by AC Netzel
“Right now,” I give him a tight smile, “I don’t like you very much.”
“Why don’t you like me?”
I grab hold of the knob to the garage door. “Because you make me feel things I’m not supposed to feel,” I whisper, pulling the door open.
He slams his hand on the top of the door, then steps in front of it, preventing me from opening it further.
“Stay,” he implores, his eyes pleading.
“You know I can’t.” An unbearable tightness fills my chest. “My life is in New York. So is my job. Once I leave here... everything that’s changed between us will snap back into place. You’ll go on with your life here. And I will there.”
“Us… this,” he waves his hand between us, “took me completely by surprise. Stay. Please. Let’s see where this goes. There’s something special here, something that could be amazing. I don’t want to lose you, Summer.” He rakes his fingers through his hair. “And you’re not even mine to lose.”
I shake my head and sigh. “We should never have done this.”
“What?” His eyes widen.
“Sex complicated everything.”
“What happened between us was more than sex for me.” He looks hurt. I hate myself for making him feel that way. “Wasn’t it for you?”
I could lie. It’d make leaving a whole lot easier. But I look into Nick’s troubled eyes, and this sudden aching, awful pain radiates inside me. Our parting hurts more than I ever imagined.
“Yes,” I admit reluctantly. “But that doesn’t change our reality. You’re here. I’m there…”
“You and I determine what we can be… not a couple of miles between us. We’ll figure something out.”
“It’s more than just a couple of miles. And I’ve done long-distance before. It blew up in my face. I can’t do it again.”
“Look, I know we’ve only known each other for a short time, but we can’t deny this,” he gestures his hand between us, “thing we have. I want to be with you. Today. Tomorrow. Next week.”
“Until the thrill of the newness is gone. Then it’ll be just like my last relationship.”
“Don’t compare me to other people,” he warns. “I’m not that guy.”
“You don’t know you’re not that guy. Brad wasn’t that guy until distance was brought between us, and then he was. And Nick, I don’t know you. Not really.”
“But you could.” He brushes a lock of my hair away from my face. “Oh Summer, I wish you would.”
“One day, you’re going to find some girl who’s going to make you happy.”
“I don’t want some girl. I want you. Just you,” he says quietly, like he just cracked his chest open and offered me his heart.
My heart is shattering into tiny pieces inside my chest. I know I have to end this, and it hurts so bad. “Look, it’s getting late. I’m sorry, but I… I really have to go.”
He looks down at the floor for a few seconds then back up at me. Nodding, he steps aside from the door.
“I’ll walk you outside,” he says softly.
“Okay.”
Holding my hand, he laces our fingers together and squeezes it. We reach my Mustang, and I turn to him, my back leaning against the car. I gaze at him in silence, burning his handsome face into my memory.
“Are you sure?” he asks.
No.
I nod, holding in my shaky emotions, the unbearable sorrow that’s on the verge of erupting.
“I hope life brings you everything you’ve ever wanted.” He runs his knuckle across my cheek. “You are incredible.”
I muster up a small smile, feeling the cracks in my heart separate further. “Be happy, Nick. Say goodbye to Noelle for me. She’s a great little girl, and she’s lucky to have you.”
“If you ever need pointers on tying a fly…,” he says, attempting to add some levity to our sad goodbye.
“You’ll be the first I call.”
He leans down, holding the back of my head, and kisses me sweetly.
“I’ll miss you,” I whisper into his lips.
“I hope so,” he whispers back. “Don’t forget me.”
“Nothing could make me forget you,” my voice cracks. I turn so he doesn’t see the tears rolling down my cheeks. Opening the car door, I slide in, quickly wiping away the evidence of my heart breaking in front of him. “Goodbye, Nick. Thank you… for everything.”
“Summer.” He closes my door and takes a step back. “Goodbye.”
I program Bethany to direct me to the airport and place my cell phone on the console. Starting the ignition, I shift the car into drive. I need to escape before I change my mind. Slowly, I steer the Mustang up the driveway, taking one last glance at Nick from my rearview mirror as he watches me drive away.
Chapter 33
“So, how’d it go with your boss?” Valerie asks, pouring the contents of a bottle of pinot grigio into two wine glasses.
“Better than expected. I’m still employed.”
“Told you they weren’t going to fire you.” She hands a glass to me, then sits next to me on the couch of my tiny studio apartment.
“To say they were disappointed would be an understatement. But Miranda assured me that others have tried and failed too, so I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. My company’s weighing their options on the property they already own, then they’ll decide what to do with it.”
“So, no view from the twentieth floor in your future?”
“Yes and no.”
“What does that mean?” She takes a sip of wine.
“It seems she got a phone call from Holly.”
Her eyes widen and her jaw drops. “The Lumberstud’s aunt actually called your boss?”
I nod.
“What did she say?”
“A bunch of nice things about me. Told Miranda she’d be a fool not to give me a promotion.”
Val’s hand flies to her mouth. “Get out! She didn’t.”
I take a sip from my glass. “She sure did.”
