“That’s horseshit.”
I sigh and give my head a small shake. What’s the point in having this conversation with him if he’s going to get defensive at everything I say? The easy thing to do would be to drop it. Walk away. But I’ve never been one for easy.
“It’s not horseshit and you know it,” I say, quietly.
“From before you were born, I’ve loved you. I love both you kids.”
“The love you have for me is different than the love you have for Chels.”
“I’m not going to be able to convince you otherwise, am I?”
“Nope.” Since we’re doing this, I decide to get a few more things off my chest. “Thanks for saying you don’t blame me. But, it’s time for you to take a step back. I can’t be who you want me to be. I’m not you. You can’t live your dreams through me anymore. I fucked up, and now I’ll be lucky if I ever play ball again.”
My dad frowns. “What makes you think I’m trying to live my dreams through you?”
“You didn’t make the pros, and because of that you were determined I would.”
In a soft voice, he says, “I thought it was your dream, too. I thought it was what you wanted.”
I blow out a breath and focus on keeping my voice low and level. I don’t want either of us to raise our voices and get into another fight. I’m done with fighting. “It is what I wanted—what I want—but sometimes God has a different plan, and right now his plan for me isn’t the pros.”
“Bullshit. God has nothing to do with this. We’ll get your shoulder fixed. Get that crap out of your body. You were born to play football, and that’s what you’re going to do.”
“It’ll take at least four years before the level of steroids in my body is within acceptable levels. I’ll be almost twenty-seven.”
“Like that, you’re just going to give up? One thing I never took you for, Son, was being a quitter.”
“I’m not a quitter. I’m a realist, not a dreamer. I’m not going to spend the best years of my life chasing after something I might not get. I don’t want to grow old and bitter at what could have been.”
“You sayin’ I’m old and bitter?
“You know I’m not.”
My dad stops talking and stares ahead as if he’s deep in thought as if he’s considering his next move, his next play. “Truth be told, when you committed to UCLA, my already broken heart shattered. I wanted everyone to know my son the quarterback. I guess—I guess I wanted some of your glory. With your brains and skill, you could have been a quarterback for the history books. Stupid right?”
“Not stupid. Whatever success I had was because of you,” I admit. “Because of how you pushed me to always try better, be more. A very smart person told me that.” A very smart person I walked away from one too many times and who I treated like crap.
We both sit in silence until my dad says, “When your mom died, I lost my way, I admit that. I was hard on you kids. I wanted to assert some kind of control in our lives because it felt like I was spiraling. I was too much of a coach and not enough of a dad.”
“More like a dictator.”
“That’s a low blow.” He shakes his head and stares at his feet. “I had two teenage kids, a college football team to coach, and a broken heart. I loved your mom like no one else.”
“Our hearts were breaking, too—mine and Chelsea’s. Honestly, Dad, I feel like you blamed me because you weren’t by mom’s side when she passed.”
“What? No. Why would you say that?”
“Because it’s how I feel.”
“I’ve never admitted this to a soul,” he says, his voice wavering. “I didn’t want to be at her bedside when she left us. For the longest time, I was angry at myself for feeling that way. I couldn’t deal with her leaving this world. I’m a coward. I’m glad you were there with her. You’re much stronger than I am.”
Hearing my dad talk like this shocks me, and I have to take a second to breathe before I answer. “One thing you’re not is a coward, Dad. You’re the strong one. The one who always knows what to do in any given situation.”
“I wish that were true.” His voice sounds sad and tired. “You and your sister are the strong ones.”
“How so?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“Look at Chelsea, she’s a champion cheerleader with a 4.0 average and is going to marry a man she loves. A good man. You—”
“Messed everything up.”
“That’s not what I was going to say. If anyone else had to deal with what you’re dealing with now, they wouldn’t make it. I know I sure as shit wouldn’t make it, but you’re fighting to clear your name.” He reaches out and places a hand on my back. “I’m proud of you, Son. I don’t say that enough, and I’ll support you in any way I can. We’ll find a solution together.”
Tears rush to my eyes, and I know if I try to speak now, I’ll cry, so I nod and clear my throat. “I’m proud of you, Dad. Proud of everything you’ve achieved and everything you’ve done for us.”
“If it comes down to it, I can always use another assistant coach. If anyone can whip those pussies into shape, it’s you.”
I shake my head and laugh at the humor in his voice. “We’ll see. I might just take you up on that offer.” We both sit in silence, lost in our thoughts, but then I break the silence by asking, “When you talked to Coach Davis, what did he say?”
“Said you refused shoulder surgery and went looking for a cure. You ended up getting shot full of steroids instead of the cortisone you asked for.”
“Sounds about right.” I don’t mention Kayden or his cousin, I don’t know why I don’t, but now doesn’t feel like the right time. I hug my arms around my knees. “How’d you know I’d be here?”
“This is the place your mom would come to when she needed some time away from you crazy kids and from me. Mainly me. Plus, Sheriff McCabe saw your car parked not too far away.”
I laugh. “And she told me this was our special place.”
“It was. She never brought Chelsea here. Or me. But she always told me where she was going in case I had to come get her, or if anything happened.”
