by Wendy Smith
I lower my head to brush my lips down her neck. “Because the thought of going all day without touching you is driving me crazy.”
“You’ll just have to wait.” She laughs softly, but not for long as my mouth seeks hers, the first lips I ever kissed and now the only ones I ever will.
“Adam,” she whispers as we break apart.
“Every second that goes by, I only want you more.”
She reaches up, gripping my shoulders. “I know the feeling. What are you doing to me, Adam Campbell?” Her eyes are filled with love, so much love.
“Not what I’d like to do. Let’s get this food inside and plan our day. When does Eric take the sheep?”
“As soon as he transfers the money. Once we’re gone from here, he’ll move the fencing around and reclaim this part of the property, just as his mother intended.”
She lets go and I bend to pick up the bags. “She did such an amazing thing for you two. I wish she was around for me to thank.”
Lily opens the door, ushering me through. “I wish she was around to see us back together. She loved Max so much.”
I hate that I’ll never be able to thank Eric’s mother for what she did.
Almost as much as I hate what my own mother did.
30
Adam
Our journey to the city is Max’s first, and we borrow Corey’s canopied ute so we can load it up with things for the new house. The settlement on the apartment left me with a decent profit, and I have enough to get what we need and live for a while.
We all have plans. The sooner I can replace that old TV of Lily’s the better. I haven’t told Max yet, but I’m getting a gaming console, too. There are so many things I want to do with my son.
It doesn’t take long for Max to get bored, and he fidgets in the back seat of the double cab. “How far away is it?”
“About an hour or so.”
“Can we stop and take a break?”
“If we stop it’ll take longer to get there, sweetheart,” Lily says.
He crosses his arms and pouts. “Fine.”
We get past the winding roads and onto the straight. In the wing mirror I see him leaning against the door, boredom written all over his face.
“What do you think we need for the house, Max?” I ask.
“I dunno.”
“What about a new TV?”
His eyes widen and he sits up, a bit more interested. “A big one?”
“Bigger than the one at home.”
“How big?”
“How big is the back of the ute?”
Lily nudges me. “You’re not filling the living room with a giant TV.”
I laugh. “The living room is huge. There’s heaps of space.” I glance at her. “I’m good for it. I won’t neglect other parts of the house for a big television. It’ll all come in under budget.”
She sighs. “It’s hard to break the habit of a lifetime. I’m so used to watching my spending.”
“We’ll still have to, but you’ll have your house, just the way you want it.”
“My house.” I shoot her another glance, and she’s looking straight at me with a satisfied smile on her face.
“Yes, your house. It’s all for you.” I grab her hand and raise it to my lips, grateful that my brother bought an automatic vehicle and that I don’t have to worry about changing gear. I flick a glance at the rear-view mirror.
Maybe I’ll get Max an iPad too, or something to keep him pre-occupied on the drive back. Lily couldn’t get internet to the old place unless she stumped up for satellite, but it’s being installed at the new house during the week. Max uses the internet at school, but to have it at his fingertips will grow his world by so much.
“Want to play with my phone? There are some games on it.”
Max leans forward as far as his seat belt will allow. “Can I?”
Lily lets go of my hand and plucks the phone out of the centre console, passing it to him.
“If you can work it out.”
Max laughs. “It’s an iPhone. We use iPads at school.”
“There you go, then.”
No more bored boy in the back seat, and no more fidgeting. Lily smiles at me, and I take her hand in mine again. Nearly there.
Lily was nervous about bringing Max to the city, with all the noise and the people, but he handles it like a pro. We go bed hunting first to get the things we’ll need to have delivered out of the way.
Max just about blows a gasket at the sight of the bunks, and I ruffle his hair as he fixes his gaze on the beds.
“What do you think?”
He nods. “Maybe I can have a sleepover with Karl?”
I frown. “I don’t know about that, bud.”
“He’s soooo nice to me since you saved him. We’re friends now.”
Lily’s eyebrows creep up at that news. “You didn’t tell me that.”
“He told me he’s sad he doesn’t have a dad. But I’ve got one now, and he’s the best.” Max wraps his arms around my waist, and I hold him tight, painfully aware of his reluctance to be given affection in public. Although, since I met him, that seems to have improved.
“If you want the bunks, they’re yours. Now to find Mum and me a new bed.”
Max lets go and walks down the aisle, looking at each bed carefully. As if he’s taking his time to pick us out a good one.
“So …”
“So what?” Lily asks.
“Is it just his room we’re sorting out? Do you think they sell cots here?”
Her jaw drops, but I’m only half teasing. The thought of us having a baby together swells my heart more than I can say.
“I want the whole thing with you, Lily. To experience everything I missed out on with Max. If you want to.”
She blinks away tears. “We haven’t been back together long. Besides, I don’t even know if I can,” she whispers.
“What do you mean?”
“I told you I’m on the pill because my body’s a bit haywire. Those months messed with me in so many ways.”
I shrug. “Then we wait and see what happens. I’m not going to pressure you into something you don’t want. I just wanted to make sure I told you how I feel as I think we’ve both had enough of being in the dark.”