“What did your boss have to say about that?”
“She was impressed that I resonated with the townspeople so much so that they would seek her out to vouch for me. That never happened before, even with their top sales staff. Then she offered me a promotion. Not a twentieth-floor corner office promotion, but a step up. She wants me more involved in larger-scale projects. And I got a decent raise.”
“That’s fantastic.”
“I guess.” I shrug, slowly sinking into the couch.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, her brows knitted together.
“Nothing.”
“You’re not happy with her offer?”
“Of course I am.” I straighten my posture. “It’s a great opportunity.”
“So, what’s the issue?”
“Nothing. It’s all good.”
“Don’t lie to me. What aren’t you saying?”
I exhale a long breath. “I haven’t told you everything.”
“So tell me everything now.”
My heart beats wildly. I stare up at the ceiling, then down to the floor.
“We had sex,” I confess, knotting my fingers together.
“You and Miranda?”
“No.” Jerking my head back, I frown. “Not me and Miranda.”
Her eyes widen as she bounces up and down in her seat. “Holy crap. You had sex with him? The Lumberstud?”
“A lot of sex.”
“A lot?” she asks, looking positively giddy.
I nod again, my face quickly heating up to what I’m sure is a brilliant shade of red.
“Holy shit.” Her hand flies to her mouth again then she bursts out into a laugh. “That’s… wow. How?”
I glare at her.
“I mean, I don’t need to know positions,” she clarifies. “Unless you want to share that.”
“I don’t.”
“But when? How?”
“When I was stuck in Arid Falls for two days while the airport was closed. I wasn’t e
xactly stuck at the inn. I was at his place and things just kind of… happened.”
“Pfft… I’ll say. I guess it was good if you went back for more.”
“It was so much better than good.”
“So you lost three sales, but you gained a few orgasms in return. Seems like a fair trade-off.”
“More than a few. And they were mind-blowing.”
She lifts a brow. “Really? The guy knows what he’s doing.”
“You have no idea.”
“Well, I guess you had your fun, and now it’s done. I mean, I’m kind of surprised it happened. Flings aren’t your thing. But since you’re back in the saddle, let’s go online and set up a dating profile. We’ll match you up with some hot New York men and get you some more big O’s.”
“I don’t want a dating profile. And I don’t want hot men.”
“Ugly men?” she asks.
I cross my arms in front of my chest. “No. I’m not interested in being with someone who only wants sex and doesn’t give a crap about me.”
“What do you want?”
I stare at her until my vision blurs from the tears forming in my eyes. Covering my face with my hands, I shake my head.
“Oh my God. Are you about to cry?” she asks, her head flinches back in disbelief.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I barely know him.” I wipe away the tears that escaped down my cheek.
“Apparently, you know him pretty well… at least in the biblical sense,” she jokes.
“We had a real connection. What happened between us was more than physical.”
“Is it possible he played you? Maybe he manipulated you over to his way of thinking by using sex.”
“He didn’t play me,” I insist.
“How do you know?”
“I just do,” I snap. “He’s not like that.”
“You’re awfully defensive over a guy you barely know,” she accuses.
I stand from the couch and turn to her. “You’re awfully judgmental over a guy you don’t know at all.” I walk over to the candy bowl on my coffee table, grab a snack-sized Kit Kat bar, unwrap it, and shove it in my mouth. Then grab another.
“And you do? It was sex, Summer. Don’t make it more than it was. Maybe he fed you a couple of pretty lines to get in your pants.”
“Can you please stop?”
“You’re high on a good lay. Confusing lust for something else.”
“I’m not. I miss him like crazy, Val.”
“He’s the first guy you’ve been with since dumping Brad. It’s natural you’d feel emotional about it.”
“Nick asked me to stay.”
“Why would he do that?” she asks, frowning.
“To give us a try.”
“Really?” She stands from the couch and takes hold of my free hand. “I know I teased you about being into him. But do you… really like him?”
I nod. “The practical side of me knows we have no future. He’s there. I’m here. But…”
She releases my hand and waves dismissively. “You’ll get over this little crush as soon as you meet another guy.”
“I hope so because the way I feel now really sucks.” I bite down on another candy bar.
She tilts her head and studies me. Her expression softens, and she rests a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. You’re stress eating and legit sad. I shouldn’t have joked about it.”
“It’s all right. I mean, we started out as strangers. That’s the way we’ll end. I just wish…” I exhale a breath and shake my head. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. It’s just… he’s got such a big…”
“Dick?” Val asks, interrupting my ramblings.
I glare at her, annoyed. “Heart.”
“Pfft… New York is full of single men. I’m pretty certain most of them have hearts too,” she assures me. “Odds are someday you’ll meet the one… the guy… your guy.”
“What if I already have?” I swallow a big gulp of my wine.
“Brad is not your guy. He’s a loser. A dickless loser at that, thanks to my birthday wish.”
“I’m not talking about Brad.”
“Oh. You mean him?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. My head’s all over the place.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. This conversation is giving me a headache.
