I didn’t hate him. That wasn’t the problem. But I was fucking jealous of him, and I liked him a lot more than I wanted to. I liked the way he looked at me, when he was trying to calm me down. I liked that when I relaxed enough, I felt taken care of when I was with him, something no one but Valerie had made me feel since my mom died.
I showered and dressed in my favorite suit. I might as well look and feel as good as I could if I was going to have to confront Nate. I glanced at my tray, but the food was cold and unappetizing. I didn’t want to eat anyway. I was going to the office to read Nate’s proposal again and take it more seriously. I was going to be an adult . . . in a little while.
I picked up the pile of mail I’d tossed on the counter yesterday. Going through it counted as important business. I flipped through the envelopes, tossing down a few bills and an ad for a cleaning service. Then I froze. A letter from . . . my father? What the hell? Was this a joke or had he found a way to plague me from the great beyond?
My heart pounded as I stared at the envelope. How could he . . .? He must have left it with his lawyers who were just now getting it to me. He always had liked those old-fashioned movie-type gestures. Overly dramatic asshole.
I took it to my desk and slit it open with the sterling silver letter opener that had always graced my mother’s desk. I’d taken it after she died because I’d actually mourned her, actually wanted something to remember her by.
I pulled out the crisp linen paper, only the finest for a Kingston.
The letter was handwritten. He’d probably hoped the personal touch would sway me to whatever he was going to say.
Dear Adam,
I asked my attorneys to hold this letter until you’d had time to accept the joint ownership of Kingston.
I want you to know that I love you.
You had a hell of a way of showing it.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes.
Why yes, you have.
I’m leaving you poorly equipped to manage Kingston. I spent too much time ordering you around, because I was too stubborn to listen, which meant you never took the business courses you needed and I never got to mentor you in management.
I should have listened to your ideas even when I thought they were crazy. I should have valued what you had to bring to Kingston. You’ve done an incredible job of growing Research into one of our most important divisions.
Maybe you should’ve said these things to my face.
I gave up on us. I got tired of you telling me off, fighting everything I tried to do for you, and thinking you always knew best. I simply let you run with Research while I sought out the kind of business partnership I should’ve had with my son elsewhere.
I know you’re angry that I haven’t left Kingston solely to you. Angry and probably hurt, if you care enough about me to be hurt. But I did it for a good reason. You two complement each other. Even if you can’t see it, I can.
Always right to the bitter end.
I wish things hadn’t turned out this way. I wish I had more time to make up for what I’ve done wrong. I wish I believed you’d listen if I tried to. I spoiled you when I should’ve had you working beside me, even when your ideas were the complete opposite of mine, even when you told me off for being too old and dumb to know what I was doing. I made some choices that put Kingston in financial troubles, some of those choices are going to be hard for you to reverse in the coming months, but don’t make the same mistake I made with you. Don’t push Nate away like I did you. Listen to him. Say yes every time you possibly can. Bend. Consider. Accept that not everyone thinks like you. Basically, do everything I didn’t do. You’ll be so much happier than I was. It’s too late for me now. I’m going to die bitter and sad. You still have a chance.
I don’t have a chance with you, you fucking bastard.
I’ve missed out on years with you. Years I wish I could have back. I love you, I miss you, and I wish you the best with Kingston.
No. No. Don’t do that. Don’t you fucking do this to me. I crumpled the letter and threw it across the room as tears began to roll down my face.
“No!” I screamed. Tears stung my eyes but I fought to hold them back. I hadn’t cried when he died, and I didn’t want to cry now.
But I did, and not simply a few silent tears rolling down my cheeks. I sobbed, full body-shaking, moaning, snot dripping sobs. For a man who couldn’t manage to say he loved me until after he was dead.
“Dead. Dead. Dead.” I kicked the wall until my foot ached.
All those times during college and right after, when I’d just wanted him to listen to me for a little while, he’d been too busy. Not once had he said yes when I’d wanted us to do things together, and now he said he missed me.
“Fuck you, Dad!” I screamed so loud most of the other people in the building probably heard me.
I grabbed a bottle of Scotch. The glass I pulled from the cabinet slipped through my hand and shattered on the floor.
Leaving the Scotch on the counter, I stumbled into the bedroom. This was all too much. Maybe fighting was pointless. Maybe Nate should just have Kingston. My father never really trusted me with it anyway. I found my phone where I’d laid it before my shower, and typed out a text to Nate.
Do you want to buy me out?
I pressed Send.
A few seconds later, I sank to my knees by the bed. What the fuck had I done? I lay my head against the mattress, but that only made me feel worse. The bed smelled like Nate, like sex with Nate.
The room spun, and my vision darkened. Oh, shit! I tipped toward the floor.
My phone rang for maybe the fifth time. Curiosity got the best of me and I looked at the screen to see who it was. Nate. I almost answered because I actually—despite all the reasons I shouldn’t—wanted to talk to him, to let him comfort me. But that was stupid. Why would he want to talk me through a meltdown about the man who’d given him half of Kingston?
