“What do you want to know?”
“How is your relationship between you and Mr. Atílio Santiago?” Mercedes, being so curious and nosy, ended up being even inconvenient.
“He has visited us frequently and, the other day, invited me to a walk on the beach.”
“How romantic! And has he already proposed marriage to your parents? Have you settled the dowry?”
“Oh, Mercedes, you are crazy sometimes!”
“And what’s wrong with my question? Certainly I am happy to know you have found a suitor. Actually, I am noticing you a little different today...” she paused and looked at her friend as if she was making a profound analysis. “Indeed you are different, as if you weren’t the same anymore... I just can’t tell what it is...”
“You must be mistaken!” Lorena said, unsettled.
“Of course not! I know you way too well”, her friend insisted.
Lorena got annoyed with so many inquiries.
“So if you know me so well, you should know that this conversation displeases me greatly. If you’re going to insist in talking about it, I will go home!”
“Lorena!” Her friend exclaimed, in total shock.
“We will talk later, Mercedes, because today you are obnoxious!”
And, saying that, abruptly bid her friend goodbye and started her way home by foot, thinking about what had happened to her the day before. After the annoyance of what happened at her godmother’s house had faded, a smile came to her face once more, remembering the previous night. The way Rafael had taken her in his arms, his warm breath kissing her neck and her naked shoulders, and the exhilarating vision of every single intimate moment they shared until almost daybreak... Most certainly, Rafael had been hers the previous night, and she had been his. What else could Lorena want? At that moment, there wasn’t any room for fear or apprehension of any kind. She had discovered what it is to be her own self, enjoying the joy of freedom, and giving herself, without reserve, to her destiny: to be happy with the man she had chosen.
When she turned the corner to street where she lived, Lorena noticed that Atílio’s carriage was parked in front of her house. She quickly thought of an excuse to get rid of him, because all she wanted was to be by herself so she could continue to enjoy her memories of her latest experience a little longer. However, when she opened the door, she realized that it could not be done, because Atílio had come accompanied. Next to him was seated a beautiful woman with expressive and bright eyes, very alike him in their physical appearance. After the introductions, she discovered that she was called Alma, Atílio’s sister.
“My brother, I must confess that she is prettier than the description you gave me”, Alma said, enchanted with Lorena’s beauty.
Mrs. Teodora, busy trying to offer them something to drink, was smiling with pride knowing her daughter caused such a good impression to whomever she was introduced to. Mr. Gaspar simply smiled and once in a while would ask Atílio what he thought about the dispute between the liberals and the conservatives.
Alma demonstrated a profound affinity to Lorena. They talked for a long time, especially after she discovered that she also loved reading romance novels, just like herself. Alma had an expansive library at home and promised to lend Lorena some books when she came to visit them at their Laranjeiras mansion. Time went by fast and soon it was time to say goodbye. Of course, Atílio didn’t waste the opportunity to talk more privately with his beloved girl when they were leaving.
“Lorena, I hope I wasn’t so upfront, but it was because Alma was too anxious to meet you.”
“Oh, come on, no need to worry! I didn't know she was so charming, and that we have so much in common. We should have been introduced long before!”
“It pleases me to know you like my family. I still want you to meet my mother. She doesn't like to go out at night that much, but you will still have an opportunity to meet her, as well. I’ll come another time, so we can set up a day for you to come visit me at my house. Good night!”
After the Santiago siblings left, Mrs. Teodora didn't save compliments for Alma.
“Did you see that elegant dress!? That kind of seamstress work is not done not even at the Ouvidor Street!”
“Indeed, it was very pretty. And did you see how it had a bustle?” Lorena commented.
“And the smell of her perfume, then? Certainly, it must be a new fragrance from Desmarais[37]! And I wouldn't be surprised if it had been acquired in Paris... You should not even dream of losing the opportunity to become part of this family! Lorena, this is the type of people with whom you should be. This girl Alma, Atílio’s sister, speaks English and French fluently, and said she studied the piano since she was a little girl. It is easy to see that she was educated well and, above all, is Countess of Assis! She has even played for D. Pedro II himself, in Petrópolis, and has a personal relationship with princess Isabel.”
