by Ike Hamill
Tashi worked the details of the venue. He found an easy to reach village, right on the river, which had a market that had burned to the ground the previous year. They had cleaned the space, but none of the vendors wanted to move back into the market. They considered it cursed. The village donated the market space for no fee. The village elders wanted only to prove that the space wasn’t cursed, and welcomed the increased commerce from visiting merchants.
Speakers for the conferences were the hardest to locate. None of the manufacturers wanted to share their techniques, none of the distributors would disclose their numbers, and nobody cared what the installers had to say. Each plumber considered his methods superior to those of his rivals, regardless of his success.
Dom sent a secret letter to one of the metallurgists he had hired to work for his factory years before, but the manufacturers had already forced all their workers into signing contracts under which they couldn’t publicly disclose any of their knowledge. As the date of the event neared, Dom decided to reduce the scope of the conference program. He asked Tashi to speak at a few sessions, and had Pemba lease the rest of the conference space for special meetings.
Dom waited at home, playing with Diki, as he waited for news of the event.
Pemba returned first, coming to Denpa’s house in the middle of the day. He burst through the door with his arms full of contracts. Virtually everyone in attendance had re-signed to be a part of the event for the next year. For everyone in attendance, the event was an unqualified success.
Tashi returned the next evening. He had a new ledger under his arm. In its first year, Dom’s plumbing event had produced a handsome profit. Tashi also brought news from the manufacturers: they wanted to form an association to negotiate with their suppliers of raw materials. They were so impressed with the management of the event, that the manufacturers wanted Pemba and Tashi to run their association.
Diki looked up from Dom’s lap and smiled into her father’s eyes.
Her first word made Dom smile and Tashi bellow laughter.
“Profit,” Diki said.
As he looked at his precious little daughter, Dom vowed to not repeat the same mistakes. He wouldn’t try to grow this business and purchase another lavish house with servants and balconies. He would satisfy himself with only what he needed to provide a humble life for his beautiful little girl.
“I think we can hold two events next year,” Tashi said. “These men will not want to miss the opportunity. They can’t afford to.”
“Whatever you think is right,” Dom said. “You and Pemba decide together.”
“I’ve already talked with Pemba,” Tashi said. “He agrees. I’ll start looking for venues and he’ll start spreading the word.”
Dom held Diki up and kissed her tiny nose. She giggled and pawed at his face.
43 SWIMMING LESSONS
“KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN and kick, Diki, kick,” Dom said. “Your power should come from your legs. You’re only using your arms.”
Diki swam to Dom and pulled up into his arms, trusting that he’d catch her and set her on his knee. Dom stood in the chest-deep water and circled his arms around his daughter.
“You did very well,” Dom said.
“Did you see when I swam near that big rock? I got so close to it that I could see the white parts.”
“Yes, I saw that,” Dom said.
“I was swimming and then I looked down into the water,” she said, holding her hands up to her face. “It was almost like I could see all the way across the lake. I saw all the fish, and rocks, and everything. Then it felt like I couldn’t remember anything. I was all ‘whoosh,’ and the water could have carried me away. It was like someone had thrown me right out into the middle and I had to swim back. Father? Father?”
Diki put her hand on Dom’s still face. His eyes were far away.
44 REMEMBERING
“IT WASN’T A DREAM. It was a memory,” Dom said.
“How can one tell the difference?” Pemba asked.
The two men sat on the floor of Dom’s old room, tacked on the back of Denpa’s house. Inside the tiny house, Diki slept.
“I’ve had dreams so realistic that I couldn’t tell them apart from my memories. Maybe you just had one of those while you were awake. What was the dream again?”
“I was on the shore of a foul-smelling river. The water stank of sulfur and waste. Two men stood on the shore, holding me up under the arms. They swung me back and forth a couple of times and then they hurled me out into the rushing waters. I tried to thrash back to the shore, but the river held me in and I didn’t know how to swim. I could barely keep my head above water to get a breath, and even when I could breathe, it was the tainted air. My lungs burned. I was swept downstream and, on either bank, thick groves of bamboo lined the shore.”
“What happened to the men?”
“I don’t know. They stayed where they were and I was swept away from them.”
“Did they say anything?”
“No.”
“Did you see this from your eyes, or did you see yourself in this vision as if from over your own shoulder?”
“The latter. It was as if I was hovering above the scene,” Dom said.
“That settles it, it was a dream,” Pemba said. “If it’s a memory, you see it from the perspective of your own eyes.”
“But why would I dream such a thing when I was right in the middle of teaching my daughter to swim?”
“It’s not so hard to decipher. Your daughter is swimming and your wife drowned in a river. She was forced into that river by two men: you and her lover.”
Dom squirmed at the assertion.
“You metaphorically forced her. Perhaps Lha-mo physically forced her. Dreams are symbolic.”
“I can picture it so clearly,” Dom said.
“I had a sex dream two nights ago that I can still picture clearly. Would you like me to recount that to you so you can convince me that it didn’t happen?”
“No, thank you,” Dom said. “Well, if you’re right, and it was really a dream about Tara, then that explains what I was thinking as I was washed downstream.”