“Dad,” I say and swallow. “I need your help. I need to fix this, but I don’t know how.”
“I want you to go see Jim, the team doctor. Talk to him about your shoulder and what we can do to get the level of steroids in your body down. I also want you to think about transferring to Calton.”
“The doctor yes. But I can’t come back here.”
“Why not? Your pride? We’re going to fix this together. You don’t have to do this on your own miles away from home. I know you think you’re alone, but you’re not. I’ve let you down, and I want to make it right.”
Unrestrained tears slide down my face, and I don’t try to hide them. Dad wraps his arms around my shoulders and hugs me to him. “Dad, I fucked up. I fucked everything up.”
“We all mess up at one time or another, but there’s nothing we can’t face together as a family. We’ve got your back.”
I nod and wipe my eyes. Now that I’ve cleared the air with my dad, I have to somehow—and I don’t know how—clear the air with Taylor.
Chapter 19
Taylor
Early morning sun bathes the kitchen, and my mom stands at the sink, straining her herbal tea.
“Where’d Jack go? I heard him leave an hour ago.” I yawn and cover my mouth. I was lucky if I slept for more than ten minutes last night. No one has heard anything from Aaron. He’s not answering his phone or replying to texts.
“He got a phone call from the Sheriff saying Aaron was asleep on the beach. He dressed and then left like a bat out of hell.” She wretches and sags against the sink. Panicked, I rush over to her.
“Are you going to be sick?”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s passed.”
“Come sit down before you fall down. What’s going on with you, Mom?”
I guide her to the breakfast table and sit her down. “What do you mean what
’s going on? I’m going to drink my tea, and then I’m going for a walk. Must have eaten something that didn’t agree with me.”
“That’s your story, and you’re sticking to it, huh?”
“No story.”
“I heard you throw up once this morning already and you almost did again. What are you not telling me—us?”
My mom closes her eyes and reaches across the table where she grabs my fingers and squeezes them. “I’m a little scared to tell you.” She says, her voice shaky. “I wish Jack were here so we could tell you together.”
“Are you sick? If you are, you need to tell me.”
I watch her fidget with her hair and frown. “I’m pregnant. We wanted to tell you kids when you were all together. Wait until your sisters got back from traveling. Are you upset?”
“I knew it!” I give her a wide smile. “Upset? Why would I be upset? This is great news. For all of us. The best news ever.”
She gives a loud sigh of relief. “I’m so glad I got that out of the way.”
“When are you due?”
“Christmas Eve. I’m just past the three-month mark. I’m a geriatric mom, or at least that’s how my doctor refers to me.”
“You’re okay, though?”
“Apart from the morning sickness, which is horrific and makes me think it’s a boy, I’ve never been better or happier.” She gives me a contented smile, and I believe her. “Now it’s your turn to tell me what’s going on.”
I feign innocence. “There’s nothing going on with me.”
“Liar.”
“If you mean school,” I say, taking a deep breath. “I’m changing majors to interior design. Or, at least I think I am. I haven’t been accepted yet.”
“You always were artistic, but you didn’t want to be. I know you hid your talent because of me. I used to love finding the drawings you hid beneath your bed.”
“It wasn’t all because of you, Mom. It was mainly because of me because I was afraid I wasn’t good enough.”
“What changed?”
“I did. I want to do what makes me happy and stop worrying about what makes other people happy.”
“You know Jack and I will support you no matter what.”
“I know,” I say.
“Now, tell me what else is going on.” She looks at me the only way a mother can when she knows you’re hiding something. “It’s Aaron isn’t it?”
I snort laugh. “Noooo.”
“During the rehearsal and wedding, you didn’t stop watching him the entire time. And he watched you, too. He likes you, baby girl. I think he might love you.”
I blink at her confused, and I feel my cheeks heat. “What are you talking about, Mom?”
“I’m afraid I’ve done you no favors. Growing up, when your dad walked out on us, I think I might’ve made you think all men were the bad guys. They’re not. Look at Jack.”
“He’s my stepbrother mom. Gross.”
“And? You can’t run away from love because you’re afraid you’ll get hurt or afraid of what people will say.”
I recoil from her. “I don’t love Aaron.”
“You do, honey, you do. Stop burying your head in the sand. When your dad left us, you hid in your room for months. When anyone asked you out, you said no, immediately rejecting them. And as for what’s going on with you and Aaron, I don’t know, but I know you love him.”
I splutter out a laugh. “There’s nothing going on with me and Aaron. For starters, he hates me for calling Jack.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t hate you. Calling Jack was the right thing to do. Being in love means taking risks and trusting the other person will catch you if you fall. That you do the right thing for one another even if it hurts.”
I close my eyes and rub my thumb and forefinger over them.” I don’t know. Aaron and me… It’s complicated. I don’t know if there’s anything there anymore.”
“I do,” my mom says, her voice soft and kind. “Taylor, you’re a beautiful girl with so much to give. I know you like to always be in control. But you can’t control love. The heart wants what the heart wants.”
“What my heart wants can’t work.” I look away from her so she can’t see the tears in my eyes. “Besides, won’t it be weird to have to explain to the baby when he’s old enough that his big brother and sister are dating?”
