me to do…me and my friends. I was angry you were seein’ him, and I did the wrong thing. I judged him based on his ethnicity instead of how he treated you. I was wrong, dead wrong.” He sucked his teeth as more and more memories of abuses came to light; things he did on practically a daily basis in the pages of yesteryear, things he hadn’t thought twice about doing. He’d beaten, stabbed, and threatened. He’d done unthinkable things, animalistic things, terrible, harsh and damn near demonic things… and, he slept just fine at night afterward… until Dr. Owen got a hold of him…
“I’m glad to hear you’ve changed, Aaron. I can see it in you. I believe you.” She reached across the table and took his hand. “You’re my brother, and I love you.”
“I love you too, Amy. I love you a whole lot.”
“You were the strong one. You’d protect me and Joe-Joe, stand up for us. Most times it ended up causin’ you to get your ass beat. Mama was so mean to you, Aaron… so mean.”
He lowered his gaze, for he needed a minute.
“Arnold was always afraid you’d off him in his sleep. You’d threatened to.”
“Yeah, I did threaten to. And I meant it.”
They looked at each other a while longer, a love and reconnection forming, stronger than ever before.
“He was hurtin’ us… hurtin’ my little sister and brother, too. I was the oldest. I was in charge. I protect the people I love, Amy. We all a bit crazy, but we love one another.” He quickly dabbed at his right eye, refusing to let that son of a bitch leak and expose him for what he was—a man with feelings.
“I got somethin’ to tell you, Amy.”
“Yeah? You sound serious.”
“I am serious. You know Mia, my fiancée?”
“The brunette?” she teased.
“Yeah… She’s black…” They said it at the same time…
His brow cocked up as he stared at her curiously. Was Amy’s crazy ass a damn oracle?
“How’d you know?”
Amy slowly rose to her feet and looked down at him. Her slight form cast a shadow. “’Cause when I asked you to tell me about her, you hesitated and ran your left hand over your right hand three times. It’s a little nervous tick thing you’ve done since we was kids. That’s why Mama would tell you to sit down and put your hands on the table before she’d ask you something…”
I never knew that’s why she’d ask me that…
“She’d beat you no matter what your answer was… Anyway, you’d do it when you wasn’t sure if you was gonna lie or not… but you always hated lyin’; it made you feel guilty, so you’d do that right before you told the truth. You changed ’cause of a woman… so,” she said, shrugging, “I put two and two together. You sittin’ here talking about how wrong you were, how you don’t do those things anymore… You found ’er, I see, you found your Barbie and that’s all that matters.”
She said those words real easy like – like sweet, honey lemonade rollin’ over freshly frozen ice. Aaron slowly rose to his feet, now looking down at the tiny woman who had more heart than three lions. He leaned over, grabbed the back of her head and kissed the top, slow and gentle.
Once he released her, she looked up into his eyes and touched his jaw with slightly trembling fingers.
“You was too smart to be filled with so much hate. I always hoped you’d stop what you were doin’. Now, I got my wish.”
“You want to know what happened? How I met her?” he offered.
“I did, when you first sat down, but now,” she said, her shoulders slumped, “I don’t too much care. All I know is my brother is happy, his heart is open, and he can live again. Mama and Arnold fucked us up, royally. You might not blame ’em, but I sure as hell do. That’s why I could forgive you time and time again for all the things you’d done. I knew you didn’t understand what you were doin’. I prayed that God would teach you a lesson, turn the tables on you. He ain’t never answered not one of my prayers,” she said with spite. “But
He answered that one. My Nazi brother fell in love wit’ a black girl, and they gettin’ married… sounds about right to me. Send me an invitation. Can’t say they’ll let me attend, but send it any ol’ way. I need to meet this Limited Edition Barbie… ’cause anyone who can love the hate right off a Nazi Socialist Party Leader has earned every ounce of my goddamn respect!”
