by Tiana Laveen
Mia swiped a tear away as she stared at the perfect blessing. He had a head full of jet-black hair, and looked so serene, so peaceful. He was puffy and pale, with a slightly rosy hue. Finally, she reluctantly handed him to the nurse, who soon whisked him away to clean him down, causing another roll of cries from the poor infant.
“I’m so proud of you. You did good.” He pointed across the room, wiping his face with the back of his hand. “Look what we made.” Aaron watched the nurse tending to their son as he leaned over the hospital bed, then turned back towards her.
“I know… I love him so much already!” She wiped a tear of joy from the corner of her eye with her knuckle.
“He’s…he’s…” His voice trembling, he reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “He’s perfect, baby! Just perfect!”
“Perfect and huge!” the nurse yelled out as she continued to tend to him. “He weighs 9.18 lbs. and is 21.6 inches long! My goodness. You’ve got you a future wrestler here!” The room erupted in laughter.
“How are you doin’, baby?” he asked her, stepping away from his euphoria for a second or two.
“I’m…in a little pain.” She winced as she readjusted herself. “But, I’ll be okay.”
“You need anything? Some water, Advil or something?” he whispered before placing a delicate kiss on her forehead and stroked her hair.
“I’m okay for right now.”
“Alright, let me know if that changes.”
She nodded and smiled at him.
The doctor worked diligently, sewing her up until he finally looked up at her and said, “All done. These sutures will dissolve, come out on their own, but in a couple of weeks, I want you to come back in so we can take a look at you.”
Mia shook her head in agreement. The hospital room was abuzz with movement, laughter, and discussions. In the blurs of colors and excitement, she caught tiny glimpses of her baby boy.
…They’re doing his footprints…
Aaron slicked his phone out of his pocket and began to type. “I’m sending text messages to all of our family and friends to let them know he’s here. My email has been blowin’ up with questions about your progress since I’d posted that we were on our way to the hospital. I already called your folks to tell them what was going on. They’ll be flyin’ up tonight. Trudy is comin’ with ’em.”
Mia smiled and nodded in appreciation.
“My sisters and one of my brothers said they’d be coming, too. I’m sure my parents have called them by now.” She peered through the crowd of people once again and cracked a huge grin when she caught the nurse floating towards her, their son wrapped in a blue and white striped swaddling blanket. She reached for the baby, but then Aaron jumped in front of her and took the child from the nurse’s hands, turning his back on the world, as if he believed he were suddenly invisible.
“Mr. Pike!” she angrily chastised. Mia burst out laughing so hard, tears rolled down her cheeks from the humor of it all.
“It’s okay, Janet. My husband has been looking forward to this moment for so long. I already got to hold him; I suppose I can spare another minute or two.”
Aaron faced her now. He held his son in the football cradle position and bounced him lightly as he smiled down at the blessing, his cheeks tight from grinning so hard.
“Oh my God, I just can’t believe it. Look at this little guy!” he cooed “Hiiii, Aaron,” he ran the side of his thumb against the delicate cheek of the bundle of joy. “I’m your daddy…yeah… Happy birthday, son.” He gently kissed the boy’s tiny, tulip shaped lips.
That was one of the most precious things she’d ever witnessed. Reluctantly, Aaron passed the baby back to her and pulled his phone out his pocket once again.
“Hi Marie, it’s Aaron. Thanks for keeping Laura for us. We didn’t know how long Mia’s labor would be obviously, and I didn’t want her to miss school.” He glanced at the clock in the room. “She should be out of school in about half an hour. Can you bring her by the hospital? Okay, thanks a lot. … Oh, did she?” Aaron flashed a wide grin. “Hey Mia,” he said. “Marie said Laura said she wanted to meet her baby brother as soon as he is born and not a second later. She said it was really important, so she could teach him how to color and his A,B,Cs and addition because it is really important that we start early so he can meet all of his milestones! Where did she hear this mess?!”
