“See, that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out these last few weeks,” Kristina said softly.
“What have you been trying to figure out?” Keith asked, looking at her with concern.
“How can something you want so much… be bad?” Kristina said, thinking aloud.
Keith hesitated for a moment. “What exactly… do you want that badly?”
Kristina let the silence creep into the space between them. She had expected the question before Keith had asked it, and it forced her to find an answer for it. She looked at her life—and at the last few weeks of it—and she thought of what she wanted more than anything else. She didn’t let reason or planning factor into it…she let her gut decide, and there was only one thing that rang truer than anything else did. “You,” Kristina said boldly and without reserve. “Ever since I first saw you at Lee and Seton… I’ve only ever wanted you.”
She saw his eyes spark with unadulterated emotion at her words, and in the next moment, he had pulled her into his arms. Kristina felt her world blossom open as though she had unlocked her inhibitions and thrown them into the wind. There was a sense of freedom, a sense of purpose in the moment that was intoxicatingly beautiful, so much so that she could barely keep track of where Keith touched her and how. All she was aware of was the delicious fact that he was touching her.
Kristina let him take the lead and then she stepped back for a moment to remove her clothes. She used the time to steady her breathing and to get her head on straight so that when she looked back on this memory she would remember most of it. She had never been particularly skittish about being naked in front of her lovers, but there was a high involved in standing naked in front of Keith and allowing, even inviting him to examine her. His eyes roved her body, and she welcomed their caress.
Then she moved towards him again and knelt instinctively between his legs, overcome with the desire to have him in her mouth. As soon as she had unzipped his trousers, his cock sprang free of the material, and it was like Kristina was seeing it for the first time. It was long, hard, and perfectly erect, and Kristina admired it for a moment before she bent her head down and let her tongue roam over the tip as her hand gripped its shaft. She felt Keith shudder under her handling, and she felt herself moisten in response.
She examined his penis tentatively with her tongue, and then when she knew he had relaxed a little, she took the full length of his penis into her mouth.
“Oh fuck,” she heard him cry, and she felt a thrill of satisfaction race through her veins.
He tasted sweet and salty both, and Kristina realized that never before had she enjoyed giving head so much. She sucked at him vigorously, and she could feel that he was starting to lose control. Gently, he pulled her head upwards, and then in one powerful display of strength, he leaned in a little, grabbed her by the hips and pulled her onto his lap.
“Fuck me,” Keith said, looking her dead in the eye.
“Gladly,” Kristina said, matching his urgent gaze as she guiding his cock into her.
There was nothing as satisfying as he slid inside of her. There was a sense of completeness the moment they were joined. Kristina started slow, moving her hips in a gentle rhythm and allowing Keith’s breathing to calm down somewhat. He hands were hot on her ass and hips, but slowly, they started travelling all over her body, as his mouth found her nipples and sucked them eagerly while she rode him. His cock was larger than she was used to, and sooner than she had anticipated, Kristina began to feel the onset of her orgasm.
Spurring it on, she bounced harder on his dick, struggling to keep her moans in check as she grabbed his hair and his shoulders while the tension started to build. As the orgasm crashed upon her, Kristina realized that she had no control over her screams, more importantly; she no longer cared who heard her. They echoed around her room, ringing in her ears even after it was all over. Breathing heavily, Kristina sighed deeply and leaned her head against Keith’s shoulders as he rubbed her back in concentric circles. She could feel his chest rise and fall powerfully beneath her own and the intimacy of the moment was not lost on her.
“Do you want to move to the bed?” Kristina asked softly.
“Yes,” Keith nodded.
He didn’t wait for her to get off him. Instead, he grabbed her around the waist and carried her to the bed, where he laid her down and slipped in beside her. They stayed like that, naked and silent, until their breathing had returned to normal and the sweat on their skin had dried. Unconsciously, Kristina started tracing the lines and curves of Keith’s tattoos with her fingers, taking each one in and admiring their meaning. She stopped at the tattoo beneath his left shoulder and stared at the words that had been inked there. ‘Natalie’ it read—and never before had Kristina been so curious about a person in her life.
“Natalie,” she said into the silence, as she stared at the tattoo.
Keith said nothing; he just lay there and watched her watching him.
“Natalie,” Kristina repeated again, moving her gaze to his face.
“Yes.”
“She must have been very special to you,” Kristina said with inflection.
“She was,” Keith nodded.