She smirked, then turned and walked away…
Chapter Thirteen
AARON SAT ON the edge of Mia’s bed. Her room was like some candle and oasis retreat with splashes of lime green and soft indigo, and plush white pillows one could mistake for fluffed clouds that had descended from the vast blue. None of that mattered, for his mood had drastically changed in the past few seconds… The ceiling fan hummed a rhythmic song as his heart beat out of his damn chest and, for a moment or two, he tried to calm down, make sense of it. In one hand, he gripped a bottle of water; in the other, a crumpled letter.
“Wake up, Mia!” he demanded, his back still towards her. She moved about sluggishly under the sheets, barely rousing from a long slumber. “Baby, I need you to wake up. This is important!” He turned towards her and shook her knee vigorously, making her come alive.
“What? What?!” She sat up and rubbed her eyes, clearly disoriented. She looked around, her dark strands going in every direction.
“When did you receive this?” His jaws tightened as if he were some shark with a mouthful of freshly shredded fish guts.
She looked at him quizzically.
“I… don’t know what that is.” He flashed the envelope towards her, and her face relaxed as realization set in.
“Oh, that. Today… I got it today, Aaron,” she stated around a yawn. She stretched her arms high, trying to break free from the confines of her sleepy state.
“Do you know what it means?”
“It’s a letter to you. I opened it not realizing it was for you beforehand. Your name wasn’t on the front but once I saw it on the inside, I set it aside. I hadn’t read it fully; it said you needed to fill out some paperwork.”
“Mia, it’s a threat!” He jumped up from the bed and waved the damn thing frantically at her, unable to control himself any longer. “I walked into your kitchen to get something to drink, looked down and saw it.”
“All it said was that you needed to fill out some paperwork.” Wrinkles formed between her brows. “We’ve registered for wedding gifts, so I just figured our names are linked that way. It seemed fairly cut and dry.”
“Nothing is cut and dry about this! I have told no one your name with the exception of Dr. Owens obviously and my sister, and I know her ass isn’t talkin’. My friend Darryl doesn’t even know your name. I knew they were comin’ for me. I fuckin’ knew it!” He tossed the damn thing angrily on the ground and stomped towards the bedroom door.
“Aaron! Wait!” The woman’s footsteps trailed behind him. She stood there in her fucking birthday suit, her body his goddamn altar. He wanted to bow and pray, but there was no time. “Now look,” she stated calmly as she ran one hand coolly through her hair. “If it is what you think it is, then I need you to calm down and tell me what’s going on, and then… we can figure something out.”
“There’s nothing to figure out, Mia. We have to move, end of story.” He tossed up his hands. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, anyway… wanting to start over, start fresh. I can move my business anywhere and you can teach wherever you wish, too. We need to move to my house up in West Virginia that I told you about, get the hell out of here.”
He looked around her home, feeling sad and sorry and hurt and fucking enraged all at once. Much to his surprise, she simply stood there, listening…
In actuality, she was hard to read at that moment. He knew she’d worked hard for that house, had touched so many children… and here he was, disrupting her life once again, making things hard and horrible for her.
“I told you I’d leave; we already discussed this. My word to you is my bond. I’d move, follow you, and I know you’d do the same for me. Now calm the hell down,” she said sternly, crossing her arms over her breasts. “I don’t want you to feel chased away though, Aaron… I’m not afraid.” Her eyes narrowed. “I’m not afraid because I’ve got faith, and I’ve got you.” She held her head high as she approached him to place a gentle hand on his bare shoulder.
“I know that, and I need it, God knows I do, but I refuse to have you looking over your shoulder every damn minute, Mia. We’re gettin’ married. We’re going to start a family! I have to try and stay in one piece for my daughter, too. I’m not running away; I’m running to something! To protect the ones I love. If it were just me, I’d stand my ground, but I got other people involved in this… and they are not the type of people you want to hope and wish to take a chance with.” He took a step back and shook his head. “They tried to blackmail me, Mia. Since I’ve been out, they’ve attempted to extort money – payment to leave me alone and to not blow my damn brains out. If I thought that would stop ’em, I would have done it, but with guys like this, any show of weakness and you’re dead!
He ground his teeth together until a dull ache formed in his mouth. “I knew it was only a matter of time before they found out about you, and now that they know, this is my final warning from them to either pay up or perish. They sent it to your house on purpose, knowing I would recognize this, because I drafted it! We give it to new recruits… And my new recruit is you, so I will protect you at all costs.”