“Who cares.”
“He really hurt me, mom. The things he said…”
“Baby, everyone makes mistakes. And without a doubt, he’ll hurt you again. Just as you’ll hurt him. But that’s all part of accepting each other. If you don’t accept warts and all, you could end up alone.”
“Mom, I’m not going to end up alone. I’m twenty for God’s sake.”
“And how often do you think a love like Aaron will come along?”
“I can’t. I just can’t.” I swallow hard, stand, and walk outside. Not sure where exactly I’m going, I walk through the garden, over the deck and down to the beach and keep walking.
Eventually, I sit on the sand and dig in my toes. I’m emotionally exhausted.
I lost my heart to him, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back. Needing to rest my eyes for a few minutes, I lay down. I shouldn’t have called his dad. It wasn’t my place to do that, and I can try and justify it all I want, but I can’t.
Nothing can stay a secret forever and the news about the steroids and being cut from the team would’ve come out no matter what.
I love Aaron, I won’t pretend I don’t, but I don’t know in the long term if it would ever work between us. We live in two different worlds. My mouth tightens into a grim line.
I should have minded my own business. If Aaron wanted to keep secrets, I should’ve let him keep them.
When the sun reaches its highpoint and I’m in danger of burning, I stand and walk back to the house. Shayla and Becca should be home now and so should Chelsea. She left last night to get Wesley. A day without him was like torture to her.
I don’t know if Jack found Aaron, and I don’t know if they got into a fight like they always do. I hope not.
The way home feels like the death march. I don’t have any energy left to face everyone, but I guess being part of the family means warts and all—just like my mom said.
I walk up the deck and see everyone sitting at the picnic table—my mom, Jack, Chelsea, Shayla, Becca, Wesley, and…Aaron.
They’re all laughing, and I wonder if I’ve somehow stumbled into the twilight zone? Aaron catches my eye, and the love I see there almost makes me stumble.
“So, we’re playing happy families now?” I ask, doing my best not to sound sarcastic.
“Glad you could make it,” Jack says, good-naturedly, “pull up a seat.”
“I’ll stand for now, thanks.” My eyes drift back to Aaron. He looks tired but as sexy as always. He’s wearing a flannel shirt and a pair of jeans. He’s showered and shaved, and though his eyes are tired with shadows, he’s never looked better.
“Hey,” he says, looking hopefully at me.
I glance down at my hands not wanting to meet his eyes.
“Taylor,” he begins, “I’m sorry for how I treated you. I shouldn’t have yelled at you at the cabin or here. You were only doing your best to help me. I know that.”
I press a hand to my chest and grab onto the back of the chair. “I don’t want to do this,” I whisper. “Not in front of everyone.”
“I’m begging for your forgiveness, Tay.”
I stare at him, not wanting to believe what I’m hearing. “Tell me, tell everyone what’s really going on, Aaron.”
“Everyone knows.”
Anger floods through me, and I feel my temper rise. “Do they know about Kayden?”
His lips tighten, and he lowers his head.
“Kayden Rush?” Jack asks. “What’s he got to do with this mess?”
Aaron looks around the table before he speaks. “The doctor who shot me full of steroids is Kayden’s cousin. Turns out Kayden was jea
lous and wanted me out of the way.”
Fury flashes through Jack’s eyes. “Does Coach Davis know?”
Aaron shakes his head. “Nope.”
Jack slams his fist against the table. “We’re going to the police, and then we’re getting on a flight to California. We’re going to talk to your coach and an NCAA representative.”
“I have a few things I need to take care of first, but I agree, Dad. Kayden needs to pay for what he did.”
Aaron looks at me. “I think I’m going to transfer to Calton and finish my degree here. I may never play football again, and that’s something I have to deal with and live with.”
“No,” I whisper on the verge of tears. “That’s not possible. You were born to play football.”
“I wish there was an easy solution to this,” he says. “But there’s not. I’ve asked for everyone’s forgiveness for my behavior, and now I’m asking for yours.”
“This is too much,” I mumble.
“I’m crazy about you, Taylor. I love you, and I don’t care who knows it. I want us to be together. The way we’re supposed to be.”
I look at everyone’s faces. No one seems shocked by his confession.
“Everyone knows about us?”
“We know,” they all murmur at different times.
“And everyone is okay with us dating?”
Aaron stands and comes over to me. He takes my hand and touches his forehead to mine. This gorgeous, sexy man just opened up his soul and declared his love for me in front of his family. In front of our family.
“I forgive you,” I whisper. “As long as you forgive me.”
“Deal.”
“I love you so much.” I curl my hand around his neck and kiss him deeply until I’m dizzy with desire.
“Gross, get a room,” I hear Chelsea say and then laugh.
Aaron and I break our kiss and gaze into each other’s eyes.
Finally, after all this time, he’s mine.
Epilogue
Taylor
We all sit in the hospital waiting room waiting and waiting and waiting. My two sisters are here with Chelsea, Wesley, Aaron and me.
Out of Line: A Bad Boy Stepbrother Romance Page 13