She shakes her head and looks at me sympathetically. “I supposed you could try long distance. I mean, if the Monarch butterflies can fly for two months to get to Mexico, you could spare a few hours to make your way to Flaccid Falls.”
“Arid Falls,” I correct. “And no, I won’t do that to myself again. Wondering what or who he’s doing when I’m not there. Been there. Done that.”
“It could be different,” she says supportively.
“Or it could be exactly the same.”
“I’m sorry, hun. I really am. I don’t know what to say. What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to stay in New York and miss him. Then hopefully someday I’ll forget his smile, how he always smelled so good, and the loving way he cared for Noelle. Someday I’ll forget his laugh and how easily he made me laugh with him. Someday I’ll stop missing him. I just wish that day would show up already.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
Nodding my head, I blow out a breath. “Yeah, I’m just being ridiculous. After the way Brad treated me, I got caught up in the novelty of someone new. He was my rebound guy, right?” As the words escape my mouth, I feel sick to my stomach because I just casually dismissed what I know in my soul was something special.
“Absolutely. That asshole Brad majorly messed with your head. Who could blame you for being confused?”
“I guess.” Not wanting to talk about it anymore, I change the subject. “Want to binge-watch something?”
“Sure,” she says. “Want anything other than the handful of chocolate you’re inhaling before we start?”
“What pairs well with despair?”
“Tequila. Definitely tequila. Let’s take our drinks up a notch.”
“Fine. You know where the booze is.”
“I’ll get it. What do you want to watch?” she asks.
“Anything but those Christmas Romance movies.”
She smiles and grabs my remote. “You got it.”
I flip my grilled cheese and tomato sandwich in the frying pan and take a swig from my can of lime-flavored seltzer. Not exactly trout and mushroom risotto, but it’s food. I turn the burner on the stove off and slide my sandwich onto a plate. While I wait for my dinner to cool off, I walk to the window and stare up at the sky.
I miss him.
So much.
I miss Noelle. And Holly.
I even miss the stupid rooster.
That warm, quirky little town full of Christmas crackpots have infiltrated my waking thoughts. And my nighttime dreams.
A few stars are out tonight. Nothing like the stunning star-filled sky I saw with Nick. I close my eyes and picture his brilliant blue gaze looking back at me. Curling my fingers into my palms, I feel his hand holding mine, asking me to stay. Even in his absence, he’s with me. Right here. I open my eyes and stare at the twinkling sky and wonder if he’s looking up now, gazing at the same sky, thinking of me.
Or maybe he’s out meeting the lucky phantom girl who’s going to win his heart.
The corner of the room where I usually display my Christmas tree is empty. I couldn’t bring myself to decorate. It seems I lost my holiday spirit somewhere between Nick’s bed and here. Walking over to my coffee table, I grab the Snow Christmas Tree Farm T-shirt I never returned. I wanted something of his, a piece of him. I pick it up, bring it to my nose, and inhale. It still smells of him, and it soothes my restless soul.
Pulling my cellphone out of my sweatpants pocket, I swipe it and locate my contact list. I scroll down the long list until I find the number I’m looking for and press the green ‘Call’ icon. My stomach flips as I listen to it ring on the other side.
; “Deck the halls, and thanks for calling.” I smile at her singing voice. “This is Holly at the Holly Inn. How can I help you?”
Her voice brings me a comfort that I haven’t felt since my mom was alive. Like two arms wrapped around me, it feels like home.
I hold the phone against my ear in silence, frozen in my spot.
“Hello? Is anybody there?” she asks.
I open my mouth, and nothing comes out. Nothing. Tapping the red ‘End Call’ icon, I stare up at the ceiling, angry with myself for still feeling this way.
Chapter 34
“Merry Christmas, Dad.” I kiss his cheek and hand him a festively wrapped box. It’s a wool sweater that he’ll never wear.
“Thank you, Summer.” He kisses me back. “Your gift is by the tree.”
It’ll be a cookbook that I’ll never open. It always is.
I walk into the living room of his apartment, where a two-foot-tall plastic Christmas tree with a string of white lights and no ornaments sits on top of the coffee table. A wrapped gift is set to the side of it.
“New tree?” I ask.
“Comes like that right out of the box. Pre-lit. After dinner, I’ll unplug it, put it back in the box, and Christmas is gone.”
Isn’t that all warm and fuzzy?
“So, how’s work?” I ask. “Anything new and exciting in the world of accounting?”
“Eh, tax laws are constantly changing. It’s getting harder and harder to keep up.” He places his gift on the table next to the miniature tree. “Tax season is right around the corner. Things are about to get busy.”
“I bet,” I agree. “So, I have some news.”
“Is everything all right?”
“Everything’s fine. Remember that trip my boss sent me on? The big deal? Well, I got a promotion.” I purposely leave out how I was a colossal failure at the task I was assigned.
Standing a little taller, he puffs his chest out and smiles proudly. “That’s wonderful news. Congratulations.”
“Thanks. Got a raise too.”
“Even better. You can finally move out of that awful apartment. It’s the size of a shoebox.”