by Wendy Smith
I’m not sure if she’s flirting with me, so I take the risk. “I could tell you what part I think you need, but you might slap me.”
Lily rolls her eyes as I hold out my palms to show I’m not being serious. Is it wrong to want someone so much who doesn’t seem to be interested in you? At times she’s been so hostile and other times I see her soften, like she wants to let me in but isn’t sure of me. But what’s there to be unsure of?
We sit on a precipice, and I don’t want to push her over by questioning her. I’m torn between wanting answers and trying for a fresh start. She seems stronger than ever, but broken.
I don’t just want to fix her car. I want to fix us.
Nothing is ever simple.
I tell the salesperson what part we need and without thinking, I hand over my credit card. Lily’s busy looking at car accessories and doesn’t realise I’ve paid for the belt until I’m heading back toward her with it in a plastic bag.
“You didn’t pay for that, did you?”
“Sure did.” I can’t help the smile on my face, even though I know she could flip out.
“Adam.” Her light-coloured eyebrows dip, and she frowns.
“I got a little carried away. See anything else you like?”
“Nothing you’re paying for.”
“Let me pay for lunch.” I catch her off guard, and her eyes widen as she gazes at me.
“I thought we were coming here and then going back.”
“That was the plan. Seeing as we’re here, I thought we could take a walk and check out the shops. Maybe find somewhere to eat. What do you say?” I try that smile, the one that usually worked to reel in the ladies. It is cheesy, and this is the special girl, but I have to give it a go.
“I say we go back home and get my car fixed. I have things to do.”
For all I know she does, but I’m taking a gamble on her being free for at least part of the day. “Like what?”
“I’ve got to check the sheep. They’re not far off shearing, and that’s where a chunk of my income comes from. Plus, I have vegetables to get ready for the farmers’ market on Saturday.”
“I’ll help you do it later.”
She sets her jaw, but I don’t want to let up. How often does she get someone wanting to help her, take care of her, do things for her?
I place my hand on my heart. “I promise I won’t buy anything else for you, but I do want to buy lunch. We’ll just look.”
Lily shakes her head and licks her lips in a move that sees me shuffling on the spot. “Fine. But we have to be back in time to pick Max up. I’m not leaving him at the mercy of that cow Sasha’s kid.”
“We will be. I promise.”
Her face shuts down, and I can no longer see what she’s thinking from her expression. She’s in shut-out mode for some reason, and I need to know what triggers that.
“Lily?”
“Don’t make me any promises. Just do it.”
She’s back to business with her tone, and it’s like a switch just turned off.
“No problem. We’ll be back with plenty of time to spare.”
She nods. My much happier companion has gone and been replaced by this defensive woman who’s put me back to where I started.
How do I get past that?
14
Adam
She relaxes a little as we walk, and I see her looking wistfully in the fabric shop. Maybe she inherited the sewing skill from her mother. That woman could make anything out of nothing with her sewing machine.
“Want something?”
Lily shakes her head. “No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
We move on, but it still bugs me. Since the day we met, I’ve had the overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect her. Despite the distance, that’s not changed. She deserves so much more than she seems to have.
“If it’s a money thing, you can always pay me back.”
She comes to a halt on the footpath and turns to me. “I know you mean well, but I’m not putting myself further in debt to you.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
Lily turns and keeps walking. I shake my head, irritated at myself for putting my foot in my mouth and scoot after her, pointing across the street at a restaurant. “That place looks good. How about we get lunch there?”
“Sure.”
The more time I spend with this woman, the more I’m frustrated and interested. It’s driving me crazy. She’s so hard to talk to until she’s not, and words flow from her mouth freely as if we were lovers again. I want to make the most of every moment we get together.
We cross the road and I read the sign above the door. “Pacific Gold. Best food around. We’ll see about that.” I grin, and Lily sighs. She’s not going to make this easy in any way, shape or form.
It’s not exactly busy. There are two other couples sitting at the round tables, trimmed with stark white tablecloths. The food had better be good. This place has zero appeal otherwise. It’s so bland.
I pull a chair out for Lily and she sits stiffly, looking around.
A waitress is already approaching and hands us menus as I sit opposite Lily.
“Would you like any drinks before you order?” she asks.
“I’ll just have a Coke. Lily, do you want anything?”
“The same. Thank you” She opens the menu and starts scanning it. I do the same.
“Food looks good,” I say.
“Hmmm.”
“I think I’m gonna have to have a steak. Mum’s cooking is as bad as it always was, and I’ve missed New Zealand food.”
She nods. “I think I’ll have the Chicken Parmigiana.”
“Excellent choice, Miss Parker.” I shoot her a smile, and she gives me that shy look that leaves my heart palpitating.
The drinks appear quickly and give Lily an excuse not to talk to me. She sips at her Coke with a straw and looks at me from under those eyelashes. Anyone else and I would think she’s flirting with me, but my brief time back here tells me that’s not what’s going on.