Mia burst out laughing as he went on with his conversation. The room appeared to grow soft around the edges, disappear and fade. It felt like, for a moment or two, it was just her and Aaron Jr., cocooned from the rest of the world. With a slow and easy hand, she brushed his hair away from his face and filled up with another wave of gratitude as their eyes met. The little baby looked at her with wonder, as if trying to find all the answers to the world, right then and there…
And she’d teach him. She’d teach him all that she could and give him abundant love. Their son was a blessing, a salvation, a testament of beating the odds. He was proof of their love for one another – proof that love and forgiveness could not only conquer all, but were the key to a beautiful life…
AARON PAUSED FROM his texting and calls, and looked over his shoulder at his wife. He could see she was lost in her own world, falling in love. For a split second, he felt a pang of jealousy. Not because she loved someone else other than him, but because he wished to know what it felt like to have a mother feel that way about her child. He could see it in her eyes; she was gone, smitten, head over heels. He knew his seed was in good hands, and his soul cried with joy that his dream had finally come true.
He had a family.
This boy would not be like him; he’d make sure of that. The Devil was inside of him, roaming around, angry that he’d escaped. Lucifer wanted to try and find a way to take another piece of his soul and drag it down to Hell. He no longer harbored hatred for other people based on their skin color. He could say that with confidence, and mean it. People were people. Simple as that. He at times couldn’t even believe that he’d been so warped, so profoundly lost. For his son and daughter, he’d keep fighting that internal demon, the one that left him as a carcass and treated him like some zombie to take care of his dirty work. No, he had bigger dreams, better plans, and there was simply no room or time for such notions.
Aaron Jr. looked at Mia as if she were the epitome of all that was right in the world, and he couldn’t agree more. The tiny baby could not have any idea that his existence was an unbelievable miracle. Not simply because he was a baby that had been conceived and born without a hitch, but because his parents were designed by a society that intended for them to never meet, let alone fall in love.
Aaron had been a tormented man, pretending he didn’t care about all that he had lost and suffered. He once thrived on the pain of others, loving the infliction and breaking down a spirit until nothing was left but a whisper of dust. He’d been addicted to hardship, agony, and bereavement – any form of pain would do. Now, he was drawn to healing, sensuality, and love, and he was selective about the quality of such. He ran his hand over his shoulder, where the zipper tattoo was neatly covered with a crisp, white shirt.
Yes, the zipper tattoo stayed, just as he’d intended. He was not a Frankenstein monster; he was a man, and he’d fallen in love. Someone had seen beyond his creature-like exterior and reached within, pulled the zipper down and exposed a shielded heart, covered in shame and heartbreak. Mia knew she’d married a fiend, but she loved him all the same, and that was all he needed in the entire world…
From her, he needed to be taught.
From her, he needed to be loved.
From her, he needed forgiveness.
And he received all of that and more. There was no more hatred, just a state of bliss. He was finally at peace. The ‘N’ word was no longer in his vocabulary, nor was the word, Nazi. In their stead, he coveted another ‘N’ word, kept it close to his heart…
Nirvana,
Exactly what he felt when he looked at his beaut
iful wife, the descendant of African slaves, tribal kings and queens, and his son, a perfect blend of their humanity, frailty, and strength.
Chapter Twenty-One
HE’D GOTTEN DOWN to one pack a day – a much-needed improvement, and Laura’s constant badgering about his smoking had caused him unbelievable stress. Business was so good that he had to hire more guys. He now had a couple more ex-cops under his belt, and they proved to be a perfect addition. His days were so busy, he ran on only a few hours of sleep most nights.
Aaron took another toke of his cigarette, swallowed harshly, and looked down at the tombstone. His boot sank a little in the soft earth as a weathered leaf, worn and torn from a life cut too short, circled at the base of the grave. Bending low, he placed the white roses down, covering part of his father’s date of birth. He looked to the left, taking note of his mother’s grave; she, too, had a dozen white flowers, wrapped in a red satin sash. He flicked the ashes in the wind, peered up at the sun, then back down at the tombs. His mother had been dead for quite a few years. He’d heard about it, but had not previously cared enough to visit.