The phone stopped ringing and I checked the recent calls. Two were from Nate; the others were from Valerie. I powered the phone off and tossed it to the floor, not giving a fuck if it cracked. I was vaguely hungry, but I didn’t feel like dragging myself from bed to see what I had in the kitchen. At some point, I’d pulled myself up off the floor and since then, I’d been lying in bed, drinking my way to oblivion. I poured myself another Scotch, wishing I didn’t have such a high tolerance. I ought to be drunker by now. What time was it? The numbers on the clock were too fuzzy to make out. Still, what difference did it make? I closed my eyes and lay back on the pillows.
Pounding on my door woke me. Who the fuck was bothering me in the middle of the night? Was it the middle of the night? The blackout shades in my room made it hard to tell. I wasn’t even sure what fucking day it was.
I stumbled into the living room.
More pounding. “Adam, if you’re in there, you better open up right now.” It was Valerie. “I’m giving you one minute and then I’m coming in.”
Why had I given her a key? And what was she doing here now? I squinted so I could read the clock on the entertainment center. Five o’clock. The sun shining in the windows suggested that was p.m., not a.m.
After banging my head on the door in a failed attempt, I looked through the peephole. Valerie was glaring at the door. “Adam, was that you?”
Oh fuck. Nate was with her, and he was saying something in a low voice. I pressed my ear to the crack of the door so I could discern their words.
“Have you heard from him at all today?” Valerie asked.
“Just one text.” Nate’s voice made my pulse speed up as I remembered his low dirty talk in bed.
“What did it say?”
Seconds passed without Nate answering.
Valerie sighed. “I know what brand of lube Adam prefers. I’m sure I’m allowed to read his texts.”
Nate made a strangled sound and despite the sick feeling in my stomach, I laughed, quickly putting my hand over my mouth so they wouldn’t hear me.
“You are not w
hat I expected when I was told I was meeting royalty,” Nate said.
“This isn’t a Disney film.”
Her comment set off another round of laughter, perhaps my despair was making me hysterical.
They were silent for a few seconds. Maybe Nate was re-reading my text. “He asked if I wanted to buy him out.”
“What?”
I tensed, waiting to hear Nate’s reaction.
“I assumed it was a joke. He knows I could never afford to do that.”
“The fucking idiot.”
Keys jingled, and my stomach flip-flopped. I really didn’t want to see them, but Valerie hadn’t been kidding. She’d let herself in before when I’d been here sulking. I opened the door and averted my eyes from Nate, sure I looked like shit that had been run over multiple times.
Valerie scowled at me and waved her hands, encouraging me to move back. “Let us in.”
There was no point arguing with her. She wasn’t going to back down.
Nate closed the door behind him. He wrinkled his nose as he gave me a once-over “Have you seriously just been drinking yourself into oblivion while we worried over you? You do realize the board meets in—” he glanced at his watch “—two hours and we aren’t ready.”
I wanted to scream at him, to tell him why I was such a mess, but instead I walked away without saying a word, not sure I could explain about the letter without having another meltdown. Nate and Valerie followed me into the living room, and I gestured for them to sit down. Both of them looked at me expectantly, so I pulled my father’s letter from my pocket and offered it to them.
When Valerie took it, I retreated to my bedroom and shut the door, but I couldn’t make myself cross the room. I wanted to hear their reactions.
“What is it?” I heard Nate ask.
“Oh my God. It’s from his father.”
I heard paper rustling.
“Wow,” Valerie said after a few moments. They must have finished reading.
“Yeah.” Nate’s voice was almost too soft to hear. “I respected Adam’s father, thought he was right about a lot of things, but this . . . this is cruel. He should’ve said those things while he was still alive.”
“He was a fucking coward,” Valerie said. “Maybe Adam was too at times, but he didn’t deserve to find this out now.”
“I’m going to cancel the board meeting. Adam’s clearly in no shape to go. I’ll tell them he’s . . .”
“Got food poisoning?” Valerie suggested.
“Yes, that sounds good, and he looks as bad as if he did.”
Thanks for pointing that out. But he was taking care of me again, when he could’ve simply screwed me over.
I heard rustling as though they were standing up. Then Valerie said, “I’m going to see if I can talk to him. Why don’t you get us some dinner and bring it back? Then we’ll see what happens.”
“What should I get?”
Valerie took a few seconds to respond. “Pizza. Deep dish. I love indulging in American Italian when I’m over here, especially when I don’t have to hear my husband rail about how wrong it is.”
“What do you like on it?”
“I’m versatile, but for Adam. Meat. Lots of meat.”
Nate snickered.
“Behave yourself.”
“Yes, your grace.”
I didn’t like Nate sounding so easy with Valerie. She was my friend. Nate had half my company. I wasn’t sharing Valerie.
I heard footsteps headed my way and I scooted back from the door, bracing myself for the scolding/pep talk Valerie intended to give me.
Could I talk about my father without breaking down? Would she push me to talk about Nate? I wasn’t sure which would be worse.
Valerie opened the door just after I’d sat down on the bed.
“I’m sorry about the letter,” she said, crossing the room to sit next to me.
If I started talking about my father I would cry or throw something, so I didn’t respond. She sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed my back.
“Nate’s gone?” Might as well keep up the pretense that I hadn’t overheard.