“What was that?”
“I thought, the Midwife has betrayed me for the last time.”
45 RESURRECTION
DESPITE PEMBA’S OBJECTIONS, DOM decided to pack up Diki and head into the mountains. He’d never gone there, but he’d heard that on the north side of the big range, monks lived in caves and possessed special wisdom about life and memory. Diki was old enough to walk on her own part of the time, and Dom had a bag to strap her to his back for when she got tired. The journey should take two days, so Dom carried enough provisions for four.
Diki loved the journey. She loved seeing new things. As they walked, Diki shouted the names of things she knew and asked about the names of the mountain goats, and hawks, and flowers she’d never seen before. Dom tried to enjoy himself, but he only received moments of happiness, which were soon erased by his troubling memories.
The memories came in little clear bursts. He saw a little chicory plant and suddenly remembered a lush, green forest with a huge canopy of dancing leaves overhead. He caught the aroma of damp wool and his nose remembered moist, fertile earth, so soft he could plunge his fingers into it and bring its smell to his face. Dom felt haunted by a life so foreign that the memories couldn’t take root in his brain. To help him, he sought the monks in the mountains.
Dom and Diki rounded the mountain in the foothills. They could arrive faster over the top, but the slope was steep and Diki enjoyed roaming through the grass and flowers. The first night, Dom found a pretty field littered with big boulders and a tiny, bubbling stream. They made a small fire with collected sticks, and sat with their backs to a giant rock. Dom ate dried fish, and Diki nibbled on rice. She liked to pinch each grain and put it in her mouth. Broken grains went to Dom, who thanked her for each one.
In the morning, they washed their faces in the stream and continued their trek. Diki didn’t want to walk in t
he morning, so Dom hoisted her on his back and made good time. She rested her head on the back of his neck and continued her sleep.
When he crested a hill and saw the plain before him, Dom stopped to wake Diki. She gasped at the sight of a billion purple flowers spread out through the lush grass. In the distance, trees stood tall at the banks of a river. White animals, too far away to identify, grazed on the other side of the river.
Diki clamored to get down and she ran through the field, gathering a bouquet of the purple flowers. She wanted to bring them to the monks, but Dom doubted if the stems would survive her sweaty grip all the way up to the monks.
Dom called to Diki as he turned to start climbing. Somewhere above where the grass turned to scrub and gravel, the monks inhabited caves and dedicated their lives to worship and learning. These were the men Dom sought. Diki followed and slowed Dom down. She insisted on walking backwards up the hill, so she could see the pretty plain below them. Eventually, he coaxed her back into the harness on his back. He strapped her back to his so she could watch the world receding behind them.
They stopped for a snack after climbing a small ledge, and found themselves amidst rocky caves by late afternoon.
If Diki hadn’t heard the bells, they might have never found the monks.
She pointed east and giggled with joy when she heard the first bell. Dom didn’t hear it. The sound was nearly washed away by the wind, and only Diki’s young ears picked it out. When she begged him, with both her words and her hands pulling at his hair, Dom followed her pointing finger east.
“Again! I hear it!” Diki shouted.
Dom walked.
He heard the third ring, and when he rounded the big jutting arm of rock, they both laughed at the fourth ring. Dom jogged, Diki bouncing on his back, towards the cave mouth. A thin line of smoke gathered at the mouth of the cave, only to be torn away by the wind.
Diki begged to get down, but Dom kept her on his back as he stooped at the cave entrance.
“Hello?” Dom asked.
“Smoke hurts my eyes, Daddy,” Diki said.
Dom backed up a little.
“Hello?” Dom shouted.
A tiny man with black stubble on his shaved head arrived in a gather of robes. He stopped at the edge of the cave and bowed several times to Dom and Diki. He smiled, glanced at their eyes, and then bowed again.
Another man, even smaller than the first and with gray stubble, shuffled to the entrance and stopped. He looked up and studied Dom and Diki.
“She is too young,” he said. The old man began to turn around to leave.
“Too young for what?” Dom asked. “She is my daughter. I just brought her along to travel with me. I’m seeking information.”
“Oh, forgive me,” the man said. “Come in. Come in and sit down. We are just about to have tea.”
“Thank you,” Dom said. He knelt and helped Diki climb from the straps. She ran to a collection of stones near the mouth of the cave before Dom called her to his side. Dom and Diki joined the old man at the fire while the young man disappeared into the depths of the cave. Dom wondered how he could see anything in the inky black cave. Dom could barely see the old man’s peaceful smile in the dim light of the fire.
“Please, have a seat,” the old man said. Dom sat cross-legged and pulled Diki into his lap.
“My name is Dom, and this is my daughter, Diki.”
The old man smiled and nodded.
To fill the space, Dom spoke. “It’s a good thing you rang the bells. We would not have found you if we didn’t hear those bells.”
“Only four bells today,” the old man said. “We will open number two in one-thousand days.”
The young man appeared and placed a small basket at the knees of the old man.
“We do not have many visitors, but we keep special treats for those who come,” the old man said.
“What were you saying about one-thousand days?” Dom asked.
