by Mari Carr
Dad glanced at Kellan. “How did you know about it?”
“I was at Score when the guy didn’t show. Kept Sara company while she waited.”
His mom smiled at him. “That was nice of you.” Then her attention wavered to something just behind Kellan. “Oh my word. Is that Gladys Partlow?” she asked Dad.
Dad turned in his seat. “You know, I think it is.”
Mom stood up. “Well, my heavens. I haven’t seen her in twenty years. Do you mind if I go say hello?”
No one minded, of course. Not that his mother stopped to confirm that fact. She was halfway across the room in seconds.
A slow song came on, and several couples from nearby tables rose to dance. Mr. Connelly stood, holding out a hand to his wife, who blushed as he led her to the floor.
Before Kellan knew it, the party at the table had dwindled down to Kellan, Sara, and his father. Not ideal, but Kellan suspected he could say some of the things he wanted to get off his chest without giving away too much to Dad.
“Haven’t seen you much at work this week, Sara. You missed the meeting yesterday.” It hadn’t been a meeting. It had been him summoning her to his office in hopes of seducing her. She’d sent another RN in her place, forcing him to come up with a lame reason for needing to see an ER nurse.
Her eyes betrayed her anger. She didn’t like that he’d crashed the party, even if it was his mom’s birthday. “I’ve been busy.” Her retort was short.
“I can see that. When did you decide to give the assh—I mean—Gabe another shot?” He exaggerated the nickname she’d just used for her date. He was pissed off to think the two of them had already gotten close enough that she was calling him Gabe.
Her jaw clenched. God only knew what his dad thought, but so far he’d stayed out of the conversation. That didn’t mean the old man wasn’t hanging on every word.
“It was a simple misunderstanding, which we were able to clear up. He’d sent me several emails over the weekend, but I was away from my computer and didn’t see them until Monday evening.”
If his father hadn’t been sitting right next to him, Kellan probably would have done a bit of gloating about why she missed the emails.
“I’m not sure this guy—” Kellan stopped when Gabriel returned to the table. Rather than resuming his seat, he asked Sara to dance.
Kellan gritted his teeth as he watched her accept Gabriel’s hand, allowing him to lead her to the dance floor.
“Well. I’ll admit this didn’t play out the way I’d expected.”
Kellan looked at his father, frowning. “What are you talking about?”
Dad nodded toward Sara. “The two of you.”
“I have no idea what you mean.”
His father chuckled. “I’d call you a liar, but part of me is worried you actually don’t have a clue.”
Kellan blew out a frustrated breath and debated walking out. The night was a bust. “Are you going to talk in code all evening, or would you like to get to the point?”
“That girl has been half in love with you her entire life. But she knows you well enough to stay away. I can see the dynamic between the two of you has changed. However, I expected it to be you who broke her heart. Not the other way around.”
Kellan’s temper had been simmering since he’d been introduced to Dr. Fucking Perfect. He’d held it in check for Sara’s sake. He didn’t feel the same need to protect his father’s feelings.
“You don’t have any idea what’s going on here,” Kellan said.
Dad leaned back in his chair, scrutinizing Kellan’s face too closely for comfort.
“You’re jealous of Gabriel. You wouldn’t have that reaction if you didn’t have feelings for Sara.”
Kellan rolled his eyes. “Of course I have feelings for her. I care about her. Like a guy would a friend he’s grown up around all his life. You didn’t see her Friday night when that asshole stood her up.”
“Whatever you say, son.”
“Jesus, Dad. There’s nothing going on between Sara and me. Let’s just leave this conversation here. It’s pointless.”
“Do you remember when you and Sara were in fourth grade? The two of you were inseparable playmates. You used to spend hours in that tree house in our backyard.”
Kellan nodded. “I remember. And you’re proving my point. Sara is like a sister.”
“No. Neither one of you has ever viewed the other with anything even remotely close to sibling love. I knew that the day she fell off the top rung of that ladder to the tree house. She broke her arm.”
Kellan recalled that day vividly. He’d gone up before her. He was sitting on the floor when he heard her call out his name, then the crunch of the bone and finally her crying on the ground. He had scrambled down after her. He’d hit his growth spurt that summer, sprouting up a good four inches. When he reached her, he told her to put her good arm around his neck, and he lifted her, carrying her to the house.
“I watched you walk into the house with her in your arms, and I saw the expression on her face. She loved you. And even though you were both kids, I hoped perhaps she’d be the woman you would settle down with.”
They were treading on thin ice, entering dangerous territory.
“I’m not settling down.” Kellan spoke the words quietly, making sure to lace them with enough warning to clue his dad in. This wasn’t a discussion they needed to get into. “I don’t believe in marriage.”
“You didn’t always feel that way.”
Kellan clenched his fist around the napkin in his lap. “You don’t want to go there, Dad.”
Dad’s eyes softened, and for the first time, Kellan noticed the narrow wrinkles next to them, the way his lids sagged more than they used to. His father looked older and tired.
“I think it’s time you and I clear the air on this. Once and for all.”