…Until he’d spoken to Julian. The strange man convinced him to make peace with them, to say goodbye. Initially, he’d balked at the notion, but then he remembered other sage advice he’d received from the most unlikely of sources. His way of dealing with his parents’ memory wasn’t exactly working, so, he took the words of wisdom, and put them into action. He looked back towards the graves, this time focusing on his father’s.
He’ll never know his grandchildren…
Aaron’s third and fourth child had come into the world two months prior. He and Mia now had three sons; their house was full and truly a home. Laura was growing so fast – eleven going on thirty. She was tall, adorable, sassy, and intelligent as ever, and had a wicked sense of humor. He fell on his knees thanking God when he realized she wasn’t damaged forever, that the racism he and her mother had infected her with was washed away within a rather short time period.
Regardless of his protests, she wanted nothing to do with her birth mother after a couple of years of living with him. Being as headstrong as she was, she begged her father to petition the court to cancel her mother’s visitation rights. Sarah seemed to stay drunk more times than not, and due to this, as well as her being on a continued downward spiral, Laura’s wish was granted.
Laura didn’t seem fazed either way – devoid of concern or reaction, though Aaron knew she was simply stifling it, not giving it any due attention. Instead, she’d clung to Mia from the day she arrived after he’d won custody, desperate for a strong mother figure, filled with delight to finally have one, regardless of the fact that Mia had not given birth to her. It didn’t seem to matter, for the two were inseparable, peas in a pod.
But, the facts of the matter still disturbed him. He hated that history had repeated itself; now, his child was experiencing a similar despair to the one he’d felt growing up. Notwithstanding, they were a close-knit family, working together as a whole, and he was determined to keep that situation intact.
Aaron Jr. was changing every day. The boy was smart as a whip, and had a smile that could make the sun covetous of the way he beamed on a daily basis. He was an excellent big brother to his fraternal twin brothers, Cayden and Chandler, bringing bottles to Mia without being asked, a change of diapers, and religiously kissing them goodnight.
His and Mia’s schedules were hectic, but they still made time for one another and their marriage was stronger than ever. He was more in love with her than the second before the last and at times, he had to pause, take a deep breath… because it frightened him. He’d never felt so strongly about someone before, and that meant she had control…
He had to relinquish his jurisdiction over the matter – for love was not governable. It could not be bossed around or told what to do, and made to bend to his whims. It simply had to be allowed to exist, and run its course. Yeah, that’s how love worked.
And, he realized at that moment as the sun burst through the slender branches of the trees in the graveyard, and he stood before his parents’ hidden remains – at one point in his life, he’d loved both of them tremendously. When he stopped loving them, he’d become a person he no longer recognized and that was when revulsion for all things decent moved into his heart. He’d needed a placeholder, something to help him survive, get through the days, weeks, months, and years. But, abhorrence was a beastly thing to hold onto. It had a way of contaminating and perverting the host, and eating them from the inside out, leaving a gaping hole.
“You know.” He took another puff his cigarette and peered back up at the sun. He narrowed his eyes to slits to protect them from its blinding light, then turned away, his vision temporarily impaired from the glare. “I don’t have any bad feelings for y’all anymore.” He paused to take a deep breath. “It just ain’t worth it. You’re gone, and I’m here. That has to stand for somethin’. I have no idea if either of you loved me or not. You didn’t love yourselves; that much is certain. Mama, Arnold.” He took another draw of his roll-up and looked off in the distance at the miles of lush, green grass, dotted with headstones. “Something went wrong with me. I don’t know if it first started while I was a fetus, growin’ inside you, Mama, or if it happened later, but somethin’ wasn’t right.