Mr. Gaspar was laughing at the exaggerated ways in which Mrs. Teodora was expressing herself. So much so that he had to comment on it:
“Well, I believe that it might be you who wants to marry Mr. Atílio!”
Mrs. Teodora blushed with embarrassment because of her husband’s comment and censured him.
“You and your jokes! You shouldn’t talk to me like that!”
Once the discussion was over, Lorena’s parents went up to their room and, because of that wittering, Mr. Gaspar would certainly not have a good night’s sleep...
“She remained in the living room, now all quiet. Everything there remembered Rafael Abrantes, since the afternoon when she confessed her love until that moment when he sought her the previous night. Closing her eyes, Lorena could still remember clearly the conversation she had with him when it was time for him to leave, right before dawn.
• • •
“I’m curious about something...” she said, caressing him.
“What do you want to know?” Rafael asked, smiling.
“I don’t deny that you surprised me, coming here and risking to be seen by my parents...”, Lorena said, explaining herself. “However, I’m still puzzled, without understanding what happened with you to suddenly seek me out in the middle of the night.”
“Lorena, I already suspected that you felt for me something more than mere affection. I even recognize that I invited you for all those dances because I also felt, somehow, mesmerized by you, so adorable and impulsive. I also confess that I was shocked by your behavior this afternoon, for usually this is not how things work. But your confession made think about everything that you did trying to get closer to me, and so I couldn’t resist the desire to talk to you once more...”
“And, couldn’t you have waited for another time?”
“How could I? You are so pretty, so full of enchantment... and so resolved!”
Lorena put her head on Rafael’s chest, close to his heart, to hear his heartbeat. How marvelous it was to know that her love was not rejected! Certainly, Rafael would change his mind about the wedding and would leave Carolina to be with her...
“Rafael, I confess that I am ashamed...”
“Ashamed? Why?”
“I surrendered myself completely to you. You are not only the one who made me a woman; above all, you are my only and true love. Now, I’m afraid that you will abandon me forever, that you might not want me anymore...”
“My dear, what matters here is the fact that this was a conscious decision of two people. Please, Lorena, don’t say that I was the one who seduced you!”
“No! Certainly not!”
“You do know that this was a one-time thing, right?”
“But why do you insist on saying this?”
“I already told you in the beginning and I don’t want to deceive you.”
“Fine. I understand.”
“Lorena, I want to ask you one more thing.”
“What is it?”
“I want you to stay away, I don’t want you close to me, specially when Carolina and I are together.”
“And why do you as
k me this?”
“So that Carolina might not suspect anything. She is extremely jealous, you know it very well.”
“And you think that I am not, as well?”
“I believe you are not as much as her...” and kissed her tenderly, asking her right after... “Are you going to fulfill my wish?”
Lorena nodded her head.
“I trust you, Miss!”
Rafael started to get dressed. All Lorena did was to stare at him, admiring the body and the beauty of the man she imagined to be hers. She felt that she had not been possessed by another human being, but by a god! The cool early morning temperature, and the sun about to come out announced by a faint daylight already showing its face, all this turned Rafael’s presence even more oneiric. It was most certainly Eros – the god of love – who had come to visit her in the early hours of the morning. And now, this son of Aphrodite[38] must leave her.
“I am not sure I will be able to resist being distant from you”, Lorena confessed, already regretting making her promise and hugging him from behind.
The young man turned around, kissing her softly and looking her with tenderness. It was time to say goodbye.
“I don't want to leave you like that.”
“You will be mine one day!” Lorena pronounced, resolved.
Rafael smiled. How could she believe that that was possible?
“Now I have to go. Goodbye!”