Kellan shook his head and started to rise. His dad put a firm hand on his shoulder, halting his escape.
“I can’t watch you live this life anymore, Kellan. And more than that, I’m finished apologizing for the past. Your mother has forgiven me. What do I need to do to earn your forgiveness as well?”
Kellan wasn’t sure how to respond. In the past, he’d always shrugged off this conversation, told his dad everything was cool, and walked away. Tonight, seeing Sara dancing in the arms of another man, had him ready to commit murder. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind for any of this, but he couldn’t brush it off anymore.
“I don’t get why,” Kellan said at last. “Why did you do it? You’re crazy about Mom.” His dad had opened this door for him countless times. This was the first time he’d ever stepped through.
“I’ve thought about this for years, Kellan. And, as with anything in life as I get older, I reevaluate the reasons and always come up with something different. After it first happened, I thought perhaps it was because she flattered me, made me feel young and virile.” His father always referred to the other woman as “she.” Kellan had never heard her name. Not once.
“That’s a really shitty reason for cheating on your wife.”
His dad nodded. “I know. Your mother and I had let the fire burn out. We’d fallen into a comfortable routine, and I let myself be swept away by the excitement of something new.”
“So, you’re blaming her?”
“Good God, no. Your mom is the kindest, most beautiful, loving woman in the world. It would never have occurred to her to betray me the way I did her. Which is why I will spend every single second of the rest of my life making sure I never hurt her, never abuse her trust or her belief in me again.”
Kellan glanced over his shoulder. His mother was still chatting with her old friend, reminiscing, catching up. She looked very pretty tonight. And happy. Of course, when Kellan looked back on his childhood, his mother had always been the bright spot, the bundle of energy, the eternal optimist who had never seen a storm cloud in her life. He adored her.
And so did his dad. Which was why Kellan could neve
r understand why a man who seemed so head-over-heels in love could cheat. But that’s what he’d done.
Kellan had only been thirteen when he and his mom had walked in on Dad and his lover one afternoon. He’d blown off football practice due to a headache, so they’d returned home an hour earlier than expected.
The look of absolute devastation on his mother’s face had sent Kellan into a rage. He had flown across the room, fists flying as he attacked his father. Called the man every bad name he’d ever heard in his life. His father took it all—the foul words, the blows, the pure hatred. When Kellan thought back on that day, it occurred to him that his father hadn’t seemed to hear or feel a thing he had dished out. Instead, his father’s eyes remained locked on his mom’s face.
The lover left without a word. Kellan assumed Dad had given her the brush-off and broken it off immediately afterward. The fight between his parents had been held behind closed doors. Kellan heard none of it. All he knew was the next morning his parents sat him down at the kitchen table and said the entire affair had been a mistake. His mom had forgiven his dad. Dad had promised to never stray again, and they’d made an appointment with a marriage counselor.
They had offered to send him to a therapist as well, but Kellan had insisted he was fine. And he’d always believed that to be true. For the first time in his life, he started to question that answer. He was sitting in a restaurant, furious with a father he loved dearly, and ready to do bodily harm to a stranger simply because he was dancing with Sara.
“You love Mom.”
Dad nodded. “More than life itself. Always have.”
“And yet you couldn’t resist the urge to stick your dick in another woman.” They were harsh words. Kellan didn’t care.
“It was a terrible mistake. One I will regret until the day I die.”
For the first time in his life, Kellan wanted answers, wanted to know why the man he’d always looked up to, had always been compared to whenever he did something good, something of value, could do something so hurtful to the one person he’d sworn to be faithful to.
“Why?”
“We’re different people, Kellan. Every single day of our lives, we wake up slightly changed. It’s inevitable. We take the lessons, experiences, and events that happened the previous day, and we let them change the mold. It’s a slow process. Sort of like water eroding rock, but it happens. I let life blind me to what was important.”
As far as explanations went, that one was damn vague. “You found a hot blonde, and you fucked her, Dad. While I love the heavy philosophy thing you’ve got going on here, it feels like just words.”
Kellan hadn’t spoken to his father with such anger since that afternoon so many years earlier. His parents told him everything was okay between them, and any emotion he might have felt seemed to dissolve. He took his cues from his mother, who carried out the same damn daily routines as if her husband hadn’t just grabbed a knife and cut her heart out.
“I’m still letting life blind me,” his father said softly.
“What the fuck are you saying?” Kellan growled through clenched teeth. Was his dad still screwing around?
Dad raised his hands in surrender. “I’m not having an affair. I strayed that one time, and I’ll never do it again. I mean I’ve closed my eyes to what’s going on with you.”
Kellan couldn’t begin to understand that. “With me?”
“Your aversion to marriage. Hell, your disdain for anything that resembles a committed relationship. That’s because of me, isn’t it? Because of what I did.”
“No.” Kellan shook his head, rejecting the notion. Why was it so damn hard for people to accept that he simply didn’t want to tie himself down?
His dad lifted his chin, directing Kellan’s attention to Sara on the dance floor. “You crossed a line with Sara. One you didn’t mean to.”