“I’ve never really had a conscience, an internal meter that told me right from wrong or how to treat people. I had to learn to have a conscience; it had to be taught to me by Patti for it didn’t come naturally. I needed help, but I didn’t get it until it was almost too late. I’ve changed, but some things just can’t be obliterated. I’m goin’ to my grave with secrets. I’m goin’ to my grave with blood on my hands.” He glanced down at his palms. “I’m gonna go to my grave just like you’re in yours, knowin’ I’ve done wrong many times in my life. But… to this day, if I feel like someone is tryna threaten my happiness, mess up the good thing I got goin’, my crazy shows up.” He laughed lightly. “I ain’t never had nothin’ like this before… bein’ in love with a woman…a beautiful, black, fascinating woman…a damn good woman at that. That woman bore my children, and she gave birth to my daughter’s peace of mind.
“I have a beautiful home, a thriving business where I call the shots, and real friends now, too. We go to church on Sundays, have dinner together, and play video and card games on family night. I ain’t never had this type of normalcy before, and you two know it. So, when a motherfucker steps to me, I still have that same quicksilver reaction. I want to make ’im go away… make sure he don’t come back.” He took another slow draw of his cigarette. “I like doing it. I like to make my enemies suffer…and that, parents of mine, is what makes me a Frankenstein monster…
“Some have called me a sociopath. Some have called me narcissist or psychotic. I’ve called myself those things a time or two, too. A few have even said I am demonic, evil through and through. I ain’t much into titles, puttin’ people in little boxes and stickin’ a tag on them, but I’m somethin’… that is for sure.” He wrapped his lips around his cigarette and exhaled loops of smoke. “I’m somethin’ alright…and I know what I am now. I understand myself, and I don’t feel I owe anyone an explanation. I’ve accepted myself, and I know how to handle me, now; it’s all under control. You see, you two never really knew me. Family is the most important thing to me, and since I didn’t have a family, just a couple of adults that made it their job to kill my and my siblings’ wellbeing, I made sure to get me a genuine dynasty, make my own.
“I needed to meet the right woman for me in order to accomplish this. She had to be able to show me something I didn’t already know, and she had to somehow make me want to stay in the light, understand my dark side but not embrace it. I’m not lost anymore, Dad.” He shook his head. “You left me in the woods, but I found my way out…
“Regardless of me wishin’ you both would rot in Hell for eternity, I want to thank you for givin’ me life. I celebrate my world, filled with things I’d never seen a
s a little boy – like laughter from a newborn baby, joy, happiness, things like that. I thank God my kids ain’t like me, too. Yeah, they all have some of my physical features, but they ain’t like their old man, hurtin’ and makin’ an example out of everyone that gets in my way. They got goodness in them, they’re pure, but I’m polluted. I’m broken, but they’re in perfect working condition, and all I care about is helpin’ to keep them that way, their future, and keepin’ my woman happy… ’cause her happiness makes me happy, too.” He tossed his cigarette down and stomped it like a roach, extinguishing the flame.
“You both thought I was troubled, a hell raiser in desperate need of correction. You tried to break me, tried to exterminate my disposition, and you almost got your wish…but then, someone found me in the Lost and Found bin. She found me, dusted me off, and made me into something respectable, helped me reach my full potential. Through the course of some events, some of them forced upon me, others voluntary… I changed, Mama.” He fixed her headstone with a hard glare. “I put down my torch, and I told my master I didn’t want to do his bidding no more. I wanted a bride, and if I wanted to invite the love of my life into my heart, I had to let go of hate. I wasn’t allowed to have both. So.” He shrugged. “I gave it up, and all sorts of doors opened for me. I’m no longer afraid to be human.
“That means sometimes I’ll be right, and sometimes I’ll be wrong, and I’m okay with that. I had to get rid of my bad feelings towards you two, as well. No one can choose their parents; it just happens. But, enough is enough. I’ve held onto this resentment long enough. You created nightmares for me. But, you aren’t allowed in my dreams; they’re too good for the likes of you.”
“My ol’ lady is a saint. When she looks at me, you can see the love in her eyes. Everything that came before her in my life was nothing but death. I’m alive now. Her love? That’s what I live for. Y’all rest in peace, you hear? I’m not coming back here. This is the first and last time.” He slicked his hands in his pockets. “I needed to pay my respects and say goodbye.”