And, slyly, Lorena guided him to the door. They said goodbye to each other once more. And she returned as soon as she could to her bed, to feel her lover’s intoxicating smell still fresh on her bed linens.
Chapter XIV
Lorena could not come to the seamstress during that first week of October because, for days, she had been presenting symptoms of indisposition and constant nausea, which made her weak and without energy to get up. She couldn’t even eat properly, rejecting everything that was brought to her to eat, except for the occasional fruit or vegetable soup. That weakening state made her parents worried, for they feared she could get really sick.
“I think we should seek a doctor”, Mrs. Teodora suggested. “It has been days since you ate properly; you didn’t want to eat not even Teresa’s delicacies.”
“Oh, mom, I don't have anything serious! I think it must be because of the weather, after all, you never know when it will be good or bad weather...”
“I don't believe it! That is not enough reason for you not to be able to even stand up!”
Mrs. Teodora’s face lightened up when she remembered a very important detail, which she had completely forgotten.
“But how could I have forgotten? Isn’t it true that we have a man of the sciences that visit us frequently? Mr. Atílio is a doctor and could very well pay you a visit to know figure out what is wrong with you. I will order someone to call him right away and...”
“Mother, please! Atílio is certainly not in town, otherwise he would have already paid us a visit.”
“It doesn’t cost to at least try. I will ask Sebastião to seek a slave to immediately go give him a message, then we will know if he is in town or not. Oh, and I will ask Teresa to change your bed sheets... You already had your period, didn't you?” And, saying that, Mrs. Teodora exited the room.
My period! It was true! She hasn’t had her period yet! It was then that it dawned on Lorena what had really happened... No, that could not be true! Rafael had gotten her pregnant! Was she expecting a child? She hadn't noticed any changes in her body! It was in that instant that she realized the weight of her decision that night, giving herself to the man she desired so much. What would she say to her parents when they realized what she had done? And what about Atílio? As a doctor, wouldn’t he easily confirm her state? Wouldn’t he judge her as a loose woman, who deceived him and hurt his feelings? Lorena felt a chill in her spine imagining her family’s reaction and the shame of her condition to the society. But what could she do to avoid this? To whom could she go to ask for help right now? She remembered Rafael and of her promise of not seeking him; but now, in such a circumstance, how could she not seek him and not force him to honor his obligation of father, after knowing that she carried his child inside her?
When Tereza came to Lorena’s room, the slave asked that she got up from the bed, in order to change the bed sheets. The girl told her that, for now, there was no need, but that if she really wanted to do her job, she could come back to do it the following day. With so many house chores, Teresa didn’t oppose to Lorena’s suggestion, and said she would come back the next day. Lorena was relieved, because she knew that this way, she would have some extra hours. However, she needed to do something urgently.
Trying to win over her indisposition, she got up, cleaned herself up, brushed her hair and, after luncheon, she decided to write Rafael a letter, saying:
Mr. Abrantes,
I must speak with you as soon as possible. I apologize if I bother you once more, but it is a very important matter, which involves the two of us. Know that I would never bother you if this weren’t strictly necessary. I wait for your prompt response, informing me the time in which you will come to my house.
Sincerely,
Lorena Duarte Valão
Lorena called Sebastião and asked him to keep the request a secret; that he waited until her mother left the house to secretly go and give the message in the hands of the receiver. Now, all she had to do was to wait for Rafael to answer her call. Fearful, she kept looking at the clock every five minutes, waiting for the return of the messenger so that he could give her the answer. What else could happen? And if Atílio was indeed in town and decided to come visit her as her mother had requested him to? That would be the end of her! Hopefully he will be very busy, she thought, distraught.
(10:45am...)
More than two hours had passed since Lorena had sent Sebastião with the letter. Where would that sluggard be, that he hasn’t returned with the response? And if Rafael didn’t care about her words, thinking the contents of her message were without any importance? For a moment, Lorena decided to leave her room and go downstairs to wait for the return of Sebastião, but she didn’t want to stay in the sitting room, for her mother certainly had returned from the city and would bother her with more questions about her health.