He raced back into the bedroom and began to dress.
“I need you to call a reputable movin’ company. Tell them money is no problem. They need to get their asses over here in the next 24 hours and have your house packed up, and then do mine. I need to take care of some things with my affairs.” He paused to look at the woman standing there by the door, her eyes full of concern that she wouldn’t dare utter. He marched towards her, his belt buckle jingling, and gathered her in his arms.
“I’m going to fix this, alright?” He kissed her lips. “West Virginia is beautiful, Mia. We’ll be back down and visit when things cool down a bit, okay? It’s not goodbye; it’s just until next time. And goddamn it, I’m sorry about this!” His voice shaking, he squeezed her with all his might. Once again, he needed her forgiveness…
“My past actions are like a damn snowball,” he said gently into her ear, his eyes closed. “Just when we think the storm is over, another flake falls, and then another until there is a full advisory.”
“We are in this together, Aaron… I’m right here by your side.” She gripped his jaw and brought their lips together. He wished they had time to make love one more time, but every second counted.
“And that’s where I need you. My mistakes just keep rollin’ and rollin’, gettin’ bigger and bigger. I apologize for the pain I’ve caused you.”
“You don’t need to keep apologizing to me.”
“I do, and I will, Mia. I’m taking you away from everything… your family, the children you’ve worked with and made their lives better. I’m selfish, but I need you with me. Nobody is taking you from me… nobody!” He gripped a fistful of her hair in his palm, held her to him possessively as his heart beat erratically, thumping in his chest, creating a dull pain.
He meant what he’d said. He’d never let her go, and if need be, he’d die to keep her safe from harm…
9.5 ACRES OF lush jade and emerald flat top evenly cut grass lay before her like some ‘Welcome Home’ gift from Mother Nature. Not certain where to set her sights on next, she fumbled about, full of questions. But, the stunning view had her tongue-tied.
Notwithstanding, Mia was running on unfiltered, fast flowing adrenaline as she took a much-needed pause to eavesdrop on the various sounds that flittered all around her. This time the trickling water acoustics arrived from the whistling Pagan River, which framed the majority of the secluded estate. During their conjugal visit, Aaron stated he had some property – a nice little house away from the city. That had been the first
lie he’d ever told her…
A nice little house my ass…
Mia looked about the place, her bones exhausted, her eyes crossed from forcing herself to work through the night, then catch a turbulent red-eye plane ride. Her brain practically misfired after three days of grueling tasks, last minute good-byes, packing, storage companies, moving, and trying to explain to her loved ones that she had not completely lost her mind.
Aaron had met Mama and Daddy. He’d kissed Mama’s hand and shook Daddy’s hand. She knew they didn’t understand, how could they? But, she’d promised to return as soon as possible. Her notice into Principle Bullock’s office caused an emotional tailspin of a scene she wouldn’t soon forget. This announcement didn’t go unchallenged, for as she tossed her things haphazardly into two oversized cardboard boxes she’d stolen from the cafeteria, parents approached her with tears in their eyes, begging for a reason, and pleading with her to stay.
Never mind the sobbing students who clung to her as if their lives depended upon her mere presence, and this was the final straw. She broke down like that straw that had fallen across a desert camel’s back, emotionally collapsed into the arms of tiny children that she saw as her very own. They all huddled around her and declared their love, and she did the same, now a blubbering mess. Even the ones who could not speak or use sign language said so much with their intense expressions, and it was all to her poignant detriment. And then, there was Zion…
He was due to graduate in a few weeks, and would be gone from her care anyhow, but this didn’t make things much easier. This wasn’t the goodbye she wanted, but she pulled him aside, tried to explain the situation. Much to her surprise, he simply smiled and gave her a big, warm hug… It was as if he knew exactly what she needed.
Her fellow teachers, their coffee mugs in hand, had surrounded her like a pack of wolves in need of a good and tasty meal. She was ganged up on, a beloved woman feeling the power of her presence and seeing without a shadow of a doubt that she’d be sorely missed.