She gives me a smile and wraps her arms around me, snuggling into my chest. “I hate the dark.”
“I know.”
“Mum, Dad, check this one out.”
Lily gazes up at me. “What do you reckon, Dad?”
“I think we need to go and find out what our son wants, Mum.”
She chuckles. “Once we get the internet we can always order a cot online if or when we actually need it.”
As she lets go of my waist, I lace my fingers with hers. “I like the way you think.”
“I like you.”
I bend my neck a little and brush her lips with mine. “Let’s go find the most comfortable bed ever.”
“Mum, Dad.” Max calls again.
“Come on.”
Two beds and one lounge suite later, we make our way over to look at televisions. Lily rolls her eyes as Max and I zoom in on the sixty-five-inch one with the curved screen, complete with a sound system and Xbox. We’ve already picked up an iPad which caused Max to get over-excited.
“We don’t need this,” she says.
“I need it.” I grin.
“Yeah, Dad needs it,” says Max, eying up that console.
“I notice he’s always taking your side now.” She doesn’t sound annoyed, more amused.
“He’s my boy, that’s why.” I hold out my hand, and Max high fives it. “What do you think, Max? Can we fit this in the back of the ute?”
He nods.
“Yeah, I do too. Let’s get this one. We can even install it at Mum’s place until we move into the new house.”
“Can’t we move into the new house now?” Max asks.
I laugh. “Next weekend. They should deliver the beds then, but we’ll move everything
else and sort out what we need and what to get rid of once we get there.”
“If we take this home, I won’t see either of you for the rest of the weekend.” Lily sighs.
I can’t help but smile. “Well, I was thinking that after I pay for this, we’d grab some lunch, and I’ll give you my credit card and PIN to go buy some clothes.”
She shakes her head. “You can’t do that.”
“Sure I can. There’s that little lingerie shop by the food court. And when I say little lingerie …” I chuckle to myself as she goes a deep shade of pink.
“Fine. If you insist.”
“Make the most of it before I run out of money.”
The colour drains from her face. “Adam?”
I place my hands on her arms. “We’re good, Lily. Buying property in Copper Creek is ridiculously cheap. We’ve got enough to splurge now and to live on for at least six months. By then we should have the garage up and running. Jack’s already started contacting his old customers for me. They’re over the moon there’ll be a local mechanic.”
She nods. “I guess we’ll have the money from the sheep, too.”
“There you go. You can get what you need. Don’t hold back,” I say. The worried look in her eyes gives way to a smile as her lips curl. “You deserve it.”
Lily leans over and pecks me on the cheek. “Love you.”
“I love you too. I’ll spend forever showing it.”
As we keep walking, the food court comes into view.
I turn to look at my family. “What do you two want?”
Max tugs on my hand. “Can we have McDonald’s? I’ve never had that.”
“Seriously?” I look down at him. If they’ve barely left town, I guess that’d be right.
“We don’t usually go further than Callahans and the surrounding shops. It’s too far,” Lily says.
“If it’s okay with your mother, sure.” I shift my gaze to her and she nods.
“We just eat Mum’s cooking. She makes burgers, but I bet these ones are better.”
Lily fights a laugh as she clamps her lips together. If nothing else, Max speaks his mind. Diplomatic or not.
We walk up to the counter, and I cast my eyes over the menu. “What sort of burger do you want, Max?”
In the end, he decides on a Big Mac, just like Dad is having. We also end up with what I can only describe as a metric shit-ton of McNuggets. Either his eyes are bigger than his belly, or he’ll hoover them up.
If it bothers Lily, she doesn’t let on. Me? I love spoiling my kid.
Lily gets through her burger and fries, but I know where her mind is already. She keeps looking at the lingerie shop near the food court, and casting her eye across to a couple of clothing stores farther down.
“Go.” I nudge her arm and pull my wallet out, handing my credit card to her.
“This still makes me feel awkward.”
“PIN is 1907.”
Her lips twitch as she takes the card.
“Yes, it’s your birthday. That’s always been my PIN. Nineteenth of July.”
From the look on her face, she’d jump me then and there if there weren’t people around. What I’d said was the truth. I’d kept that as my PIN for years. It had become habit, evidence of my lingering reluctance to let her go. Thank God I hadn’t.
“Told you. Never stopped.” I don’t even have to finish the sentence. She knows what I mean.
“Be good for Adam,” she says to Max.
“His name’s Dad.” Max pokes his tongue out, and Lily raises her eyebrows.
“Fine. Do you want to get some clothes too, while we’re shopping on Dad’s credit card?” She looks at me with her eyebrows still raised, and I grin in response.
“Yep,” he mumbles, eating his way through what I think is his twentieth chicken nugget.
“We’ll stay here and open up your iPad. Let’s download some games to keep you occupied on the way home.”
Lily’s appreciation is clear in her eyes, and she stands, bending to kiss Max on the head. He doesn’t protest, he’s so pre-occupied with his acquisition.