(11:50am...)
It was almost the sixth hour and Sebastião hadn’t yet returned. Lorena ended up urging Teresa to send him to her room immediately as soon as he arrived at the house. She stood by the window, hiding behind the curtains, from where she could observe the traffic of the passersby and notice when Rafael or Sebastião would approach. She impatiently waited for another quarter of an hour. Nothing.
(2pm...)
It was exactly two in the afternoon when she noticed Sebastião approaching, turning the corner, with lazy steps and singing a tune. Lorena, enraged, almost used the whip to punish the nigger, judging him undisciplined.
“What took you so long? I sent you with the message to return to me urgently and only now you come back?”
“Missy, it was not my fault! It was Mr. Rafael that took forever to get back from the city...”
“And where is the answer, huh?” She rudely asked.
“He read it and said that he got no answer, Missy. He says that Missy had an agreement with him, and that Missy has to respect it...”
Lorena abruptly turned and when to stand in front of her mirror where so many times she had admired herself. How tired her countenance looked! How she wanted to scream, pull her hair out! She could not even think straight anymore...
“Get out of here, you useless pig!” she yelled, kicking the slave out of her room.
“But Missy, it ain’t my doing...”
“GET OUT OF HERE!”
The lad run away from her room, completely shaken and scared. For him, Missy Lorena was out of her mind because she didn’t receive a response from the elegant man, the Mr. Rafael. This was the first time he saw her with such rage, more like a crazy person.
Lorena didn
't know what to do. Pray? Meditate? Slice her wrists? What if Atílio was in town and had decided to come visit her? Simply thinking about it made her feel chills all over her body. She opened some of the buttons on the back of her dress, for she felt suffocated and without air, as if something locked in agony had gotten stuck in her throat. What if Atílio examined her? Wouldn’t she be mistakenly lost?
“My God, what will happen to me?”
She decided to go downstairs to know more about Atílio, if he would come by today or not. She sat next to Mrs. Teodora who, on that afternoon, was embroidering a new set of towels and who, through the corner of her eye, was observing her daughter’s restlessness.
“Lorena, what is going on with you now?” the mother asked, suspicious. “It was not enough all those days you were sick and now, after you finally get up, you are acting like that?”
“It is nothing!”
“How is it not? Look at your face and you will see how nervous you are! Oh, and don't do anything crazy because Atílio will come visit us at the end of the day...”
“Atílio is in town?” She asked, shocked.
“Yes. In the message he sent back, he apologizes for being absent due to many commitments. He sounded very worried about you and assured me that he won't just come visit us, but that he will examine you, as well.”
The young lady, knowing about Atílio being in town and of his imminent visit, felt everything go dark around her, falling like a rock to the ground.
Mrs. Teodora, shocked with her daughter’s collapse, threw all her embroidery on the sofa and started screaming for Teresa and Sebastião to come and help her.
“Oh, my God! My daughter!”
“I will call Mr. Gaspar!” Sebastião said, already running to the streets.
Mrs. Teodora, with Teresa’s help, had transferred the girl to the sofa and was fanning her daughter while she prayed to the saints, already promising candles and penitence for Lorena’s cure of that mysterious illness.
Meanwhile, Sebastião arrived at Mr. Gaspar’s store completely out of breath, saying broken sentences that only made the businessman more concerned. Only after several minutes and several gulps of water, was that the lad was able to relay the news. Mr. Gaspar left Mr. Estevão in charge of closing the store and took a tilbury to return home. When he arrived, he found Atílio on the sitting room talking with Mrs. Teodora. Fortunately, he had finished his commitments earlier, arriving earlier than expected, and was able to help Lorena, giving her first aid care and taking her in his arms to her room, and making sure to examine her.
The Countess Of Assis - Romance, revenge and ambition during the Second Reign Page 10