Kristina could sense the emotion in his tone and the sudden rigidity of his body. Still, Kristina could not simply move on from the topic. She wanted to know more; she wanted to know whom Natalie was and what she had looked like. She wanted to know where she had come from and how her memory had come to be ingrained on a lonely biker’s skin. It wasn’t jealousy that motivated the curiosity; it was simply the desire to understand a relationship that had shaped the man who lay next to her now. It was the need to understand Keith and all the things that mattered to him.
“Who was Natalie?” Kristina asked, hoping that he would answer her.
Keith paused for a moment. His eyes went far into the past for a moment, and when they came back, they were sad and heavy. “A woman from my past. A woman I loved very much.”
The way that he said it, Kristina understood that he wasn’t going to elaborate further. He had said all he wished to say about Natalie and she wasn’t going to be able to pry any more information out of him. Kristina continued to trace the outlines of his tattoos with her fingers, but it was too late. The room had already filled up with memories of Natalie.
Chapter Twelve
Keith
Keith wished that Kristina had not asked about his tattoo. The moment she had said Natalie’s name out loud, Keith had felt his insides crunch. It wasn’t just that he was uncomfortable talking about her; it was the fact that it forced him to think about his relationship with her. It forced him to find the similarities in the moments he had shared with Natalie and the moment he had just shared with Kristina.
He had said as little about Natalie as possible until silence had settled back into the room. Kristina had rested beside him, running her fingers along his body, making him feel happy and sad at the same time. He was happy because he had finally found some small measure of peace after years of tortured anguish, but at the same time, he recognized that he had put himself back in the very situation he had promised to avoid after Natalie’s death.
Now he had something he could lose, now he had someone who could be in very real danger if the gang war between the Iron Dragons and the Rusted Chains escalated. Keith couldn’t believe he was back in this place; it was a sign of weakness on his part, and he took the full brunt of that weight. He watched Kristina, just as she watched him. He took in her curly brown hair that so beautifully highlighted the blue of her large doe eyes. He took in the curve of her hip and the salty, sweet smell of her. They were little jewels of intimacy that he had thought he would never have again. Now that he had tasted it however, he knew how hard it would be to break away, to remove himself back to his covert life of underground crime, reckless freedom, and meaningless sex.
“What are you thinking about?” Kristina asked suddenly, breaking Keith away from his weary thoughts.
“Things I
can’t even begin to explain to you,” he said honestly.
She didn’t look offended by his answer. Instead, she nodded, as though she understood what he meant. “It must have been hard for you,” she said, and Keith looked at pointedly.
“Hard for me?” he repeated.
“You’ve obviously… lost people you cared about,” Kristina said diplomatically. “It’s not easy. They dominate your thoughts long after they’ve gone. It makes it difficult to leave the past in the past.”
Keith smiled sadly. “Have you ever lost someone close to you?”
“My grandfather,” Kristina said. “But that was different.”
“How?”
“He had lived a full life,” Kristina explained. “It was his time. It’s different when you lose someone suddenly, without warning, before their time. I don’t know what that must feel like… but I imagine it feels a lot like… you’ve been cheated.”
Keith let that sink in, and then he nodded. “That’s… exactly what it feels like. That’s exactly it.”
Kristina reached out and took his hand. She didn’t say another word, she just lay beside him, holding his hand and allowing him to waver off with his thoughts. She didn’t ask to be included; she didn’t ask to be considered. She just lay there, giving him comfort without expecting anything in return.
“I should get going,” Keith said slowly, after a half of hour of silence had passed them by. “I don’t want to keep you.”
“I don’t have anything else scheduled for today,” Kristina said easily. “But if you need to leave, I understand.”
Keith nodded and rose from her bed. His clothes made a pile on the floor and slowly, one by one, he picked them up and put them on. When he was fully clothed, he turned back to Kristina, who was propped up on her elbow and was watching him with a faraway look in her eye. She seemed completely oblivious to the fact that she was naked, and even when she stood up, she didn’t bother to put her clothes on. She just walked up to him, stood on her tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek, and then she stepped back again as though to say she laid no claim on him.
“Thank you again,” Keith said. “For helping me that day… and for this evening.”
Kristina smiled. “When will I see you again?” she asked boldly, and Keith was taken aback by the directness of the question.
“I don’t know,” he said honestly, knowing that his reluctance was coming across in his tone. He had a responsibility to stay away from him, and he hated how weak he was showing himself to be.
“Ok,” she nodded in response, without insisting on a real answer.
He left her then and walked outside with his head heavy with self-doubt and guilt.
“Nice day isn’t it?” said a voice that Keith loathed more than any other sound in the world. Keith’s head snapped up in the direction of the speaker and his eyes narrowed into slits.