The old man focused on opening the basket. It had a lid made of woven reeds and strips of cloth. Apparently, the only way to open it was to untangle the weaving from the center. Even when the hole in the center was large enough to accommodate the old man’s hand, he didn’t stop pulling it apart until the entire lid was unraveled.
The old man smiled and offered the basket across the fire.
“Candy?” he asked.
“Thank you,” Dom said. He didn’t want any, but it seemed rude to decline after all that unraveling. Dom reached inside and took a small hard chunk of translucent, amber candy.
“Go ahead,” Dom said to Diki. She reached her tiny hand in the basket and pulled out a chunk of candy the size of her thumb. “Find a smaller one,” Dom said.
Diki reached to put the candy back, but the old man withdrew the basket and smiled. Dom folded his hand around Diki’s until he had a chance to try his own piece. It was sweet and tingly on his tongue. Dom smiled and allowed Diki to taste her own piece. The candy reminded him of sizzling, bloody meat.
The old man took a clay pot from the edge of the fire and poured a pungent, dark liquid into a small cup. Dom took a cup, but spared Diki the bitter liquid.
“We have five souls in the process of transformation,” the old man said. “We only heard four bells today, so one of our brothers may have taken the next step today. We have until sundown to hear the fifth bell. If we don’t, then we will open his tomb in one-thousand days to see if he has succeeded.”
“I don’t understand,” Dom said. “Who rang the bells?”
The old man smiled and nodded. “Five of our brothers prepared themselves, and are now meditating in the stone tombs you see around you.” He gestured with open arms.
Dom’s eyes had adjusted enough to the dark so he could see small openings carved into the sides of the cave. Five of the openings near the fire were walled over with rocks and dirt. Each opening had a stick projecting from the top, and at the end of the five sticks, hung five little bells.
“There are men in the walls?” Dom asked. He had heard of the ritual, but didn’t know it was still practiced.
“Brothers on the path to enlightenment. They seek to awake upon a new knowledge. Each day, they ring their bell so we will know if they have taken their first step on their last path. If they ring the bell, then they have not yet begun the journey.”
“What do they eat?” Diki asked. She gripped her candy in her fist and sucked on the edge.
“Their bodies are already prepared,” the old man said. “Before they went into their meditation tombs, they prepared their bodies for the final journey.”
Diki whispered in Dom’s ear, “I don’t want to go in the wall.”
“We won’t,” Dom whispered back.
“I’ve come to ask your help,” Dom said. He hoped to calm Diki by changing the subject away from the dying men in the walls.
The old man nodded.
“I don’t remember anything from when I was a child, but lately I’ve been encountering strange memories. I need to know how to release my old memories.”
“Release?”
“I mean, remember them. I want to be able to remember my old memories.”
“That is not release, that is binding,” the old man said.
“Yes, that’s a better word for it, I suppose,” Dom said. “I want to bind these old memories to myself once again.”
“We have exercises to help you with that. We can show you those exercises.”
“Perfect,” Dom said.
“To begin, you will need to find three ground squirrels,” the old man said.
“Pardon?”
“Three. Fat ones.”
“Okay?” Dom said. He sat and looked at his daughter, who still slurped on her candy.
“You may begin immediately,” the old man said.
Dom sat for another minute, wondering if he would receive any more instruction. When none came, he rose and carried Diki to the mouth of the cave.
“Squirrels,” he said.
�
��There’s one,” Diki said. She was pointing down the side of the mountain. Dom followed her finger and thought he caught a glimpse of movement farther down the slope, but it was too far to be sure.
“Let’s go then,” he said.
Dom let Diki walk on her own for the most part, but carried her down the steeper parts of the slope. When they reached the spot Diki pointed to, they found no signs of a squirrel. Diki pointed off to the west, and Dom felt sure he saw something in that direction. He did see a small animal as they drew closer. It could have been a squirrel, but the animal withdrew long before they arrived. Dom moved Diki several paces downwind and the two watched and watched to see if the squirrel would reappear.
When the sun descended over the western ridge, Dom and Diki picked their way back up to the cave. With less wind, they followed the tendril of smoke to the cave with the monks.
The young monk appeared at the mouth of the cave.
“I couldn’t find a squirrel,” Dom said.
The young man disappeared. The old man came to the front of the cave after a few minutes.
“I couldn’t find a squirrel,” Dom said.
“You will find them when you are meant to,” the old man said. “Please return when you have three fat squirrels.” The old man disappeared into the dark cave again.
Dom took Diki’s hand and the two picked their way down the slope to a flat area where they could camp for the night. Grateful for their overpacking, they ate well that night, but the cold rock beneath them sapped their heat. Diki woke Dom in the middle of the night. Dom slept on his back and balanced his daughter on his chest, so at least she could remain warm.
In the morning, Diki woke Dom again, and tugged at his hand. Dom threw off his blanket and followed his daughter down the hill. She didn’t speak, but pulled him to his knees and pointed at a cluster of rocks. He didn’t see the squirrel until it turned its head. It sat on its haunches atop a boulder and held its tiny paws to its face.
Dom picked up a rock and took a step towards the squirrel.