The food arrives soon after we order, and I take a bite of the most succulent steak I think I’ve ever eaten. I groan at the taste. “This is amazing.”
Lily nods. “The chicken’s good too. Thanks for bringing us here.”
“You’re thanking me for the delay?”
She smiles. “No, just for the food. The delay is a pain in the arse.” Her smile widens. “You’re a pain in the arse.”
“Why change the habit of a lifetime?” I break through and make her laugh. There was a time when that happened a lot, when all we did was laugh and smile. Now everything’s awkward and forced except for in moments like this when it feels so natural.
Taking a sip of my drink, I decide to bring the conversation a little closer to home. “What’s up with Max? He’s such a great kid, but he seems like he has his moments.”
She licks her lips, and seems to struggle to put words together. “He’s had his health issues, and he has learning disabilities. Although, I wonder about that sometimes. He seems smarter than the kids around him who don’t.”
I look down at my drink. “He does. I love seeing how close you two are. I guess he’s been good company for you.”
She leans back in her chair as if she’s been slapped. “He’s everything.” Lily blinks as if she’s trying to push back tears. I don’t know what I’ve said to prompt that response—maybe it’s just her thinking of her son.
“I’m sorry if I’m upsetting you.”
“Why didn’t you ever come home?”
Her question hits me straight in the chest. It almost sounds like a plea. “I thought about it. But you had your life to get on with and so did I.”
Tears roll down both her cheeks. I’ve unlocked something. “Sometimes I’d see your mother in the street and she’d make sure to tell me how you were getting on with your life.” She sniffs and wipes her cheeks with her sleeve. I want to round the table and hold her
until the tears go away. After all this time, I never expected us to end up like this, sitting across the table from each other. She’s so close and yet so far.
We’re interrupted as the waitress appears again. “Any more drinks?”
I shake my head, but not before the waitress frowns when she catches sight of Lily’s tears. She glares at me before turning and walking away.
My focus shifts back to Lily. “I did get on with my life. Only because I thought there was no hope back here.”
The words hang over us, and her expression is one of disbelief. “No hope?” she whispers.
This is getting way too much over a table in a restaurant kilometres from home. We need to go somewhere private to discuss this, not be sitting in a public place. I hate seeing Lily so upset.
“How about we finish our lunch and I get you back home?” I say gently.
Lily nods, pushing around the food on her plate with her fork. I wish I knew what was going on in her head. My heart hurts for upsetting her, even though I don’t know what it was that did. It doesn’t sound like my mother has helped my cause.
“I’m sorry if my mum’s upset you. You know how she is.”
“The crazy control freak? Yeah, I know.” She lets out an exasperated sigh. “I’m sorry. I know she’s sick.”
“You’re still allowed to think that way. You know better than anyone how I always felt about her being so controlling.”
Lily places her fork on her plate. “I think I’ve had enough to eat.”
“You haven’t had much. We could ask for a doggy bag. Max might like some of that chicken.”
She gives me a wan smile. “Sounds like a great plan. He’d love it.” The colour’s faded in her cheeks, and her eyes seem heavy.
“You look tired.”
There’s a slight nod as she agrees. “I think I need to take a nap.”
“Want me to pick up Max from school this afternoon?”
She sucks in her bottom lip, and I don’t know if it’s because it’s tempting or I’ve overstepped the mark.
“Why are you doing this?” she asks after a few moments.
“Doing what?”
“Being so nice. Wanting to take care of Max.” Her eyes reveal nothing and it’s driving me a little nuts.
“I just want to help out. Does he play sports? I bet I can wear him out.”
Lily’s lips tremble, and her throat moves as she swallows hard. Are she and Max that short of anyone taking an interest in them? Are they really that alone?
“Adam, I can’t expect you to …” she whispers.
To hell with scaring her. I reach across the table and place my hand on hers. Touching her brings a peace to my soul long since gone. In that sliver of a moment before she pulls her hand away, I know I’m where I need to be.
“No expectations. I like spending time with you two.” Is it so wrong to want to rewind the clock and pick up where we left off? Before it fell apart? It’s hard not to get my hopes up when the woman I always wanted sits across the table from me, even if the distance between us is massive.
“I just don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
She drops her head as she bends down to pick up her bag from the floor, ignoring my question.
“Lily?”
“Let’s just get back. I’ve got things to do.”
Despite my telling her I’d pay for lunch, she heads straight for the cash register and pulls out her purse. Exasperated, I run my fingers through my hair and shake my head. Every so often I feel as if nothing’s changed, that we’re close and she’s open to me. We used to share everything. Then she turns her back and I’m lost, floating in a sea of uncertainty. It irritates the crap out of me, and only leaves me wanting more.
As she goes to hand over her card, I reach over her head and place my credit card in the cashier’s hand. Lily’s so close I can smell her perfume—another inch and I’d be pressed against her. The thought of that wakes an urge in me, and I have to focus on the transaction to push it out of my head. There’s no denying I want her.
“Adam.” I don’t have to see her face to know she’s pouting.