“I sent him to get food.”
I shook my head. “I can’t eat.”
“Well I can.”
“I have a concierge desk.” I gestured toward the courtesy phone in the entryway. “You could’ve called in an order.”
She snorted. “I thought you’d like the idea of Nate being your errand boy.”
“I don’t like anything right now. Can’t you just leave me alone?”
“No.” Annoyingly she snuggled closer. “You clearly need help. Nate’s going to call Marsha to cancel the board meeting. Were you intending to skip it?”
“Um . . . maybe. I sort of lost track of time.”
“No kidding. When you didn’t answer your phone all day, we had to come after you.”
“I didn’t want to talk to anyone after I . . . sent Nate a text, asking him if—”
“He would buy you out. He told me.” Valerie squeezed my hand and I allowed myself to lean into her.
“How did he even meet you?”
She looked away. “Not important.”
I chose to ignore that lie. “You know I can’t deal with him now. Why didn’t you send him home?”
“He’s worried about you. He needs to do something for you himself. Unlike you, his first thought isn’t ‘Who can I get to do this for me?’”
“I can’t help that,” I huffed.
“I understand why, but that doesn’t make you less spoiled.”
“A fact my father was happy to pound home posthumously.”
She put an arm around my shoulders. “Oh, Adam.”
“Why the fuck didn’t my father talk to me before? Why couldn’t he—”
“Neither of you were any good at expressing your feelings.”
“We lost all that time. And now I’ve lost . . . fuck, what am I going to do?” I dropped my head into my hands.
“You didn’t really intend to sell out, did you?”
“At the time I did.”
She rubbed my back. “And now?”
“I don’t know. It’s not like I have a better plan.”
“You have to work with Nate to save Kingston.”
I sighed and looked up at her. “How? I’m no good at compromising, no good at being diplomatic.”
“True, but you have strengths and Nate has strengths, and you two are going to have to figure out how you can complement each other. Nate’s willing to work with you, because he cares about Kingston too.”
“Then why won’t he—”
“Just do what you say?” Valerie arched her brow. “Because he knows neither of you have the right plan yet. You’re neither one qualified for this.”
“Yeah, that’s way too clear.”
Valerie glanced at her watch. “He’s going to be back soon, with dinner. I’m going to take mine to go.”
“Don’t leave me with him.”
“Adam, I can’t solve this for you.”
“I know but—”
Her pointed look told me she was done arguing.
“Fine. But don’t be surprised if he comes back with kale, sprouts, and organic tofu?” I had to say something to lighten the mood or I was going to have to crack open another bottle of Scotch.
She rolled her eyes. “He’s getting pizza.”
“Deep dish?” I continued to pretend I hadn’t listened in on every word.
“Just like you like it,” Valerie assured me.
“How did you know that’s what I’d want?”
“I have a lot of practice cheering you up.”
She did, but I needed to keep things from getting too mushy. “I’m shocked that he eats meat.”
“He does. Or he’s making an exception for you. I would imagine he usually prefers his meat from ethical farms.”
“I guess that’s not too awful.” I conceded.
“No, it isn’t. In Italy—”
I waved
her off. “I don’t need to hear about the wonders of European food. It will just make me want to get on a plane.”
“Then maybe you should consider that if the food industry adopted some of Nate’s ‘enviro-nut’ beliefs, American food would be more like what you get in Nazapoli or most of the rest of Europe.”
“Don’t start.”
A knock on the door kept me from having to hear any more about Nate’s marvelous ideas.
Valerie let Nate in while I changed out of the wrinkled suit I’d lain around in all day. Then she found plates, napkins, forks, and a plastic container, which she filled with pizza. “I’m having mine to go.”
Nate frowned, tapping his foot on the floor. What was he waiting for me to do?
Valerie kissed my cheek and headed for the door. “Play nice,” she said. I flipped her off and she just laughed. “See? You’re feeling better and you haven’t even eaten the pizza yet.”
“Even at my worst I’m ready to tell you off.”
“That’s my Adam.”
She closed the door behind her, and the room went eerily silent.
Nate peeled off his suit jacket and hung it over the back of one of the dining room chairs.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m feeling a bit overdressed.” He gestured toward me.
I’d pulled on sweats and a T-shirt, not wanting to bother with anything else. “If you think you can seduce me into agreeing with you, you’re wrong.”
Nate looked disgusted. “Adam, I’m trying to get more comfortable, not stripping for you. I get it, okay? You’re hurt and angry and we’re out of time. Let’s just get this done.”
“Okay.” I made conscious effort to lower my voice. Between my father’s letter, the need to focus on business, and the fact that I cared a lot more about Nate than I wanted to admit, my emotions were all over the place. Volatile. Wasn’t that one of Nate’s favorite insults during contentious meetings? But I had to meet him partway on this, and if I couldn’t be honest, we weren’t going to get anywhere. “I’ve been blaming you for things my father did, but that’s unfair. It’s true that I don’t agree with all your methods or your vision for the company, but I don’t really hate you.”
Nate gave a half smile. “Like I said the other night, I don’t hate you either.”
Lace-Covered Compromise Page 7