by Trina M. Lee
Shya stood there grinning. In his arms, Christina trembled as the demon held a dagger to her throat.
“Willow?” Her voice cracked, and she dissolved into sobs.
“I’m impressed,” Shya said, tightening his hold on Christina so that she yelped in pain. “You chose the wolf. Smart choice. She certainly is one to watch, isn’t she? And, I will kill her. Just not today. Today, I show you why it’s dangerous to refuse me.”
I surged forward, but it was already too late. Shya flicked the dagger, and blood flowed from the mortal wound. It spilled down her nightgown, staining the white fabric a bright, startling red.
Shya disappeared, leaving her to fall forward into my arms. She sagged against me, choking on blood, unable to get a proper breath. I sank to the floor, hugging her close.
“No, dear God, please no.” I prayed like I’d never prayed before. Staring down into Christina’s wide, frightened eyes, I knew this was my fault. I’d done this to her.
I smoothed the hair back from her face. “I’m sorry, Christina. I’m so sorry.”
There was no time to call for help. She would never last. A sob stuck painfully in my throat as tears blurred my vision.
Christina’s lips moved, but no sound came out. She struggled to breathe, trying again to communicate. I leaned in close, needing to hear her final words.
“You did save me, Willow.” Each word was a great exertion, sapping the last of her strength. “You showed me love. It’s ok. I’m free now.”
Her hand was shaky and covered in blood as she reached to touch my face. I caught it in my own, pressing it tightly to my lips. Tears fell from my eyes to stain her face. I kissed her, feeling her warmth seep away.
“Don’t take her,” I whispered. “Please, take me instead.”
It was not to be. Christina’s strangled breaths ceased. Her nightgown muffled my shouts. I hugged her close, unwilling to let go. Blood and tears stained my hands and garments. Her warm body cooled in my arms.
Evil had done this. It had taken her too soon from a damaged life. It was not fair that Christina had been robbed of the chance to go on to better things.
Human death had never touched me this way. I understood, though it was hard for the humans to accept, that death was a doorway from this world to the next. It was freedom from pain and tears, a new beginning in a place without the selfishness of demons.
Yet, stripped of my status and cast out from the light, I forgot that as I gazed at her lifeless form. Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly cause any further destruction, I’d killed her.
Shya had made his demands, but this act of terror would not win me over to the dark. Though I no longer belonged to the light, I would never join him. Something changed inside me there in Christina’s apartment that night. Vengeance was born. The demon failed to realize that I now had nothing left to lose.
Chapter Eight
No amount of tequila could numb the ache, but I was damn determined to try anyway. I encouraged the bartender to keep the poison flowing with a stack of bills set atop the bar.
Time had never held much meaning. As one unaffected by it, I only gave it thought so far as my charges were concerned. Now, every agonizing second seemed to crawl by, announcing its presence everywhere I looked. I couldn’t escape it.
Weeks had passed since Christina’s death, but it felt like it had happened today. My days had become one long, endless day of hell.
“Are you calling me a fucking cheater?” The loud voice of a drunken man rose above the din. The noise grew as a scuffle broke out.
I gave the scene a brief glance. I’d had no interest in trivial human crap until the two brawling men smashed into me in their sloppy attempts to pummel one another. When the tequila I’d raised to my lips spilled down my front, I turned on my bar stool to face them. The two animals were still going at it, paying no heed to the tables and patrons around them.
Infuriated, my first punch separated them. The next two sat them each down on the floor. I gave my hand a shake and sat back down. The bartender raised a brow, looking from me to the drunken fools. Then with a shrug, he poured me another drink.
“Am I interrupting your pity party?” Serene helped himself to the seat next to mine. “Or, would you be willing to talk?”
“I don’t have anything to say.” I did my best to stare straight ahead at the golden liquid awaiting me. I was too guilt riddled to look into the eyes of my friend, and I didn’t want him to see it.