“I said I was going to pay for it. Stop being cranky.”
The cashier hands me back my card, and I smile at Lily until the waitress brings out the doggy bag for Max.
“Happy?” I ask.
“You’re infuriating.” She’s suppressing a smile as I hand her the container of food.
We walk back down the road toward Callahans and my waiting car. On the way we stop at a small electronics store so I can buy a phone. It’s an older iPhone, but it’s a decent price and it’ll do the job. The whole time Lily keeps her distance and doesn’t look at me.
“What’s going on?” I ask as we draw close to the car.
“What do you mean?”
“Is it so bad that I want to spend time with you and Max?”
She stops and turns toward me. “I don’t know. You’ve just been gone for so long. I know why you came home, but why you’re taking such an interest is beyond me.” She sighs. “It’s confusing.”
“I’ve been confused for years.”
Lily reaches up and rests her palm on my cheek. The touch confuses and soothes me all at once. “So have I.” Her eyes tell a story of her confusion and fear. They’re still so dead compared to how she used to be.
“Then let’s help each other work this out,” I say softly.
She drops her hand. “I don’t know. Maybe. It’s a lot to take in.”
Turning back, she sets off again, and I sigh before following.
Whatever happens, this is going to take some time.
The drive home is equally quiet, and Lily struggles to keep her eyes open as we weave down the last of the country roads before we reach the town. I smile as she closes her eyes and gets some of the rest she seems to so desperately need. It’s not just that I’m still as attracted to her as I was all those years ago—I’m also enjoying these little things I can do for her. As much as I think that I came home for Mum, truth is I also came back for Lily. Can I win her heart again?
I head back to Lily’s car. She gets out first once we get there, as if she’s keen to get away from me. Her light floral scent lingers behind her, and I take a deep breath before exiting. I have to make the most of these moments when she lets me in.
“Thanks for this,” she says for the millionth time as I reach the front of the car. I prop up the bonnet.
“You don’t have to thank me. I’m happy to help. Just wish we could have spent more time talking.”
She shrugs. “I don’t know what else there is to say.”
I still have so many questions, but it’s clear she’s not going to answer anything. I’ll have to chip away at that veneer and get on the inside to get any answers. What happened to that warm, sweet girl who would do anything for anyone? She’s put up walls, and while I catch glimpses of her behind them, it’ll take a lot to smash through.
She fidgets behind me as I pull out the old, broken belt and rip open the packaging of the new one. Hopefully this hasn’t caused too much other damage to the car. I think she might break if anything else goes wrong with this thing.
“Is there anything I can do?” she asks.
“It won’t take long. I’m just checking to see if I can spot anything else. I want this car safe for you to drive.” I look back over my shoulder and she raises her eyes to look at the sky. Anything but look at me. “Although, it’d be better if you got a new car,” I murmur. Shit.
Pain spreads through my shin, and I yelp before turning back toward her. “Hey. What did you kick me for?”
“You don’t think if I could get a new car, I would? I’m thankful for the help, Adam, but my life’s not so easy I can just do whatever I want.”
“I get that. I really do.” I take a step toward her. “I’m just looking out for you and Max. Being back here has woken some old feelings, and meeting Max …” I smile. “Meeting Max has be
en an adventure.”
“An adventure.” She’s not smiling. Whatever I say is wrong.
“He’s such a great kid, Lily.” I lick my lips and take another half step, drawing level with her. “Seeing you again makes me realise how much I miss you. I’ve thought about you a lot over the years.”
She nearly breaks her resolve. I always could read her face, and it’s so hard for her to keep her composure. We’re at the side of the road where anyone could see us as they go past, but I want to grab her and kiss her, reacquaint myself with the taste of those pink lips.
“I used to miss you. But I moved on.”
That’s a stab to the chest. “When did you get to be so stubborn?”
Lily frowns.
“I want in those walls. You can’t hold out on me forever.”
She flicks a look from under her eyelashes that warms me from head to toe. I wanted her when we were teenagers—now that urge is even stronger. This girl I used to be with has transformed into an impressive woman. Strong, resilient.
I’m still in love with her.
15
Adam
I’ve spent the last four days trying to contact my brothers, and Owen and Drew won’t return my calls. Corey is apparently off hunting and unreachable. What I really want is to sit down, have a beer, and talk shit with them. The longer I’m here, the more things about them I miss.
Instead, I try to be the dutiful son and spend time with my mother. If I didn’t know better, I’d think there was nothing wrong with her. When he’s not working, Dad hovers around me like he’s wanting to say something, but he never does. It’s driving me mad.
We eat another dinner which my mother insisted on cooking without help. Her moods range from being slightly happy to miserable, but I’m never sure if it’s her illness or just her personality behind it.
After dinner, Mum, Dad and I settle in to watch television. It’s boring as all hell, but at least I’m with my family.
Mum grumbles as the phone rings. “Who is it at this hour?”
“It’s only half past eight.” I laugh.