“I’ve got this, Lily. Enjoy.” I keep my eyes on her as she heads straight for one of the stores she had her eyes on.
“Dad?” Max places his hand on my arm.
“Max?”
“Can you help me?”
With a song in my heart and a smile on my face, I connect Max’s iPad to the free Wi-Fi and start setting it up. “Just you wait until we have internet at home.”
“I like our new house.”
“So do I. I think we’re going to be really happy there.”
He links his arm in mine. “Mum’ll be happy. I like Mum being happy.”
I smile down at him. “You and me both, Max. You and me both.”
We spend the next half hour finding games and downloading them. Seeing the excitement in his eyes is worth all of this. I think back to when I’d first left the army. I’d been a mess, and no way would I have been any type of decent father to Max.
He deserved better than that. He needed me, and I had the ability and means to make his life better. Already, he’s made my life better. Made me better.
“Is that it?” I ask.
Max nods. “I think that’s enough.”
“Wanna go find Mum?”
His face lights up.
“We’ll find Mum, get home and hook up all this stuff. Maybe we can find a good movie to watch tonight.”
“Or play games?”
“We’ll see. Depends on how late we get home. I think we might have to stop and get fish and chips on the way.”
He grins, and my heart stops. Max looks so much like Lily, but there are times when I can see me in him. There’s no doubting who his parents are. How did I miss this the first few weeks?
I tidy the empty boxes and packaging from the table as Max gathers his things. I’m not sure what store Lily’s in, but I know which direction she went.
We get about three doors down when she nearly bumps into me as she exits the store, bags hanging off her arms. After her initial reluctance, it looks as if she’s been on a spree.
“Are you sure you have enough?” I look at her with bemusement.
“You told me to spend it.”
I laugh. “I’m just teasing. There had better be something in there for me.”
She nods. “I bought Max some new underwear, pants, and T-shirts, and I got a couple of shirts for you too.”
Shaking my head, I pass a bag to Max to carry and taking the rest in my arms.
“I was meaning more something skimpy from the other shop.”
“You have a one-track mind.” She rolls her eyes.
“You love me anyway.”
Lily’s cheeks flush pink, and I reach out to push a stray lock of hair behind her ear, just from the need to touch her. “I do. God knows why.”
“Shall we go home, Max?” I ask.
He nods.
“Ready to play on your iPad on the way?” It’s clutched in his hand tightly.
“Yep. Can we get in the car now?”
Laughing, I nod. “Let’s go get our TV and get home.”
Lily holds out my credit card. “You can take this back too.”
I take it, but I squeeze her hand as I do. “Only until I get you one of your own.”
There’s no way to miss another eye roll as she steps past me, and I grin to myself because she loves me.
And I love her.
Max falls asleep on the way home. The long drive is one thing—the winding roads at the end of the journey finish him off. Lily and I pull over in town, and I grab fish and chips for dinner.
Max’s so tired, he can barely stand up as we get in the door. At the realisation that I’m bringing in the television, he finds his second wind.
“Dad,” he says it over and over again as I carry in the boxes.
“What’s up?”
“When’s it going to be plugged in? I want to play.”
“It wo
n’t take long. I don’t know if we’re going to play anything much tonight. You look like you need to eat and get some sleep.”
He screws up his face. “Can we watch a movie, then?”
“I’m sure we can. What do you want to watch?”
“Wait for it,” Lily mutters.
“Finding Nemo!” Max jumps up and down, and all I can do is shake my head. Chances are he’ll be asleep five minutes into it.
“So, how about we eat some dinner first and then we’ll watch Nemo?”
I’ve never seen a kid shovel food as fast as Max does. His eyes are on the box containing the TV the whole time as we sit in the middle of the living room floor and eat our dinner straight out of the paper.
“I don’t think we’ve ever eaten so many takeaway foods.” Lily laughs.
“I’m looking forward to the new house and that kitchen. We can take turns cooking meals.”
“Do we have to have vegetables?” Max asks.
“Yes, Max. We do have to have vegetables.”
Once the fish and chips are gone, we unpack everything. The TV and surround sound system all comes out of the boxes, ready to be plugged in and connected.
I pick up a bag, beckoning Lily. “I bought you a present, too.”
“What?”
“This.” From the bag I produce two night lights.
“Adam.” Her tone tells me she’s touched, but she frowns. “I tried one of those. It wasn’t enough.”
“That’s why I bought more than one. One for each side of the room. We’ll give it a go. I just want to be able to close our bedroom door so we get our privacy.”
Tears appear in her eyes and roll down her cheeks. “What if it’s not enough?”
“Want to know what I think?” I ask as I drop the night lights on the couch and raise my thumb to her cheeks to wipe the evidence of her sadness.
“What?”
“I think you need to get out of your own head and not overthink it. We’ll try it together and if it doesn’t work well, we’ll come up with another solution.” Raising her hand to my face, I brush her fingers with my lips. “I told you. Maybe we can help fix each other.”
“You seem way more together than me.”
I chuckle. “Sometimes. Being back with you I feel more settled than I have been in a long time. I think you and Max have been the best medicine.”