Kellan rubbed his eyes wearily. “No. I haven’t.”
His father chuckled, the sound raising Kellan’s hackles. “Then why are you here?”
“It’s Mom’s birthday.”
“Sell that bullshit to someone who doesn’t know you.”
Kellan crossed his arms, hoping the action shielded his clenched fists. “I suppose you think I’m here because I have feelings for Sara. I can assure you, the only thing she’s stirred is my dick. You, of all people, should understand that.”
His dad winced as if he’d struck him.
The song was coming to an end. A quick glance over his shoulder confirmed his mom was wrapping up her conversation with her old friend. Soon, the table would be crowded again. Kellan couldn’t paste on a fake smile and pretend to enjoy himself.
Time to regroup. He’d go home, lick his wounds, and tomorrow he would hit Score. Forget this night ever happened. Forget Sara.
“I think I’m going to head out,” he said, rising from his seat.
His father nodded. “Give your mom a hug before you go. She’ll be upset if you leave without saying good-bye.”
Kellan started to say he would never pull a dick move like that, but in truth, all he’d been looking at was the exit. He turned in his mom’s direction, but Dad grabbed his arm, halting his escape.
“I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am, Kellan. For everything. I hope you’ll find a way to open yourself up to love someday.”
Kellan walked toward his mom and gave her a quick hug, claiming to have been called back to the hospital to deal with something. The lie came far too easy.
As he crossed the parking lot to his car, he considered his dad’s words. They weren’t as easy to dismiss as he hoped, so he continued to let them play through his mind.
Once he got back to his house, it became even harder to forget their conversation. Every room he walked into was filled with memories of her—Sara on the couch watching TV with him, at the kitchen table tossing a carrot at him when he teased her about something silly, in his bed waiting for him with open arms.
He didn’t want her out with Gabriel, but he couldn’t ask her to come back here. Sara had laid out what she wanted very clearly, and it was obvious to both of them, he didn’t fit the mold.
But for the first time in his life, he wished he did.
Chapter Seven
Sara pulled into her driveway and turned off the engine, feeling far too weary. Kellan had bailed on dinner last night, leaving before she and Gabriel returned from the dance floor. Not that she’d been terribly shocked by that. He hadn’t hidden his disdain for her presence there with another man.
What had taken her by surprise was seeing him walk into the restaurant in the first place. Though she had pretended to be annoyed by his attendance, it was impossible to ignore the way her heart raced when he sat down. And she hated herself for actually being disappointed when she had returned to the table to find him gone.
The damn man was screwing with her head and her body. Even now her pussy was damp and fluttery, and there was no way she was going to make it through the night without pulling out her vibrator. And to add insult to injury, it would be Kellan’s face, his voice, his cock she imagined when she slid the thing home.
Not Gabriel’s.
What was wrong with her? Gabriel had turned out to be everything she had hoped for. He was kind, gentle, thoughtful. He was attractive, had a good job and a hot body, and he got her sense of humor. He had confessed to wanting marriage and kids someday. And although he was a bit of a workaholic—he’d excused himself from the table four times last night—it hadn’t bothered her. His job was important. She got that. For now. But she wasn’t entirely certain she wouldn’t resent the time his job took up somewhere down the road and then feel damn guilty for it.
Regardless of all that, if he’d shown up on Friday, there wasn’t a doubt in her mind she’d be floating at least six feet off the ground right now.
But he hadn’t been at Score. Kellan had.
Now she was sitting in her car obsessing over the world’s biggest commitment-phobe and struggling to work up any sor
t of enthusiasm for the Mr. Right who’d just been dropped on her doorstep.
She was an idiot.
Sara sighed and climbed out of her car. This was it. The last night she let herself dream about Kellan.
Tomorrow, she’d turn the page on last weekend’s unbelievable sexual adventure and move on.
She had just reached the top step of her front porch when her phone beeped. Glancing at the screen, she felt herself hoping it wasn’t a text from Gabriel.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Where are you?
It was from Kellan.
She sank down on the porch steps and considered her reply. If she had a brain in her head, she’d be pissed off by the text and she would tell him her whereabouts were none of his concern. Unfortunately, it was impossible to work up any anger when she was so excited to see his name on his screen.
Time to get a freaking grip.
So she opted for the truth.
Home.
Alone?
This time, she was ready with the right answer. None of your business, she tapped onto the screen.
Kellan didn’t reply immediately and she wondered if that would be the end of the conversation. The sick, masochistic part of her really hoped it wouldn’t.
Feel like grabbing some dinner with me?
Wait. What?
Sara analyzed the request, trying to figure out what was behind the invitation. Was he hoping to press the sex thing again? Was he trying to reestablish the friendship? Was he jealous?
She dismissed the last. She’d never seen Kellan jealous a day in his life.
He obviously hadn’t cared for Gabriel, but she couldn’t figure out his reasoning. Did he dislike Gabriel because he was jealous, or for some innocuous, boring reason like he was still annoyed that the guy had stood her up?