He politely declined the bartender’s inquiry. Turning to me with heavy concern, he said, “Fine. Then you can listen. I understand that you are in mourning. Please know you have my deepest sympathies. However, it’s time to move on.”
“Move on?” I muttered. “To what? There is nothing for me. I have no purpose anymore. At least I can remember her, and take comfort knowing that in the end, she loved me, too.”
“No purpose?” Serene questioned. “What happened to protecting Alexa? She needs you, you know.”
I did look at him then. Surprise pulled my face out of the tight frown I’d worn for weeks. “You said she was no longer my charge. I’ve been dropping in on her, keeping an eye out for Shya and his demons, but I’d assumed there was little I could do for her.”
Serene’s gentle gaze traveled over me, landing on the alcohol clutched in my hand. “Officially, she is not your charge. Though unofficially, I expected you meant what you said when you refused to give up your duty to her. Although you won’t be much good to her carrying on like this.”
I followed his gaze around the small pub. Woody’s Pub had become a regular part of my existence. For some reason, I felt closer to Christina here than I did anywhere else.
“I appreciate your concern, Serene. I’ve got things under control.” Denial? Perhaps. I would grieve however felt best, and the brief reprieve of numbing alcohol was the closest thing to comfort I had.
“Punching out humans and staying drunk does not convey control. I understand things have changed for you, but this is not true to who you are. Don’t tell me you’ve given up so easily.”
I made a face and tipped back the next golden shot. Serene meant well, I knew that, but his presence was making me feel worse rather than better.
My head swam. I didn’t want to be reminded of what I once was, what I had lost. Serene represented everything I would never be again. It hurt, yet I had nobody to blame but myself.
“I don’t need the lecture. I will help Alexa; that hasn’t changed. But, my actions are not open to discussion.”
My face grew warm. I was embarrassed at having been cast out. It would be a very long while before I’d be ready to face my former brethren.
“That is your choice,” Serene said with a nod. “Might I remind you that this kind of behavior has never helped anyone? If you don’t stop feeling sorry for yourself, you will fail Alexa again, only this time could prove fatal. How many women must you watch die for your mistakes before you start to learn from them?”
His words echoed with vindication, and I nearly choked on my next drink. I couldn’t dispute the truth Serene spoke, but it hurt me to hear it.
“Nobody else is going to die on my watch,” I insisted, finding it difficult to get the words out. I said it, but did I still have the will to make it so?
Serene stood up and held a hand out toward the exit. “Come. Walk with me.”
I went willingly. My self-pity was not strong enough to keep me in that bar when my brother beckoned me. He took me to one of the most broken neighborhoods in the city, a place where hope had long been abandoned.
We walked through the people littering the streets. From children selling themselves for another drug rush to war veterans long forgotten by the government they fought for, the souls inhabiting these streets were as endless as their stories.
“Do you remember what these precious people once meant to you?” Serene bent to pet a stray dog sniffing curiously around his legs.
“They still mean a great deal to me,
Serene. The fall has not changed that.”
My heart still stirred for them, and I realized how relieved I was at that revelation. I had feared the fall would take more than my status among the hierarchy. It had not stolen my love. For that, I was grateful.
“Existing in a drunken haze may make you forget your pain, but it makes you forget everything and everyone else as well.” With a hand on my back, Serene guided me along. “If you succumb to this need to punish yourself, you allow evil another victory.”
We walked in silence. I pondered his wisdom, seeing it for the gift it was. It broke my heart all over again to know my brothers would not give up on me though I was no longer one of them. Once, bringing hope and strength to those in need of it had fulfilled me. I was created in love, and love was ultimately my purpose. Could it still be so?
“Why are you trying so hard to convince me I have something to offer this world?” I went cold when the little dog refused my affection, shying away from me instead. No animal had ever rejected me before the fall. Guilt took hold and shook me with its iron fist. “There is no coming back from this. You know that.”