“What—?”
“I like your new flame,” Kovic interrupted before Keith could think of a swear word that was strong enough. Kovic was sitting astride his motorcycle with the engine revved. “She’s got a tight little ass.”
“Stay away from her,” Keith threatened while at the same time trying to determine how fast he could get to Kovic in order to kick him off his motorcycle before he could get away on it.
“Sorry,” Kovic said with a nasty smile. “I can’t make that promise. But I’ll tell you what I can promise. I promise that I will make your new whore suffer like Natalie did before she died. But this time it will be for much longer.”
Then, before Keith’s shock and anger could thaw in time for him to make a move forward, Kovic had disappeared, leaving a trail of smoke, dust, and fear in his wake.
Chapter Thirteen
Kristina
“Where are you going?” Marie asked, taking in Kristina’s floral halter dress and nude wedges.
“Thought I’d see a movie tonight,” Kristina said, knowing that Marie had only just begun her line of questioning.
“Really?” Marie said with interest. “Which one?”
“The latest Tom Hanks one,” Kristina replied. “It’s supposed to be good.”
“I’m sure,” Marie nodded. “Aren’t you a little over-dressed for the movies?”
Kristina looked down at her ensemble and pretended to cast a critical eye over it. “It’s been lying in my closet for ages. I thought I’d air it out.”
Marie nodded. “Very practical… and the wedges?”
“They go with the dress.”
“Who did you say you were going to see this movie with?” Marie asked.
“Just a friend from my history class,” Kristina said evasively.
“I wasn’t aware you had a friend from history class,” Marie said, raising her eyebrows.
“It’s… a new friendship,” Kristina said with a smile. “We bonded over her screensaver… turns out we’re both Empire fans.”
“Oh that’s nice,” Marie said. “What’s her name?"
“Josie,” Kristina said, without missing a beat.
Marie’s smile grew wider. “She sounds nice… mind if I tag along?”
The smile on Kristina’s face faltered, and Marie laughed out loud. “You are so transparent.”
Kristina sighed. “I thought I was doing a pretty good job.”
“You were,” Marie nodded. “And if I didn’t know you so well, it might have worked. You’re seeing Keith tonight, aren’t you?”
“Just for a little bit,” Kristina said. “It’s nothing special; we’re just friends.”
“Just friends?” Marie repeated incredulously. “Say that again.”
“I’m serious,” Kristina insisted. “We are… he’s got too much baggage to make a relationship work and I’ve got—”
“A future to prepare for?” Marie finished for her.
“Well, yes,” Kristina conceded. “So until then… we’re just keeping each other company.”
“Does that involve having sex?” Marie asked.
“No, it doesn’t,” Kristina said honestly. “And that’s the truth. We aren’t sleeping together.”
“But you have before,” Marie reminded him.
“Yes,” Kristina nodded. “The first time was… well, you know… and the second time was just…”
“A mistake?” Marie suggested.
“Alright, let’s call it that. Which is why we’re going to stick to being just friends.”
“And how long do you think that’s going to last?” Marie asked, her tone smoothing out into seriousness.
Kristina sighed deeply and flopped onto her bed. “Can you please just give me a break here?”
“I would, if you’d just listen to me,” Marie said in frustration. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with this guy. Have you even noticed?”
“Of course I’ve—”
“He’s in a gang, Kristina,” Marie interrupted her. “Are you really so naïve that you can’t see what that means? He’s dangerous; he’s not good for you.”
“I told you before… this is not a long-term thing. We’re not looking to be together forever.”
“Then why waste your time with him now?” Marie countered expertly.
“Haven’t you ever heard of just… going with the flow? Having a good time? Enjoying new experiences? That’s what I’m doing.”
“Are you still going on about that?” Marie asked rolling her eyes.
“Going on about what?”
“This whole ‘I need to experiment and be reckless and freewheeling’ bullshit of yours?”
“It’s not bullshit to me.”
“I know that,” Marie said with a sigh as she softened her tone. “I don’t mean to imply that you’re stupid in any way. I just don’t see the logic in it. So what if you haven’t veered off the path very often in life? So what if you’ve followed a traditional route? It’s still a pretty great life.”
“Then why am I so dissatisfied all the time?”
“What are you saying?” Marie ask
ed. “Keith satisfies you?”
“He… he just makes me feel… differently about things,” Kristina said. “I don’t really know how to explain it.”
Marie sighed. “Ok, fine, I gave it my best shot.”
“I swear I’m going to be smart about this,” Kristina said. “My friendship with him is separate from his life in the Dragons.”
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