Serene gave a slight nod and rested a hand upon my shoulder. “Of course. I also know you did not fall with evil in your heart.”
Our travels took us to the children’s ward of a hospital where we walked unseen. A touch, a whisper of encouragement, sometimes that’s all it took to bring strength to the worried mother and courage to a fearful child. How could I let myself forget the meaning of these precious encounters?
I didn’t want to leave, but Serene led me away to the home of an ailing senior. Alone, her hands clasped in prayer, her soft murmurs beckoned us into the room.
“I want you to believe in never giving up,” Serene said, laying a hand on the old lady’s shoulder. “There is much good you can still do. It won’t be easy as one who has fallen, but it is possible.”
The old lady could not see or hear us, but she paused in her fervent prayer and looked about the room. A smile lit up her face. She settled back in against the pillows and closed her eyes.
“Shya killed Christina because I refused to join him. He made threats against Alexa, and I fear what he will do.” Confessing my worry freed me of some of the weight I’d been carrying. I started to believe Serene.
“You cannot allow fear to replace your faith, Willow.” It was simple, and though it was not the reassurance I sought, it was enough.
We returned to the street outside Woody’s Pub. A sharp pang of guilt was accompanied by a painful longing. I would have given anything for one more day with Christina.
“I must leave you now,” Serene said with an encouraging smile. “I will see you soon. Take care, brother. Remember who you are.”
I stood there alone for quite some time. Then, I pulled open the pub door and went inside.
Serene had reminded me of everything I’d held so dear before temptation had made a fool of me. I had to agree with him. Chasing human escape in the bottom of a bottle was a foolish endeavor. This was a period of confusion, a time of grief, but I couldn’t stay this way forever.
Tequila was my companion once more as I mulled it all over. It was easy to sit there and obsess over my loss. Crushing the pain was a goal I could chase for all eternity and still never catch.
Christina was gone, but my charge was not. Alexa needed me, and I’d pledged to protect her. My actions had placed her in terrible danger, and I refused to allow Shya to decide her fate as well.
Though she might not know it, I owed Alexa for bringing me purpose again. She needed someone to watch her back, and I intended to do just that.
The tequila burn brought a bitter smile to my face. It would always remind me of Christina. In some somber but beautiful way, I was blessed to have known her.
Feeling sorry for myself was easy. Rising above being cast out, that was going to be hard. However, if I didn’t find a way, the darkness would win.
* * * *
I know who I am now, even though my nightmares tell me differently. The guilt lingers. Perhaps it will always be with me.
I’m fallen, not evil. Love has been my greatest strength despite also being my weakness. It is a gift, sacred and pure. There is no purity in creatures of the dark. This is my greatest assurance that, as long as I will it, I shall never be one of them.
The ache is as sharp as it ever was. Losing Christina has never gotten easier. The pain haunts me now as if it were brand new. Time heals the wounds of the mortals, but for me, there is no healing.
If I were faced with our first meeting all over again, I would still dance with her. I would still love her. In that, I have no regrets.
I go on because I must. The memories and the wounds that I carry keep me encouraged. The war rages on, and I’m ready to fight.
Author’s Note
Willow is a character from the Alexa O’Brien Huntress series. It begins with Book 1: Once Bitten. For more information, visit: TrinaMLee.com.
About the Author
Trina M. Lee was born in Edmonton, Alberta Canada. Writing fiction since childhood, a fascination with the supernatural developed in her early teen years and an immersion in paranormal fiction began. Trina enjoys hearing from readers and has an active social media presence.
Website: TrinaMLee.com
Facebook: Facebook.com/AuthorTrinaMLee
Twitter: Twitter.com/TrinaMLee
Whisper to a Scream
Copyright 2013 by Trina M. Lee
Smashwords Edition
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Manufactured in the United States of America
Editor
B. Leigh Hogan
Cover Artist
Michael Hart
Published by
Dark Mountain Books
This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents and dialogues in this book are of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is completely coincidental.
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